Turn Your Financial Fear Into Financial Freedom

When you think about your finances, what word immediately jumps into your mind? What feeling do you get in your body? What visuals do you see? Does money have the power to constrict you?

Recent studies confirm that financial distress remains the top stressor in Americans’ lives and is the number one reason for marital discord. As a therapist in New York City for 14 years, I have learned that having money does not necessarily equate to achieving happiness. In fact, many of my more privileged clients have major issues with money that create guilt, dependency, low self-esteem and an array of other issues. Money in family relationships is never as simple as dollars and cents. It can be used to love, punish, control and reward. The financial culture in your family has informed all of your financial choices.

The first step to decoding your relationship to money is to understand your financial culture. You have a blueprint of “How It Really Is,” according to your family of origin, which was downloaded into your subconscious mind as a child. I use the term “blueprint” because your internal financial belief system is like the architectural blueprint for a house … that someone else designed. If you came from a culture of financial fear and lack, you may pinch your pennies, be wary of investing and, regardless of how much money you save, still feel there will never be enough. However, just like the architectural blueprint, you can change your mind’s framework. If you want to move from the fear of financial lack into the freedom of financial abundance, the first step is to understand your current blueprint and what you can do to change it. Answer the questions below to gain clarity.

• What was your family culture about money?
• Who controlled the finances?
• Was money used as a reward?
• Was money withheld as a punishment?
• As a child, did you worry about money?
• Were your basic needs met?
• Did your parents fight about money?
• What were you taught about money from your parents or caregivers?
• Was there an open or closed dialogue about money in your home?
• Did your family consider themselves wealthy, middle class or poor?

Take time to really marinate on your answers and allow yourself to dig deep and really feel what the financial climate was like growing up. Once you write down your answers, you will gain insight into your downloaded money myths.

The second step in creating a healthier relationship to money is to realize that there is no “reality” about abundance. Your parents taught you what they did and that became your reality about money. That does not make it reality or a permanent belief. Many parents pass their money fears down to children thinking they are protecting or preparing them for “the way it is.” The way it was for your parents does not have to be the way it is for you. Family systems that teach children money-management skills, a strong work ethic and concrete tools create a more abundant blueprint. Financial fear creates constriction around money. Since we are all made up of energy, feelings of constriction block your flow of abundance and cloud your ability to see potential opportunities for financial gain.

So if you don’t like what you have discovered about your inherited money blueprint, fear not. The best news is that you have the power right now to re-draw it.

Below are the first action steps for your New and Improved Money Blueprint.

Be Here Now. By creating the ability to be present in your life, you create the opening to catch the fearful thought before it gets filed in the “reality” bin. The only way to change ingrained thought patterns is to be aware enough, in the present moment, to stop and change the thought. You can achieve this through breathing exercises, daily meditation and awareness. Changing anything on purpose is almost impossible if you don’t have internal stillness and silence daily. You need to slow down enough to become the observer of your thoughts, to sort through them and figure out which are fear-based and not serving your purpose and which are opportunities for you to create the life of your dreams.

Words Have Wings. Be aware of the way you talk about money and change all of the language that is not in line with your goals. Use positive words of abundance instead of negative words of fear and scarcity. Change “We have to pay off debt” to “Our abundance flows with ease.” We create change with the words we use, the thoughts we hold in our mind and the feelings they inspire.

Manifesting Nightly Ritual. As the last thing you do before you fall asleep, take time to think about what you want to create in your financial life and conjure the feelings of having it. Then release it (don’t hold onto those feelings or begin to worry about how you’re going to become wealthy, debt-free, etc.) and doze off into la-la land.

Seeing is Believing. Create a vision and feeling board of what you want in your life. Look at the board a few times a day and engage all of your senses to create the full experience of actually having what is on the board.

Changing your mind about anything is work. The realization that you can change your mind and your fiscal lot in life is the start. This is not magical thinking, but science. New neural pathways are formed in your brain as you change your habitual thoughts, language and feelings from fear to freedom. So quiet your doubting mind, try something new and see what transpires.

