By Guest Blogger on October 25, 2011
When you get on the path to fulfill your dream, pursue a cherished goal or commit to an inspiring project, there are two kinds of people that you’ll meet: allies and adversaries. Both are inevitable.
There will always be allies and adversaries.
There will always be people who cheer you on as well as those who challenge you. There will always be people who get what you’re up to and those whose minds are nailed shut.
It’s easy to love the allies.
They’re clearly on your side. They cheer for you. They pitch in. They affirm your choices and direction. It’s harder to love the adversaries. Yet, both need to be embraced. Both need to be befriended. Why?
Because allies and adversaries are mirrors.
They each reveal different aspects of your soul. Allies reveal those soul energies, inner qualities and perspectives that you’ve already embraced and integrated. Allies reflect and reinforce those energies. That’s why it feels good to be around allies. They amplify your connection to those aspects of yourself that you already appreciate, accept and embrace. In the presence of allies, you feel affirmed.
Adversaries offer a different reflection.
They reveal those soul energies, inner qualities and perspectives that you’ve yet to embrace and integrate. Adversaries reflect and reinforce the unresolved and unredeemed aspects of your soul. When they raise questions, cast doubt and challenge your assumptions, you feel threatened, off-balance and on the defense. Adversaries amplify the aspects of your soul that are under-appreciated, perhaps denied and certainly un-integrated. In their presence, it’s easy to get defensive.
Defensiveness is a red flag.
Defensiveness points to the places in you that are not fully integrated. Your own inner tensions are mirrored in the tensions that you experience in relation to your adversary. The key words here are that you experience.
The tensions are in your experience.
And it’s this experience that needs to be transformed if you’re going to engage with the inevitable adversaries wisely and skillfully.
I’m not denying that there are people out there who object to your choices, disagree with your agenda, and oppose what you do and stand for. I’m saying that encountering such people is inevitable. And that for you to encounter them skillfully, you need to attend to the tension in you that they reflect.
The person-out-there is not the primary challenge.
The primary challenge is within you. Facing, embracing and transforming the primary challenge establishes a foundation for working with the conditions around you creatively. But you can’t do this when you’re caught in defensiveness. Your capacity to perceive the inner challenges is obscured when you’re defensive.
Defensiveness turns your attention away from the primary challenge.
And focuses you on controlling, convincing, defeating and eliminating the external adversary ? which you may be able to do . . . temporarily. But really doing so is just a distraction from the primary work.
Until you face and resolve the inner tension that the outer adversaries reflect – adversaries will keep appearing on your path.
Their purpose is to heighten your awareness and turn your attention to the un-integrated perspectives, qualities and energies within you. Because as you integrate the un-redeemed dimensions of your own soul – you are able to more fully, powerfully and playfully engage with the world.
The wonderful thing about your primary challenges is that they are in your experience.
They’re not out there. They’re in you. So you don’t need to be in a room with your adversary to do this primary work. You can do deeper, more effective and more transformational work when you focus only on your own experience.
Here’s how:
1. Set aside 10 minutes of sacred uninterrupted time.
2. Settle your body in a comfortable meditative posture.
3. Call to mind one of your adversaries.Use their image as soul bait – to call forth your inner tensions. Focus on their image, remember an event, replay their voice just enough to active an inner reaction.
4. Then shift your attention away from the story and into the body. Physically locate the source of defensiveness in your body. Gently turn the light of loving awareness to that place in your body. Recognize that you’re approaching a point of vulnerability.
5. Use the breath as a medium for transmitting awareness and blessing. As you breathe in, feel the tensions and sensations at that place in the body. As you breathe out, send a gentle wave of appreciation, acceptance and blessing to that place. Breathe in and be aware of the sensations. Breathe out and radiate acceptance and blessing.
6. Remember that you’re not trying to change, reform, improve or fix what’s there. You’re simply connecting to it with awareness, acceptance and loving kindness. These are the qualities that will, breath-by-breath, untangle the inner tensions. In this process, emotions may arise; let them. And infuse the emotions with acceptance, appreciation and blessing. Greet whatever arises as a friend – and bathe it in blessing.
7. When you’re done, sit quietly for a moment. Then re-enter your daily life.
As you work with your primary challenges and inner tensions, allies and adversaries still appear.
