Present Moments Make the Best Presents

Holiday mode is in full swing! Here comes the month when many people hit the ground running and don’t stop until they crash on New Years Day, needing a vacation from their vacation. The entire season can become a blur of obligation and stress from running yourself ragged both physically and emotionally. However, you have the power the make this year different.

Effectively managing the fast pace of today’s American lifestyle can be super stress provoking at any time of year, but the holidays elevate that stress to a stratospheric level, unless you put a plan in place. Think about the way you go through your daily activities. Do you allot plenty of time to get them all done? Do you do them with ease and pay attention to what you are doing? Or do you rush with clenched jaw and fists throughout the day, not noticing anything except for your to-do list, feeling totally stressed, and as though there is never enough time?

Part of what we are exploring here is mindfulness: clear moment-to-moment awareness of what is actually happening. When you are thinking about what’s next, you are robbed of THIS moment, and the magic of the season is lost.

Thanksgiving through New Year’s is always an interesting time period to explore your relationship with being present. People adore the idea of this season because it represents gratitude for blessings and spending time with loved ones, but the reality of trying to cram it all in – and with joy no less – can be a very different experience. There are food and toy drives to spread the “true meaning of the holidays”, but how often do you get caught up in the hype and operate on automatic obligatory pilot? From serving a big Thanksgiving meal to participating in crazy-making Black Friday shopping, the “meaning” can get lost in the mayhem. How can you bring yourself back to the here and now and rock some present moment consciousness so you can rejoice more, react less, and actually be in the moment?

Start by taking a deep breath, slowing down, and sinking into some stillness and silence.

Give yourself the gift of dedicating as little as 2 minutes in the morning this holiday season to meditation. Take this time to see all the activities of your day falling into place with ease and grace and feel gratitude for all that is right in your life right now. This practice creates an internal sacred space of centered awareness that can be the calm in the holiday storm and keep you connected to the true meaning of the season.

Make a commitment to truly enjoy being with your children as you decorate the house – pine needles be damned! Let their wonder and awe fill you with excitement.  Allow a car in front of you in traffic knowing it won’t make you arrive any later to your destination and will make that person happy. Smile at the weary sales clerk and understand he’s been working long hours and dealing with lots of people. Meditation allows you to be present and awake in your life and can create the space for you to do all of these things and more. It is possible to actually enjoy the next month!

Years from now most people won’t remember what “stuff” they got or gave, but they will remember a kind word, emotional generosity, and feelings of appreciation. One of my favorite lines comes from the cute, animated film Kung Fu Panda, “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift, and that is why it’s called the present.” The best gift you can give this holiday season is your presence in the present.

For more on how to optimize your life, visit TerriCole.com

Want an easy, breezy, foolproof way to rock a meditation practice this season? My first guided meditation CD, Meditation Transformation, is on sale right now and will be delivered in time for Christmas! Digital download also available.

Turn Your Financial Fear Into Financial Freedom

When you think about your finances, what word immediately jumps into your mind? What feeling do you get in your body? What visuals do you see? Does money have the power to constrict you?

Recent studies confirm that financial distress remains the top stressor in Americans’ lives and is the number one reason for marital discord. As a therapist in New York City for 14 years, I have learned that having money does not necessarily equate to achieving happiness. In fact, many of my more privileged clients have major issues with money that create guilt, dependency, low self-esteem and an array of other issues. Money in family relationships is never as simple as dollars and cents. It can be used to love, punish, control and reward. The financial culture in your family has informed all of your financial choices.

The first step to decoding your relationship to money is to understand your financial culture. You have a blueprint of “How It Really Is,” according to your family of origin, which was downloaded into your subconscious mind as a child. I use the term “blueprint” because your internal financial belief system is like the architectural blueprint for a house … that someone else designed. If you came from a culture of financial fear and lack, you may pinch your pennies, be wary of investing and, regardless of how much money you save, still feel there will never be enough. However, just like the architectural blueprint, you can change your mind’s framework. If you want to move from the fear of financial lack into the freedom of financial abundance, the first step is to understand your current blueprint and what you can do to change it. Answer the questions below to gain clarity.

• What was your family culture about money?
• Who controlled the finances?
• Was money used as a reward?
• Was money withheld as a punishment?
• As a child, did you worry about money?
• Were your basic needs met?
• Did your parents fight about money?
• What were you taught about money from your parents or caregivers?
• Was there an open or closed dialogue about money in your home?
• Did your family consider themselves wealthy, middle class or poor?

