By Johanna Sawalha

What if you could have your life look the way you want it to…? No, exactly the way you want it to: not just the things you have, but right down to the way that you are. What if we all thought this way?

As a new and first time mom, I have had plenty to learn in the past few months as well as plenty for which to give thanks. This “designing your life” business is what I have had the privilege to teach over the past two decades. If I didn’t know what I have learned about designing my life, I would most likely… yell at my husband for not helping enough, quietly grumble to myself instead of chatting with him and my newborn, work in an office like my mother did and rob Peter to pay Paul on a regular basis. These are all my default ways of being and doing, to which I would readily revert had I not the tools to act differently.

If you had suggested this idea to me years ago, I probably would have bitten your head off! Humility did not come with my package, no matter how wacky of a design I had given my life. I would probably also not feel right about having a nanny if I were home, like it would be too lavish and luxurious or something. However, now that is how I have intentionally designed it. I designed things the way I wanted, which means I work (from home) on my passion of having people achieve their dreams; and I have a nanny when necessary! I want it all, and I want the same for everyone. Still, I have just used one example of work/life balance. There are many more ways to design your life!

We believe the more you address each and every area of your life, the happier you become. To be deeply happy is to have each area of your life make you proud. We have found there is often a lack of deliberate design in most people’s lives. Generally, people find a way to adapt to any situation or circumstance, and become stuck in their explanations and excuses for why their life is the way it is. Over time, we start to believe our own explanations, and it becomes more and more difficult to believe something else is possible since we are so accustomed to the status quo. Piece by piece, you can actually design your life and address your fears, thoughts, and deepest beliefs. It takes some thinking, creating, inventing and dreaming. Still, just to consider designing your life can move you to action and lead you toward the life of your ideals, once and for all.

Five Ways to Start Designing Your Life Today:

1. Dream of how you want it to be.
Dreaming is an active practice that should be separated from your strategies and action plans in life. Mostly people don’t make this separation, and they think that everything they dream about requires being put into practice. Not so. The practice of dreaming in and of itself sustains your vision for your life and should happen daily.

2. Track your excuses.
“Because, because, because…!” Can you hear your excuses talking to you? If you don’t, they probably pass you right by like they do most of us. Practice hearing and tracking your excuses, and better yet, refute them. They are telling you to blow off the things that in the end will make you happy and proud; instead, do the exact opposite!

3. Account for what you are doing.
Believe it or not, much of your ability to be accountable has everything to do with time management. The more you address how you spend your time, the more accountable you can become. Declare what you are going to do today. At the end of the day, account for whether it was accomplished or not. Stay away from judging “done” as “good” and “undone” as “bad.” You are simply accounting for it, which leaves you with the clarity to figure out what is missing in your planning and do better next time.

4. Purge your disappointments.
To “purge” something is to write out what is bothering, upsetting, or worrying you. Doing this will make it easier to distinguish between your personal bogeymen and the real issues to tackle and actions to take.

5. Communicate your grumblings.
Most people do not voice their gripes because they are afraid of how it might sound, and they end up not saying anything at all. Make a list of the things you are not saying. We never get artful at communicating because we don’t practice! Voicing your grumblings solves half the problem itself; thereby fixing the situation and leaving you happy and satisfied.

Johanna Sawalha has been in the personal development field for the past two decades and just recently stepped down from the Senior Vice President position at The Handel Group to care for her newborn son. She is still an executive coach and spokesperson for HG – coaches for MIT, Stanford U,  and Conde Nast.

Although I love yoga and have been practicing for 13 years, I am not here to tell you how wonderful it is and how you need to do more of it.

I *am* here to tell you about the value of having some sort of practice. I define practice as “What you do with regularity, even when you don’t feel like doing anything else.” I firmly believe that incorporating some sort of practice, or activity, into your normal routine – whether it’s yoga, running, knitting, cooking, walking, drawing, cleaning, or anything else you can absorb yourself in – is one the best ways (if not THE best way) to help you feel a little calmer, a little clearer, more able to deal with whatever life brings.

Scientists estimate that the average person has 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those 60,000, I’d wager that only two or three are actually worth listening to. Having a practice gives your mind just enough activity to keep it occupied so that you can start to hear the voice that comes from somewhere much deeper than your mind – your innate wisdom. Whether you call it your gut instinct, your inner voice, or your women’s intuition, we’ve all got it. We probably all have stories of very specific times when we actually heard it loud and clear. The problem is that for the most part it gets drowned out by those 60,000 other thoughts. Doing your practice is like giving a hyper kid a Rubik’s cube – suddenly things get a lot quieter.

