Shining a Light on Body Image

Body image is more than your goal weight or how your legs are defined; it’s fully enjoying the mystery and pleasure of the body and of your life as a whole. This includes being comfortable in your femininity, your sexuality and giving your authentic gifts — not what society thinks you “should be” doing.

Controlling the body and weight is often a subconscious surrogate for trying to control uncertainty. Fear and doubt arise about what life will throw your way, what’s “out there.” And let’s be real, there is a lot “out there.” Whether you’ve found more relief in your own research than your doctors, had a marriage dissolve or the job path you were told to take has disappeared, the structures you’ve relied upon no longer support you. But did they ever? Is it the cancer, divorce, or career reimagining that nearly kills you? Or is it the fear of “Will I be loved? Will I be taken care of? Can I make it?”

Controlling body image is a clever avoidance technique for existential questions. I did it for 12 years after my own teenage cancer experience. But life is not so shallow that you’ll get the answers you want in a different body or weight. A size-4 hourglass figure is still  subject to life’s Russian roulette. And a size 18-body is fully capable of being loved and feeling secure in that love. Regardless of where you view your body now, the only way to heal your body image is to go within with your own, self-generated healing light. Here are some empowering ways to glow:

1. Expand your definition of femininity. Femininity is not dumb, timid or slutty. It’s powerful. That power comes from receiving what life is offering and knowing you can create something beautiful rather than pushing and stressing about what you do or don’t have. In a group I was running, one woman discussed how she knew her arch-nemesis would be at a wedding. She felt amazing in her outfit and when she received a gracious compliment from this Mean Girl — what she was hoping for all night — she said, “Thanks, but really, it’s just a flattering dress.” Life will never give you more if you don’t appreciate what you already have. Start by receiving compliments (a graceful “thank you” suffices!), pleasure and support. Receiving is code for the confidence of being deserving.

2. Nourishing movement. The easiest outlet to find pleasure is to stop exercising out of obligation and start moving in inspiration. There’s a big difference. One client of mine convinced herself that she loved running. During our work together, she realized she didn’t love running — she loved running away from her fear of being fat. Understanding how her body image issues were a need for control, I showed her how they were ultimately controlling her. She ditched the rigid running schedule and decided to try Bikram yoga. For a month, she was uneasy about hanging out in this unknown. But four physical pounds less and a 1,000-pound psychic weight off her shoulders, she felt more powerful and in control than ever. She appreciates her body in a way she never has after nourishing her body and skill set in the unknown.

3. Community: Careful! Community is not going to a weight-loss group where you “share” food obsessions and tricks to eat less. Bonding over your food and body struggles is safe. It might be hard to find people who want to be alive, not partners in crime, or even awkward to find something other than food, exercise or the scale to discuss. I know from 18 years of dieting that you have to find new interests. Embrace finding new peers as an adventure. In a nurturing group, you’ll find some of the best parts of yourself.

As you step outside of yourself, you’ll embody who you authentically are inside. The body becomes a gift for re-learning control in a more confident way. You will learn to appreciate how it has helped you be comfortable in the uncomfortable. You will return to your own light — one that’s vibrant and beautiful.

Ali Shapiro is a 20-year cancer survivor, regular NBC Philadelphia contributor and works with individuals and groups to simplify their relationship to food by simplifying their diet and life. 

Photo credit: jma.work

One Size Does Not Fit All

I’m fat. Not size-14, average-American-woman fat. Really fat. And I am healthy. Why? I would say I am healthy because I strive to maintain a vegan diet. This was not always the case. I used to have high blood pressure, Type 2 diabetes, migraine headaches (weekly) and a general fear of my body caving in on me. I got some test results, and I was upset. I didn’t want to take medication for the rest of my life. I didn’t need the condescending look and fear-induced shaming coming from my doctor. She suggested gastric bypass in addition to many prescriptions. I told her I had to think about it.

