Getting Married: 3 Tips for Wedding Day Bliss

About a year ago, I had the rare pleasure of being flung from an airplane 14,000 feet above the Miami shoreline. I had the opportunity to go skydiving while at a conference. And figuring it is the kind of thing that only happens when a million uncoordinated circumstances collide to create the perfect climate for such an insane decision to be made, I jumped. Of course, I was spider-monkey strapped to my (mercifully) highly qualified tandem partner. What I thought would be the most terrifying experience of my life, was actually the most memorable and insanely fun. It required me to turn off every neuron of reason that told me to be afraid and think it through, to be cautious rather than fearless, and just go for it.

It is often precisely this willingness to act on gut instinct, knowing there is no such thing as a perfect time for any life-altering decision that allows us to act “recklessly” to superb result. For me, it was now or never. So I jumped, and I am so glad I did.

Weirdly, I experienced almost exactly the same emotions when it came time to be married last August. We were young, and only just beginning to find ourselves in the world. But marriage was what we wanted, and there didn’t seem any point in trying to wait for a more perfect time.

Over the course of planning my wedding, I learned a few lessons that I will share here. What I was most amazed to find was just how much I learned about preparing for marriage in general from this process. For those of you already happily married, please chime in and share some of your tried-and-true secrets for a happy union!

Lesson 1: The party is only as good as the marriage it is celebrating. It is tempting to get sucked into the product frenzy surrounding the wedding planning process, with so many gimmicks and newest trends created each year to part you from your money. The wedding industry thrives on wrapping you up in the hysteria and virtual competition that goes on, even subliminally, between brides. You should of course have the wedding of your dreams, but keep in mind that the more thought and energy you put into flower arrangements and photo booths, the less time you have to be engaged with the process of getting mentally and emotionally prepared to embark on the journey of a lifetime with your soul mate. Finding ways to stay focused on the really big stuff will ensure you actually get to enjoy your wedding day, no matter how it manifests.

Lesson 2: Nothing is expected. I realized through a variety of decisions we had to make as a couple during this process that, as my grandmother likes to say, “Expectation is planned resentment.” Whether it was me expecting my groom to know the difference between Vendela and garden variety roses (let alone to care which were used in my bouquet), or him expecting me to know the special dish he wanted to eat on his wedding night, or my grandparents’ expectation for good behavior from my 24-year-old guests, these were all scenarios in which a lack of candid discussion could have meant a major melt down, both for the partygoers and our relationships. Be forthright, honest and open in discussions. Expect nothing you have not explicitly asked for, especially at a time like this, when people are juggling a thousand priorities and nerves are running high.

The no expectation rule also means your wedding can be entirely however you want it. Don’t waste your time worrying about traditions and what is proper if that doesn’t matter to you. And promise yourself that starting from the minute you wake up on the day of your wedding to the minute you fall asleep in your honeymoon suite, you will be a guest at your own party. Enjoy every minute!

Lesson 3: The “getting married” process will take however long you have. I was overwhelmed by the idea of planning a destination wedding in less than 3 months, but I soon became very grateful for this time limitation. Wedding planning can take over your life. Then again, there are those much more organized and compartmentalized than I who I’m sure would have relished time to go over every detail and perfect the event. In general, wedding planning will take however long you have, and the end result will almost always be perfection, even if it is not exactly as you had originally conceived.

For me, it was much more important that our families and guests got a taste for our personality as a couple, and that my husband and I got to enjoy this special event without limitation. It was never about having absolute order and rigidity. After all, we were only twenty-four! If this little bit of willingness to fly by the seat of our pants meant a few haphazard seating arrangements done on an iPhone on the day of the wedding (I’m not kidding), then hopefully, this only added to the overall air of youth and carefree fun. The fact that the vast majority of the event went off without a hitch leaves me forever indebted to my glorious wedding planner, Kate Parker – check her out if you’re into a New England wedding!

The basics of wedding planning (when to send invitations, book your caterer, and so on) will vary based on the kind of wedding you plan to have. But if you can keep the above three lessons in mind, you should find yourself a very happy bride or groom at the altar.