Take time to really marinate on your answers and allow yourself to dig deep and really feel what the financial climate was like growing up. Once you write down your answers, you will gain insight into your downloaded money myths.

The second step in creating a healthier relationship to money is to realize that there is no “reality” about abundance. Your parents taught you what they did and that became your reality about money. That does not make it reality or a permanent belief. Many parents pass their money fears down to children thinking they are protecting or preparing them for “the way it is.” The way it was for your parents does not have to be the way it is for you. Family systems that teach children money-management skills, a strong work ethic and concrete tools create a more abundant blueprint. Financial fear creates constriction around money. Since we are all made up of energy, feelings of constriction block your flow of abundance and cloud your ability to see potential opportunities for financial gain.

So if you don’t like what you have discovered about your inherited money blueprint, fear not. The best news is that you have the power right now to re-draw it.

Below are the first action steps for your New and Improved Money Blueprint.

Be Here Now. By creating the ability to be present in your life, you create the opening to catch the fearful thought before it gets filed in the “reality” bin. The only way to change ingrained thought patterns is to be aware enough, in the present moment, to stop and change the thought. You can achieve this through breathing exercises, daily meditation and awareness. Changing anything on purpose is almost impossible if you don’t have internal stillness and silence daily. You need to slow down enough to become the observer of your thoughts, to sort through them and figure out which are fear-based and not serving your purpose and which are opportunities for you to create the life of your dreams.

Words Have Wings. Be aware of the way you talk about money and change all of the language that is not in line with your goals. Use positive words of abundance instead of negative words of fear and scarcity. Change “We have to pay off debt” to “Our abundance flows with ease.” We create change with the words we use, the thoughts we hold in our mind and the feelings they inspire.

Manifesting Nightly Ritual. As the last thing you do before you fall asleep, take time to think about what you want to create in your financial life and conjure the feelings of having it. Then release it (don’t hold onto those feelings or begin to worry about how you’re going to become wealthy, debt-free, etc.) and doze off into la-la land.

Seeing is Believing. Create a vision and feeling board of what you want in your life. Look at the board a few times a day and engage all of your senses to create the full experience of actually having what is on the board.

Changing your mind about anything is work. The realization that you can change your mind and your fiscal lot in life is the start. This is not magical thinking, but science. New neural pathways are formed in your brain as you change your habitual thoughts, language and feelings from fear to freedom. So quiet your doubting mind, try something new and see what transpires.

There are a plethora of other factors that go into the psychology of money and abundance. If you believe that your financial dysfunction is too deep for you to negotiate on your own, find a good psychotherapist to guide you on this journey.

Whether you go it alone or hire a professional, trust me, changing your mind is the first step to transforming money fear into money freedom.

For more on living fearless and free, visit terricole.com.

Photo credit: Don Buciak II

Music Has Charms to Soothe a Savage Breast

“Mommmmmmmm, the police are here again! The neighbor is complaining and wants you to stop the music!”

Stop the music? That’s like asking Kris Carr to stop juicing! It’s blasphemy.

Four years ago, six of us crazy sexy forty-something suburban housewives went out on a limb, bucked convention, defied stereotypes and started our own rock ’n’ roll band. There was only one glitch. Not one of us could play an instrument. But that didn’t stop us. We bought guitars and a bass, replaced the couch and coffee table in the living room with drums, amps and a PA system, and hired Coldplay lead singer Chris Martin’s very talented and handsome doppelganger to teach us how to play.

Twice a week, we left the dishes and laundry behind, stealing a few precious moments away from our kids, husbands, “shoulds and ought to’s” to follow our soul and play some rock ’n’ roll. We practiced until we had blisters on top of blisters and that up-up-down-up pattern was ingrained in our brains. Our kids and hubbies thought we were nuts, but I know in my heart they loved our crazy sexy guts.

I am the one with the smile on my face in the picture above. Oh, wait, we are all smiling. That’s because we are having so much effing fun. I literally feel my endorphins kick in, the negativity leave my body and a sense of all is right with the world when belting out Blondie, KT Tunstall or Joan Jett. “I love rock ’n’ roll. Put another dime in the jukebox baby!”

In fact, not only does it bring me a sense of well-being and peace, I am certain that it has helped me stay sane in the midst of much insanity over these last few years, saving me thousands of dollars in therapy bills. Between the six of us, we could keep a psychologist employed full time trying to make sense of all the crap we have been dealt during our mid-life: financial difficulties, marital stress, parenting issues, job loss and cancer. But, rocking out with our band helps us keep perspective and stay strong.