This isn’t a magical formula for getting everyone to think like you.
It’s a method for recognizing and transforming your own defensiveness. Defensiveness isn’t something you need to control, suppress or even get rid of. Defensiveness is a call. It’s your soul waving a red flag and calling, “Over here, over here. Please bring your loving awareness over here.”
The energy, perspective and creativity you need to move your life and dream forward is hidden underneath the defensiveness.
You don’t have to figure out why you’re defensive. Just return to the body. Feel into the place where the vulnerability resides and infuse it with loving awareness.
The more you practice with infusing the vulnerable, un-integrated places in your body/mind with loving-kindness, the more your relationship with outer adversaries changes.
When you meet the inevitable challenging people on your path, you won’t meet them as an adversary.
You’ll recognize them as teachers. As people who, by blocking your path, are helping you to stop and discover the places within your own mind and heart that you were going to leave behind as you headed toward your dream. But your dream really needs all of you. Allies remind you to celebrate those parts of you that you’ve already embraced. And adversaries remind you to widen the circle of your heart and expand the horizon of your vision to include those parts of you that are hidden in your most vulnerable places.
Eric Klein is both a best-selling business author and an ordained teacher in a 5,000-year- old yoga lineage. His latest book is “50 Ways to Leave Your Karma: Freedom, Fear and the Art of Getting Unstuck.”
Photo credit: Jurrian Persyn
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By Guest Blogger on May 9, 2011
by Sherold Barr
My body started shaking when I realized that it would be more painful to stay in my first marriage than to leave. For two days, I shook when I talked, when I ate, when I went to see my attorney. When I did anything, I shook.
I had an inner knowing that this decision was one that would save my life. If I stayed in this marriage, I would end up with cancer or some other disease. Two days later when I made a final decision, I stopped shaking.
We were to move from Oregon to Florida. My husband had left a month early. I had stayed behind to finish things up. I had resigned from my job, sold my car and sold our house. I was 35 years old, with a three-and-a-half- year-old son. I had no job, no house and no car. All of my family was on the East Coast.
Although I was scared to death, deep inside I trusted my decision and went through a painful separation and later divorce.
Within days of making this decision, friends called and invited me to dinner. Another good friend said she had an extra car to lend me. A friend who had several rentals rented a house for me, then painted and fixed it up for us. And the community college where I worked hired me back.
I will always remember that when I trusted my intuition and took this giant leap of faith, I voted for my life.
What is the ultimate goal in life? To wake up and become conscious – to be mindful and present. One strong factor in this process is learning to listen with your body. Think of it this way: Your mind is the steering wheel of your life, and your body is your navigation system that will guide you on the path to your higher purpose. Many of us are asleep at the wheel of our lives.
In our technologically advanced society, we’ve lost touch with our bodies and have become accustomed to living through our minds and believing the stories we tell ourselves.
Each moment of your life you are guided by your senses – taste, touch, smell, sight and hearing. I believe your sixth sense is your intuition or your gut reaction, which influences every decision you make. This sixth sense is just as valid as the others, perhaps more so, in making a decision. Intuition also gives clues in the way your body feels.
So, tuning in to your body can guide you to your soul’s destiny. “This body awareness” is the ability to focus in on your sensations, emotions and intuition, in the present moment, without listening to your rational mind.
If you begin to follow the simple idea of noticing your energy drains and gains, you are tuning in to your body’s guidance system. I consider suffering to be any one of these symptoms: depression, anxiety, frustration, anger and stress. These emotions are the language your body speaks to you. When you ignore these messages, you can end up with physical symptoms or illnesses.
Here’s a simple exercise to try right now:
Think of a time in your life when a negative event occurred. Your mind’s images and thoughts will create the same physical sensations in your body as if it’s happening right now. Your body doesn’t know if it’s happening for the first time or the tenth time. Notice how your body feels. Is your gut tight, your shoulders bunched up, or is there pressure in your head?
Now take a deep breath and exhale. Think of a time in your life when you were happiest. As you notice the images in your mind, feel the feelings of this time in your life. Notice the difference? Just thinking these thoughts and seeing these images in your mind calls up positive emotions and physical sensations in your body.
There is an intuitive wisdom spoken by your body that is, by its very existence, healing. This is because it turns you toward your true destiny. Your goal is to follow those feelings of happiness and turn your body toward what energizes you and breathes life into your body.