When you start creating space in your life for your intuition to rise to the surface, the inevitable dramas we all experience lose some of their power to rile you. Your life won’t magically turn into a fairy tale. But bumps in the road—whether they’re small, like traffic, or big, like losing your job—won’t have as much power over your state of mind. When you have a bad day, if you have a practice, you’ll know exactly what to do to help yourself get back on track. How many people can say that?

Here are some tips for figuring out what your practice is going to be and how to make it a part of your life:

What makes you feel better?
Is there something you do that always makes you feel better – even just a little bit? It could be something formal, like a yoga class, or something you do on your own, like gardening or knitting. Anything that makes you feel more relaxed is a great candidate.

What’s calling to you?
If you can’t think of anything you’ve already tried that’s a good practice candidate, is there something you’ve always told yourself you’ll do when you’ve got a little more time, money, or moxie? Anything that’s been making your ears perk up when you hear it mentioned in conversation? If it’s something you don’t know how to do yet, start by just familiarizing yourself with it. You don’t need to be a master – that’s why they call it practice.

What can you feasibly fit into your regular life?
You may feel at one with the world on the ski slopes, but if you only get to go skiing once a year, it ain’t a practice. You don’t have to do something every single day, but you want to be able to do whatever it is that soothes your soul on more days than not.

Start small
Whatever you choose, you do not have to do it for 2 hours every morning for it to “count.” Beware of using whatever you do to feel better as an excuse to feel worse. (I’ve been down that road, and I can promise you, it’s not fun.) If you choose gardening, watering for 10 minutes counts. Some days you’ll be able to do more of your practice than others. That’s ok.

Some practices are for emergencies only
I had a very deep chocolate chip cookie practice once. I went through a capital-T, capital-B Tragic Breakup that had me chowing cookies like my life depended on it. Yoga also helped me make it through that particularly rough spot, but even it couldn’t convince me that getting out of a bed was a good idea. Only the siren call of chocolate, butter, and sugar could do that. Luckily my dependence on cookies started to wane along with my heartache.

(AKA change your thoughts…change your life!)

OK people time to clear out the winter dust bunnies and make some head space! Let’s start the spring clean with the question, “What is your racket?” Meaning what is the bullshit story that you tell yourself about yourself, that gets in your way? When I was in my 20’s I used to declare, ”I can’t cook”. Finally my mother said,”Ter, that is so tired…if you can READ you can COOK. Why don’t you just say what you really mean, which is that you don’t WANT to cook? Which is fine.” Um…well yea I guess I never thought of that. I was afraid if I learned how to cook OR type for that matter, someone would expect it of me. I decided not to learn to do either for a long time, until I wanted to, for myself.

De-Cluttering Your Cranium. . Makin’ Room for the Good Stuff!

Step One: Identifying Your Racket.
What are the negative tales you think, say or feel about yourself? What do you tell yourself you CAN NOT do? Think of the ways you may put yourself down in front of others or alone. There are many reasons people do this. Not to threaten others, to say it before someone else can, because your parents taught you to be “humble” (now that is a load of crap for an ENTIRELY separate post) or the fear that feeling or saying good things about yourself makes you conceited etc. Another reason people limit themselves with lies is so they don’t have to do or risk anything. If I say I cannot cook then I don’t have to try and fail, right? It spares me from finding out I am a bad cook but it also robs me of the experience of trying and succeeding or trying and deciding I don’t enjoy cooking, which is totally different than saying I am incapable.

Step Two: Declaring The Limiting Belief a Lie.
Once you realize what your rackets are, take the time to journal about how these false beliefs came into being. Really think back to how the whole sorted thing got started and write about it. Remember how you felt at the time and write a comprehensive narrative about it. Connect the facts with the feelings. Then have one person you trust witness it for you. Read or tell them the story…then burn it. Yep I mean actually light it on fire and release it back into the universe and OUT OF YOUR EXPERIENCE. Please only burn someplace safe and legal. I had two of my adorable life coaching clients burn their racket lists together in a Manhattan apartment and video tape it for my viewing pleasure. It looked like the kitchen was about to go up in flames, so please don’t try THAT at home (although I laughed my head off every time I thought of them for days).

