Our Power to Create the Sacred

“We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want.” -Tao Te Ching

One of the rituals my young family has embraced is the last-minute search for something essential before leaving the house to do anything. Our initial rituals involved “the finding of the socks.” There were only three pairs of socks my daughter would wear to pre-K, and they never seemed to be where we put them the night before. Today, several years later, we have a far more sophisticated system involving the needs of all four family members.

This Saturday was the first day of a new swim season, so we celebrated with the losing of the goggles. My wife acts in an administrative capacity during these rituals focusing her efforts at finding the essential object while my daughter acts as a sort of Greek chorus that chants, “are we going to be late?” I perform a consulting role assigning blame and suggesting various means for the avoidance of loss in the future. And so it was while assigning blame concerning the goggles that I arrived at something worth parenting over.

My angst was not so much over being late, as I have learned to get my family moving fifteen minutes before they would reasonably need to be moving which seems to do the trick. Rather a clear image came to me: the reverence I had as a child for objects like my baseball glove, my bat, and my hockey stick. I was not a particularly wise kid like my son and daughter seem to be. But I understood that these seemingly worthless objects were the means to priceless experiences. As I accepted the need to buy another set of goggles, I understood the need to talk to my daughter about what has worth and what does not.

Later that day I sat down with my daughter and presented her with two objects that had no market value. One was a yoga mat I have had for the last eight years and the other was the key to her grandmother’s house. We discussed the fact that in and of themselves these objects had no value at all, but each in its own way delivered priceless experiences. My yoga mat is my means for serving both my family and my community. The key is really a key to a grandmother’s unconditional love. We also discussed the idea that what we put into something is what we get out of it. As a young person I treated my wrestling shoes as sacred objects, like a warrior’s sword and shield. And in those shoes I was able to experience a true hero’s journey.

Everything in our lives is essentially empty. Our marriages, our families, our friendships, our careers are all empty of any objective meaning. What we experience, then, in our marriages, families, friendships, and careers is what we put into them.

The Weight of Words

Jesus kicked my ass again—and I loved every second of it.

I’m a Jew, but I grew up in a non-Jew town, and I kinda had Jesus-jealousy for much of my life. Christianity had such an allure: the quiet calm inside a church, the white Communion dresses, and of course, all the bells and whistles of Christmas. Now, as an adult, I’m past the white dress thing. But the rest of it still holds a certain mystique. Yeah, some of it is trite, like the prettiness of Christmas lights, but I really do appreciate some real aspects of the religion. One of them is Lent. I have no idea what the real purpose or meaning of Lent is. But my friends are always scrambling around, giving up sweets, or alcohol, or Facebook, etc., and it seemed kinda cool. So for the past few years, I’ve taken on practicing Lent, too. I welcome opportunities to be a better person. Because I’m vegan, I’ve already taken all animal products out of my diet permanently. I feel good knowing that I’m not contributing to the suffering or death of any animals;  no need for me to give up something food-related. But there was a little somethin’ somethin’ I needed to address: shit-talking. This year, for Lent, I tried to give up talking about people. And let me tell you something, it kicked my ass.

Let me start off by saying that I am a woman of integrity, and overall, I really don’t shit-talk people that much. So I thought. All of sudden, I felt like I couldn’t open my mouth. My friend had a crush on a guy and wanted to know what I thought… I thought he was a cagey mother-fucker and a total weirdo. One of The Real Housewives of New York was parading around in fur, yet calling herself an animal lover. And a guy I had gone out with had turned out to be a total douchebag. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! What had I gotten myself into? I’m a woman—the need to express myself and be fully understood is biological! Now I had gone and gagged myself. How was I going to get through these forty days?

