The Power of Journaling TOGETHER!
I write in my journal a lot: thoughts, dreams I’ve had, goals, feelings I’m having, memories I want to preserve, positive thoughts I want to hold onto, things I’m grateful for, etc. Quite a few people I know do this.
I hear much less about the idea of journaling with someone. This can really have tremendous power. I recently had a disagreement with someone, and we started running a pattern that we have had for awhile. You can probably think of dynamics you’ve had with people in which you pretty much know once it starts, you have an idea of the things the other person will say and do because you’ve been there before. It’s a pattern we have been trying to break with new approaches.
Well, after having one of these disagreements and working through it, I was inspired to grab a blank journal I had just discovered and journal about the disagreement together. We focused just on the positives so as not to get drawn back into the issue again. We talked about how we felt at each stage of this disagreement and identified what we did or said along the way that helped us get to the resolution rather than driving us in separate directions. We identified key moments in the process where a different decision or action would have led us to a different outcome. We took turns writing and kept going until we had covered the whole event, and then we congratulated ourselves for doing such a good job getting through it.
Here are some nuggets we discovered when we journaled together:
-At the start, we both acknowledged to each other that something was brewing between us.
-He withdrew and wrote down his thoughts first rather than just unleashing them with the strong emotions he was feeling at the time.
-I consciously remained upbeat rather than getting upset.
-We recognized we were both hungry and took a break to get the food we needed to put us in a better place physically.
-We realized we were tired and agreed to put this into a neutral place so we could sleep.
-He tried to keep his distance – as is his typical pattern – and I put my hand on his heart and got closer – the exact opposite of what we might typically do.
-When we started talking again, we kept coming back to the current issue rather than bringing up other issues.
-To elevate the conversation to a higher place, we paused in the middle and offered three things that we appreciate about the other – something that is challenging to do in the middle of an argument.
-We asked each other, “What are the facts, and what story are you possibly making up in your head about this?”
-He offered to make me tea … a kind gesture in the middle of our process.
-We got to the resolution and then identified the moment at which the “big bang” happened, in which we both “got” each others’ point of view and opened our hearts up wide in compassion for each other.
What a great way to turn a negative into a true positive growth experience! We ended up not only resolving the issue, but also having more positive feelings of appreciation and understanding for the other. We are more confident we’ll be able to easily break this pattern in the future because we know what we did to break it this time.
Example Questions to Ask When You Journal Together
-Can you agree to focus only on the positives for now?
-What happened, from beginning to end? When did this really start?
-How were you feeling? What were you thinking?
-What was your physical state of being? Were you hungry or tired?
-What were key statements or actions throughout the process that helped break a pattern and/or bring positive energy to the interaction?
-Were there key questions asked or statements made to turn things in a direction toward a positive resolution?
-What is this issue tied to at a deeper level?
-When did you know you got to the resolution?
Other Possibilities for Journaling Together
I could see this type of journaling really working well in a couple’s relationship, between family members, with a family overall or even in the workplace. There are potentially a lot of different flavors of this – journaling memories of a trip together on the way home as a way to remember it (you’ll be surprised what two people travelling together identify as their highlights), journaling gratitudes for a day or week or an event, journaling the elements in how a team worked together or how people focused on solutions that allowed the group to get to a positive outcome.
So grab that blank journal, another person or people and an open mind, and see what more you can discover by journaling together!
Sherrie Austin is the author of the “365 Days of Gratitude” journal and sends out a daily gratitude email from her website. She’s a vegetarian athlete/triathlete who enjoys raising money for cancer charities, such as The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society’s Team In Training, from her home in Portland, Oregon.
Photo Credit: basykes