Step Three: Rewrite Your Script.
I have a t-shirt with that inscription that I have worn thin because I LOVE it so much. Here is the deal. It is your life. It is your story. If you don’t like the story line you are currently rocking…CHANGE IT! It is all on you to change your mind about whatever does not work for you. I had a friend who hated her legs and when her then boyfriend, now husband declared she had the best gams in town she feared he was actually making fun of her. As it became apparent that he truly felt this way she decided to go with it and see her legs as luscious instead of a liability. She has not regretted that decision and even wears short skirts now with a sassy attitude. I have no doubt she could have talked him out of it but why would she want to do that? Beauty and truth are very subjective. Why not see things in a way that empowers you? It is just as easy or easier and yields much more positive results.

Note: This is different than being in denial. We always have a choice as to how we will view a situation and I am suggesting viewing your life in a way that empowers you and taking responsibility for your own happiness…because you are the only one who can.

Step Four: Write Affirmations to Support Your New Script
An affirmation is just something you declare to be true. So now your job is to write affirmations about what you are creating. I AM SO HAPPY AND GRATEFUL NOW THAT I (insert affirmation here). Since the universe can only say yes, be specific with the words you choose. Use only positive language in the present tense.

Fear gets kicked up when we change our minds about things. Remember fear is just a FEELING, not a FACT. Now go make room in your mind for all of the life experiences that you are creating for this beautiful new beginning…SPRING! Let the Psychological Spring Clean begin!

As always I am here to help, nudge, clarify, support or challenge, if necessary.
Let me hear from you!

MANIFEST VISUALIZE CREATE!

Love Love Love
Your Crazy Sexy Life Coach,
Terri

P.S. By the way I am an AWESOME cook now because I want to be !

Wellness Warriors,

On Monday May 11th, hundreds of you will be participating in our online Adventure Cleanse Tune-up (ACT). First and foremost, I am so PROUD of you. You are brave, responsible, brilliant unicorns full of healing potential. Yeehaw!

Many of you have already started to upgrade your cabinets, fridge, pantry and the secret vodka stash in the laundry room. GREAT! Toss what no longer serves you. This is your weekend to move from the darkness into the light. Farewell artificial colors and flavors, preservatives, trans fatty acids (if New York City restaurants banned this stuff, so can you), saturated animal fat, unpronounceable chemicals, whey, casein, gluten, fructose, corn syrup, and hydrogenated non-foods. These are poisons not meant for your regal being.

Remember you are a god/dess. Poo on a plate won’t do! If you don’t believe in your beauty then shut your (former) pie hole and let me do the talking. YOU ARE STUNNING! This world will suffer if you’re not at your best, brightest and most fulfilled. I will suffer if you don’t shine. When you build a daily practice of honoring yourself, thoughts rearrange. The negative hot air loses power as the truth posies push through. Got it sparkle puss?

As a result of your efforts you’re gonna twinkle from the inside out. No one can package that in a fancy French bottle! Remember, it’s not about weight, disease reversal, fixing the blues (or your marriage). Start small. Love yourself at the cellular level.

This tune-up works because it focuses on rebuilding your terrain by increasing your alkalinity. That’s all you need to remember. By consuming more alkaline foods and less acidic foods you’ll feel better, look better, and have tons more energy. If you need a little pH refresher course, please read my recent post.

Only you can ignite the glow! Commit and try to be as consistent possible. But if you flub a day it’s OK. Don’t beat yourself up or succumb to a mega-binge. “Hey, I blew it anyway so why not get high on my favorite drug – food”. That’s dirty self-sabotage speak. This “tune-up” is NOT under the supervision of your ego. ACT and be guided by your higher self. He/she loves you dearly and believes that all your dreams are within reach.

So if you stumble just be kind and remember your divinity. Pay close attention to why and what hit your trigger. Pull out your Food & Lifestyle Journal and scribble the issues OUT of your tissues. Take a walk, bark into a pillow, call a buddy, soak in the tub, rent a funny movie, do what you need to do to break the habit and then slide back into your bikini (even if it’s currently too tight) and dive in again.

Some folks may try and discourage you from changing. They prefer you fat, sick, mad and exhausted. “Oh, that’s dangerous, I wouldn’t do that if I were you! Where will you get your protein? You’ll wither and die” Huh? Since when is a plant-based diet full of salads, veggies, steamed greens, juice, nuts, seeds, beans, sprouts, gluten-free grains and breads, yummy almond butter, pates, soups, smoothies, baked root vegetables, exercise, journaling, telling someone you love them, rolling in the grass while giggling – dangerous? Stand in your power and break from the human herd. Folks like that don’t want to you to look at yourself nude (emotionally & physically) because it puts pressure on them to do the same. Screw that, skinny dip!