That was a lie. I knew I was not interested in weight-loss surgery. I am a strong woman who loves independence, compassion and fierce questioning of many models. This would be no different. I was fat, but I believed I could be healthy. A documentary on raw diets and Type 2 diabetes led me to ask questions of lovely wellness-living friends, to read many books from my local library (“The China Study,” “Becoming Vegan,” “Why We Eat Pigs, Wear Cows and Love Dogs”) and eventually, I was led to “Crazy Sexy Diet.” The joy for life, for food and for compassion I found there solidified my choices.

I am not on a diet. I am changing my life. That may result in some weight loss. But I want to be clear that my intentions are about health, clarity and compassion — for myself as well as animals. I am a big, fat, proud vegan. And that has been interesting.

I live in a little, seemingly progressive university town in the Midwest. There are lovely people here and lots of supportive places for veg-friendly eats — we have local farmers who sell yummy greens at the farmers market; a local co-op with bulk bins that can help with the expense of eating organic and healthy; there are options at most restaurants and a wonderful apple orchard to wander with the kids. But, as a fat, vegan wellness woman, there are also many sidelong glances, questioning stares and blatant stereotyping. A recent interaction at an event with food went something like this:

“We have a vegan option available, and we ask that only the vegans partake so there is enough for all.”

I lined up in the vegan line.

Woman: “You are vegan?”

Me: “Yep. Why?”

Woman: “I just … well … with your body type?”

She body-checks me.

Woman: “Well, clearly you eat other things.”

I stood there a bit shocked. We all know the feeling. I couldn’t find my response fast enough and ended up walking away. Only to think later, “What the hell?”

This may seem like no big deal. She was stereotyping; no harm done. Maybe now she’ll change her views. But I encounter this kind of comment all the time. Worse — people often feel like they can comment on eating habits without being invited. Add size to that equation, and people are full of comments, criticisms and, of course, dieting advice.

A coworker of mine, for example, is always telling me how dairy is fine and even the strictest vegetarians in other countries understand how wonderful cow’s milk is. I get it. To be confronted with the ways our eating is harming the world and ourselves is scary. Saying something to passively defend oneself may be a natural response. But I find that as a fat woman, I get these responses much more often. I am less likely to be seen as health-conscious, or even animal-aware. I am more likely to be seen as trying some fad to lose weight (and only because I must be so miserable fat).

Even John McDougall, a wonderful resource for veganism and healthful living, wrote an article on the fat vegan. He called us “an oxymoron,” claiming we are not showing compassion for the animal in ourselves.

The reality is this — if I were trying to lose weight, it wouldn’t happen overnight. I didn’t gain it all that way, either. Becoming vegan is an important step for health at any size. I drink my green juice (and like it!), roast my brussels sprouts and occasionally make vegan mac and cheese, too. I am just like any other vegan trying to live a life of compassion, clarity and consciousness. And I am fat too. I may remain fat. I will still be healthier because of my diet choices.

So the next time you’re faced with a sister vegan, and she isn’t what you expect, just smile. Revel in the reality of our differences and the joy of our shared journeys. Make a green juice toast, and share a recipe for compassion. Vegans come in all sizes.

Shell Feijo is a vegan mama striving for health, compassion, and lots of laughter. Her book, “Pigs Are People Too: Experiences of a Fat Woman in America” is forthcoming — just in time for the after-holiday diet season. She lives in Iowa City.

5 Steps to Love Your Body

Summer is undeniably a good time to deal with your body. We are all, the willing and the unwilling, forced to deal with our bodies. Even commercials on TV are telling us it’s time to rein in the calories. But it’s predictable that unless you dig in a new, deeper way, all your good intentions may be out the window. There’s a lot I can share with you in this area of life, from personal experience.

For the last 6 years, I have been an exercise lover, living in a size 4 body, enjoying what it can do. But for most of the years before that, I was a size 10-14, pretty grumpy, whiny, tired, carb/sugar-addict who felt that eating crap was my divine right as a feminist. My favorite saying was “why would anyone sweat on purpose?” I thought people who took care to eat well and exercise were pretentious. I think I might have been protesting too much?