I’m not gonna lie, I did not do a perfect job: My friend pressed and pressed, so I finally told her what I really thought of the guy. Chelsea Handler took the Real Housewife to task, and I posted it on my Facebook page. And when someone asked about the guy I went out with, I said he turned out to be a douchebag. Am I proud of all that? No. But there were also multiple victories where I did keep my mouth shut in cases that I normally wouldn’t have. Whether it’s bad-mouthing someone on TV, talking about a random guy we’ll never see again, or shit-talking someone we know, words have weight. And even if the person never knows what we’ve said, the energy is out there. If a tree falls and no one is there to hear it, it’s still a fallen tree. If the person never knows they’re being bad-mouthed, it’s still mean and hurtful. Not only am I being ugly to them, I’m also being ugly to myself. Shit-talking is like poisoning my own well water. It muddies my waters and darkens my energy field. All for what? Letting someone know what I think? Who am I? Why are MY thoughts so important that they must be known? And what if I’m wrong? Maybe my friend’s guy isn’t a cagey mo-fo; maybe he’s just nervous with women. Maybe the Real Housewife genuinely doesn’t know that animals killed for fur are electrocuted anally and/or vaginally. And maybe the guy I went out with isn’t a douchebag; maybe he’s just struggling with some issues and doing it the best way he knows how. (Chances are, my friend’s guy IS cagey, the Housewife IS selfish, and my guy IS a d-bag. But for argument’s sake, I coulda been wrong.) Unfortunately, I can’t take back any of the mean things I said about these people. (Sorry, but I just gotta say: Wearing fur is total fucking bullshit. Check out http://www.skintradethemovie.com/ if you don’t believe me.)

No, I did not do a perfect job during Lent. I couldn’t even do a perfect job now, writing this! But I learned a really valuable lesson that has stayed with me, despite the passing of Easter. I do not want to talk about people. It feels better not to. It has been said that we have two ears yet only one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak. I like this. I have no doubt I will continue to struggle with keeping my mouth shut. But these recent forty days have been a real eye-opener and a true blessing. Praise be to Jesus.

My challenge to all of you who skipped Lent or want to try something else: Do it for the month of May. Give up gossip, or complaining, or best of all, eating dead animals! Visit goveg.com for a free starter kit!

Spirituality in Children

By Kelli Karanovich

Today, my children have spent most of the equinox playing in our front yard making “potions” in “caldrons” that my husband jokingly purchased for me because I often speak of practical magic. In my stepson’s mind, he’s simply throwing leaves in an out-of-use planter and mixing them with occasional splashes of his sister’s juice. At 21 months, my daughter is obliging her brother and speaking to me in her enchanting vocabulary of gibberish and expertly delivered phrases. In my opinion, listening to her is more momentous than hearing fairies sing, and I can’t begin to fathom the depths of her imagination. To complete the trio, the child growing in my womb kicks happily in response to his siblings’ antics. At least, this is what I imagine my youngest is up to. To some degree, all parenting is a tremendous guessing game. The same may be said for life.

Recently, one of my high school classmates passed away. She was 26 years old, divorced, and the mother of two young children. She had recently reconnected with several old friends through a new romance and her enrollment in technical school. No one knew she had cancer. When it spread to her brain, she was quick to go. In between playing with my children this weekend, I’ve found myself managing a barrage of messages regarding my friend’s death.

Everyone is searching for peace in some way or another—whether it be through reliving old memories, sharing poems they’ve developed to honor her life, or seeking details about the funeral. Of all the classmates they could contact, I’m not the most likely choice. There are others who had a much closer relationship with our late friend than I did. Yet, of all of us, I’m one of the few who has remained close to our hometown while managing to keep in touch with everyone else. I’ve also always been an unofficial go-to person for doling out spiritual advice and finding calm within chaos.

My reputation as a spiritual contact started in church. I loved literature and was usually eager to share my unconventional interpretations of traditional Bible verses. Fortunately, my Sunday school teachers were spiritually curious volunteers rather than seminary grads, so they welcomed virtually any comments that broke the silence of our tired-eyed group. As a result, I was encouraged to give voice to my questions and insights. The older I became, the more my open-minded approach to the Bible led to my eventual abandonment of it—at least as the all-knowing text some make it out to be. However, one idea from the Gospels has always stuck with me: Regardless of our origins or our future, we have God’s Holy Spirit inside us. Therefore, by knowing ourselves, we will always find God, whomever and whatever God may be.