I love each and every one of you. Good luck and remember to join the forum. I’ll be posting daily in the Life Lounge section under Adventure Cleanse Tune-up. For a detailed discussion on the different cleanse levels, check the forum.

Peace and power,
Kris

It is a hot summer day, eleven years ago. I am a twenty-three year old Israeli woman who, along with other seekers, is on a trek into the Judean desert, south of Jerusalem. Our guide, a thin bearded man with intense, burning, blue eyes, is a Haredi, a “trembler” — the Hebrew word for an ultra-Orthodox Jew – and a Hasid, one immersed in the mystical traditions of Judaism. Within the Hasidic world, spiritual leadership was traditionally transmitted from generation to generation, from fathers to sons. Our guide’s own great grandfather was a Rebbe, a Hasidic Rabbi, and the son of a Rebbe, spiritual teachers and leaders of their community in Jerusalem.

We are filled with eager yearning to hear the profound silence around us as a higher calling for each of us. Our guide shares with us that he wandered the deserts of Israel for many years, until he heard the revelation of his own true path; until he heard the voice of God. The revelation led him to give up his life as a writer, actor, husband and father and to dedicate himself to the study of the Torah. And he knew, too, that he wanted to help others find their way to holiness by going deep into the Israeli desert – as countless generations of spiritually serious people have done from many of the world’s great religious traditions.

As our guide told us his story, we all felt both humbled and awed, for we all felt we too were seeking to be taken by the hand of the Holy and led into divine light.

Where does that search begin? In the womb? Is it a Call, a Vision, a Quest, a Mission inscribed in our being before we’re ever born? The Babylonian Talmud tells us that before we are born an angel teaches us all the wonders and secrets of the universe, and then, as we tumble into life, the angel touches us just above our lips – in that indent we all have – and we forget everything. Perhaps that is why we are all born with a longing, a dream, the sense that we have a path, a mission, we need to fulfill. For some of us that path is clear early in life; for others, it remains elusive for many years.

And finding that path can be such a scary process. We have so many defenses and fears to give up! On the other hand, perhaps if our individual truths, the bumps of the journey we have to walk, became known to us too early, we would never build the strength of character, never discover the emotional wisdom, never become the “heroes” we need to become to fulfill our destiny in life.

In fact, we who were so eager to discover the magic wand that would transform our lives were only in our twenties; when our guide was still wandering the desert in search of his destiny he was already forty years old.

I watched intently as our guide, like a shaman, skillfully drew on the forces of nature to help awaken the spiritual energy within each of the pilgrims. And the experience not only touched me deeply, but helped me to grasp a truth about myself. This is your lineage, said the voice within me. Understand it. Begin to dis-cover yourself.

For our guide on that desert journey was my father, Yisrael. And I realized that, just as Hasidic dynasties were passed from father to son, so this dedication to the spiritual life was passed from my father to me. My 94-year-old grandmother, Savta Ida, told me that my life task, serving as a vehicle of spiritual energy, chose me when I was just four years old and offered to lay my hands on my Zaydie, my grandfather, to relieve him of his pain and worries.

If my dedication to a spiritual path is in my very genes, my expression of it has been very much my own: as a little girl in a pink tutu, I danced freely, joyously, even ecstatically, as if I were in tune with living energies in our universe. I believe deeply that when the body dances freely it generates a sacred medicine never to be lost, an energy in tune with the natural world and able to open us to new visions. Over the years, I came to dedicate myself to the Dance of Body and Spirit as a way to discover one’s inner truth, just as my father dedicated himself to journeying with Torah into the desert.

I follow the call of the Spirit Dance with a deep knowing and a deep sense of trust that it is my task in this world to guide others into its embrace. I believe that it opens us up to dreaming big, to walking in the footsteps of our true calling, to listening to our inner Liberator, the child within that will show us as our deepest fears, the very ones that can turn into our greatest teachers. Yes, I am my father’s daughter. Today, more than eleven years after that desert trip, I am leading “Dance of Liberation”/TranceDances all over the world, and I am guiding men and women into the rich world of their own spiritual potential.

Join us for in 2010:
A Spiritual Pilgrimage to the Holy Land, Israel. Guided by Parashakti, Zohar Zemach Wilson, Tamar Adi from the Chandra Yoga Center and with guest teachers, Rabbis, Shamans, and other religious cultures and backgrounds. April 5-20. A great opportunity to experience the land, community, culture of Israel and discover our authentic walk. If this adventure interests you, please write a letter of Intent to Liberation@parashakti.org