Join the Pleasure Revolution

Have you ever just flat-out celebrated the privilege of being a woman — for no reason?

Have you ever partied with your Inner Bitch?

Owned and operated any men lately?

Would you like to make ecstasy your reality?

Welcome to the Pleasure Revolution at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts.

The Pleasure Revolution is a complete redux of the paradigm called woman.

Women were never taught to guarantee their joy. They were taught to guarantee the joy of others, take care of others and then, whatever crumbs were left from that were theirs.

But when a woman reverses the order and really pays attention to her pleasure, making sure that each choice feels absolutely right to her and absolutely gratifying to her, she’s going to makes choices that enhance her life and enhance the lives of others.

Pleasure was not something we had the luxury to explore in the 20th century. We were simply shooting for equality back then. But equality is inadequate to the heart, soul, passion, fire, potential and flat-out incandescent privilege of being a woman. It is the privilege and pleasure of being a woman that is the new cutting edge in the 21st century. It is something the world is very hungry for. The absence of pleasure has created an enormous amount of suffering. There is currently an international epidemic of self-doubt, self-deprecation and self-hatred among women. A woman is a terrible thing to waste on fear, self-loathing and self-hatred. The School of Womanly Arts is a playground to teach a woman how to celebrate every side of herself — from her darkness to her light. Self-acceptance is not enough. Self-celebration is the new minimum daily requirement to live an impassioned, empowered, extraordinary life.

Every woman is a phenomenon. It is fantastic to have that much power at your fingertips—a great privilege and a great responsibility. Women have not been conscious of the opportunity and the fun that exists just by virtue of being born women. It is an idea whose time has come.

In our culture we are taught that pleasure is frivolous, dangerous, and unproductive. There are so many negative viewpoints surrounding pleasure, but pleasure is of the utmost importance, because it is the connective tissue between a human being and her own life force.

In the beginning, I was as suspicious of pleasure as everyone in our culture is. In fact, I was an unwilling student. It was simply because I, like so many women in this culture, felt depressed, alienated, and disconnected from my own womanhood. Pleasure was the elusive missing bulb in the string of Christmas lights that ignited everything for me.

I had access to parts of my own confidence and enthusiasm and voice that I’d never had prior to the study of pleasure; and what I found more astonishing and more surprising was that with the inclusion of pleasure in my life, the desires that I had had for many, many years began to manifest much more quickly.

It happens that way, not only for me, but also for every student who walks through the door of The School of Womanly Arts. Pleasure adds jet fuel propulsion to whatever it is that a woman wants. The most extraordinary and incredible things happen.

Women are able to create the relationships they want, revive marriages that were seemingly doomed, and redefine and recreate relationships with their children so that they aren’t drained but are actually engaged, and their relationships are filled with joy and generate enthusiasm from both ends. There are huge strides in a woman’s abilities to ask for generous monetary compensation from the jobs they are in, or start the new careers they have been longing for.

It is astonishing to me every time I have a class session to see what the consequences are for a woman when she begins to value pleasure.

We were always taught, “Don’t be playful because you have to work now,” but it turns out that playful is the key to really operating at your top form and having everybody operate at theirs. Who knew?

It is so easy to live a miserable life, and it takes great skill to live a pleasured life. You have to be so disciplined. Pleasure is not for sissies. It is for the courageous. You have to have a lot of guts to insist on your pleasure. Most people are not encouraged to be the source of their own fulfillment and their own joy. They are encouraged to be victimized by the culture, or the circumstances, or being a woman, or their upbringing. Pleasure forces you to take responsibility to really get yours. It is the new bandwidth that is required to create a life of extraordinary value and meaning, which more and more women are beginning to tune into. That’s why we call it the Pleasure Revolution.

For more information on how to optimize your pleasure and your life, visit MamaGenas.com and check out her Virtual Pleasure Boot Camp – starts soon!

A Journey of Joy: Hoop Yourself Happy!

by Leah R. Troiano

One day I asked myself a very simple question: “What makes me happy?” Sadly, I had very few answers.

How can that be? I am a vibrant and independent woman — a force to be reckoned with. At least I was before kids, packing lunches, and the daily cooking and cleaning. Ugh! Now I sound boring. When did that happen?

Before kids, I lived in England, studied Shakespeare; traveled Spain and Italy, drinking wine and dancing late into the evenings. I was fun! At least I used to be. It was time to take stock, so I grabbed a notebook. “That’s it,” I thought, “I need more fun in my life.” I made a list of what makes me happy with the intention of bringing more of it into my life.

Let’s see, I like to:

1. Read

2. Travel

Yikes … that’s all? Houston, we have a problem.