It has been proven that music, whether playing it or listening to it, can help heal the body, relieve depression, accelerate the healing process, boost the immune system and lift ones spirits. William Congreve, a playwright from the 17th century brilliantly understood this as well. He wrote, “Music has charms to soothe a savage breast.” Funny, but I always thought this quote was “to soothe a savage beast.” Apparently it gets misquoted often. But just my luck, it is perfect for this blog. Sir Congreve was right. Music certainly helped sooth my savage breast.

Ten months ago, I was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer. After the initial shock, I refused to feel sorry for myself. I pulled myself up by my sexy bootstraps and got to work. I guzzled green juice, worked out at the gym, partook in dry rubs and daikon leaf baths, ate whole grains and huge organic salads, and took my omega-3s and vitamin D. And, last but not least, I kept on rock ’n.

The docs cut off my breast and the chemo took my hair, but the cancer did not take my spirit. When I was feeling down and out, our band gave me a reason to pick myself up, brush myself off and get my butt to practice. Next to veggies, rocking out with my girlfriends is the best medicine in the world. Like Bob Marley said, “One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain,” although that may have been the ganja.

According to Dr. Mike Miller, “Music gives us an overall feeling of good, well-being, a sense of euphoria in some cases … and may be one of the best de-stressors, either by playing or even listening to it.” He used high-tech imaging to measure the size of blood vessels while people listened to music. Not surprisingly, he found that “the inner lining of the blood vessel relaxed, opened up and produced chemicals that are protective to the heart.” That’s some powerful stuff. If music can do that for the heart, imagine what it can do for the soul. Plato once said, “Rhythm and harmony find their way into the inward places of the soul.”

Music surely found mine.

By the way, we call ourselves Daisy Chain. We liked the name because it represents women connected to each other through music. (It also has something to do with multiple female participants, but that is for another site.) Little did we know when we chose the name that daisies were widely used in homeopathic remedies. During the 15th century, it was believed that drinking crushed daisies infused with wine could cure insanity. So does a night rocking out with six beautiful strong women and a bottle or three of organic Pinot Noir.

Some moms like to shop, we like to rock. Some plan play dates, we book show dates. Some go to the spa, we bring the law. Some play “Farmville,” we play “Margaritaville.” Some believe we are disturbing the peace, we believe it brings us peace. Our band is living proof: In the midst of adversity, annoyed neighbors and cancer, we have found a creative connection to each other and to our own souls playing rock ’n’ roll.

We recently performed at our biggest show ever, “Cocktails for a Cure,” in honor of both breast cancer awareness month and six women who refused to let anything stop them!

The damn dishes can wait; my rock ’n’ roll soul is calling.

You can read more about Deanne’s greatest adventures kicking breast cancer’s ass and her all-girl band Daisy Chain in her blog www.theyesmom.com.

What You Can Expect On Your First Day of Chemotherapy

I remember my first chemotherapy treatment like it was yesterday. I was only 16 years old, and I’d been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. I’d had surgery to remove a lump on my neck, and chemo was the next step. Walking into that oncology office for the first time, I remember feeling scared and confused. I didn’t really understand what was happening.

Looking back, I know now that’s what makes the first chemotherapy treatment so frightening—you have no idea what to expect! You’re thinking, “Am I going to lose my hair? Is it going to hurt? Am I going to throw up forever?” Once you’ve been through it, it’s not so bad. But that first time is tough.

Everyone responds differently to different oncology drugs, and no one can expect his or her experience to be exactly like anyone else’s. What I can do, however, is tell you a few things that will most likely happen on your first day. The more you know, the less you have to fear. Fear is a destructive emotion that can hinder your ability to heal, so the more you can reduce your fear and increase your confidence, the better.

Expect a blood test. On chemo day they have to make sure your white blood cell count is high enough to handle the treatment, so roll up your sleeve.

Get ready to wait. After your blood tests are approved, they have to prepare your particular chemo cocktail, and that could take awhile. Take along your iPod, a pillow, a blanket (you know how cold those offices can be), some good books or magazines, and best of all, a good friend to help you get through the waiting.

Food, drink, and clothes. Check with your doctor, but most recommend you eat normally before your treatment. You may or may not experience nausea, so don’t eat anything that could potentially upset your stomach. Take a water bottle with you, and sip regularly all the time you’re there. Dress comfortably, and take extra layers so you can adjust according to the temperature.