Following the birth of my daughter, I became legally ordained as a minister, yet I still don’t affiliate myself with any one faith. Instead, I’ve dubbed myself a minister of spiritual living. And to suit my purposes, I’ve gone and redefined “spiritual living” as the art of embracing your personal energy so totally and completely that everything else about you is a reflection of who you really are.

As a mother, my goal is to create a lifestyle that will allow my children to know themselves and to live in a way that reflects this knowledge. I believe that this self-reliance gives more honor to God than any religion. However, I don’t require that my children or anyone else agree. Should self-knowledge lead them to Christianity, Buddhism, or another faith, that’s fine. The important thing to me is that it’s found through sincere self-exploration—not indoctrination, following the crowd, or the voice of false authority.

I periodically question whether my approach is best for them. However, moments like my classmate’s death remind me that even the most devout and faithful followers ultimately question their beliefs and seek guidance from rogues like me when faced with loss and unexpected situations. They wonder if what they’ve been brought up to believe is true and if they’re raising their children in a spiritually wholesome way. With that in mind, I’m reassured that it’s best for the children to decide for themselves what is and is not Godly.

Here are some steps I take to promote my children’s journey toward self-discovery and the awakening of the Divine within.

1. Take them outside. I agree with John Muir. Something is healing and balancing about nature. The intrigue and, later, respect that young people gain for the natural world ultimately translates into a greater sense of respect for themselves and their personal ideals. Nature-based play also stimulates creative and ultimately self-seeking thought processes in a way that hours spent in front of a television screen never will.

2. Generate an appreciation of art, literature, and music. Many great works are inspired by religion or unique spiritual beliefs. Therefore, discussing the works with your children can provide a non-threatening foundation for an in-depth discussion of people’s many perspectives of spirituality. As with nature-based play, enjoying art also stimulates higher-order thinking and can encourage children to express themselves in innovative ways through the creation of their own artistic compositions.

3. Expose them to other people. If the Divine is present within everyone, then interacting with a wide variety of people is a great way to examine the many facets of Divinity. This interaction can be carried out in a way that is safe, healthy, fulfilling, and educational by getting kids involved with community-based classes and volunteer organizations. The drive to expose your children to a variety of cultures may also be inspiration to travel or to start hosting regular social gatherings yourself.

Finally, remember: What’s good for children is also good for adults. Everyone alive is a traveler on an ongoing journey of spiritual self-discovery.

Kelli Karanovich manages A Quirky Mom’s Guide to the Good Life and Trust the Universe: Spirituality Meets Self-Empowerment, through which she offers the blog Mama’s Musings and provides a variety of unique online services related to natural parenting, spiritual living, and progressive education. She lives in northwest GA with her growing family.

Spiritual Intimacy

By Cora Poage

“I just don’t know if Ben is spiritual enough for me.” I found myself saying this to a fellow Spiritual Psychology student last weekend regarding my partner of 8 years.

“Or maybe he doesn’t go as deep in conversations or something. I just don’t feel like I am completely heard or seen by him. I don’t think we have much spiritual intimacy. It’s almost like we speak different languages about this stuff.”

“Hmmm…” my wise counselor responded. “Do you think you have EVER felt this kind of spiritual intimacy with Ben?”

I closed my eyes, blinked back tears, and remembered the first summer we met: It was the Exploration Summer Program, Boston, 2002. I saw him from across the room at the Staff Orientation. Our first conversation felt like magic; the flow to our communication, so organic, even Divine. “Who is this angel in a (hot) male’s body?” I wondered.

His blue eyes danced with spirit, his laugh, deep with connection to Source, and his very Being personified faith. It felt simple then to surrender to his love, our love. We were so innocent. Spiritual intimacy was natural. The term “soul mates” even comes to mind. We were best friends in a breath, partners in a heart beat…in love with each other for life.

“Yes, yes,” I said. “Absolutely, I have felt this kind of intimacy with Ben.”

“Would you like to tell me more about what has happened since that first summer?” she asks.