I’m happily married to a man I adore and desire, and he supports me in every crazy adventure I try (like the one I felt coming on). I have two healthy and amazing girls, and the support of family and friends. Shouldn’t that be enough? So why do I have a nagging feeling of discontent?

Something’s Gotta Give
And so began my Journey of Joy. I started with that small-but-mighty “Happy List” that I printed and stuck it to my computer with the hope of adding to it. That gave me an idea: dance class! While searching different types of dance, I stumbled across a video of women dancing with hula hoops. I was mesmerized. I watched that video over and over and over again. When my Dave (aka cherished husband) arrived home, he barely got through the door before I shoved the laptop at him.

“I want to do that!”

“Go for it!” he said.

And I did. I ordered a hoop, and read everything I could about hoop dance. Turns out, hooping is a low-impact, high-cardio workout that burns from 300 to 400 calories for every 30 to 40 minutes of continuous hooping. It also strengthens posture, improves balance, creates flexibility and enhances coordination. It benefits brain health because hooping delivers oxygen-rich blood to the brain and, as the hoop crosses the body’s midline, it strengthens the neural connections between both hemispheres of the brain.

Hooping is also used as a moving meditation to reduce stress. And guess what else? It promotes body acceptance. Accepting my body for what it is right now? Sign me up!

Finally, my hoop arrived. I ripped that wrapping off like it was my birthday and … leaned it against the wall, stepped back and looked at it. Ugh, I’m such a chicken!

It took me two weeks to make that hoop spin! And I had to work at it, while my husband watched and gave me “pointers.” Despite his help (“You are trying too hard.” Gee, thanks, Hon.) and our hysterical fits of laughter, I increased my flow one rotation at a time.

Hoop Yourself Happy
What I love most about hooping is its inclusivity. Your body size, height and weight do not matter! Almost everyone can hoop. Finding the right hoop will help speed your success during your first hooping attempts. A good rule of thumb is to measure yourself from the floor to the midway point between your belly button and your chest, and then order (online or with a local hoop maker) a hoop based on that measurement. (Hoop makers want you to purchase the perfect hoop and should be helpful in sizing you.)

As soon as you get your new hoop, make a vow to try hooping for at least 10 minutes every day for two weeks. Once you get that hoop moving, turn on your favorite tunes and hoop. Better yet, take your hoop to an outdoor park or concert and hoop to live music! Once you gain “hoop confidence,” try walking around, dancing the cha-cha or jumping up and down, or just dance with joy. Better yet, find a hoop friend and do those things together.

Whole New World
When I stepped into my hoop for the first time, a new world opened up to me. It reminded me of what I used to love. Things like music and dance suddenly called to me. Without thinking twice, I was downloading new music and signing up for dance lessons. I was becoming more and more like my fun self again. And I loved it.

Now, with hoops in hand, I travel often and meet many wonderful people. In addition to teaching classes, I host free Hoop Jams at local parks and get people outside and playing! (Hooping builds community!) Almost everywhere I go, I happily answer questions from curious onlookers and I’ve been asked to hoop in airports, train stations, medical centers, parking lots, and the list goes on and on. I happily oblige.

Maybe it’s nostalgia or the desire to rekindle childlike happiness, but hooping makes me completely approachable. At times, I feel like I’m 6 years old again on the playground, and there are no boundaries to friendship. People talk to me because we both like hoops, and that’s enough.

As I write this article, my dogs are curled up next to me, a photo of Shanghai (that I took myself, thank you very much!) hangs on the wall behind me and a healthy bunch of colorful hoops (that I made) lean against my living room wall. I’m immensely grateful that I questioned my lingering feelings of discontent. It spurred me to bring passion back into my life.

My puppy lets out a lazy yawn and rolls to her side for a belly scratch, and I think, life doesn’t get much better than this. But I’m always willing to test that boundary!

Leah R. Troiano, hoop advocate, certified hoop dance instructor and owner of Loopdihoops.com, devotes much of her fun time to hooping, teaching hooping and learning how to hoop better! The rest of the time, you’ll find her writing, reading, discovering new ways to love her wonderful family or cooking up crazy new adventures.

Note: Hooping is exercise and, like all new exercise programs, should be cleared by a physician before you start, especially if you have health or back problems.

Photo credit: niko si

Flip Over and Float

When you read the words “flip over and float,” what image comes to your mind? What feeling comes into your body? Relief? Expansion? This concept of “flipping and floating” comes as a result of 14 years as a licensed psychotherapist and coach in New York City. I repeatedly witness clients sweating the small stuff like traffic or rude subway riders and then making the choice to let that constriction (which, by the way, is always fear, even if it is wearing a different disguise) dictate the rest of their day and, in some cases, the rest of their lives. It’s like watching someone struggling to swim upstream, expending a ton of effort in the wrong direction and, in the process, missing the beautiful view.