There are a plethora of other factors that go into the psychology of money and abundance. If you believe that your financial dysfunction is too deep for you to negotiate on your own, find a good psychotherapist to guide you on this journey.

Whether you go it alone or hire a professional, trust me, changing your mind is the first step to transforming money fear into money freedom.

For more on living fearless and free, visit terricole.com.

Photo credit: Don Buciak II

Your Fascinating Relationship with Money: How Healing Your Finances Can Heal Your Life

Money is at the core of our fears and anxieties. As an individual, family, country and world, it affects us on every level, among people of all races and economic backgrounds. We all have a “money story” that begins in our childhood and continues into our adult life in the form of a love/hate dysfunctional relationship. It is one of the top stressors and can destroy our relationships, self-esteem and health.

• “I can’t lose weight because healthy food is too expensive.” We continue to abuse our bodies and health.
• “I can’t start this business because I can’t afford to leave my job (where I’m overworked and drained).” We stay in jobs that no longer serve us.
• “I have to stay in this relationship because I can’t afford to leave.” Our children continue to be brought up in unhealthy homes.
• “I can’t go on vacation because I don’t have any money.” We use money stress to keep us from really experiencing life.

Take a look at your life. Do you feel abundant, peaceful and in control? Are your relationships calm, happy, effortless? Or do you feel anxious, out of control and in denial? Now take a look at your financial life. Do you see similarities? The state of our finances is often a direct reflection of the state of our lives. How do you want your life to look?

There is a common misperception that gaining control of our finances means sacrifice, restriction and pain. In reality, gaining control and healing our relationship with money means freedom, control and peace.

Everywhere you turn there is fear. Fear of another recession, home foreclosures, a stock market crash. We have to stop perpetuating the fear and start creating healthy habits. Think of how our world would look if each person made their financial house a priority and really lived their best life. Imagine the lives that would change and the families that would be saved. It has to begin with each of us. With these four steps, begin the process of healing your relationship with money. Be a part of a greater change in the world.

Forgive
The first step in healing any relationship is forgiveness. If you feel like you have made any money mistakes, write them down all down on a piece of paper. Take a moment to breathe and truly forgive yourself. Know that whatever pain you’re feeling isn’t permanent. Take the piece of paper and shred it. It’s time to start fresh and look view your world from a place of peace and abundance.

Choose
Now that you’re ready to start fresh, it’s time to choose the kind of life you want to live and let money be the tool to get you there. Think about what you really want your life to look like. Where do you want to live and work; what kind of food do you want to nourish your body; how you want your relationships to make you feel? What does your best life look like? Decide, and let money be just a tool to get you there.

Act
Write down two things that you are going to start doing immediately to get you closer to your desired life. For example, I will start paying attention to how I spend my money. Conscious spending is all about matching your values (desired life) with your actions. Decide exactly what you’re going to do to start paying better attention, and write it out.

Witness
Witness your life change. Take notice of how you feel – less stressed, less strain between you and your partner, increase energy, more clarity. When you get rid of your money noise, your life starts to open up.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Gandhi

Karie Hill is a financial freedom coach for women. She focuses on removing financial barriers and healing relationships with money from the inside out.

20 Personal Prosperity Practices (Emotions + All)

More than most subjects and matters of life, we tend to leave money wisdom to the experts. Fitness - we get that we need to do what works for us as individuals. Sex – you know that you’re the mistress or mister of your own domain. But money - few of us, would proclaim that we’re money experts. But just like your body and your heart, if you’ve created a relationship to money that works for you in some way - then that makes you your own money expert. You don’t need to know a thing about stock trading or how to read a profit n’ loss statement to be Chief Operating Officer of The Bank of You.

We don’t talk about money like we talk about diet tips or how to get the best bikini wax. We should. The more we talk about money amongst ourselves as friends, the more power we have. We demystify expertise, we expose fallacies and schemes, we neutralize emotional charge, we redefine success, and we help each other prosper.

Talk to your friends about money this week.