Once I knew I was with the right person, and we knew we wanted to be together forever, we took the leap of faith unafraid. In fact, it was the perfect time, even if there is no such thing. So choose your “tandem partner” wisely. He’ll be there to guide you in life where you need to go, and vice versa – and jump! The free fall is half the fun.

Photo Credit: turbentflow

15 Ways to Stay Sane for the Holiday Season

1. Don’t Overcommit. Many people overcommit, try to please everyone, rush around and do too much. Sort of like too much total load. So decrease your load and enjoy the fewer commitments you make.

2. Stay Present, or Be in the Moment. The more you are in the moment with awareness, the less you are caught up in your mind and all the things you still have to do or haven’t done yet. Be aware of your breathing. If it becomes short and shallow, you know you are getting anxious. Stop what you are doing and take a breathing break. You will enjoy the time much more.

3. Take Breathing Breaks. Whenever you get a chance, take breathing breaks – not only when you feel yourself getting anxious. Make the time for them, even if it is only 5 minutes at a time; it will re-invigorate you. You can do it anywhere, just find a quiet spot. It will get you back into the present and out of your head and will help you let go of worries and tension.

4. Do Some Restorative Yoga. When you get home in the evening, do a restorative yoga pose for 15 minutes to rejuvenate you. Or do a restorative yoga pose if you feel the need during the day to help recharge your energy. It really does restore you.

5. Use Those Tennis Balls. After running around all day, do the ultimate foot massage and feel the relief in your feet. Or do the neck and shoulder release with tennis balls to let go of some tension there.

6. Move. Try walking as much as you can. Take your dog for a walk. Take a walk with a family member or friend and combine walking with connecting. If the weather prevents walking outdoors, combine a shopping trip with your exercise. Indoor malls are great places to walk. Get there early before the crowds get too heavy. If you are driving to a store, park at the opposite end of the parking lot and walk to the store. When you are home, if you are up to it, turn the music up and dance.

7. Have Your Smoothie in the Morning. The more you fill yourself with good nutrients in the morning (with good protein, fat and phytonutrients), the less space and craving you will have for junk food.

8. Fill Up with Vegetables. If you are at a party with a lot of tempting food, try to start with healthy vegetables and salads. These will fill you up and reduce the temptation to overindulge on the junk. Just a taste of your holiday favorites should satisfy your taste buds. The worst thing you can do is start your meal or eating with sugary snacks or junk food.

9. Don’t Overindulge. Alcohol in moderation, cake and cookies in moderation, sweets in moderation.

11. Be Thankful. It is always good to put things in perspective and realize how lucky you are that your basic needs are being met and that you are actually able to celebrate the way you can. Add up all the things you are grateful for: family, friends, loved ones, the fact that you can celebrate, etc. It will put you in a good mood.

12. Get Good Sleep. Holiday celebrations can often disrupt regular sleep patterns. Try to get to sleep at the same time every night. Avoid heavy foods, sugary sweets and alcohol before bedtime as these can disturb your sleep.

13. Have Fun, Laugh and Commit to Enjoying the Holidays.

14. Give in a Way that Gives You Joy, Instead of Out of Obligation.

15. Practice Ubuntu, which is a Xhosa concept that means: “I am because you are.” As Bishop Tutu says, “My humanity is caught up in your humanity, and when your humanity is enhanced mine is enhanced as well.”

I Love Me!

One of our very own Blog Posse members has been chosen to be a Ford Influencer! Today, Gabrielle is sharing two holiday gift ideas that just might add some happiness and health to your loved ones’ lives this year. Stay tuned for another one of Gabrielle’s favorite things later this afternoon!

For years, I avoided my feelings and deep-rooted issues, but through a serious dedication to change, I resurrected my relationship with myself. How did I do it? The answer is simple: I showed up! One day at a time, I showed up, meditated longer and prayed more. I continuously added new layers of love to my miraculous relationship with myself.

If you’re ready to love yourself, you can start showing up today. Just follow these three steps:

1. Be willing to love yourself – then you’ll receive guidance to move forward. Say out loud: I am willing to love myself, today. Recite this affirmation every day for 30 days. Post it everywhere. Make the daily commitment to be willing to love yourself.