I realized a few years ago in my own life that there was an easier way to achieve all of my goals. That it did not have to all be so damn hard. I was raised in a family with a Protestant work ethic, so I revered hard work and achievement. I was never unhappy working hard. As my career exploded, I became more constricted and stressed about time management and that negatively affected all aspects of my life. I was under the illusion that time was happening to me and there never seemed to be enough of it. Since I did not realize I had a choice, I felt unempowered to change.

The beginning of becoming unconstricted, more joyful and more successful came with a committed meditation practice. This created space, possibility and relief in my mind, body and life. Along with meditation, the incorporation of present moment consciousness accelerated my happiness and success.

What makes up the quality of your life is your daily existence, not only the peak experiences or significant epiphanies. It is my belief from observation and experience that the connection between being constricted/fearful and not having the life of your dreams float into your lap like a feather is direct and undeniable. So let’s get to how this can affect your life. Choose from the list below to get clarity on what constricts you on a daily basis.

Daily Constrictor

1. Traffic/commute
2. Not enough time
3. Not enough money
4. Unsatisfying job, marriage, health, financial life, social life and family life
5. Other

Now create a second list of alternate actions and feeling states you can choose when you start to feel stress around each item on list one.

Alternate Actions and Feeling States

1. Bust out lavender oil. Take three deep breaths. Release.
2. Repeat mantra, “I have exactly the right amount of time.” Breathe and release.
(Create what works for you.)

For example, if you sit in traffic daily, you have a choice of how you will experience that time. Unchecked, your Fear Mind (or Mafia Mind as I like to call it) will start its negative script about the idiot driver in front of you or your chatty office mate who made you late, creating constriction. This is your chance to do something different. The moment the script starts to roll, you must be present enough to say out loud, “Stop and breathe.” Then take three long, deep breaths directly into the constriction that your thoughts have created in your body. On the exhalation, release it while consciously relaxing your muscles. Just decide to let it go and float. This action strengthens your ability to be here now. The more you practice this, the faster and easier it gets. Time in traffic can be restorative or just suck. You decide. For bigger issues, becoming calm and unconstricted is where effective problem-solving begins.

The above exercise is one small action that will create change if you do it. This is not to say that deep breathing will fix your marriage, your job or shut up your co-worker. It is to say that being constricted makes all of those situations worse and robs you of your present-moment joy.

It comes as a total surprise to most clients that they can choose their feeling state in most situations. Your feelings are not happening to you. If you choose to stay constricted with excuses and justifications, it is still a choice. Changing conditioned responses can be challenging just like anything else worthwhile. You don’t get the ass of your dreams by going to the gym once.

So I challenge you to try this exercise and see what happens in your life. Open your mind and your heart to the transformative power of your intention. Take it from this former Type A constricted control freak: If I can become unconstricted and joyfully present in my life, so can you.

So here’s to flipping over and floating and the joyful abundance that comes with it.

Photo credit: Avelino Maestas

What a Supermodel Taught Me About Comparing Yourself to Others

by Nicole Burley, M.Ed

A few months ago, I walked in to my yoga class and discovered that the woman on the mat next to me was a famous lingerie supermodel.

Gulp.

I knew her at once. She was one of those models who was so exotic and desirable that I actually knew her by name, not just by face. I had seen her on billboards all over Manhattan, pouting at me in her underwear, spilling out of her lingerie with her impossibly curvy, yet skinny, yet perky, yet sexy, tan and toned body parts.

In contrast, I was feeling thick and bloated that day. Also pasty. It was laundry day, so I was wearing the scraps of my yoga wardrobe, and I hadn’t been to class in a few days, so I was feeling stiff and hinky. I think I can say to you in all honesty that the last thing I needed was a supermodel right next to me in my yoga class that day.

But, hey, that’s where she was. And, besides, aren’t I supposed to be focused on my own experience in yoga class? Aren’t I supposed to keep my mind on my own mat? That’s what I told myself as the class began and we all closed our eyes to “om.”

My focus was short-lived. With every Downward-facing Dog, I tried to sneak a peek at her. Each time I arrived at the top of my mat, my eyes drifted over to the world-renowned sex symbol to my right. What was she doing? How did she look doing it? Was she really that gorgeous? Really that perfect?

And what about me? How did I measure up compared to this icon of sex appeal and beauty? Was my hair as shiny? Did I look as sultry? Was she better than me at yoga?

