I’m getting married.

Me, getting married.

We met four years ago on Match.com. (His sister met her husband on Match too. Wild!) Both of us were simply looking for someone to have dinner with, maybe go for a hike. We’d both been on Match for a couple of weeks and were not digging it – it felt like person shopping and made us feel a little icky – so we were about to sign off when Bob sent me an email:

“Wow, you live on Bainbridge? Nobody single lives on Bainbridge. Want to have coffee?”

We meet. I liked him but not that way so on the sidewalk afterward, I said, “I’d love to be friends but we certainly don’t have a romance here.”

Oh, Jen, so adorable when you make your definite predictions.

Of course, it turns out I was utterly wrong because within a few weeks we were inseparable, at least as inseparable as single parents of children can be.

It also turns out we both terrified of marrying again. We couched our fear – [...]]]>

I’m getting married.

Me, getting married.

We met four years ago on Match.com. (His sister met her husband on Match too. Wild!) Both of us were simply looking for someone to have dinner with, maybe go for a hike. We’d both been on Match for a couple of weeks and were not digging it – it felt like person shopping and made us feel a little icky – so we were about to sign off when Bob sent me an email:

“Wow, you live on Bainbridge? Nobody single lives on Bainbridge. Want to have coffee?”

We meet. I liked him but not that way so on the sidewalk afterward, I said, “I’d love to be friends but we certainly don’t have a romance here.”

Oh, Jen, so adorable when you make your definite predictions.

Of course, it turns out I was utterly wrong because within a few weeks we were inseparable, at least as inseparable as single parents of children can be.

It also turns out we both terrified of marrying again. We couched our fear – not dishonestly – in
“We’ve done marriage, had the babies, now we’re going to be modern. We’re going to stick it to the man and never get married.”

Yet underneath our 60?s counter-culture brio lurked – speaking only for myself now – my most ancient fear: that I am unlovable. Impossible to live with. Too intense, too dark, too much.

Fast forward four years and a few weeks. We’re spending a week on Lake Atitlan in Guatemala, turning into bodies of bliss via meditation and yoga-bendiness. We’re climbing the stairs to our little bungalow when Bob says, “I have a treat for you. And a surprise.”

I bop up the stairs ahead of him. “Sweet!”

We sat on our porch with the warm wind from the lake tickling our cheeks and shared a bar of our favorite chocolate. Me thinking: what a thoughtful guy.

And then: a Rumi love poem recited through tears, a perfect ring slipped on my finger, and a declaration:

“I want you to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want the world to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

I cry. I exclaim. I am shocked. Did. Not. See. This. Coming.

This is the moment in which I throw myself into his arms and cry yes, yes, yes! A thousand times yes.

If only. Instead, I froze. That ancient fear I mentioned, that “You can’t love me” ick? It gripped me like Gollum gripped the ring.

I sat there, barely breathing, as Bob waited for me to say yes.

I finally managed to stammer I was scared and I needed time to grow into my yes. I reassured him I was delighted and it was wonderful – amazing! – that he asked me, no really! – meanwhile, I felt … shuttered. Far away. Cold.

We finished our luscious retreat and set out for a week of gentle adventure through the magic, mystery and astonishing resiliency of Guatemala. Every once in awhile Bob would look at me quizzically and I would look at myself quizzically. Why was I so shut down?

As we traveled, I did my best to love and be kind to whatever part of me was so terrified. I breathed, I waited, I was as patient with myself as I could be.

It was a tad surreal – we were having an incredible trip and yet … there was this unspoken thing hovering between us.
And now we come to the last day of our trip. We’re in a splurge-y hotel room, getting dressed to take the flight home, and Bob asks, “What you are going to tell Lilly?”

I stutter something and he, gently but firmly, says,“I don’t want to tell the kids anything. Nothing has to change. We can just go along as before.”

And then he adds,“Pretend I didn’t ask.”

Sitting across the room from him, I felt two paths in front of me. One was the life I would live if I choose the story of being unlovable, of being intrinsically flawed. The other path was one of literal lightness – both in feeling and color – of knowing and sharing the ease of my essential goodness.

I could feel each path, each future, in my body. And then, it occurred to me that I had a choice.

I thought,“Could it truly be this easy? Could I just decide to be happy?”

I blurted out (and I mean blurted),“OK!”

Bob peered at me and slowly said,“OK?”

I checked in and yes, there was the biggest, the brightest, the ripest OK ever.

The whole room vibrated as we stared at each other.

“OK then!”

Tears, hugs, more tears, long kiss, tension-releasing belly laughs, then running for our plane with the dawning realization as we moved among people and settled into our seats: miracles happen.

Perhaps it is rare in life to see so clearly the choice between love and separation, between happiness and fear, but perhaps not. Perhaps these kinds of miracles are waiting for us every day, even every moment.

This is my truth: a miracle happened. I chose to turn away from the brittle, hackneyed story – a story that isn’t even mine but one I inherited along with my blue eyes and strong thighs – that I couldn’t say yes to the man I love because … how could he love me?

To say this decision – this leap into love – has changed everything – our relationship, our blended family, my work – is not an exaggeration.

I choose to be loved. I will choose it again and again and again.

I so hope you will, too.

For more by this author, visit jenniferlouden.com

Photo credit: micala

Thera is 16 years old. She is small in stature and a rich golden color with black markings on her legs, shoulders and ear tips. Her tail is a long, thick mass of darkness that swirls with the wind. Her black mane has moonlight threads of silver running through it. She bears the government stamp of a mustang on her neck.

