One of our very own Blog Posse members has been chosen to be a Ford Influencer! Today, Gabrielle is sharing two holiday gift ideas that just might add some happiness and health to your loved ones’ lives this year. Stay tuned for another one of Gabrielle’s favorite things later this afternoon!
For years, I avoided my feelings and deep-rooted issues, but through a serious dedication to change, I resurrected my relationship with myself. How did I do it? The answer is simple: I showed up! One day at a time, I showed up, meditated longer and prayed more. I continuously added new layers of love to my miraculous relationship with myself.
If you’re ready to love yourself, you can start showing up today. Just follow these three steps:
1. Be willing to love yourself – then you’ll receive guidance to move forward. Say out loud: I am willing to love myself, today. Recite this affirmation every day for 30 days. Post it everywhere. Make the daily commitment to be willing to love yourself.
2. Get clear about how you’ve mistreated yourself. Are you overeating, drinking too much, staying in a bad relationship? Make a list and then ask: Would I treat someone I love that way? Each time you act in a self-loathing way ask yourself that question. By calling yourself out, you witness your negative behavior and stop identifying with it. When you choose love over negativity, you create a shift.
3. Spend 10 minutes a day quiet and alone. Listen to your thoughts and check in with your body. Simply be aware of what your inner guide (~ing) is saying. When I practice this, I hear awesome stuff. Today I heard my ~ing say, “Go lie down for an hour and rest.” Had I not taken the time to check in with my ~ing, I never would’ve heard what I truly needed. Slow down and listen to your inner guide.
These steps are a great start to any self-love journey. One day at a time, you’ll get closer to a rockin’ relationship with yourself.
Anyone who knows me has seen the ring I wear on my left hand. It’s the iLOVEme ring, which is made by my friend Arielle Fierman and has become a must-have among the Herfuture.com community. Arielle asked me to help name this ring, so I let my ~ing guide us through a meditation. In my meditation I felt grateful for my newfound self-love and blurted out, “I love me!” This ring is a gentle reminder to love yourself and others. You can find it at http://www.bewellwitharielle.com/
You’ll find more of my latest favorite finds here!
“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes.” – Walt Whitman
Soon after we met, my man and I were getting ready for a party. “I’m not good at parties,” I warned him. “What?! You’re like the public-speaking power chicklet.” “Noooo. I’m the girl in the kitchen who talks to one person all night and leaves without saying goodbye.” Give me a stage and I will rock the house. Give me a house party and you’ll barely know I’m there.
Authenticity is not an either/or equation. Your soul is an all-inclusive package … frills, foibles, and contradictions. It’s your opposing parts that leverage your magnificence into full force.
My extroverted introversion used to cause me great grief. Am I a sincere fake? The Boo Radley freak who doesn’t talk to neighbours? Surely, if I were more genuine and loving I’d be more outgoing. Sigh. None of it’s true. All of it’s true. I’m an outgoing Lone Ranger, a white Canuck who feels like a Nubian Queen on the inside, a fiercely loyal opportunist.
HOW TO SPOT YOUR CONTRADICTIONS : When has someone said, “That really surprises me about you,” “I can’t believe you did that”?
: Where do you feel the pull to compromise vs. rebel?
: Guilt can be a primo indicator for inner truth tugs. What are your guilty pleasures or indulgences?
: What do you save for special occasions {from your dancin’ shoes to your verbal affection}?
: What would going “wild” look like for you?
: What do you deny yourself?
LOVVVE YOUR ASSORTED WAYS
Now, aren’t you a curious critter? The Buddhist who knows every Metallica song by heart. The stay-at-home mom who wants to be a pole dancer. The Pro-Choice devout Catholic.
Don’t resign yourself to your idiosyncrasies. “Accepting” yourself is a passively lame option for full-tilt self love. Exalt your contradictions, celebrate them, go so far as to use them to your divine advantage.
Congratulations! You are large. You contain multitudes.