It wasn’t until a dear friend pointed out to me that I was gaining significant weight (growing out of my mom’s hand-me-downs) that I woke up to my dream in this area. I had always imagined myself as healthy, petite and light and I truly was not aware of how far I was from this ideal until she said something. I am grateful I didn’t have to wait for a health crisis to set me on a much healthier path and now I want to make sure you don’t either. I promise you aren’t aware of the toll bad food choices and lack of exercise are having on every areas of your life, and your self-esteem. Likewise, you don’t know how fantastic committing to change in this area will be.

Here is the summary of steps I followed:

1. Stop resisting that you have to deal with your body. It comes with being human. It’s just the childlike “brat” in your head that wishes it were different. Mature adults recognize that it’s actually a privilege to learn to make good choices. In fact, it’s what differentiates us from (impulsive) children. We can delay gratification, and when we do, lo and behold, we feel better about ourselves.

2. Recognize that dealing with your body will make everything better. (Wait, read that again and let it sink in.) Starting with your self-respect and self-confidence, you’ll be more focused, alert and better rested. You will notice an improvement in your love life, family life, sex life and your professional life. That is a big “bang for your buck!”

3. Tell people about your new intentions and be specific. Not just: “I want to lose 20 pounds this year,” but: “I want to lose one pound a week and I am going to do it by XYZ method.”

4. Set yourself up to win by starting with a realistic goal and realistic limitations. As long as you are successfully shedding weight (or re-sculpting, or even gaining, depending on your issues, according to your dream,) schedule in treats so you prevent feeling deprived.

5. Be proud that you are going for your dream. Know that it means you are going to have to tackle the bratty voices in your head every day and you’ll have to face fears too. (We call this your “brat” and your “chicken” and they can be so convincing!) Most of us keep on extra weight to avoid dealing with fear of intimacy, facing something that isn’t working in our lives or dealing with sexuality issues. So be proud that you are willing to let those things come up and finally deal with them.

How Will You Show Your Body Some Love Today?

by Cora Poage

For many years I was caught in a steamy, intimate and tumultuous relationship. I would call it codependent, maybe slightly abusive. I placed my “Ex” on a pedestal and truly saw him as an idol of sorts. If my Ex was kind to me, I had a fabulous day. If he was moody or “off,” my day was ruined. I was yearning for freedom from my partner, but I was too scared to leave or move on.

Who was this ex-partner I speak of? I will give you three hints:

1. He was very quiet.
2. He lived in the bathroom.
3. He only saw me naked.

Drum roll please … My ex-partner was …

My scale!

We used to be a really tight pair. There are days from my past where I weighed myself three or more times a day. Heck, my scale was seeing more of my naked body than my husband (sorry, Babe).

If the number on the scale was lower than the time before, I was happy. If it was the same or higher, then I was devastated. For many years, I allowed my scale to determine my self-worth. I allowed my life to be controlled by a tiny piece of metal. I was obsessive.

Then one day I had enough of this crazy relationship. I realized it was time for the dreaded Break Up. I decided to throw away my scale. Okay, okay, not quite. I told my hubby to hide it from me. Boy, did I go through withdrawal. I spent many a day ransacking the apartment searching frantically for the elusive scale.

But once I made it through the initial shock stage and the mourning process, I began healing. These days my self-worth is not measured by a shiny metal object in the bathroom. I look in the mirror, and I love what I see — whether or not I’ve reached some magic number on the scale. And like magic, as my inner healing took place, and I repaired my relationship with my body, I naturally began to release weight! My body really responded to the trust and love that I was finally showing towards her.

Breaking up with my scale was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever made. Yet, ending that relationship gave me freedom: freedom to know that I am so much more than a number, freedom to believe that I am beautiful and worthy whatever my weight. Most importantly, when I ended my obsessive relationship with the scale, I chose to embrace my body with love and acceptance.