Eight years ago, Thera was rounded up by the Bureau of Land Management from her home on the Montana/Wyoming border. She is a member of the Pryor Mountain Herd, the original descendants of the Spanish Conquistador’s horses. Horses in her roundup were bound for the slaughterhouse, but they were diverted by a horse rescue center in Texas. Thera, Greek for “wild child,” and it is a perfect fit for this untamed beauty. Shortly after being rescued, Thera’s new guardians discovered she was pregnant. When her foal was old enough, he was adopted. Again, Thera experienced separation from family. Throughout eight years at the rescue, potential adopters expressed interest, but none followed [...]]]>

Thera is 16 years old. She is small in stature and a rich golden color with black markings on her legs, shoulders and ear tips. Her tail is a long, thick mass of darkness that swirls with the wind. Her black mane has moonlight threads of silver running through it. She bears the government stamp of a mustang on her neck.

Eight years ago, Thera was rounded up by the Bureau of Land Management from her home on the Montana/Wyoming border. She is a member of the Pryor Mountain Herd, the original descendants of the Spanish Conquistador’s horses. Horses in her roundup were bound for the slaughterhouse, but they were diverted by a horse rescue center in Texas. Thera, Greek for “wild child,” and it is a perfect fit for this untamed beauty. Shortly after being rescued, Thera’s new guardians discovered she was pregnant. When her foal was old enough, he was adopted. Again, Thera experienced separation from family. Throughout eight years at the rescue, potential adopters expressed interest, but none followed through — Thera continues to be wary of humans. She has never been ridden, which also deterred outside interest.

When I saw her picture on the rescue website, I was immediately drawn to her. I can’t explain why, but it was the same feeling I had with each horse who has become part of my family. Just that “in your gut” kind of knowing. Meeting her in person validated this, and the adoption process began.

From the beginning of our visits, Thera was adamant about maintaining the two-foot protective space surrounding her body. She is not comfortable with people attempting to touch her and immediately moves away if this is challenged. I began introductions by sitting outside her stall. Slowly, she began to turn and face me.

After we established this space, I entered her stall. I realized very quickly that standing was threatening, so I shifted down to bended knees. This resulted in an immediate response of moving a step closer to me. Slowly, we began to create a new layer of trust. After several days of this, she came to accept carrot gifts right at my feet. Then she accepted hay from my hand.

In my joy of our budding connection, I jumped to planning her move to the ranch. I envisioned pictures attaching a lead rope to her halter, walking together, leading her into a trailer and heading home to meet her new family. I was now on a mission! I brought a lead rope into the stall with me, and immediately, she stepped away. OK, too much. I returned to my kneeling position, and she relaxed. I set the lead rope down on the ground next to me and told her it was a connection line between us. She took a deep breath and looked away. OK, she wasn’t buying that. I gently said her name, and she turned back to face me. I offered a carrot on the ground between us. She took a step forward and accepted it. I touched the lead rope, and I watched her get very still. The light went out of her eyes. She stood frozen, and I realized what happened. It was such a quiet yet powerful reminder: When things are too intense, sometimes the safest option is to check out. I gently said her name again and invited her return to the present moment. She accepted, and I offered another carrot. I left the lead rope on the ground and put carrots all over it. She gladly nuzzled and gathered around the rope, simultaneously checking out the intruder.

I remembered what I ask people when they come for a session with the horses – what are they feeling in their body? I checked in with myself and noticed my heart. I noticed I had retreated and gone internal. This beautiful, courageous mare was standing inches in front of me and I realized I was experiencing fear. What in the world was that about? Then my brain started rambling about the agenda I had created for Thera. My attention was drawn back to my heart. I listened. I experienced my heart open and expand. Thera released a huge breath. She came closer, and I felt her heart energy swirling around me. We were connected in an indescribable moment together. There was a smile in her eyes and pure love radiating throughout. She reached her nose out to my shoe and touched me with her whiskers. Then her whiskers touched my hand. Everything was about this moment between us. Time did not exist. Just this expansive state of being together.

I finally had the wet-mop-upside-the-head moment. I didn’t need an agenda! This powerful being and I would figure it out together. Tears started flowing down my face. I felt a huge release, and Thera stayed right in that moment with me. No need to get all mental about this. Hell, I didn’t have to act like I knew what to do next. Everything would be OK. I said goodnight to Thera, bowed to her, hands at my heart, and thanked her for sharing her powerful wisdom. She just smiled at me through her eyes and looked very excited … and very pleased with herself.

As I was driving home, I had an epiphany. When you stay in your heart, beautiful things happen. My thoughts expanded even more. What happens to any of us when the proverbial rug gets pulled out from under us because of an unexpected event? Whether it is a diagnosis, relationship change, family or personal crisis or any massive life twist, our “idea” of reality is suddenly gone. How do we cope? Do we shut down? Do we reach out to others? Does the head take over and start spinning?

I thought about Thera’s journey of being ripped away from her family and headed God knows where. She didn’t know what was going to happen. Did she question survival? She was rescued, but her child was taken away. No wonder she had perfected the art of stoic dissociation. But in that moment between us, the horrors were removed, and she returned us to the healing heart space. All beings have it. A plan isn’t always necessary. Sometimes the most powerful healing occurs when we let go and move forward in the moment.

Thera and I are on a journey. Her name may translate as “wild child,” but my interpretation is the pure, unfettered state of being: love. Love is about being connected within our heart. When we are in our heart, we allow the total essence of our self, our unique spirit, to fly and be free. When you stay in your heart, beautiful things happen.

Sara B. Willerson, LCSW, is an equine facilitated psychotherapist in Texas. Together with her equine partners, she invites children and adults to experience the healing power of the horse.

There will always come a moment in our lives where we ponder the question, “Why does this work for others and not for me?” This moment is often closely followed by our cry of, “What the heck!”

Then we might try to force ourselves into fitting into a mold that we deem acceptable and appropriate. Who can we really blame for creating all these rules and regulations about how life should look?

We can call out all the usual suspects: society, church, school, parents and pop culture. But the culprit is always our fear. Fear feeds us illusions of inferiority and inadequacy. Fear tells us we are not good enough. Fear insists we compare and judge. Fear deceives us into thinking that if we attack others somehow we will feel better.