2. Get clear about how you’ve mistreated yourself. Are you overeating, drinking too much, staying in a bad relationship? Make a list and then ask: Would I treat someone I love that way? Each time you act in a self-loathing way ask yourself that question. By calling yourself out, you witness your negative behavior and stop identifying with it. When you choose love over negativity, you create a shift.

3. Spend 10 minutes a day quiet and alone. Listen to your thoughts and check in with your body. Simply be aware of what your inner guide (~ing) is saying. When I practice this, I hear awesome stuff. Today I heard my ~ing say, “Go lie down for an hour and rest.” Had I not taken the time to check in with my ~ing, I never would’ve heard what I truly needed. Slow down and listen to your inner guide.

These steps are a great start to any self-love journey. One day at a time, you’ll get closer to a rockin’ relationship with yourself.

Anyone who knows me has seen the ring I wear on my left hand. It’s the iLOVEme ring, which is made by my friend Arielle Fierman and has become a must-have among the Herfuture.com community. Arielle asked me to help name this ring, so I let my ~ing guide us through a meditation. In my meditation I felt grateful for my newfound self-love and blurted out, “I love me!” This ring is a gentle reminder to love yourself and others. You can find it at http://www.bewellwitharielle.com/

You’ll find more of my latest favorite finds here!

Photo credit: Scarleth White

How to Make Your Meals More Meaningful

You may know Laurie David as the producer of the documentary film, “An Inconvenient Truth,” or for her other groundbreaking efforts to stop global warming and protect the environment. Today, Laurie is here to discuss another topic close to her heart and home – the sacred tradition of sharing meals with family and friends. So pull up a chair, pass the veggie stew, and take some tips from Laurie on how to make your meals more meaningful!

What is the premise of your book, “The Family Dinner,” and how will it inspire family togetherness?
Because of the crazy, hectic times we live in, we are letting one of the greatest parenting opportunities each day gives us slip by. That lovely opportunity is family dinner. We desperately need to have a moment in our day where technology is turned off, and we can purposely become a family – all doing the same thing at the same time and enjoying each other’s company to boot. “The Family Dinner” is about great food, great conversation, laughter and love.

What are some of your favorite vegetarian recipes in the book?
I cook all the recipes in this book over and over again and am constantly amazed at how delicious these dishes are. While my household is not strictly vegetarian, we are definitely moving in that direction. My personal favorites are the meals where you pretty much have a whole meal in one pot. Add a green salad and you’re done. Give me a stew, a casserole, soup, with a little side salad and I’m happy! Also, I’m crazy for leftovers that can stretch to another meal so the big pot concept works well for that also. This past week I made one of my favorites – Danish Yellow Split Pea Soup. Delish!

How would you advise parents to broaden their children’s eating habits???
My philosophy is that you don’t cook for your kids, you cook for your family. Enjoy the food yourself and eventually, your kids will follow. Two of my dinner rules (the other eight are in chapter two of the book) address this very point. One is that you should have one meal, no substitutions, so you don’t end up as a short order cook. The other rule is that everyone tries everything. This is different from our parents’ adage to eat everything on our plate. Tasting everything is important because it shows respect for whomever prepared the food, and it gives your taste buds an opportunity to be pleasantly surprised.

What desserts do you and your kids like best?
Dessert can be just a cup of tea and cut fruit. That’s what we often have, and my kids love it. When we do have a sugary dessert, our chocolate chip cookie recipe is hard to beat. And here’s a great tip for the cookies: when you make the cookie dough, make extra, wrap it in a roll with wax or parchment paper and store in your freezer. That way, homemade cookies are always just 10 minutes away, and your house will smell like you’ve been baking all day!

Your green philosophy is sprinkled throughout the book. What is something that everyone can do to be a little more green?
The great news is that the kitchen is definitely the best place in the house to practice and teach green values. Three of the simplest things you can do are to try to buy food that is in season, that is grown locally in your community, and of course, that is organic. And nothing is better and more green than growing some of your food yourself. (And more fun, I might add!) Even if you just have a windowsill and grow some of your own herbs, it’s a lot more rewarding to pinch off exactly what you need than to buy rosemary, for example, that is packaged and expensive.