There are moments when I am tempted to go back. I see that sexy and slim scale in my gym locker room, and I think, “Just a quick little weigh-in won’t hurt, a tiny rendezvous.”

Then I shake my head, stand in front of the mirror and send my body a mental love letter of gratitude and awe. I bravely walk past the tempting scale and towards my true freedom.

How will you show your body some love today?

Cora Poage is a Holistic Health Coach and owner of Sexy Soul Wellness. She helps her clients co-manifest their ideal bodies and lives through Soul-Centered Eating, Exercising and Living. For support on Loving Your Body, Owning Your Power, and Living Your Dreams email Coach Cora at cora@sexysoulwellness.com

Photo credit: incurable_hippie

In Pursuit of Optimal Health & Happiness

Kookie Karma giveaway! Be the tenth person to tweet a link to this blog @CrazySexyLife and win a goodie bag filled with Kookie Karma’s delicious, healthy treats!

Juli Novotny, Founder of Kookie Karma

Where do I start when I don’t really know when my quest for health food began? I can’t even begin to articulate the energy that has been dedicated to my pursuit for optimal health.

Did my interest begin at age 14 when I decided that I loved horses too much to eat cow or chickens anymore? Or was it when I began removing the grease off of the top of pizza slices in the junior high school cafeteria? Maybe the fat-free diet my sister and I adhered to when I was 16? Or was it that same year when I took the job as head baker at a local cafe and saw what ingredients actually went into the morning cinnamon rolls? OR, better yet, was it my “incurable” case of eczema that I was determined to get rid of? I really can’t say. It’s been an ongoing journey to say the least.

Was I obsessed? Did I have an eating disorder? Some might have called it that! Or you could call it a fascination with the human body, the human mind, culture and socialization. OK, so at 16 I didn’t use the word socialization quite yet, but I watched everybody eat cafeteria food and wondered why it turned me off but was considered “normal” everyday lunch food to pretty much EVERYBODY else.

It was around this time in my life that I had a hunch it was the Standard American Diet (SAD) that was to blame for all of these ailments (low self-esteem, acne, ADHD, cellulite, obesity). I wasn’t positive, but the more I read on the topic, the more I began to question the SAD and start to believe in my own hypothesis.

Raw food was my next endeavor (or should I say encounter). For me, however, it was more of a culinary experience than a health one. I found Juliano’s RAW: The Uncook Book and thought the recipes looked amazing and fresh and well, smart. It was a challenge I wanted to undertake. And a challenge it was! Yet SO rewarding.

My “incurable” eczema disappeared in just one week and my whole face took on a radiant glow. I lost five pounds (wasn’t even trying) and I looked forward to rigorous daily workout because of all the energy rushing through my body. I was hooked and have been very interested in a 100% raw lifestyle ever since.

I don’t always adhere to a strict raw vegan diet. I indulge in other culinary delights – after all, I see it as an art form. But at home, and for the most part, I stay true to what I think is the best for my body and mind and my children’s health as well! Hooray for GREEN drinks!

Now, here I am, 30, a mom, and thankful for my teenage curiosities, seeing as though I have turned them into a thriving business and they’ve helped me courageously raise two healthy babies on what some might call a “crazy” Juli Diet! It’s a big undertaking being a parent. I’m starting an amazing new journey and having a lot of fun watching my 16 month old eat things like flax oil, carrot juice, sunflower seed pate, kale salad, green smoothies, raw chocolate milk, almond milk, sprouted grawnola, and so on (“a bite, a bite” he says every time he sees me taking trays out of our dehydrator)!

I absolutely love my current daily routine and the bigger picture of my life right now. But of course my quest is ongoing and I could be really excited about something totally new and different next year (or even tomorrow). Life changes daily. As the Buddhists believe, Nothing Is Permanent, right? Thank goodness!

Right after graduating from UCLA, Juli jump-started her career – turning her passion for gourmet food and nutrition into one of the first raw food companies on the market, Kookie Karma. She has since created a child and pregnancy nutrition blog full of recipes and baby product information.