By Kris Carr on October 7, 2011
I recently got an email from a fan with a deep desire to play big in her life and career. There’s only one problem, she’s terrified of the type of criticism she might receive if she really puts herself out there. “Kris, how do you navigate the good, bad and ugly?” What a fantastic question!
First and foremost, I’ve cultivated a sacred relationship with myself. I literally have my own back and am an excellent (self) bodyguard. I also believe in KC, and drum roll … I like me. Sure, meanies can sting, but I can’t be torn down easily. Good reviews, bad reviews, why hold onto either? If you believe you’re the next Jesus, then you’d better believe you’re the devil too. That’s the roller coaster ride you buy a ticket for when you choose to get caught up in others’ opinions of you. As long as what you’re putting out in the world resonates with you, feels good in your soul’s tummy, and helps folks, that’s all the validation you need. Here’s another test: Would you be proud of what you’re doing ten years from now? 20 years, etc? If so, charge on!
Over the Crazy Sexy years, I’ve experienced a bloody-wrestling match with criticism. I’m not going to lie, every once in a while I wish my life were simpler and private. But I signed up for more this time around. And more is stunning and complicated. Not everyone is open to my wellness philosophy, irreverent sass, my desire to be a smart businesswoman and my willingness to stand up for animals, people and the planet. So how can we learn to separate constructive criticism from useless finger-waging whining? On top of that, how do we build a tougher shell to fight against bullies? It’s simple: 99 percent of the time, the stabbing comment is not about you. It’s about them. The haters will hate because they are hurt and sad and mad. Your shine freaks the holy-hell fuck out of them. Capiche?
In these situations, the quicker you shake it off and march forward, the better. Send compassion, love and forgiveness to the person attacking you. Yuck!? Yeah, I know that can be a hard pill to swallow. But boy does it reframe the situation fast. Maybe they’re having a bad day or haven’t quite learned to master the fine art of communication. Whatever the case: Never let their issues bring you down. If you can be honest with yourself, it’s pretty easy to see what information is beneficial and what needs to be tossed. Can’t see things clearly? Ask a trusted friend or colleague. Here’s another way to look at harsh commentary: When you start to get a reaction from the outside world, you know that you’re pushing boundaries and challenging yourself (and others) to grow. So, rock on pioneer!
Safe ways to deal with criticism:
1. Consider the source. Is the commenter a friend or foe? Are they speaking from a place of security and openness or anger and negativity? Even if you don’t know the person, you can usually tell a lot about them from their tone. Often, destructive, snarky criticism is a projection of the insecurity and unresolved issues of the giver. These comments can be the most biting, but also the most unfounded and telling. When you march to your own beat, you’re going to piss people off because it makes them feel uneasy about their place in the world. Thought-provokers are prime targets for being misquoted and manipulated, and you can’t control that – trust me! Take a breath and objectively examine the source before crawling into a hole of self-loathing. Plus, that person is already occupying the hole. Do you really want to hang with them?
2. Practice non-attachment. Whether the response is good or bad, you will benefit from creating distance between yourself and your work. These remarks don’t define you as a person. And remember what I said a hot second ago. You can’t control how folks perceive you. If you really want to dampen your spark, go ahead and try. Seriously, it’s not possible, so just keep your side of the street clean and let go. For example, health is a hot button issue for a whole lotta folks. To keep moving ahead, I have to remind myself that I am not merely the product of my work. I am not an inspirational patient. I am not a trailblazer. I am not a glass of green juice. I am not defined by how the world perceives my work. I am Kris. No more, no less. Sure I have goals. But my work and my life are very different – even though my life is deeply embedded in my work. Make sense? If I allowed myself to be defined by these things, I would’ve stopped years ago. And remember this, just because someone says something about you, it doesn’t mean it’s true. Is one weak voice going to silence you? No way!
3. Pull out the gems. Once in a while, you’ll receive a big honking piece of fabulous feedback. This type of critique is one of the greatest gifts a person can give you. Cherish these nuggets even if they’re difficult to digest. Constructive criticism may make you feel a little uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t hurt your feelings or cut you down. Instead, it can teach you how to better serve and build your business.
A special note about the Internet: Remember that the Internet gives everyone a voice. That’s what’s so great about it. But it also makes it an emotional land mine. People who are in pain have a really easy time venting from a laptop, especially if they never have to meet you in person or be held accountable. Journalists too. No matter how lovely they may seem, they often have their own agendas that do not include your best interest in mind. If you find yourself at a place in your career where you are being interviewed, check out the writer. Does he or she have a respectful, clean tone? How intelligent is the person? Are their values aligned with yours? If not, you can say … no. Opportunities will come and go, you’ll always have them. I promise.
Bottom line: Don’t let the fear of criticism hold you back. Use the good stuff as rocket fuel, the thoughtful advice to hone your message, and throw the junk in the trash where it belongs.
Peace & encouragement,
KC
Photo credit: TeX HeX
Read More
By Jolia Sidona Allen on October 16, 2009
I confess: I’m a die-hard surfer. No, not the big wave COWABUNGA kind. Although I live six blocks from the Pacific—I spend way more time surfing the web than I do at the beach. I’m a bona fide Internet junkie. What’s worse? I’m a vegan Internet junkie.