20 personal finance perspectives that took me most of my adult life to clarify and got me to a place of grooving prosperity

My money philosophy summed up: Be very attentive. Don’t cling. Practice generosity. Go for pleasure – now (which leans toward instant gratification, not delaying).

1. Talk about money. I have a kind of fiendish curiosity about how people create their financial freedom … or misery. “How much did you pay for that?” “What do you mean by ‘a lot’ of money?” “How much is enough?” “Where do you shop?” “Whatchya gonna do with all that money?” “What did you spend all that on anyway?” From food stamps to gold bullion under the mattress, I’m fascinated by how currency runs through our lives. So I just ask.

2. When you get it, don’t spend it right away. Wait to cash your check. Hold on to the savings as long as you can. It sends a message to your psyche that you always have enough, that there is no need to be desperate, and that you have something to look forward to. Restraint makes for good foreplay, which makes for good … release.

3. Make money a CENTRAL priority. This has nothing to do with greed and consumption, and everything to do with life force and power. In their right place, priorities do not consume, they enhance. This isn’t about fixating on money or hinging your self-worth on your hedge fund. IT’S ABOUT FOCUSING ON CREATING FREEDOM.

4. Online banking gives me control and ease. I do everything online. Everything.

5. I pay my bills as soon as they arrive and I say thank you to every bill, even the whopping dental expenses I just had, “I’m so glad I have the means to take care of this.”

6. I rarely think of money as lost or wasted – a less-than-stellar meal, a broken gadget that didn’t last long, bad business debt … it’s all feeding someone somewhere; the money will come back again, and complaining keeps you stuck.

7. I never, ever say I can’t afford it. Rather, “Buying a yacht is just not what I want to do with my money, darling.” Focus on priorities, not limitations. And I never say to my kid that we can’t afford things. I tell him we’re rich in love and life, and we can afford to be generous. When he wants to buy crappy, overpriced plastic toys, I say, “That’s not the best use of our good money, we’ll find something that’s better for you and the planet.” He gets it. (That said, he has enough Legos to build a large condo.)

8. Ask for exceptions. Can you waive the fee? How about that rain-check deal? Call your credit card company today and ask them for a better interest rate so that they can keep your business. You’d be surprised how easy it is.

9. Pay someone to do it. This flies in the face of some theories: “Why work an extra week at your job to afford to hire someone to paint your living room? Work less and paint the living room yourself.” Um, no thanks. My theory is this: Earn your money doing something you’re passionate about, and pay people to do what you’re not passionate about but needs to be done for you to fulfill your mission. D-I-Y is like, not part of my driving strategy.

10. Save receipts. I take shit back and I complain about poor service (very politely, of course … most of the time). Hollah with your dollahs.

11. I give my money accounts sappy, positive-affirmation titles. My bank statement reads like so: BOOMING LIFE + BUSINESS; BUSINESS TAX PAID (I see it as done!); HOME PAID FOR; ADVENTURE + CARE (from trips to acupuncture).

12. I’m setting my kid up for the future. Investing for him gives me very deep peace. Everyone deserves a leg up.

13. I hold out. I waited seven weeks for my Aeron chair because I wanted grey instead of black. I sat on the floor in my living room for three months because I wanted a couch that was three inches lower than the in-store model. I went four months without any creative-type support because I hadn’t found a winner yet.

14. I’m upfront about shopping for a deal with sales people. I’ll tell Dealer A that I’m going to Dealer B to compare. This ain’t a date, this is a numbers game.

15. I avoid big box stores and dollar stores. I buy organic and shop more often for food. I’m more meal focused than “cupboard” focused. More nourishment, less spending.

16. I pay for my music. It’s clean. It supports art.

17. I buy my friends’ stuff. If we’re good pals and you write a book or knit a sweater, sign me up for two. Love is really basic sometimes.

18. I get stuff repaired, even when it might be just as much to buy new (especially with electronics). My goal is to keep stuff out of landfills.

19. “Never a borrower or a lender be.” I always thought Shakespeare was incredibly prudish because of this. I lend; but, I prefer to just give. “It’s a gift.” Done.

