Spiritual Intimacy

By Cora Poage

“I just don’t know if Ben is spiritual enough for me.” I found myself saying this to a fellow Spiritual Psychology student last weekend regarding my partner of 8 years.

“Or maybe he doesn’t go as deep in conversations or something. I just don’t feel like I am completely heard or seen by him. I don’t think we have much spiritual intimacy. It’s almost like we speak different languages about this stuff.”

“Hmmm…” my wise counselor responded. “Do you think you have EVER felt this kind of spiritual intimacy with Ben?”

I closed my eyes, blinked back tears, and remembered the first summer we met: It was the Exploration Summer Program, Boston, 2002. I saw him from across the room at the Staff Orientation. Our first conversation felt like magic; the flow to our communication, so organic, even Divine. “Who is this angel in a (hot) male’s body?” I wondered.

His blue eyes danced with spirit, his laugh, deep with connection to Source, and his very Being personified faith. It felt simple then to surrender to his love, our love. We were so innocent. Spiritual intimacy was natural. The term “soul mates” even comes to mind. We were best friends in a breath, partners in a heart beat…in love with each other for life.

“Yes, yes,” I said. “Absolutely, I have felt this kind of intimacy with Ben.”

“Would you like to tell me more about what has happened since that first summer?” she asks.

Our Story flashes through my head, my heart. What has lead us to where we are now?

My own Irrational Beliefs around marriage and men come to the surface in a torrent of emotion. I hear them: “All marriages end in divorce. It is only a matter of time before someone is unfaithful. Husbands try to tie their wives down. I have to have four kids and cook like Martha Stewart to be loved. He says he supports my dreams, but I don’t believe it.”

Deep Breath. Are any of these really true for Us? No. Not at all; although I don’t think Ben would mind a pot roast dinner once in awhile. Hell, neither would I!

Deep Breath. Self Forgiveness: I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that all marriages end in divorce. I forgive myself for assuming that because my parents got divorced a couple times, I will, too. I forgive myself for judging Ben as a chauvinistic tyrant. (Couldn’t be farther from the truth!)

I look up in my counselor’s face and I see love, support, light. “This is helpful. I feel more open to my marriage. But what about this whole spiritual intimacy thing?”

I close my eyes again, and I hear him. Who? ECKHART TOLLE… I didn’t even know I had this quote memorized!

“Outflow determines inflow. You can’t receive what you don’t GIVE. What you think the world is withholding from you, you already have.”

The tears flowed, with gusto this time. I pictured Ben’s beautiful face and I realized the Truth. My irrational belief that Ben wasn’t “spiritual enough” came from my own FEAR of intimacy. WHOA!

My fear is that if I open up from my deepest Authentic Self, from my place of Divine Love inside he will leave, get scared, or abandon me. Suddenly, I feel a strange mix of both empowerment and deep annoyance. “You mean this is up to me? I have to take action?”

And a new voice from within: “Yes, honey. This is up to you. You built the walls. Now you get to knock them down.”

Deep Breath.

Deep Breath.

Deep Breath.

“If you let yourself be truly seen, then you can be truly loved.” -Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (SARK)

I dedicate my Blog Post to you, Ben. My lover, my teacher, my partner in life, and my very best friend. I vow to break down the walls, brick by brick, as I open up to you more and more, as I “let myself be truly seen.” Forgive me for these irrational beliefs that I have held around you and marriage up until now. I am releasing them; they do not serve me. I am open to a spiritual intimacy with you and I am enthusiastically and lovingly holding a safe space for you to open up to me as well.

In closing: When Ben and I were engaged, I shared a story with him about a woman who had been divorced once. When her boyfriend requested her hand in marriage, she said she really had to think about it. She was delving into an amazing career and was really focused on self-care, her son, and her own dreams. She asked for two weeks to go up to her family’s cabin and deliberate.

After only one week, there was a knock on the cabin door. There was her boyfriend with a box in his hand. “I know I was supposed to let you be alone for two weeks, but I wanted to bring this to you.” She opened up the box, and inside there was a rock and a feather. “I’m the rock, and you are the feather,” he said, “Go pursue your dreams, your independent goals. I am here for you. I can be your home base.” She decided to marry him.

I shared this story with Ben. I said, “Can’t you relate? Don’t you think I’m the feather, and you’re the rock?”

He smiled at me, took my hand, and said, “You are my rock AND my feather.”