Marcus Buckingham, author of “Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently,” believes that the happiest women don’t necessarily follow their passions when choosing a career – they follow their energy and listen to their bodies. These women focus on doing what makes them strong.
Four Steps to Listen to Your Body’s Guidance
1. Your body communicates to you in emotions and energy. Move toward what gives you a spark of enthusiasm and excitement, and move away from what leaves you feeling as if you can’t drag yourself out of bed in the morning, and your body will lead you to your best life.
2. Focus on what makes you feel strong. When you commit your life to being true to yourself, you are not committing to some far-flung destiny, some grand dream or some disembodied list of values, no matter how worthy. Instead you are committing to the truth embodied in this strong moment, the truth that this specific moment, for no rational reason, energizes you.
3. Move toward the feelings of happiness. Take small steps and notice what makes you happy. Set clear intentions – decide right now to do one thing each day or week that brings you happiness.
4. Your soul directs you toward answers and a deepening of consciousness. Sit still, go inward and ask, “What truly matters most to me?” Ask. Dare to listen to your answer. Learn to trust the wisdom and the intuitions from your body.
Your senses and intuition provide you with rapid feedback. It will take a little practice; but if you get back into a great relationship with your body, it will always guide you to the right path for your life!
A Change Pioneer and Trailblazer for women entrepreneurs, Sherold Barr is at the forefront when it comes to teaching women how to re-engineer their lives. Whether you’re on this planet to build a meaningful and prosperous life or to create a socially conscious business, Sherold is a master. She’s a certified coach with “best-known life coach in America” Martha Beck, a facilitator in The Institute of The Work of Byron Katie and the founder of WomenHealtheWorld.com.
Photo credit: mag3737
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By Danielle LaPorte on December 3, 2010
Tummy trembles. Brain fuzz. That discombobulating feeling that you’re not quite sure what you should be doing, but you should be doing something to keep your act together. Anxiety.
Sometimes it slips away with a few deep breaths, other times you need to beat it off with a stick or some little white pills. Naturally, we want to try to get as far away from anxiety as possible – which usually just results in us being anxious about being anxious. You resist, and so it persists. But what if rather than pushing it away, we actually welcomed anxiety when it showed up?
What if, rather than dreading the discomfort it brings, we looked at anxiety as a delivery service of inner truth and other such soul goodies? Because every time anxiety shows up, it’s our psyche’s way of saying, “Knock knock, I’ve got something to show you about yourself that you really should see.”
Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard explained anxiety is a natural condition. (How liberating!) He believed that anxiety is “a cognitive emotion that reveals truths that we would prefer to hide but that we need for our greater health.” And that it’s a valuable tool for shaping our ideal lives.
Think of it this way: beneath the butterflies in your stomach, behind the clouds in your mind is your greater truth … and it’s trying to break on through.
TURNING ANXIETY INTO POWER
Step 1: Face reality.
“I’m anxious.” Simply notice your anxiety.
Firstly, you need to be aware of your actual indicators of anxiety … they can be different for everyone. A lot of times anxiety is trying to talk to us and we’re just not picking up on the physical or mental cues. For me, anxiety manifests in what I call, priority confusion. If I wander from room to room in the house, unsure if I should tidy, check my email, walk the dog or write a novel, then I know something is up. I’m typically very laid back and laser-like decisive, so if I can’t figure out what’s first on the to-do list, I know that anxiety has come callin’.
When you see the signs of it, all you need to do is simply state it. “I’m feeling anxious.” There. You said it. You probably feel better already. Getting real is always the best first step.
Step 2: Inquiry.
“So, why am I anxious?”
This is the step that requires real work. It’s the kind of inquiry that calls for both concentration and compassion … a tricky combo. Having an “inquiry image” might be helpful. I often see dilemmas as layers of soft, earthy sediment within myself, and each question is a drilling down through the silt. “So why am I anxious?” I ask myself. “Because I don’t want to be late.” Not quite, that doesn’t feel true. “So why am I anxious?” I repeat. “Because I’ve got so much to do.” Nope, that’s not it either; it’s not making sense to my heart. “So why am I anxious?” I drill down. “Because I’m afraid that when I show up I’ll be rejected.” Bingo.