Calming techniques. If you’re getting really nervous days or hours before your appointment, take along your favorite calming music, some meditation CDs (I love the ones by Belleruth Naparstek — she has a great one for chemotherapy treatments), or even a notebook/journal so you can write down what you’re feeling. Take anything that will have a calming effect on you, even a stuffed animal!

Next! When it’s time for your treatment, the nurse will typically take you into another room. He or she may show you around, give you some materials to read, and then start your IV. Always feel free to ask questions. Answers will help assuage any fear you may be feeling.

Here comes the treatment. Once your IV is working successfully, they’ll start administering medications through it. Some are harmful to the skin, so if you see the nurse wearing gloves, don’t panic. She’s just protecting her fingers. The treatment can take from 30 minutes to a few hours — ask ahead of time so you can be prepared. Otherwise, just try to sit back and relax. The treatment itself is typically painless. If you feel any discomfort around your IV or port, however, ask the nurse, as, on rare occasions, medications can leak onto the skin.

Hair and fingers. New studies have shown that keeping your scalp and fingers cold during treatment helps protect them from damaging side effects. Use several bags of frozen veggies, or better yet, try the frozen glove or a scalp-cooling device.

That’s it! Once your treatment is over, you’re free to go home, though most physicians prefer you have someone to drive you. Pat yourself on the back. You made it through! Side effects vary from person to person, but do keep a sharp eye on yourself, and contact your doctor or nurse should you experience anything you’re not sure about.

I’ve been there. I know what it’s like. If I made it through, so can you. You can do it! I wish you strength, love, and survival.

Britta Aragon is a cancer survivor and the founder of Cinco Vidas, Inc. She wrote “When Cancer Hits: Your Complete Guide to Taking Care of YOU Through Treatment.”

Photo credit: Nanley (Kate)

Your Fascinating Relationship with Money: How Healing Your Finances Can Heal Your Life

Money is at the core of our fears and anxieties. As an individual, family, country and world, it affects us on every level, among people of all races and economic backgrounds. We all have a “money story” that begins in our childhood and continues into our adult life in the form of a love/hate dysfunctional relationship. It is one of the top stressors and can destroy our relationships, self-esteem and health.

• “I can’t lose weight because healthy food is too expensive.” We continue to abuse our bodies and health.
• “I can’t start this business because I can’t afford to leave my job (where I’m overworked and drained).” We stay in jobs that no longer serve us.
• “I have to stay in this relationship because I can’t afford to leave.” Our children continue to be brought up in unhealthy homes.
• “I can’t go on vacation because I don’t have any money.” We use money stress to keep us from really experiencing life.

Take a look at your life. Do you feel abundant, peaceful and in control? Are your relationships calm, happy, effortless? Or do you feel anxious, out of control and in denial? Now take a look at your financial life. Do you see similarities? The state of our finances is often a direct reflection of the state of our lives. How do you want your life to look?

There is a common misperception that gaining control of our finances means sacrifice, restriction and pain. In reality, gaining control and healing our relationship with money means freedom, control and peace.

Everywhere you turn there is fear. Fear of another recession, home foreclosures, a stock market crash. We have to stop perpetuating the fear and start creating healthy habits. Think of how our world would look if each person made their financial house a priority and really lived their best life. Imagine the lives that would change and the families that would be saved. It has to begin with each of us. With these four steps, begin the process of healing your relationship with money. Be a part of a greater change in the world.

Forgive
The first step in healing any relationship is forgiveness. If you feel like you have made any money mistakes, write them down all down on a piece of paper. Take a moment to breathe and truly forgive yourself. Know that whatever pain you’re feeling isn’t permanent. Take the piece of paper and shred it. It’s time to start fresh and look view your world from a place of peace and abundance.

Choose
Now that you’re ready to start fresh, it’s time to choose the kind of life you want to live and let money be the tool to get you there. Think about what you really want your life to look like. Where do you want to live and work; what kind of food do you want to nourish your body; how you want your relationships to make you feel? What does your best life look like? Decide, and let money be just a tool to get you there.

Act
Write down two things that you are going to start doing immediately to get you closer to your desired life. For example, I will start paying attention to how I spend my money. Conscious spending is all about matching your values (desired life) with your actions. Decide exactly what you’re going to do to start paying better attention, and write it out.

Witness
Witness your life change. Take notice of how you feel – less stressed, less strain between you and your partner, increase energy, more clarity. When you get rid of your money noise, your life starts to open up.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Gandhi

Karie Hill is a financial freedom coach for women. She focuses on removing financial barriers and healing relationships with money from the inside out.