What do you most hope people take away from reading your book?
My hope is that everyone’s copy will be food-stained, tattered, highlighted, flagged and well used.

Laurie David, producer of the 2006 Academy Award winner “An Inconvenient Truth,” wants to help America’s overwhelmed families sit down to dinner. Her newest book, “The Family Dinner: Great Ways to Connect with Your Kids, One Meal at a Time,” is an inspirational, practical and green guide to the most important hour in your family’s day.

Thanks, but No Thanks

I grew up in a household of very loud, opinionated people. There were hardcore conservatives and those who my father called “bleeding heart liberals” among us. Everyone was at each others’ throat vying to make their point. I always remember gearing up for what I knew would be a test of endurance and persistence for who could make the final point; it was a matter of pride to hold your own in the face of the jeers of opposition. Thanksgiving was not warm and cozy, but it was lively, and I learned to thrive in – and actually appreciate – the chaos.

But when it was time to carve the bird, everyone came together and partook of the ritual. My father got out the electric carving knife and then each of us put in our requests for body parts. I wanted the white meat of the breast, one of my brothers wanted a leg, and my mother fished around for the wishbone. My other brother would scoop out the stuffing from the cavity as our mouths watered while the bird was disassembled and passed around. Next to the meat we would pile on mashed potatoes and gravy, brussel sprouts, green beans and cranberry sauce. Dessert was pumpkin pie and apple crumble with whipped cream. We all had a laugh that there was a lull between arguments while we enjoyed the feast, finally in a sort of trance over our shared love of the food. The tradition of sharing this meal brought all the disparate parts of the family together, and we celebrated despite – or maybe because of – our differences.

So imagine the pushback I got when I went vegetarian, and then vegan. It wasn’t pretty. It was like I had betrayed the family on what was the foundation of our unity (remember, we didn’t have a ton of common ground as it was): “What do you mean you don’t want to eat turkey?! People have been dining on birds since the beginning of time!” Well, that wasn’t altogether true. I said, “The first settlers apparently dined on bean soup with the native Americans. But besides that, I watched some pretty awful video of how turkeys –  who are really gentle and familial animals – are treated egregiously as they are processed and slaughtered for our big day. Their toes and part of their beaks are cut off without anesthesia; they are smashed together in extremely close and dirty quarters; they are given huge amounts of antibiotics (as are all factory-farmed animals); they are fed rejected meat products, sawdust, and leather tannery by-products; and they are all too often dunked in scalding water and dismembered while still alive and conscious.”

I looked at my parents and said, “Look, you raised me to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ You raised me to be a nice person, a person who does not do unkind things. You raised me to not hurt animals. You raised me to be thoughtful and to question things if they don’t feel right to me. It’s become impossible to avoid the conclusion that eating turkey doesn’t jive with those very basic and wise principles. I don’t need meat to survive and it’s just too cruel and ugly to feast on without feeling I’ve betrayed the values you’ve tried to instill in me.”

Accusations of self-righteousness flew around the house. Jabs and making fun were the talk for a few years. But I was adept at handling criticism and opposition; I held my own (without imposing my will on anyone else). When we moved Thanksgiving to my house in California things began to quietly settle down. I served sliced Tofurky (far surpassed this year by Gardein, found in Whole Foods’ deli section) and mashed potatoes made with Earth Balance instead of butter, and soy milk instead of dairy milk. The stuffing was made of bread crumbs and vegetable stock. The brussel sprouts, beans and cranberry sauce were the same. The pumpkin pie and apple crumble were made from recipes by Tal Ronnen and topped with vegan whipped cream. And the truth is that it all looked the same, but felt better.

And everyone loved the food; no one missed the traditional bird. The conversation was still chaotic and loud and lively. We disagreed on what we always disagreed on. But we got the foundational stuff – the food – right. We all shared the common desire to do a good thing and be a little thoughtful. As a family, we sacrificed a teeny tiny bit of tradition in favor of applying our shared values to what we eat, at least for that one meal a year. For that I am truly grateful!

Originally posted at HuffingtonPost.com.