I am choosing Love. I am choosing Faith. I am choosing to believe in that highest good of all.

And Ben, you are my rock AND my feather.

Cora Poage lives in New York City with her incredible husband Ben (her “other” soulmate) and her two crazy kitties. She is the owner of Super Woman Health, a company offering wellness coaching for learning to eat, exercise, and live intuitively.

Compassion: The Hidden Key to Healing

Dr. Will Tuttle describes compassion as the hidden potential within us all to create social harmony, spiritual growth, fulfilling relationships and healing of all kinds. Let’s have a compassion-filled day by participating in Meatless Monday!

Can you remember times in your life when you’ve been blessed by someone’s compassion? I remember times when I was under the weather or stressed out and received the compassion of a loving touch; when I’ve been on stage in front of a large crowd and received the compassion of an encouraging smile. And, I think we all know we would never survive our early months and years without the loving compassion of our parents.

What is compassion? Compassion is an inherent potential within us all. It is not simply a sense of caring and kindness toward the being before us. It isn’t merely a warm-hearted feeling of empathy for the suffering of others…it is the determined and practical resolve to do whatever is possible to relieve their suffering; the sustained urge to eliminate suffering.

For this reason, compassion is often referred to as the highest form of love. It flows out of the truth of our interconnectedness with others. Not confined merely to the realm of feeling, compassion rouses us to action, in much the same way we are instinctively roused to action to defend our own lives, well-being, and interests. Compassion is a blessed miracle, and though it’s virtually inexplicable by our culture’s materialistic orientation, it is a vital and unrecognized key to social harmony, spiritual growth, fulfilling relationships, living a meaningful life, and healing of all kinds.

The natural development of compassion in children is unfortunately short-circuited by forcing them to participate in meat-based meals. The subtext of these meals is one of systematically excluding certain animals from the sphere of our compassion and moral concern. In our daily food rituals, beings are systematically reduced to things, and these rituals instill in all of us the mentality of exclusion and reductionism that is the antithesis of compassion. I believe this is the hidden root of disease, the underlying disaster churning at the core of our culture that causes so much of the physical, social, psychological, and environmental illness that we see proliferating around us.

Compassion brings healing. Whenever we wake up from this acculturated consensus trance that sees beings merely as things to be used, we become more alive, more aware, and more filled with what the ancients called Sophia: the wisdom of knowing the interconnectedness that underlies the apparent outward separateness. This is a wisdom that is actually lived, not merely intellectualized. There is a pithy and illuminating proverb: “To know, and not to do, is not to know.”

As Sophia awakens in us, bringing wisdom, compassion, and healing; and we are relentlessly confronted with our acculturated food habits—eating more living, plant-based foods and less of the inherently cruel animal-based foods—we experience healing, both physically and on the deeper causal levels of our being. Our bodies function better and begin to cleanse and purify, our mind is clearer, our emotions are more positive, our relationships become more harmonious, our buying patterns are more ecologically responsible. We begin to care more deeply about the Earth, others, and ourselves, and we evolve to spiritual awareness that there is much more to life than our cultural programming has revealed. In short, we become a threat to the established order!

We might find people saying to us, “Hey, you can eat how you like, but don’t tell me what to eat!” We realize how ironic this is. The only reason anyone in our culture eats animal-based foods is because they’ve been told to do so since birth by every institution in our culture: family, media, religion, government, education, and business. It’s never a freely-arrived-at choice: we’ve all been, and continue to be, inundated with messages that eating animal-derived foods is a natural, normal, and essential characteristic of human behavior.

I don’t remember my parents telling me that I could freely choose whether to eat the first little blobs of meat they presented to me…or explaining that they were the flesh of pigs and turkeys who had been confined their entire lives and killed in terror and pain. I don’t remember my schoolteachers helping me to understand that fish are highly intelligent, social creatures with the same pain receptors we have. I don’t remember my minister pontificating about the suffering of dairy cows, whose babies are serially stolen from them so we can steal their milk, or the TV informing me of the nightmarish conditions endured by chickens at egg-production facilities. I was never given a choice and was forced into complicity, completely oblivious to the repercussions of my actions. Without knowing the truth, how could I ever practice compassion?