20. I pay for convenience and speed. I consider my time so precious that I think, “If I do valet parking for the event tonight, I get an extra 15 minutes to be with my kid or write.” That’s worth 15 bucks, and so is staying out of the rain when I’m in suede boots. And besides, DVDs mailed to the door and express services make me feel all luxy and taken care of. And when you can create instant gratification, you’ve got the energy to create more to be grateful for.

Photo credit: donbuciak

Love List: Crazy Sexy Biz

Love Listers,

Over the past decade, I’ve experienced the power of health, spiritual wealth and happiness. This journey sparked my entrepreneurial fireworks and led me to create my own wellness company. I’ve learned that it’s not easy being a business maven, but if you’ve got a passion and you want to share it with the world, you need to stock your entrepreneurial toolbox with knowledge and courage (and be prepared to make a lot of mistakes!). This year, I’ve discovered some of the most powerful ladies in biz today and they are rocking my world, which is why I’d like to dedicate my love list to them this week. Enjoy!

1. Marie Forleo’s B-School

Marie Forleo is my new BFF–the soul sista from a past life who I finally reunited with! She blows my doors off every time we get together, Skype, or brainstorm about business-savvy web magic! If you have a business that is making money, but not fully leveraged through online marketing and you want to monetize the heck out of what you do, then this program was made for you. Rich, Happy & Hot Marie Forleo has created an eight week online program for women (and men!) business owners (online or offline) looking to take off on the web and make their companies soar. This is an intense program made for entrepreneurs who already know what they want for their biz, but need help harnessing the power of the internet! Sound like you? Learn more (registration ends August 16th)!

2. Danielle LaPorte’s Fire Starter Sessions

Danielle’s no nonsense, spirit-packed approach to business resonated with me from the first time I heard her voice! Her Fire Starter Sessions virtual experience lit my entrepreneurial fire. I found myself saying, “Yes!” out loud as I read through FSS and watched her inspiring videos. If you’re looking to pinpoint your passion or launch the idea that’s been brewing for years (maybe decades!), Danielle is here to help you see the journey through. Want more one-on-one attention? Danielle offers phone consultations, but I have to warn you, buckle your seat belt and be prepared to take notes like the wind before you get on the horn with her!

3. Amanda Steinberg & Gabrielle Bernstein’s Know~ing Your Worth Teleclass

Want to get your wallet in order while fine-tuning your personal connection to cash?  Amanda Steinberg of DailyWorth has teamed up with Gabrielle Bernstein to create the Know~ing Your Worth teleclass. These four teleseminars will help you make the connection between your well being and your financial health. Amanda and Gabrielle will get you on the road toward healing your inner and outer relationship with money while you learn how to move toward financial success! Check out their website and learn more during their free introductory call on August 11th.

4. CrazySexylife.com Nominated for a Veggie Award!

And speaking of business…why don’t I give my own company a little love? CrazySexyLife.com was nominated for “Best Website” in VegNews’ 2010 Veggie Awards. Cast your vote today!

Peace & moo-lah,
Kris Carr

Photo Credit (cash register): plain_jane53177

Photo Credit (Danielle LaPorte): Anastasia Photography

8 ways to lighten up while dining out.

Lisa Borden

Dining out is one of life’s absolute pleasures and privileges, especially in Toronto where more and more local, organic cuisine is peppering the culinary scene. Restaurants are a key part of our culture – think celebrations, business meetings and first dates and it’s crucial for us and our world to eat off of greener menus (and we are not simply referring to a leafy salad).

I find my own palate has changed as I stick to my own set of eating-values. I now want slow food (but sometimes when I’m out with all 3 kids, not too slow) and organic menus supporting local food providers. In fact, I’ll drive across the city for it (because there are but a few gems). I try to counteract the un-eco-ness of the travel in as many ways possible and hope that as we all demand more, there won’t be a “green restaurant” category, and it’ll be the standard because it just makes sense for all of us.