Then, all too easily, I got a little mean. Up close, she’s not that stunning, I thought to myself. In person, she’s just average. They must do a lot with lights and make-up. She has really long arms. And her toes are weird.

In essence, using solely the voice inside my head, I managed to knock both of us down several notches. I guess, on some level, I thought this exercise would make me feel better. It seems like a ridiculous strategy now, of course. When was the last time you actually felt better about yourself after dwelling on your perceived shortcomings and sending snarky energy to a total stranger?

When the class was over, the joy I usually felt after yoga had been replaced with a deep feeling of crumminess. Not only had I paid no attention to my yoga practice, but I had spent a full hour mentally disparaging myself and my perfectly lovely supermodel classmate. She probably had no idea of the trip I’d been on because of her presence, but I was exhausted and depleted. And for what?

Here’s what. When you compare your body to other women’s bodies, or if you compare your accomplishments, your home, your bank account – any of it – to any other person in the world, one of two things usually happens:

1. You end up feeling low and inadequate and really bad about yourself.

2. You end up mentally rendering someone else low and inadequate, which, in turn, makes you feel low and inadequate and really bad about yourself.

Neither of these options seems like a winner to me. The fact is, the only person worth comparing yourself to, is the very best version of you.

So what might we do instead?

The next time you feel the urge to beat up on yourself for not looking more like so-and-so, or for not having a life that’s more like so-and-so, I invite you to stop. Take a breath. And then, with a humongous dose of compassion, consider one or more of the strategies listed below.

Strategies for Letting Go of Comparisons

1. Think back to the last time you did something really funny, loving, important or amazing. Remember how you felt about yourself and bring that feeling with you absolutely everywhere you go.

2. Keep a mental list of all the things you are, rather than all the things you are not. Remind yourself often!

3. Reflect on your personal story, your unique journey in the world, and all the things you’ve been through to arrive exactly where you are today.

4. List all the ways that the person you are right now, in this moment, will help you achieve your goals and arrive where you want to be in your life.

5. Look at the person to whom you are comparing yourself and realize that she is simply another person on the planet with you, doing the best she can.

To your happiness, health and success!

Nicole Burley, M.Ed is a life coach living in NYC with her husband and their amazing dachshund. She believes in having down-to-earth conversations to upgrade your life and your health. She is passionate about supporting her clients as they create an Ideal Life – whatever that means to them.

Photo credit: Rodrigo Quinones

Real Happiness

Many years ago I was wandering through the narrow alleyways of the marketplace in the Old City of Jerusalem when I heard a merchant call out to me, “I have what you need.” A thrill went through my entire body, and I excitedly turned toward him thinking, “Wow, he has what I need.” Then I realized: Wait a minute. First of all, I don’t need anything. And secondly, how would he know he has what I need?

Of course we hear that message all of the time, “I have what you need.” We turn toward many of these messages, one after the other. We get confused, overwhelmed and very, very tired. The basis of my life of meditation was finding out what I actually needed in order to be happy, apart from what others told me or I carried around as an old assumption. Actually, even before that, there came the growing recognition that it might be alright to want to be happy.

In the Buddhist tradition it is said that everyone wants to be happy, and this isn’t something to be afraid of or feel squeamish about. It isn’t the same as self-centeredness or selfishness. It’s good to want to be happy. Our problem is often not knowing where genuine, durable happiness is to be found, and not just being beguiled by the temporary flash of the moment or the insistent voice of another saying, “Want this.” If we can combine that urge toward happiness, toward feeling at home in this body and this mind, feeling a part of something greater than our limited sense of self, with intelligence and wisdom instead of confusion, it becomes like our homing instinct for freedom, helping us cut through many obstacles.

Our own deeper happiness is considered to be like inner resourcefulness or inner abundance. This is the quality that allows us to keep going and keep giving. If we are exhausted, overcome or miserable, clearly there isn’t much energy to even fully recognize someone else’s situation. We need some kind of flourishing to have enough wherewithal to stay connected to the world around us. And if we have even more, it spills over into our actively caring and often working to try to make a difference for others.

And this is where my meditation practice began to come in: letting in enough caring for myself to admit it was okay to want to be happy, and then honing enough awareness and discernment to be able to see for myself where my greatest happiness resided. That turned out to be not in nice things, or in pleasant fleeting experiences (though both can be great and should be enjoyed when we are lucky enough to get them), but in qualities like refined and steady awareness and the power of love and compassion. And those qualities turned out not to be fixed or limited, but responsive to cultivation and nurturing. That too is the purview and the gift of meditation.