The exquisite beauty and potential of our brief adventure on this Earth are that we can grow, evolve, and awaken to greater capacities of love and wisdom. We can become a force for spreading freedom, peace, and healing. With any inner healing, there will be outer healing, and with healing comes change. With any meaningful change, there will be risk. We may find ourselves alone, losing cherished relationships because we no longer eat the same way and no longer respond unquestioningly to pervasive social conditioning.

We find, though, that we are connected to a deeper source of joy and inner peace. As we bring our lives into alignment with the truth we have discovered, and the compassion that has grown in our heart, we realize that the rewards are worth infinitely more than what we risked. At a deep level, our self-esteem returns, and we realize how participating in the violence pervading our culture’s meals had reduced our awareness and sense of self-worth. Newfound joyfulness blossoms in our heart and we intuit it all directly—truth, compassion, healing—these three are inseparable sisters. Cultivating one cultivates the others. We are all connected, and the more deeply we heal ourselves, the more we bless others. Cultivating compassion is an essential and often unrecognized key to authentic healing. It’s never too late to begin practicing it! The more we bless others, the more we are blessed.

180 Feet Above Ground

Julia Butterfly Hill lived a fast-paced lifestyle until surviving a severe car crash at the age of twenty-two. Hill has said that the accident and subsequent year-long road to recovery awakened her desire to begin a spiritual quest. She ended up 180 feet above ground, living in a California Redwood Tree named Luna that was over 1,000 years old to keep it from being cut down. Hill lived in the tree for 738 days without ever touching the ground on two 4’x6’ platforms. Her dedication protected the tree from destruction, sparked a movement, and transformed her life. Today, Hill travels the world sharing her knowledge of environmental conservation and inspiring others to believe in their power to create serious change.

1. During your two-year stay in Luna, how did you cope with feelings of isolation and confinement? How has this aspect of the experience influenced your daily life?

My time in Luna taught me so much about myself, the world, and what it means to be fully present and alive through every experience—whether we perceive it as positive or negative. The isolation and confinement I sometimes felt while living in Luna taught me how powerful, and even important, it is to source from within ourselves our connection to the Divine (however we relate to or define its meaning) and to the Natural World of which we are a part. We so often look outside of ourselves for things like joy, peace, love, or power. Yet, when I had what felt like nothing is when I found out how much I truly have, just by being connected to Source. Prayer, meditation, and gratitude exercises were and still are vital in my finding freedom, joy, and power even in the most challenging of moments.

2. How did you maintain physical health during your stay in Luna? Could you tell us about your diet and physical activities?

What we eat, what we think, and what we do with our bodies and our choices all play an important role in the health of our bodies, our communities, and our world. I am a Joyous Vegan (meaning I joyfully refrain from eating animals, including fish, chicken, cows, sheep, goats, or pigs; nor do I eat anything that comes from them.) When the weather permitted, I climbed in the tree for exercise—which was like partner yoga with a tree! My favorite yoga ever! I, also, have found that prayer and commitment to living spiritually and mentally healthy also plays an important role in my physical well-being. So, too, with what we do to the planet. It is all connected. It is all one. What we do to the Earth, we do to ourselves.

3. How would you describe the force that guides your activism? What advice do you have for those yearning to change the world for the better but feeling like they cannot make a difference as an individual?

Because no choice happens in a vacuum, every single choice changes the world. It is actually scientifically, physically, and spiritually IMPOSSIBLE to not make a difference! Therefore, the question is not, can one person make a difference? Each and every one of us absolutely does make a difference! Once we realize this, we stop believing in the myth and asking ourselves, “Can I make a difference?” We awaken and recognize and step into the truth of our power, and ask ourselves instead, “What KIND of a difference do I want to make?”

The force that guides my activism is my commitment to living a life that (to the best of my ability) models the world in which I want to live. These are my choices. I am human, so I make many mistakes, but my commitment is to live Love in Action with every thought, word, and action. For me, my life and my choices are a Spiritual practice in every moment.

4. What is a typical day in the life of Julia Butterfly Hill? Are there a few simple habits that you integrate into your daily life that our readers can adopt to care more for the earth on a daily basis?

Although there is no such thing as a typical day in my life, I do have everyday mindfulness practices. The guiding principle for me is an idea of true “Ahimsa,” or non-violence. My understanding of this movement is a deeper definition than I normally hear articulated. For me to live this commitment is “to live so fully and presently in Love, that there is no room for anything else to exist.” This is a much bigger calling than to just live as a non-violent person. This commitment calls me to be so committed to being a full and living embodiment of love consciousness that I fill a space until all else falls away. I look at every thought, word, and action through this lens and do my best to live up to this calling.