It doesn’t matter what suggestions fear makes; in the end, we always end up feeling worse and completely lost.

Lucky for us, love has a better, much gentler way. Love does not try to suffocate us by giving us a million suggestions. It merely says, [...]]]>

There will always come a moment in our lives where we ponder the question, “Why does this work for others and not for me?” This moment is often closely followed by our cry of, “What the heck!”

Then we might try to force ourselves into fitting into a mold that we deem acceptable and appropriate. Who can we really blame for creating all these rules and regulations about how life should look?

We can call out all the usual suspects: society, church, school, parents and pop culture. But the culprit is always our fear. Fear feeds us illusions of inferiority and inadequacy. Fear tells us we are not good enough. Fear insists we compare and judge. Fear deceives us into thinking that if we attack others somehow we will feel better.

It doesn’t matter what suggestions fear makes; in the end, we always end up feeling worse and completely lost.

Lucky for us, love has a better, much gentler way. Love does not try to suffocate us by giving us a million suggestions. It merely says, “Try this one. It will work.” Love does not try to stuff us into a box. It says, “This fits you just right.” Love does not send us off into many directions. It yells, especially if we haven’t been listening, “Go this WAY!” Nicely, of course!

The more we listen to love and live by its rules, the brighter and lighter life will feel. Love’s method of living life is simple and kind.

Here are my top three Love Rules I give to my clients to help them dethrone the fear in their lives and bring in the love.

Love Rules

Rule #1- Authenticity

Why would love want us to be like anyone else? What could possibly be better or sexier than the person that you are? Nothing.

We spend too much time letting our fear block us from being our true selves, forgetting that we are fabulous and amazing just as we are. Be your true self! A great way of tapping into your truth is by learning to stay still and meditate. If we can’t stand in our truth long enough, we will easily topple over when fear comes along and tries to push us down. Fear WILL come along and push us down.

Rule #2- Have a personal relationship with love

The word “love” can be replaced by any word that works for you. It doesn’t matter what you call it. Make it your own relationship with something or someone higher than yourself. It can even be a higher You. Whatever works for you!

Fear’s rules will have us focusing excessively on what words we use. “She called it, God, but what does that mean?” “He called it Universe, does he mean God?” Who cares what it means to other people? Find what works in your life. Use a word that works for you.

Then work daily at building that relationship. A popular way my clients build their own relationships with love, or whatever they choose to call it, is through meditation.

Meditation also helps us reinforce Rule #1 because it allows us the space to stay still. The more you can cultivate space and silence, the more you can listen to love’s quiet whispers.

Rule #3 – Share the message

Love is all about sharing and fear is all about hoarding. Fear likes when we compete, and when we feel scared that if we have something others won’t have it, or vice versa.

Love on the other hand, says, “There is plenty for everyone!”

When you live by Rule #1 and Rule #2, Rule #3 is easy and super fun!

You can share the love however you please.

Maybe you become a yoga teacher who goes to church, or maybe you are a pastor’s child who loves meditating, or maybe you are a psychotherapist who loves tantra. Maybe you are a mother learning to be more patient with your child, or you could even be a social worker who dislikes traditional therapy but loves entrepreneurship, meditation, Jesus and helping others. See how there are endless possibilities?

Sharing our love through our work, our creative projects, our businesses, our friends, our families and our communities is essential in ending fear’s reign over our world.

Be brave about who you are and what you love.

Share your truth with a strong but loving voice.

Express your highest self in all moments.

Shine your light, so others may also find their way back to love.

The time for the usual suspects is over. It’s time to call out the real problem, “Can the real problem, please stand up?”

Fear has governed our lives for too long. Now it’s time for love to rule!

Clarisa Mompremier is a life coach and a writer who is dedicated to helping others design a life full of love, fun and milagros aka miracles. She graduated with a master’s in social work and is a teacher and student of “A Course in Miracles.”

Photo credit: Lindsay

Want the best year of your life? Then follow a tour guide that’s on fire. Get out of your mind and into your passion. Get affected. It’s where you long to go and where you belong. This year, follow your heart – instead of your head.

Most of us have been taught that it’s “safer and more practical” to listen to our heads instead of our hearts. I’ll tell you otherwise.

The mind makes rational decisions based on history. The heart connects to something mystical and dynamic. As we enter changing times in the world, it’s wiser to listen to a guide that does not require stasis. Love can blast past facts and provide a security that transcends all circumstances.

Believe me, I know what it’s like to make “rational” decisions and ignore your “irrational” heart.

I ached to be a writer. I loved freedom and expressing my joy through words. But I made a “practical decision” and chose to be a lawyer, going all the way with honors from Harvard Law School. I practiced [...]]]>

Want the best year of your life? Then follow a tour guide that’s on fire. Get out of your mind and into your passion. Get affected. It’s where you long to go and where you belong. This year, follow your heart – instead of your head.

Most of us have been taught that it’s “safer and more practical” to listen to our heads instead of our hearts. I’ll tell you otherwise.

The mind makes rational decisions based on history. The heart connects to something mystical and dynamic. As we enter changing times in the world, it’s wiser to listen to a guide that does not require stasis. Love can blast past facts and provide a security that transcends all circumstances.

Believe me, I know what it’s like to make “rational” decisions and ignore your “irrational” heart.

I ached to be a writer. I loved freedom and expressing my joy through words. But I made a “practical decision” and chose to be a lawyer, going all the way with honors from Harvard Law School. I practiced law because I thought it could provide a stable income and allow me greater freedom. This made “sense” on paper. But that’s because on paper, I had no emotions or needs. Yet in daily life – where I lived out my mind’s tidy plan – chaos prevailed.

I was a young litigator in a huge law firm and I billed my life in six-minute intervals. I worked 80 hours a week, and lived on Diet Pepsi and adrenaline. Senior partners would dump case files on my desk on late Friday afternoon and casually scribble “Get this to me by Monday morning.” My knees would buckle with frustration. I had never been less free. Then, at home, my personal life assaulted me like a neglected garden, rampant with decay and weeds. I was so tired I’d stare into space.