Our Story flashes through my head, my heart. What has lead us to where we are now?

My own Irrational Beliefs around marriage and men come to the surface in a torrent of emotion. I hear them: “All marriages end in divorce. It is only a matter of time before someone is unfaithful. Husbands try to tie their wives down. I have to have four kids and cook like Martha Stewart to be loved. He says he supports my dreams, but I don’t believe it.”

Deep Breath. Are any of these really true for Us? No. Not at all; although I don’t think Ben would mind a pot roast dinner once in awhile. Hell, neither would I!

Deep Breath. Self Forgiveness: I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that all marriages end in divorce. I forgive myself for assuming that because my parents got divorced a couple times, I will, too. I forgive myself for judging Ben as a chauvinistic tyrant. (Couldn’t be farther from the truth!)

I look up in my counselor’s face and I see love, support, light. “This is helpful. I feel more open to my marriage. But what about this whole spiritual intimacy thing?”

I close my eyes again, and I hear him. Who? ECKHART TOLLE… I didn’t even know I had this quote memorized!

“Outflow determines inflow. You can’t receive what you don’t GIVE. What you think the world is withholding from you, you already have.”

The tears flowed, with gusto this time. I pictured Ben’s beautiful face and I realized the Truth. My irrational belief that Ben wasn’t “spiritual enough” came from my own FEAR of intimacy. WHOA!

My fear is that if I open up from my deepest Authentic Self, from my place of Divine Love inside he will leave, get scared, or abandon me. Suddenly, I feel a strange mix of both empowerment and deep annoyance. “You mean this is up to me? I have to take action?”

And a new voice from within: “Yes, honey. This is up to you. You built the walls. Now you get to knock them down.”

Deep Breath.

Deep Breath.

Deep Breath.

“If you let yourself be truly seen, then you can be truly loved.” -Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (SARK)

I dedicate my Blog Post to you, Ben. My lover, my teacher, my partner in life, and my very best friend. I vow to break down the walls, brick by brick, as I open up to you more and more, as I “let myself be truly seen.” Forgive me for these irrational beliefs that I have held around you and marriage up until now. I am releasing them; they do not serve me. I am open to a spiritual intimacy with you and I am enthusiastically and lovingly holding a safe space for you to open up to me as well.

In closing: When Ben and I were engaged, I shared a story with him about a woman who had been divorced once. When her boyfriend requested her hand in marriage, she said she really had to think about it. She was delving into an amazing career and was really focused on self-care, her son, and her own dreams. She asked for two weeks to go up to her family’s cabin and deliberate.

After only one week, there was a knock on the cabin door. There was her boyfriend with a box in his hand. “I know I was supposed to let you be alone for two weeks, but I wanted to bring this to you.” She opened up the box, and inside there was a rock and a feather. “I’m the rock, and you are the feather,” he said, “Go pursue your dreams, your independent goals. I am here for you. I can be your home base.” She decided to marry him.

I shared this story with Ben. I said, “Can’t you relate? Don’t you think I’m the feather, and you’re the rock?”

He smiled at me, took my hand, and said, “You are my rock AND my feather.”

I am choosing Love. I am choosing Faith. I am choosing to believe in that highest good of all.

And Ben, you are my rock AND my feather.

Cora Poage lives in New York City with her incredible husband Ben (her “other” soulmate) and her two crazy kitties. She is the owner of Super Woman Health, a company offering wellness coaching for learning to eat, exercise, and live intuitively.

180 Feet Above Ground

Julia Butterfly Hill lived a fast-paced lifestyle until surviving a severe car crash at the age of twenty-two. Hill has said that the accident and subsequent year-long road to recovery awakened her desire to begin a spiritual quest. She ended up 180 feet above ground, living in a California Redwood Tree named Luna that was over 1,000 years old to keep it from being cut down. Hill lived in the tree for 738 days without ever touching the ground on two 4’x6’ platforms. Her dedication protected the tree from destruction, sparked a movement, and transformed her life. Today, Hill travels the world sharing her knowledge of environmental conservation and inspiring others to believe in their power to create serious change.