When you get to the true reason for your anxiousness, and there may be more than one explanation, then there’s usually a softening that occurs when you come across it.
So you called it like you see it. That’s powerful. And you’ve identified the reason – even more powerful. Now you’re ready to rise above it.
Stap 3: Take responsibility.
This is where your real power comes in. This is the fun bit, where you get to be a creative grown-up, the master of your own domain. Once you’ve discovered why you’re feeling anxious whether it’s fear of failure, or a memory of past hurt or humiliation, then you need to counter the fear and negativity with courage and optimism. It’s that simple – and that challenging.
Whatever you want to call it: positive thinking, re-framing, self-encouragement, ra-ra-rah, this is where you need to step up to the plate, look at your fear head on and confront it with your truth. The truth being that you manage to get through every day whether with grace or grit; that fear will not kill you; that your God, or your friends, or your grandma in heaven will have your back; that you have risen above before, and that you will rise above again; that it’s only life after all.
Anxiety doesn’t come bearing the solution. It’s just there to direct your attention to the problem. It’s like a headache that signals to you that you’re hungry. The headache reminds you that your body needs nourishment, and then it’s up to you to feed yourself. Self-care is a divine responsibility. To befriend anxiety is to choose your deepest strength. It’s turning brain fuzz into brilliance, and the jitters into vital fuel to help you shine brighter than ever.
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By Guest Blogger on July 27, 2010
A Baby Boomer’s Letter to Millennials and Gen Xers
Fifty isn’t what it used to be. For my generation, it’s like a brand new decade. Because we are living longer, healthier lives, I may reach 100. I’ve lived a great life so far and have even bigger plans for its second half. However, I lived too many years chained to The Man. I thought the American Dream meant consumption, and I bought it – hook, line, and sinker.
I am writing to tell you what helped me wake up to reality. What I know for sure is that external “things” do not make a meaningful or inspired life. I want to share what I’ve learned to help you experience more freedom and joy, and inspire you to help my generation save our living planet.
My Top 10:
1. Your body is your guidance system. Tuning into your body gives you rapid feedback. Your body communicates through emotions and energy. Move toward what gives you a spark, and move away from what leaves you feeling exhausted, and your body will lead you to your best life.
2. Thoughts are the cause of all suffering. If you stay in a job that deadens you, it’s a thought that keeps you there. If you find yourself stuck, it’s because of a story. Any thought that keeps you from being happy is a lie! If you want to feel freedom, question your thoughts. Change your thoughts, and you can transform your life.
3. Your inner lizard is pumping out lack and attack fears. Let’s talk about how our brains are wired. All animal brains include reptilian cores. Martha Beck calls it our inner lizard. Its purpose is to pump out survival fears all day long. When we listen to it, we become anxious and fearful and this blocks our creativity and problem solving abilities. The solution? Become the watcher of your thoughts and notice those lack and attack thoughts. You don’t have to listen to your inner lizard.
4. Screw the rules! Like the bumper sticker says, “Question Authority.” Question all thoughts, beliefs, social and cultural conditioning, and dogma. Screw these rules! If you are living by someone else’s rules, then you aren’t following your own destiny. Learn this now, or you will wake up at midlife feeling trapped.
5. The world of work is changing. Internet guru Seth Godin says it well – today, the good jobs go to linchpins. He says, “Linchpins leverage something internal, not external, to create a position of power and value.” Your own creativity and passion are your best work assets.
6. You and only you are responsible for your own happiness. Get this into your head right now. If you don’t learn this now, you will learn it when you are my age. You will wake up and realize that you’ve lived someone else’s life. It’s up to you to edit out what doesn’t give you fire, meaning, or happiness.
7. Dream your next big adventure. Envisioning what you want has real power. By setting intentions daily and managing your thoughts, you will reach your goals. This is called deliberate creation, and it is the only way to create the life you desire.
8. Be willing to suck at it! If you want to learn something new and get good at it, you have to be willing to suck at it. The key is to “be willing” and put your ego on the shelf while you are learning. So don’t let fear stop you from learning something new. Just be willing to suck as you learn it.