When it finally got to the point of true depression and even, secretly, not wanting to live anymore, I knew this was not a “practical” path. I had thought my real desires were unsafe. Turns out that living a life — without real desire — is unsafe. I left the law to save my life.

Finally, when I started to follow my spirit, I began to see the shocking limitations of the mind. I realized I had negated my most holy desires, merely based on “thoughts” I’d had about how life worked. I had chosen everything I did in my life based on filtered information. I trusted ideas I’d heard all my life, about how “creative people didn’t make money,” “how hard it is to start a business,” and more. But my spirit urged me to discover my own life and data. My heart compelled me to step beyond my mental ideas of life and discover the reality of my own possibilities and even destiny.

I have to tell you, all these many years later, I am floored, humbled and awed by my experience. I tentatively dared to walk past some limiting thoughts in my own life. And my desires evolved into a calling and a ride I could never have imagined. I wrote the book I longed to write – “This Time I Dance! Creating the Work You Love” and got it published by my dream publisher Tarcher/Penguin. I began teaching at world-class retreat centers. And through my writing, facilitating and coaching, I have opened the door for tens of thousands of others to live their excitement and their mission on earth.

My heart led me to walk past every limitation and fear that had ever held me back. I found courage sliding down the rabbit hole through the portals of a meaningful life. I had no idea that meaning could change everything. I suppose it’s what seekers feel who sit with gurus in India or walk mesas with a shaman. I thought I was just giving myself permission to write in this lifetime. I didn’t realize I was changing the axis of my earth, the pivot of my moon, the way I breathed and how I spoke my name. My life will never be the same again because I dared to pursue my love of writing. I want this for you. I want you to taste your real life, the life that awakens your powers. I want you — this very year — to step into a life that makes sense.

What do you really want this year? Don’t pick a packaged goal, a homogenized goal, a safe desire. You may not have time for accommodation. Choose what you really want. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You don’t have to quit your job or marriage today, or pack your bags for Paris. Following your heart can start with your toes. Dip one in the water. Write on Wednesday nights. Take a weekend retreat. Leave the office early and walk your basset hound. I’ve had clients who stayed at their jobs and pursued their passions on the side. The moment they started giving energy to their real desires, they found more peace in their current careers and improved their health and relationships. Following your heart isn’t about taking unnecessary risks — but necessary ones. It’s about inviting the real into your life and organically taking the steps that arise.

Choose to listen to your heart and obey with your intelligence. Choose to experience a life on fire. If you have come here to make a difference, your experience will be different. You were born to be so much more than someone who writes safe little goals on a list of paper. Let this year be the year you return to yourself. Let this be the year you heed your heart. Let this year be the year you hunt, chase and dive into what you really love.

For more by this author, visit ThisTimeIDance.com.

Photo credit: Shandi-lee

I was widowed at 27.

I had a 1-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son.

And I hadn’t worked a day in my life.

My finances were a complete disaster, and I suffered from depression, too.

Yet, through it all, I vowed that my burdens would not become my children’s, and thankfully I succeeded beyond my expectations.

And you can succeed too, if you consider the following six gems I learned over the past 11 years:

1. I am exactly where I need to be.

At one point in my life, everything was in disarray. Even the numbers on the clock. How could I be where I was, when I was? I, who was so focused and passionate about oxygenated water and wheatgrass shots for vitality, epitomized contradiction in my fight against my new reality.

And where did my fighting get me? Cursing, regretting, cowering away from the beauty — yes, beauty — that God had bestowed upon me.

But wisdom dawned upon me: I am, and always have and will be, exactly where I need to be. God doesn’t make [...]]]>

I was widowed at 27.

I had a 1-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old son.

And I hadn’t worked a day in my life.

My finances were a complete disaster, and I suffered from depression, too.

Yet, through it all, I vowed that my burdens would not become my children’s, and thankfully I succeeded beyond my expectations.

And you can succeed too, if you consider the following six gems I learned over the past 11 years:

1. I am exactly where I need to be.

At one point in my life, everything was in disarray. Even the numbers on the clock. How could I be where I was, when I was? I, who was so focused and passionate about oxygenated water and wheatgrass shots for vitality, epitomized contradiction in my fight against my new reality.

And where did my fighting get me? Cursing, regretting, cowering away from the beauty — yes, beauty — that God had bestowed upon me.

But wisdom dawned upon me: I am, and always have and will be, exactly where I need to be. God doesn’t make mistakes. My interpretation of events, and my fear and stubbornness were at fault.

Life, on the other hand, was dealing me the perfect circumstances to actualize my incarnation — every moment was a blessing, a chance for me to remember who I am, who we all are and thereby take that one step closer to eternal peace, joy and wholeness.

So no matter what life throws at you, know that you are exactly where you need to be.

2. You have to go through it to get through it.

Approximately seven months into my new “widow/single parent” status, I fell apart. For two days I cried. I sobbed. With every cellular memory, I hurled out the pain, loss, terror, anger, fury, the amalgamation of disaster I had been averting — but truthfully, only storing.

But one Sunday night, I realized I had to go through it to get through it.

I realized this is not only good for you; it’s necessary. There can be no future in the past — we all know that one. But more than that, we have to experience the experiences to fully and finally lay them to rest.

So be in your emotions. Pull in your BFF or a therapist. But go through the garbage that’s holding you back because …

3. Even God can’t add to something that’s already full. Ditch negative feelings.

I used to think God is all powerful — but now I don’t.

You see, even God can’t add to something that is already at full capacity. And when I was filled with the joys and bitterness of life — stagnation set in, because unless I could ditch the negative — the jealousy, anger and resentment I schlepped along, — even God couldn’t deliver me more of the great stuff.

And so I forgave. I forgave my own humanness and of those around me, because I want to be free, because I have compassion for myself and for them.