Sample and savour the following ways that you can easily dine al-eco and continue to adapt as many that are right for your unique palate.

1. Check Please! Before you make a reservation or choose where to dine, check out what the restaurant offers in terms of ingredients, menu items and eco-aspects – www.ourfaves.com is a great resource for Toronto. Ask if they use reusables, including cloth napkins and tablecloths. If you currently frequent establishments that use disposables (plastic cups for condiments and coleslaw?), suggest that they switch. Also, when you are seated, take a good look around and see if anything jumps out at you…do the kids have Styrofoam cups? Are they giving out paper, throwaway menus (in which case, share one)? Taking a moment or two to think ahead will most likely save some trash (and cash) in the long run and don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask – those raised eyebrows may get others to think your way also.

2. W(h)et Your Appetite. We are fortunate in Toronto to be able to drink “free” tap water. It used to be that one would be considered cheap when saying “just tap, please” rather than ordering a fancy (read: rip off) bottle of H20. Now, you’ll simply proclaim yourself an eco-hero. There are many restaurants that now offer their own filtered water i.e. Pizzeria Libretto. But, don’t let your glass be filled if you are not going to drink it…no sense wasting our precious resource. For every glass of water not served, you save even more, since it takes water to make water drinkable. When you refuse a glass (and explain why if you can), it might just get the restaurant and those sharing your table thinking about conserving also.

3. Don’t Suck. How many times have you seen drinks get served where the swizzle sticks and straws immediately get removed and put down on a plate or table? I’m disappointed if I forgot to remind the server to NOT use a straw. Even those compostable ones are a waste and take our precious resources to manufacture. If you really need a straw, buy reusable ones from the lifetime guaranteed, Glass Dharma straw collection.

4. Confucius Says: Re-Fuse. Did your dessert come in a little plastic wrapper? How about those wood sticks? Bring your own chopsticks (To-Go ware makes great sets in carrying cases) or refuse them and stick to eating with your fork (also an easy way to avoid sloppy chopstick technique from being noticed). Pass on the fortune cookie knowing that we’re all more fortunate that you did.

5. Skip that Joint. Jump the fast food line altogether, but if you must (why, oh why?) don’t take the ketchup and mustard packets, the disposable napkin (now you have to eat neatly), the straws and the outer bag that gets trashed immediately. Health concerns aside, eating at a fast food joint is one of the quickest ways to create unnecessary waste.

6. ‘Tis the Season - If you see fresh strawberries or asparagus on the menu in December, you can be sure they weren’t just picked in Ontario. Locally grown, organic foods are better for you and the planet, and arguably taste better. Everything has an impact, but give into your cravings – you are out after all, just choose the most sustainable option you can – lots of veggies trump red meat!

7. Kids are People Too. Why treat your kids differently? We all tell our kids that life isn’t fair, but a restaurant is one place your children should be treated as adults. Avoid those kids’ menus (read: crap). If they are too young to drink from a glass, bring your own from home and don’t take those plastic cups with lids! And then there are the crayons, why are they considered disposable? 12 Million Crayons are made each day in the USA which equals about 120,000 pounds of petroleum based product. Applause goes to Crazy Crayons in the USA who has been recycling unwanted crayons into new ones for over 16 years!

8. Stay out of the doghouse! Those doggie bags aren’t really a way to be thrifty…if you plan on taking something home, take your own reusable containers along with you. You’ll start a trend – trust me. Don’t over order food and your waistline and wallet will thank you because whether the packaging is Styrofoam (arghhh!) or is compostable, it’s still waste.

Now that you are full from these ideas, your new table manners should make you a little lighter and a lot healthier. I hope you’ll enjoy sitting down for your own “trash” talk with your friends and family. Bon Appetit.

Lisa Borden is an eco-advocate and mother of three, whose full-service marketing firm, Borden Communications + Design Inc., is a direct reflection of her commitment to better, more responsible living. She is a dedicated workaholic, admitting that it takes a lot of time and effort to change the world, especially in her non-preachy, fun, engaging and inspiring ways.