“Please fasten your seat belts because The Fire Starter Sessions is the revolution you’ve been waiting for. It will shake-up and wake-up every aspect of your life. Danielle LaPorte combines soulful wisdom with razor sharp business advice to create a blue print for moguls, spiritual rockstars, and lovers of life. Skinny dip head first into this hot and fabulous book. I dare you.” ~Kris Carr
“Self-care is never a selfish act. Any time we can listen to our true self and give it the care it requires, we do so not only for ourselves but for the many others whose lives we touch.” – Parker Palmer
We all “know” how important “ME time” is. And we recall the wonderful feelings that having some ME time creates – peacefulness, gratefulness, calmness, etc. We all know that flight crews going through the emergency procedures before takeoff always tell us that if the oxygen masks are released, to put on your own mask first before helping small children with whom you may be traveling. Why? If you don’t, you won’t be much help to anyone else. You have to take care of your immediate needs so you can be the one helping people and not the one needing help! As a woman with one husband, two kids, one dog, and three businesses, I often fall prey to not taking time for me until I’ve reached what my husband refers to as the “BDP – Break Down Point.” But when I am careful and thoughtful about scheduling in time for myself on a daily basis, I know I am a better wife, mom, and friend, and a more creative worker.
So, why oh why is it so darn hard to take that time for ourselves? We all need to find ME time or “Self-Care” time every day. The first step is to schedule it. I know you’ve heard this before. But seriously, write it down. Yoga class Monday 12:00-1:00 pm. Run Tuesday 5:30 am. Massage Wednesday 5:00 pm. Drinks with friends Thursday 7:00 pm. Date night with hubby Friday 8:00 pm. Trip to the farmers market Saturday am. Write it down and treat yourself like an appointment.
So what kinds of things could you do daily for ME time? The most important thing is to do something that you enjoy, but also that will allow you to clear your mind and relax. Take a long bubble bath with candles. Go on a hike, read a book with a cup of tea, take a yoga class, or meditate. Do whatever helps you recharge. It is also important to do “bigger things” for yourself on a weekly or monthly basis, such as getting a massage or pedicure or going out to lunch with a friend who is positive and will help you recharge. And don’t forget those big yearly events such as a spa weekend with girlfriends, or weekend away with your partner. It is important to have these special things to look forward to that you do just for yourself.
If you have 5 minutes – put your feet up, close your eyes, and breathe.
If you have 30 minutes – write in your journal, go for a power walk, or take a bath.
If you have an hour – put in a workout DVD or take a yoga class.
If you have an afternoon – go on a two-hour hike or catch a matinee.
If you have a weekend – got on a solo road trip or take a trip to a nearby spa.
Anything that is really important to you should be on your daily schedule and not just on your someday to-do list. Put ME time and self-care on your schedule daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly.
What are some of the ways you schedule in ME time? Join us in the myCSL forum to share ideas.
Jenny Newcomer is a ten-year stage 3C ovarian cancer survivor and is the founder of LobotoME.com, a line of eco-friendly organizational products that helps busy people be healthy and fit, get organized, and stay sane. LobotoME’s weekly planners feature a special section daily for “ME time.” For more information visit her blog.
If my inner kiddo met your inner kiddo on the playground, I bet we’d be friends. We’d be super nice to each other, share organic graham crackers and cozy up on a carpet square during story time. Life would be a lot less stressful. Watch today’s vlog for a simple but powerful exercise that will help you tap into your inner kiddo.
My inner perfectionist flipped out when I first heard this recommendation from one of my mentors, Rebecca Latimer, who wrote a book called You’re Not Old Until You’re Ninety: Best To Be Prepared, However.
Rebecca said to me: “Oh SARK, when you speak to groups of people, would you please let them know that if they meditate and do it badly, it still works? And that goes for everything else, too. My best recommendation is to do more things badly.”
I knew from experience that my perfectionist ways were inhibiting my joy, so I took her recommendation to heart and began the conscious practice of doing more things badly or imperfectly, relieving myself of my former standards. I discovered that the more I did “badly,” the happier I felt.