Self-righteous poison is poison nonetheless. Ditch the negative garbage, and take responsibility for your happiness. You’ll be so glad you did!

4. My body is gorgeous – and I should treat her as such. Hell yes! But boy did that take a long time to sink in!

Eternity — I kid you not — left me with a cruddy body image. I don’t remember ever feeling comfortable in my own skin, or being satisfied with, let alone loving, my reflection.

And once again: epiphany! This body keeps me going, on and on. This vehicle carried and fed my babies; it nurtures and loves me with every breath and heartbeat despite the abuse I shove on it. Hell, that’s some kinda special body.

And thus, enter: My body is gorgeous! My body is strong! My hips are fantastic just as they are because they carried and delivered two precious souls into this world.

And this divine presence that manifests as my flesh and my physical being deserves the absolute best!

We are all magnificent. We are all gorgeous. We are all God’s expression and for that no less than perfect.

That perfection deserves respect. Deserves love. Deserves care. Deserves no more crap let inside.

Comfort eating has nothing to do with loving myself. Finding excuses not to exercise was unsupportive to the God-power within me. That had to change.

I don’t diet. I love and support my body. I’m gorgeous. And so are you!

5. I am not here to better other people’s lives.

I am here to lovingly support people who want that support, who ask for that love and who increase my sense of well-being.

I am not here to fix other people or their problems, and certainly not at my expense. I am nobody’s Prozac.

But so many of us think we are, and we lose the essence of our own lives in a quest to save others.

BS!

I’ve had to make some tough calls on vampire-like people (those who suck the life out of us). Not wanting to offend them for concern for their well-being.

Sweetie, martyrdom ain’t sexy!

Look out for yourself. Don’t go about intentionally hurting others, but don’t sacrifice your life in the process.

6. I am the God particle and worthy of unconditional love — but it all starts with me.

If I don’t love me, nobody will.

Tough one to grasp!

But we are both magnificent creations: You and I.

And we need to learn how to recognize that beauty and light within us. We need to nurture that rejected child, that angry adolescent, that frustrated adult within.

We need to love and embrace every aspect of who we are to ever appreciate the love and acceptance of others.

Your very existence makes you worthy of unconditional love. I want you to know that.

Kerri Baruch is a holistic life and nutrition coach passionate about inspiring and leading women to discover, embrace and nurture their Inner Princess. Personal experience and much training have brought her to love her life and her body and she does the same for you – holistically, compassionately and lovingly.

Photo credit: Peter M.

In my 15 years as a therapist in NYC and LA, the inability to communicate authentically and truthfully was one of the most common issues for clients. This leads to living “in-authentically” with low satisfaction and high frustration levels. More importantly, it is impossible to fulfill your dharma (life’s purpose) if you cannot access your authentic self.

I have partnered with Ashley Turner, a rock star yoga psychologist and instructor in LA, who has also been a clinician for many years. We were drawn together by our mutual passion for empowering clients to live authentically. Below, in a nutshell, are our 6 keys to living your truth and loving your life.

Key 1: Know Your Truth

This requires unlearning all of the ways you have been taught to deny personal truth. Many of you were taught that speaking your truth was rude if it in some way offended another person, thus you developed the Disease to Please. To get back to your truth, you need to tap into your body’s wisdom. [...]]]>

In my 15 years as a therapist in NYC and LA, the inability to communicate authentically and truthfully was one of the most common issues for clients. This leads to living “in-authentically” with low satisfaction and high frustration levels. More importantly, it is impossible to fulfill your dharma (life’s purpose) if you cannot access your authentic self.

I have partnered with Ashley Turner, a rock star yoga psychologist and instructor in LA, who has also been a clinician for many years. We were drawn together by our mutual passion for empowering clients to live authentically. Below, in a nutshell, are our 6 keys to living your truth and loving your life.

Key 1: Know Your Truth

This requires unlearning all of the ways you have been taught to deny personal truth. Many of you were taught that speaking your truth was rude if it in some way offended another person, thus you developed the Disease to Please. To get back to your truth, you need to tap into your body’s wisdom. In order to hear what your body (intuition) is saying, you must become still and silent for a dedicated period of time on a daily basis. So, start meditating and journaling about how your truth was received as a child to connect the dots forward to issues you may have today with speaking your truth.

Key 2: Speak Your Truth

Once you have systems in place to help you recognize your truth, the next step is to be able to effectively honor and communicate it. This includes learning to say “NO” and to clearly ask for what you need (“Nonviolent Communication” by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D., is an excellent book on how to communicate effectively in business and personal relationships). In addition to verbal expression, expressing your authentic self through clothing, decorating your personal space and creating something from nothing (art, writing, etc.) are all fun and liberating ways to mirror your authenticity back to you.

Key 3: F*CK Your Mafia (FEAR) Mind

If your fear mind is running your life’s show, it is also extorting the joy from it. Learning that most fear is just a feeling, not a fact, frees you to change your response. This requires present moment awareness to stop the fearful thought from becoming reality. Fear is part of the human condition and informative, but you do have control over how much it controls you. To be authentic, you must be willing to stretch out of your comfort zone. Have faith that you will survive, thrive and learn what it is you are meant to know when you do what you are called to do. Fear can be your biggest teacher or the roadblock to where you want to go. You decide.

Key 4: You = The Only One

“Comparison is the thief of joy” -Dwight Edwards

Since you are the only you now and evermore, trying to live another’s life is simply impossible. Focus on the qualities that set you apart, honor your integrity in all you do and accept your shadow self with kindness. No one else has your unique gifts and talents.

Key 5: Downloaded Blueprints

Any area of your life that is not working is most likely built on a faulty blueprint designed by others. Revealing your limiting, inherited beliefs is the beginning of re-drawing your blueprint to actually fit what you want to create. This requires reflection and a willingness to do the work to change your mind about what you were taught about “the way it is.”