There is no such thing as a perfect choice, but there is always a best choice for any given moment. This can be as simple as selecting reusables instead of disposables. When we say we are going to throw something away—where is “away?” There is no such thing or place. “Away” always has a face and a place. I do not feel that Love would guide us to trash the Earth and livelihood of others. So Love guides me to bring my own reusable mug, utensils, napkin, and container with me everywhere I go. I love this Earth and her species and future generations far too much to trash and waste them. I am a joyous vegan because how we decide to eat can be tools of mass compassion or weapons of mass destruction. Love guides me to choose to joyously eat as simply as I can to honor all life and to live as lightly on this Sacred Earth as I can.

I have chosen to not birth another human into this world because Mother Earth has 6.9 BILLION children and can not care for the children already here. Love guides me to know that the most conscious choice I can make is to redirect the energy of birth into birthing a more healthy, loving, and thriving planet for the children who are already here. These are just some of the ways I do my best to follow what Love would do moment to moment. It is actually very empowering and joyful to ask myself, moment to moment, “What would Love do?” Then, I do my best to live in a way that honors the answer of Love.

13 Easy Ways to Please your Lover

By Lisa Borden

Being green at heart will make them scream with joy!

Although Valentine’s Day comes but once a year, we can celebrate what and whom we love every day. It is too easy to get caught up in the commercial side of Valentine’s Day; try to remember that it’s not about buying chlorine bleached paper, printed with toxic inks, sealed with icky glue in envelopes. Instead, it can be a day to stop, breathe deeply, and make sure those you love know just how much they are cherished. As with any occasion, a little creativity can quickly trump monetary extravagance. It is even acceptable to be a cheap date, as long as you show enough love, effort, and intention.

Here are a few ideas that allow you to honor and celebrate your sweetie without breaking the earth’s heart:

1. Shower Together. Good news: this is the perfect activity on every front! Did you know that showers account for 22% of individual water use in North America? Showering together provides the gift of an extraordinary experience without the extraordinary pricetag. However, should you want to show a little extra love, add some great organic soaps, shampoo, a low-flow showerhead, and an FSC-certified hairbrush, and wrap it all up with a luxurious, organic bathrobe.

2. Engage in Pillow Talk. Go for the ultimate luxurious gift, a pillow filled with organic buckwheat. These delights mold to your curves, keeping the heat or chill exactly where you need it. Add a homemade organic body scrub (sugar, olive oil and essential oil) for a complete organic spa experience at home.

3. Light it up. 100% soy candles with cotton wicks set the mood without black soot and fumes from standard paraffin, lead-wicked candles (think diesel exhaust while you eat and drink, ick!) Keep your indoor environment clean and your intimate moments pure!

4. Raise a glass. But first, fill it with something local. Look for your local and organic labels at the liquor store. Toasting to good health and happiness without pesticides makes the sentiment much more wholesome!

5. Freeze the moment. Have your pictures taken, or take pictures on your own. And have fun with it! Think of all of the time you spend online or on your PDA…you can carry those shots of your time together everywhere!

6. Screen something. Brew your favorite loose leaf tea in a French Press (no tea bags means no bleach, strings or staples), or enjoy a fair trade, organic hot cocoa and cuddle up under a comfy organic throw to watch a movie. I am fully aware that this doesn’t seem especially romantic, but I promise, it’s inspiring and empowering!

7. Indulge. Studies have shown that dark chocolate helps prevent heart disease and cancer. It has also been shown to improve mood by boosting mood-enhancing brain chemicals. And, when it comes down to it, a little dark, organic, fair trade chocolate tastes good and soothes the soul. If you haven’t tried a glass of raw drinking chocolate, get to it already!

8. Dress up or dress down. Dress up your table and yourselves or, dress down and get down on the floor. Spread out a blanket and have an indoor picnic! Prepare a dinner together. Even the planning and shopping can be fun.

9. Experience it all. Together. Take a cooking class. Go to a museum, art gallery or other attraction. Go mini-golfing or bowling. Get tickets to a concert or play. If you combine your outing with a meal, choose a restaurant with a fresh, local and sustainable menu. You cannot believe how many exist, are affordable and offer your favorite indulgences—all the goodness without the prep!