I found that my inner perfectionist was exhausted by me and my ideas about how to do things. I’d learned very well from my perfectionist Mother how to do things “the right way,” meaning—basically—HER way, which took me years to figure out.
So that’s when I began doing things like eating a chocolate cake with no silverware, lying down in line at the bank, singing Amazing Grace at the Department of Motor Vehicles, doing a TV interview with the back of my hair soaked in coconut oil from a massage the night before and singing Karaoke—without alcohol! I also experimented with smaller, more mundane things too.
I have since learned that not only is it fun to do things badly, it is a real relief to give up so many of the “rules” I had grown up with and then imposed on myself. I have also learned that I’m a pretty high achiever, and in some cases an overachiever, so on a one-to-ten scale, dialing down from a ten to a five or six is barely noticeable to anyone else!
Still, it was noticeable to me, so I engaged in some practices to support my new freedom.
1. I give myself primary permission to do some things badly, imperfectly, or just differently.
I do this by experimenting, practicing, and noticing the results. For example, I’m usually very quick to do favors for people or fulfill requests. My younger brother had asked me to find out some information for him prior to his wedding, and I simply didn’t do it. When he asked for the information, I confessed that I didn’t have it and hadn’t done it. He was shocked and annoyed with me. I apologized, but I didn’t feel guilty. We processed what had happened and both realized that I was ALWAYS reliable, so rarely faltering that I’d given myself no room at all to just be human. It was really fun to watch him be the responsible one getting things done for his wedding, and I got to experience the role of someone who hadn’t followed through. I am now really learning to consciously give myself that primary permission that I’d always automatically given to other people.
2. I ignore or choose not to notice what others think.
I used to get so scared or worried if someone felt disappointed, annoyed or irritated with me about something I had or hadn’t done. I had been a people pleaser who relied on being filled up from outside sources in order to feel good. Now, through self-love and self-care, I fill myself up first and allow others to experience and take responsibility for their own emotions. I don’t focus on other people’s reactions much at all anymore, and it is such a great relief. I also practice ignoring people when I do unusual things, or I invite them to join in. I got the whole room to sing Amazing Grace with me at the DMV. Several people sat or layed down with me in the bank line, and it was no problem at all to find people to eat cake with me sans silverware!
3. I consistently practice self-love and exquisite self-care.
I practice living as a “full cup of self-love,” ready to share the overflow with the world. I used to live like a half-empty cup, looking for people or substances to fill me. Now that I’ve learned how to care for myself exquisitely, I can respond to the world, instead of reacting. In response, there is a choice, in reaction, there is very little choice. Now I intentionally choose the subject of, and reason for, my response. When I feel less than self-loving or caring, which is often every day, I engage in specific practices and processes to re-center myself. I am then able to extend so much more love to the world.
And of course, in all of the above, I also fail, falter, stumble, flail, flounder and do a lot of things badly—sometimes very badly. I’ve discovered that being truly self-loving is a long term relationship with myself that contains EVERYthing, as every relationship does. The point is not to love myself all the time. The point is to practice loving myself as consistently as I am able, in all sorts of conditions. This means practicing loving the fat, forgetful, resistant parts too. And when I turn away from myself in aversion, I bring myself back as lovingly as I am able. And perhaps an even greater challenge is to love the successful, brilliant and soaring parts of myself; I am sometimes more afraid of my joy than my pain. Pain seems easier to relate to, and joy can feel lonely.
My early abuse experiences taught me that pain lasts, and joy is unreliable. I have since learned to believe more in the opposite: joy is everlasting, and pain cannot always be trusted. And in between those two extremes lie the glorious middle spaces where most of my growth takes place. My explorations in doing more things badly have shown me that there is a lot of joy in the mess and chaos of living as a “splendidly imperfect” human being.
For years, I avoided my feelings and deep-rooted issues, but through a serious dedication to change, I resurrected my relationship with myself. How did I do it? The answer is simple: I showed up! One day at a time, I showed up, meditated longer and prayed more. I continuously added new layers of love to my miraculous relationship with myself.