1. During your two-year stay in Luna, how did you cope with feelings of isolation and confinement? How has this aspect of the experience influenced your daily life?

My time in Luna taught me so much about myself, the world, and what it means to be fully present and alive through every experience—whether we perceive it as positive or negative. The isolation and confinement I sometimes felt while living in Luna taught me how powerful, and even important, it is to source from within ourselves our connection to the Divine (however we relate to or define its meaning) and to the Natural World of which we are a part. We so often look outside of ourselves for things like joy, peace, love, or power. Yet, when I had what felt like nothing is when I found out how much I truly have, just by being connected to Source. Prayer, meditation, and gratitude exercises were and still are vital in my finding freedom, joy, and power even in the most challenging of moments.

2. How did you maintain physical health during your stay in Luna? Could you tell us about your diet and physical activities?

What we eat, what we think, and what we do with our bodies and our choices all play an important role in the health of our bodies, our communities, and our world. I am a Joyous Vegan (meaning I joyfully refrain from eating animals, including fish, chicken, cows, sheep, goats, or pigs; nor do I eat anything that comes from them.) When the weather permitted, I climbed in the tree for exercise—which was like partner yoga with a tree! My favorite yoga ever! I, also, have found that prayer and commitment to living spiritually and mentally healthy also plays an important role in my physical well-being. So, too, with what we do to the planet. It is all connected. It is all one. What we do to the Earth, we do to ourselves.

3. How would you describe the force that guides your activism? What advice do you have for those yearning to change the world for the better but feeling like they cannot make a difference as an individual?

Because no choice happens in a vacuum, every single choice changes the world. It is actually scientifically, physically, and spiritually IMPOSSIBLE to not make a difference! Therefore, the question is not, can one person make a difference? Each and every one of us absolutely does make a difference! Once we realize this, we stop believing in the myth and asking ourselves, “Can I make a difference?” We awaken and recognize and step into the truth of our power, and ask ourselves instead, “What KIND of a difference do I want to make?”

The force that guides my activism is my commitment to living a life that (to the best of my ability) models the world in which I want to live. These are my choices. I am human, so I make many mistakes, but my commitment is to live Love in Action with every thought, word, and action. For me, my life and my choices are a Spiritual practice in every moment.

4. What is a typical day in the life of Julia Butterfly Hill? Are there a few simple habits that you integrate into your daily life that our readers can adopt to care more for the earth on a daily basis?

Although there is no such thing as a typical day in my life, I do have everyday mindfulness practices. The guiding principle for me is an idea of true “Ahimsa,” or non-violence. My understanding of this movement is a deeper definition than I normally hear articulated. For me to live this commitment is “to live so fully and presently in Love, that there is no room for anything else to exist.” This is a much bigger calling than to just live as a non-violent person. This commitment calls me to be so committed to being a full and living embodiment of love consciousness that I fill a space until all else falls away. I look at every thought, word, and action through this lens and do my best to live up to this calling.

There is no such thing as a perfect choice, but there is always a best choice for any given moment. This can be as simple as selecting reusables instead of disposables. When we say we are going to throw something away—where is “away?” There is no such thing or place. “Away” always has a face and a place. I do not feel that Love would guide us to trash the Earth and livelihood of others. So Love guides me to bring my own reusable mug, utensils, napkin, and container with me everywhere I go. I love this Earth and her species and future generations far too much to trash and waste them. I am a joyous vegan because how we decide to eat can be tools of mass compassion or weapons of mass destruction. Love guides me to choose to joyously eat as simply as I can to honor all life and to live as lightly on this Sacred Earth as I can.

I have chosen to not birth another human into this world because Mother Earth has 6.9 BILLION children and can not care for the children already here. Love guides me to know that the most conscious choice I can make is to redirect the energy of birth into birthing a more healthy, loving, and thriving planet for the children who are already here. These are just some of the ways I do my best to follow what Love would do moment to moment. It is actually very empowering and joyful to ask myself, moment to moment, “What would Love do?” Then, I do my best to live in a way that honors the answer of Love.