Key 6: Revealing & Building Core Self with Balance

The foundation for authentic living is having balance in all areas. This includes health, relationships, career, spirituality and finances. As you identify where you are out of balance, you can start to make concrete changes to come back to center. Small changes will add up to big shifts, so ditch the “all or nothing” mentality and start today!

Although this is the abbreviated version of our six keys, I hope it has provoked thought. Not all of the keys will apply to you, so take what resonates and leave the rest. Every one of the keys to  living your truth and loving your life requires some daily stillness and silence coupled with mindful awareness.

Here’s to living your truth and loving your beautiful amazing one-of-a-kind life!

For more by this author, visit: terricole.com. Also, you can check out the full course, “Live Your Truth & Love Your Life,” with Terri and Ashley on En*theos. There’s still time to join!

My father once told me that God gave me the talent to be an artist.

Art was my passion.

My dream was to get a Bachelor of Fine Arts in fiber arts. My work during those college years was presented in a show and is in a book about handmade felt. Oh, how I could get lost in that creative place for hours, days, weeks and months!

But I gave up my desire to be an artist in 1978.

I clearly remember thinking that if I couldn’t be the best, why bother? I wasn’t willing to not be the best. My ego won the game. My soul lost.

Seth Godin asked these wonderful questions in one of his blog posts: “Is perfect important? Do you feel the need to fail privately, not in public? How long can you wait before it feels as though you’re succeeding? How open are you to receiving criticism?”

These are thought-provoking.

I phrase it slightly differently. You have to be willing to suck. What does that mean exactly? It means you are:

-Willing [...]]]>

My father once told me that God gave me the talent to be an artist.

Art was my passion.

My dream was to get a Bachelor of Fine Arts in fiber arts. My work during those college years was presented in a show and is in a book about handmade felt. Oh, how I could get lost in that creative place for hours, days, weeks and months!

But I gave up my desire to be an artist in 1978.

I clearly remember thinking that if I couldn’t be the best, why bother? I wasn’t willing to not be the best. My ego won the game. My soul lost.

Seth Godin asked these wonderful questions in one of his blog posts: “Is perfect important? Do you feel the need to fail privately, not in public? How long can you wait before it feels as though you’re succeeding? How open are you to receiving criticism?”

These are thought-provoking.

I phrase it slightly differently. You have to be willing to suck. What does that mean exactly? It means you are:

-Willing to appear stupid.
-Willing to be disappointed.
-Willing to be embarrassed.
-Willing to show up and take action.
-Willing to accept whatever comes back to you -– be it praise or criticism.
-Willing to be vulnerable.
-Willing to do what you love no matter what anyone thinks.
-Willing to break the rules.
-Willing to be fearless.
-Willing to risk feeling shame.
-Willing to do what you want to do, not what others want you to do.
-Willing to look underneath shame and acknowledge the universal belief with which we all struggle, from time to time that tells us, “I am not good enough.”

Brene Brown, Ph.D,. is a research professor at the University of Houston’s Graduate College of Social Work. While studying shame, vulnerability, courage and authenticity, she has learned that shame is best defined as the fear of disconnection. “If other people find out _________ (fill in the blank with your fear), I will be rejected.” Brown postulates what is underneath shame is the same old fear or belief, “I’m not good enough.” There it is again, rearing its ugly head.

And I see it on a daily basis with my clients. There is always a fear that holds them back from doing something they are passionate about. It shows up in a variety of flavors: “I’m not smart enough, thin enough, experienced enough, beautiful enough, or rich enough.” The true belief underneath these false thoughts is fear is of being vulnerable. I believe this is what stops us from fulfilling our soul’s destiny.

Some people have a strong sense of self-worth. They feel worthy of connection and love. What Brown found was that these people have a sense of courage. They are willing to be imperfect. They know how to be compassionate with themselves and others. And what I loved most in reading Brown’s work is the evidence that these people, with a strong sense of their own worthiness, are authentic. They are willing to let go of who they “should” become and just be themselves with all their flaws.

I want to share this idea with you: Be willing to show your warts, your flaws and all your imperfections and love those parts of yourself. They make up who you are. You’ll discover that people love you much more for being exactly who you are because you were willing to be vulnerable enough with us to share that part of yourself with us. That builds a bond of trust.

What’s fascinating about vulnerability is when we move through it, without numbing ourselves with food, alcohol, the Internet, shopping, TV or other ways to distract ourselves from feeling, we actually become happier and more connected to those around us.

When we numb-out a stressful feeling, we numb-out the good feelings as well – happiness, joy, play and fun. The antidote is self-love. Practice random acts of kindness towards yourself.

I think I have an Annie Hall quality to me. It’s the spacey part of me that will shortcut my mind and blurt out something outrageous at the wrong time. Or I might ask the dumbest question you’ve heard in a long time. It’s a quirky side of me that I have found funny and endearing. It has taken a long time, but I have now fallen in love with “her.” I embrace her.

Just know that what makes you who you are is your whole self, not the façade and not the “Little Ms. Perfect.” Be willing. Be courageous. Be fearless. Be vulnerable.

How do you do that? Try looking back on times in your life when you have experienced adversity. Where were you courageous? Where were you willing to ask for help when you were vulnerable? Where did you take risks? This is how you know your own level of resilience. You can count on yourself by remembering how you got through it. This will help you find ways to be proud of yourself. Learn to take risks and expand your comfort zone. The more you do, the more you live up to your full potential.

Lots of very successful people have embraced this idea.

Steve Jobs said, “I’m the only person I know that’s lost a quarter of a billion dollars in one year … It’s very character-building.”

Over the years, I have developed a philosophy regarding success: The more times I strike out, the more chances I have of hitting a home run. I call it my “Hank Aaron” philosophy. I am willing to take a risk, to not do it perfectly, and to keep upping my game.