9. The material world will not bring you true happiness. My generation was taught to think that happiness and success come from consumption. Materialism doesn’t bring you happiness. The media keeps feeding our need to buy more (appealing to our inner lizard of lack) and then we end up in our 50s or 60s with too much stuff and chained to The Man. We ask ourselves, “Is this all there is?” I am not saying that having abundance is a bad thing. What I am saying is that it is not the answer to happiness. Try hearing your soul’s answer to these questions:
-Who or what inspired me today?
-Where did I experience a sense of comfort, peace, and balance?
-What (not who) made me happy today?
10. The world needs our help. Paul Hawkins noted that your generation “…will have to figure out how to be a human being on earth at a time when every living system is declining, and the rate of decline is accelerating.” We need your energy, passion, and commitment to help us save our living planet. We raised you to believe that you could accomplish your dreams. How can you harness your power and passion to save our planet?
The answer is to become aware. Eckhart Tolle says that humans have lost touch with the stillness inside and our connection to nature. We have forgotten what animals and plants still know – how to be. In stillness we can find what we need to save the planet.
That’s what I wish I’d known before I was 30. I hope you can use these 10 things to start living better now. The world needs you.
This manifesto is dedicated to Max Barr.
Sherold Barr helps others reimagine and reinvent their lives and careers to be more meaningful, joyful, and fulfilling. She is a master certified coach with “best-known life coach in America” Martha Beck, and a facilitator in The Institute of The Work of Byron Katie. For more information on Sherold visit Sheroldbarr.com.
Photo Credit: Zyada
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By Elena Brower on June 28, 2010
Photo Credit: Lee Jordon
Recently, I was asked if I felt that yoga was actually (perhaps) an imposition on natural, organic movement. I think it depends. For those super-attuned people who are aware of what feels healing for them based on previous experience or understanding, maybe yoga is an imposition creating boundaries that actually stifle free movement and flow. Maybe.
In my humble experience, the boundaries offered by yoga, specifically the technology of Anusara® yoga, gave me my first taste of freedom and the most interior expansion I’ve ever known. To that point, dear friend and colleague Christina Sell points out, “…when I use the word ‘practice,’ I am not referring only to asana. For me, practice involves an approach to life that is anchored in a commitment to see clearly and to act from that vision. Practice, for me, includes but is not limited to, asana, pranayama, meditation, what I eat, how I eat, why I eat, observing myself, my thoughts, my actions, my reactions, my responses, the cultivation of compassion for myself and others, study, serving, being a friend, a mate, a daughter, a sister and so on.”
All of the aforementioned “practices” are boundaries of a sort. All require observation, a crucial boundary. We must be watching if we are to make progress in our process. We have to be able to SEE what it is that isn’t serving us. When we think we will fail, we do. And to change that pattern, we must first observe that our thoughts are leaning toward failure. Then we can create the conditions for a shift from doubt to gratitude.
Having been taught by Dr. Douglas Brooks that boundaries can be exquisite pathways to a greater freedom, I’ve been looking at what behaviors aren’t working. The highest on my list: rushing. Haste. I’ve been looking at how a boundary refinement of my own needs to happen. And there’s only one that I want to mention here. It helps us all move from haste–in our bodies, minds, and hearts–to a place of much more presence.
It’s called pacing: pacing of my breathing; pacing of the intervals between my thoughts; pacing of my words, my gestures; pacing of the way I stir the agave into my tea. I recently read that to shift a negative state of any kind, we must strive to significantly reduce the speed of whatever it is we’re doing. At this particular moment, I want to be a more patient mama. We can all learn to pace ourselves around our kids and set examples of patience. After seeing time and time again how some ridiculous agenda to do something perfectly is preventing me from listening to my child’s musings on the world, I know this is where I want to improve. I want to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n.
The boundary of pacing is key when I’m teaching, listening, spending time with family, friends, students and teachers, traveling or writing. It’s helping me to smooth out the features of my face as well as my gestures. It’s teaching me how to eat more respectfully and receive more nourishment from my food. It’s keeping me healthy by reminding me to go to sleep by 11:00 p.m. instead of 1:00 a.m. It’s making my son so happy to look into my eyes and be heard. It’s bringing me deeper into my backbend practice than ever before and helping me appreciate the significance of simple foundational awareness in all the wildest yoga poses. Because I’m applying this boundary, this awareness of pacing, things are shifting, slowly, organically.
What’s your boundary, and how is it helping you?
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