10. Give a Rose Bush instead of Roses! This really does make sense…ok, maybe you don’t live in the perfect climate for roses year round, but think local, think organic and think about buying a whole plant, tree, or herb that will keep giving and be enjoyed year-round. It will act as a constant reminder of your love for each other.

11. Surprise your loved one (with a sparkly clean kitchen). This is especially effective if you are not typically in charge of the chores. And make sure it includes the inside of the refrigerator, too! All courtesy of your hard work, dedication and ecologically friendly cleaning materials (you can make them yourself!). This is as inexpensive and earth friendly as sparkly and shiny get for Valentine’s Day.

12. KISS (something goodbye). Maybe your plastics or all of those nasty cleaning chemicals need to be pitched. Clean out a cupboard or a room and replace everything with healthier items… or nothing at all! Go through your clothes or books and donate anything you have not needed or used for at least a year. How is this romantic? Consider it going down memory lane, perhaps!

13. Do what’s right for you. Don’t use these ideas if it won’t serve to celebrate your relationship to your liking. But, remember, each time you buy something, you are telling that store or company to buy more and make more. Blood diamonds, phthalates in sex toys, petroleum in personal care items and pesticides in lingerie is anything but sexy for you, your loved one, and our planet.

Remember, “less” in no way needs to mean “less special” for Valentine’s Day. Get to the true meaning of the holiday, keep the twinkle in your sweetheart’s eye, and show love and respect for our planet. Repeat every day rather than just once a year!

Lisa Borden is an eco-advocate and mother of three, whose full-service marketing firm, Borden Communications + Design Inc., is a direct reflection of her commitment to better, more responsible living. She is a dedicated workaholic, admitting that it takes a lot of time and effort to change the world, especially in her non-preachy, fun, engaging and inspiring ways.

What I Know For Sure About Love

Here’s what I know for sure: finding true love is possible for anyone at any age if you’re willing to prepare yourself, on all levels, to become a magnet for love.

This wonderful Universe of ours is set up to deliver the people and things we draw to us that are consistent with our personal belief systems. If you don’t believe you will ever find the ONE, then, guess what? You get to be right …you probably won’t.

If, however, you learn to believe that the ONE is not only out there, but is ALSO LOOKING FOR YOU, then true love can be yours.

The basic Law of Attraction states that you will attract the things that match your state of belief. Believing that your soul mate is out there is critical to the preparation of manifestation.

I believe that the Universe is always mirroring back to us our beliefs about ourselves and the world. If we believe the world is a loving and friendly place, then most of the time that will be our experience. But, if we believe the world is a chaotic, stressful and fearful place, then that becomes our reality. So, believing and knowing that your soul mate is out there is the most important part of the formula.

What if I told you that it is not your job to know how your soul mate is going to appear? What if I told you that it is only your job to be ready, willing and open to love? Think about it this way: you really don’t know where air comes from, but you do believe that it’s always there for you, right?

The same is true for love. It is there for you. It has always been there for you. You just need to remember the love that you are, and once you do, the Universe will deliver the perfect soul mate to you.

Here is what worked for me, and I know it can work for you: When I was in my early forties,, I decided to manifest my soul mate using everything I had ever learned about manifestation, psychology, spirituality, and the Law of Attraction. My intentions became crystal clear while I simultaneously cleared out the clutter in my house and in my heart. I learned and invented techniques, rituals, visualizations and prayers that helped me prepare my body, mind, spirit and home for an amazing relationship. And they worked. I met my husband, Brian, who has exceeded all of my desires and expectations. He was and is everything I ever wished for.

Big love is possible for anyone of any age who is willing to become a magnet for love. Continue to live each day in the knowingness that you are in a loving, committed relationship as you savor the waiting for your beloved to arrive.

Top ten things to do and remember to manifest your soul mate:

1. Be the loving person that you are. Find ways to express more love to everyone in your life.
2. Live in the knowingness that you are in a loving, committed relationship.
3. Live that truth every day as you savor the waiting for your beloved to arrive.
4. Create a “vision map” of your romantic vision and look at it daily.
5. Write a list of the most important qualities your soul mate will possess.
6. Heal your heart of any past hurts that will prevent you from magnetizing big love.
7. Clear out the clutter in your home and create space for your beloved (especially in your closets).
8. Create an altar in the relationship corner of your home.
9. Listen to your intuition to take action when opportunities present themselves.

10. Fall in love with yourself. Know that you are loveable