Hank said, “I have always felt that although someone may defeat me, and I strikeout in a ball game, the pitcher on the particular day was the best player. But I know when I see him again, I’m going to be ready for his curve ball. Failure is a part of success. There is no such thing as a bed of roses all your life. But failure will never stand in the way of success if you learn from it.”

Now, 34 years later, my soul is calling me back to art – back to photography – a new form of art that I want to practice. The game is not over yet.

Here’s the difference: I am now willing to suck at it because I love it.

Sherold Barr is a life purpose, business coach, and freedom fighter for women who want to find their calling, master their fears and complete the impossible. She’s writing a digital manifesto called “The Top 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Was 30: a baby boomers manifesto to Gen X and millennials.”

Photo credit: Cavale Doom

Do you know the ADD love song?

I love you; oh I love you. La la la. You’re so beautiful. … Is that a quarter?

Between your to-do list and that pile of papers over there, can you see that great idea you have? That’s the one that’s going to change everything. Or it won’t. At this rate, you’re never going to find out. How are you supposed to get anywhere when you spend your days moving from Facebook to your to-do list and back again? Bonus points if you create with a baby on your boob.

Your meanderings from point-A to anywhere but point-B are not your problem. They’re definitely a problem, but they’re not the problem. They’re also what makes you awesome. Banker types don’t spin in circles like this, but they’re also not as creatively juicy. You need the banker types; they need you.

Dance with your distractions

Give thanks for your enthusiasm and curiosity. They will take you places no to-do list ever will. What you notice you notice [...]]]>

Do you know the ADD love song?

I love you; oh I love you. La la la. You’re so beautiful. … Is that a quarter?

Between your to-do list and that pile of papers over there, can you see that great idea you have? That’s the one that’s going to change everything. Or it won’t. At this rate, you’re never going to find out. How are you supposed to get anywhere when you spend your days moving from Facebook to your to-do list and back again? Bonus points if you create with a baby on your boob.

Your meanderings from point-A to anywhere but point-B are not your problem. They’re definitely a problem, but they’re not the problem. They’re also what makes you awesome. Banker types don’t spin in circles like this, but they’re also not as creatively juicy. You need the banker types; they need you.

Dance with your distractions

Give thanks for your enthusiasm and curiosity. They will take you places no to-do list ever will. What you notice you notice with. That means that if you’re looking at all the shiny objects, it’s because you’re full of shiny goodness. If you’re in the shiny object camp, appreciate the objects for what they are: interesting. But don’t sacrifice your long-term desire for short-term excitement.

Productivity is like a diet

The diet’s not the point. If you change the amount and type of food you eat without changing why you eat it, no diet is sustainable. Same thing with productivity. Lists and project management techniques and special software are nice, but they’re incidental. Your idea won’t happen until birthing it is more important than following your distractions.

Cast a spell to make it happen.

1. Be specific.

What is it you want to happen? If you don’t know or feel stuck, it’s because you’re misbelieving something in your noggin. You’ll recognize your intention because it will be clear, to the point and positive.

Like this: I intend to go through my email and delete everything I don’t need. 15 minutes. When I’m done, I’ll reply to the most pressing. 15 more minutes.

See how that’s totally different from cruising in and out of your inbox in between starting a new blog post and then checking Facebook? Same principle applies to any scope of project.

• I intend to write the very best shitty first draft I can. I’ll give it everything, knowing there’s plenty more where this came from.
• I intend to zone out on TMZ.com for 15 minutes. Setting a timer now.
• I intend to pay attention to this meal by feeling and tasting the food in my mouth.

If you don’t know what you want, that’s fine. Trying to get specific will show you where you’re fuzzy. Infuse your spirit with gratitude, and creativity will flow. You’ll figure it out.

2. Seal the deal

Blow out the candles; wave your wand: abracadabra; make an imaginary X in the air, saying, “It is done.”

3. Lift your spirits

Now, prime your pump with love. Imagine someone you love easily doing something lovable. Think: your kittens snuggled in together or your baby finding your nipple in the middle of the night. Let the feeling that comes up with that memory grow really large. That’s love. It’s the most powerful thing in the Universe. Send a shot of that power to wrap around your project. You don’t have to love what you’re trying to do, but you can wrap it in love, and it will work just as well.

Sarah Wagner Yost is a mind-body life coach. She runs the Shiny Object Project School. If you can’t get “your thing” done, she can help. Working with her is better than Valium.

Photo credit: Carolyn Sewell

I have had a good year. The fact of it keeps surprising me because I am so used to problems. And recently I have been experiencing longer and longer stretches without problems. Life just seems to be unfolding without them. In their place have been a lot of things to appreciate. Not only have things felt really fun and worthwhile, I have also not had the sense that sometime soon the other shoe will drop and life will get all crappy again.

This “fun goodness” is so noticeably different from much of my experience that it has forced me to consider its cause. As far as I can tell, there are two basic reasons my problems have been replaced with worthwhile opportunities.

I have stopped thinking in terms of problems. I wake up, there is stuff that I have to do, and that is pretty much that. It happens every day and shows no sign of stopping until my last breath. My mantra for the stuff that comes up each day is [...]]]>

I have had a good year. The fact of it keeps surprising me because I am so used to problems. And recently I have been experiencing longer and longer stretches without problems. Life just seems to be unfolding without them. In their place have been a lot of things to appreciate. Not only have things felt really fun and worthwhile, I have also not had the sense that sometime soon the other shoe will drop and life will get all crappy again.

This “fun goodness” is so noticeably different from much of my experience that it has forced me to consider its cause. As far as I can tell, there are two basic reasons my problems have been replaced with worthwhile opportunities.

I have stopped thinking in terms of problems. I wake up, there is stuff that I have to do, and that is pretty much that. It happens every day and shows no sign of stopping until my last breath. My mantra for the stuff that comes up each day is “What else did you have planned?” The long version would be “I thought you were here to have a human life. You know, one where you have stuff to do for 70 to 80 years, then you are done doing stuff. What else did you have planned?” When did having a life become a problem?

Since becoming a parent and a dedicated meditator, I have developed the habit of considering my motivations before taking an action. The most important questions seem to be ”Am I about to take an action based on faith?” and “Am I about to take an action based on love?” If I am, the action seems to contribute to “fun goodness.” If not, the action seems to create problems. It really matters why I am doing what I am doing in terms of how the results affect my life.

My teachers suggest that we not make a burden of our duties. Who needs problems, anyway? They just create a negative charge around something we have to do and might learn from and profit from, if we don’t expend all our energy making life a problem. The energy we don’t waste having problems can be poured into actions taken from a place of faith and love, and life can start feeling sacred and sweet.

For more information on how to optimize your health, visit RolfGates.com.

Photo credit: Alex Bartok

God, do I love to dance.

I love the way music feels in my body. It’s like the boom, boom ka of a drumbeat calls my cells to celebrate, which call to my bones, which call to my muscles, and before you know it, I am movin’ and groovin’ with pure abandonment.

I loved to dance so much that, in 4th grade, I decided that was it. Move over Jennifer Beals: There’s a new flash dancer on the way. The boom boom ka and I were going to be wed forever.

I spent countless hours in dance studios, pointing, stretching, turning, and jumping. However, at around 16 years old, the magical rhythm of the music that once soothed my soul turned into the ringing of Pavlov’s bell. It became the signal that I needed to work harder, turn faster, be thinner, jump higher, and plie my way to perfection.

I spent several years moving my body with one intention. Do better.

Even getting hired to tour with a renowned dance company didn’t quiet the, “This [...]]]>

God, do I love to dance.

I love the way music feels in my body. It’s like the boom, boom ka of a drumbeat calls my cells to celebrate, which call to my bones, which call to my muscles, and before you know it, I am movin’ and groovin’ with pure abandonment.

I loved to dance so much that, in 4th grade, I decided that was it. Move over Jennifer Beals: There’s a new flash dancer on the way. The boom boom ka and I were going to be wed forever.

I spent countless hours in dance studios, pointing, stretching, turning, and jumping. However, at around 16 years old, the magical rhythm of the music that once soothed my soul turned into the ringing of Pavlov’s bell. It became the signal that I needed to work harder, turn faster, be thinner, jump higher, and plie my way to perfection.

I spent several years moving my body with one intention. Do better.

Even getting hired to tour with a renowned dance company didn’t quiet the, “This isn’t good enough” voice that joined me every time I slipped into my dance shoes.

But in 1996, while I was battling it out with myself in dance class, my mom was presented with her own battle. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

She took on the challenge like a warrior goddess presented with the task of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. Determined. While she did what her doctors told her, being a child of the 60’s, peace love and everything in between, my mom employed her family as part of her healing team.

We went to meditation and tai chi classes, changed our diet, and found a way to love each other on a deeper level.

My mom was certain that the way to heal her body was through a whole lotta love and tenderness.

So, strange that at the same time, I was certain that the only way to get my body to what I wanted it to do was to beat it into submission. If I didn’t crack the whip on myself, wouldn’t my lazy butt end up on the couch, eating ice cream and watching hours of television?

My mom’s approach was the opposite. She allowed herself to have days of “Well, this really sucks” that were always followed by days where she would paint on her eyebrows and proudly walk out the door. When asked how she was doing, she said, “Gettin’ better every day.” And she meant it.

My mom’s healthy vibrant cells won out over ovarian cancer.(They won out again over breast cancer six years later! A miracle indeed. ) I learned that she did not win because she beat, prodded, forced, or made herself do anything.

She was kind to herself, every step of the way.

When I finally took on this approach in my own life, not only did my body change, but my whole life changed. The extra pounds I hung onto melted away. The self-criticism that spilled into other areas of my life was transformed to a sweet, steady voice reminding that I am doing pretty damn good.

If you’re looking to make radical changes with your body, whether it’s to heal, lose weight or even train for a marathon, it starts with radical kindness and compassion.

Here are a few radical ways to move your body:

1. Get on the love train: We choose our thoughts. You can’t get to destination I love my body by riding the I can’t stand my ______ (insert body part) train. That train ride will only lead to one place: where it is dark and murky and the sun rarely shines.

It starts with love and absolute appreciation for what you are able to do today.

Do whatever it takes to make appreciation for what you can do your primary thoughts. You might have to slow down to access these thoughts, or you might need to ramp it up, but be determined to catch that love train.

2. Set your intention: Instead of jumping on the treadmill or into your favorite exercise class with the intention that you have to burn off the calories you ate the day before, try something different.

Try sweating with the intention that you are going access your power. Intend that you are going to open your heart. You are going to heal. You are going to shine. You are going to become more of who you are meant to be.

This philosophy can be applied to any kind of physical activity you’re doing.

The more you sweat with love, the easier it becomes to be loving even when you are not exercising. This new behavior changes your brain chemistry, which, without doubt, spills into all areas of your life.

3. Add affirmations: I created a playlist and recorded spoken affirmations over it so that when I go for a walk, a run, or even dance around my apartment, I am moving with specific intentions.

I started sharing the playlist with my clients and friends, who love to incorporate it into their workouts.

It’s one thing to think affirmations. It takes it to a whole other level when you are moving and saying them to the rhythm of music. The affirmations become a part of your muscle memory, and they get embedded into your cells. This is where the real change happens.

Bottom line: Decide today that you are moving to celebrate your life. Let the boom boom ka fill you with joy as you move to any rhythm, cherishing the body you’re in and all that it does to support you. It’s has taken you this far. What a blessing.

Money-back guarantee that your body will change, your life will change, and moving will feel more like the final scene in Flash Dance … What a feeling!

Erin Stutland is a life coach, personal trainer and fitness instructor. She is the creator of SHRINK SESSION: 30 Days To Tighten Your Body + Rewire Your Mind and Air In Sculpt. She is one of four Premiere Intensati Leaders in the world.