I stay awake into the wee hours of the night energized by my insatiable curiosity for all things veg, googling search terms like “vegan sources of alpha-linolenic acid” or “how to de-seed a pomegranate.” I read the menus of veg eateries in towns I never plan to visit. I scour for the perfect pair of vegan boots to complete my fall wardrobe. I eat up all the gossip on veg celebs. I drown myself in the latest and most critical medical literature. I admit: I once even took a virtual tour—via a You Tube video—of the inside of a vegan’s refrigerator.
And, my addiction doesn’t get put on hold in AM. As Associate Editor and Web Editor of Vegetarian Times magazine and Vegetariantimes.com, it’s part of my job to keep my finger on the pulse of the ever-evolving World Wide Veg (WWV) and to contribute to it—Vegetariantimes.com offers the world’s largest collection of nutritious and delicious vegetarian recipes!
It’s no newsflash that technology has does wonders to make the universe a smaller place. No matter how far apart we live, we are citizens of the same global veg village. That’s the real beauty of it: we’re in this together, connected by the information highway. The WWV makes it easy to connect with uncountable like-minded vegheads across the globe, sharing veg recipes, news, etc. It’s about being inspired and inspiring others, using technology as fuel to spread the good gospel on vegetarianism and healthy living like wildfire.
Because you are reading this blog right now, you’re probably already just as tangled up in the WWV as I am. We could all use a little help navigating the WWV. Below, please find my list of hot clicks. This list is by no means a “Best Of”; it’s just my suggestions of not-be-missed WWV destinations. Check ‘em out, and pretty please with an organic cherry on top leave comments sharing the gazillion and one I missed!
Vegan Radio is a bi-weekly vegan broadcast and podcast, available for download as MP3 files subscription through iTunes. This show will simultaneously keep you laughing out load and well-informed on all things veg, with news and commentary delivered by three of the most likeable vegan radio hosts imaginable plus a guest lineup including the most inspirational voices of veganism such as Raw Foods Goodess Ani Phyo, Vegan Triathlete Brendan Brazier, vegan body builder Robert Cheeke, and co-author of Skinny Bitch Rory Freedman.
@veganhelp on Twitter makes it easier than ever for vegans to help want-to-be vegans make the transition. This twitter “bot” simply reposts tweets from users it believes want to go vegan so others can respond to their inquiries. Example: “RT @TheVeganRD Need a cookbook recommendation for someone just starting to go vegan. She likes to cook, doesn’t always have time. Has a 3-year-old.” All you need to do to lend your advice to others is follow @veganhelp on Twitter and respond to tweets by clicking on the bit.ly link.
Obamafoodorama Want to have something interesting to add to the conversation at the next dinner party you go to? Obama Foodorama—“A Daily Diary of the Obama Foodscape, One Bipartison Byte at a Time”— covers all things red, white, and foodie, from a brief history of the White House cupcake habit to the groundbreaking White House kitchen garden.
Locavore iPhone App makes it a no-brainer to eat local and in season, making it easier than ever to stick to a 100 mile diet. Locavore automatically detects which state your in, tells you what foods are currently in season (i.e. papayas, eggplant, oranges), offer food pics, locates farms and farmers’ markets near you, and more. Available through the iphone App store.
Meatlessmonday.com is a global movement to cut back on meat consumption for both health and environmental reasons. The campaign has a long history in America; it was launched during WWI, resurrected during WWII, recreated in 2003 as a public health awareness program, and has gained world-wide momentum in the past year, with the help of supporters like Paul McCartney and his daughters Stella and Mary. Join the movement!
Vegetariantimes.com allows you to search over 12,000 tasty vegetarian recipes by ingredient; by specialty diets such as gluten-free, vegan, and low-cal; by ethnic cuisine, by holiday, by season, etc. You can even print your shopping list! The site also offers a free downloadable Vegetarian Starter Kit, Editor’s Picks of top stories, a super helpful Ingredient Substitution Guide, a must-read Editors Blog, and more. Plus, you can find VT on Facebook and Twitter, posting mouthwatering recipes and foodie news updates.
Meetup.com A simple search for the word “vegan” on Meetup.com yields a whopping 755 groups; a search for “raw food” yields 656 groups! As the website’s name implies, these groups “meet up” with like-minded pepes around the globe. Meetup groups are as diverse as the cities and towns they meet up in, from the Vegan Outdoor and Adventure Group in Westminster, CO, to the Boynton Beach Raw Foodies in Boyton Beach, FL.
Vegetarianstar.com Extra! Extra! Read all about Alicia Silverstone’s book launch party for her new book, The Kind Diet, or the release of Kosher Vegetarian, starring Natalie Portman. Vegetarianstar.com is a star-studded blog that reads like a newspaper, dishing out a healthy portion of celebrity vegetarian gossip and news. Eat it up!
Veganbodybuilding.com The athletes featured here showcase plant protein’s power to build muscle and fuel endurance athletes. Got a burning question? Veganbodybuilding.com’s Forums discuss everything from Martial Arts to Vegan Dating. Plus, where else can you order a grass green headband embroidered with VEGAN in bold all-caps or a sunshine yellow TEAM VEGAN tank top?
And, of course, Crazy, Sexy, Life!!!
P.S. Please leave your comments sharing your fave WWV destinations below!
Read More
By Brian Fassett on March 27, 2009
When I was a kid I had a paper route. It was a pretty good gig: after school my dog Tyrone and I would cruise the neighborhood stuffing the Pittsburgh Press into mailboxes or screen doors. On Sundays I’d pull my brother’s old go-cart then bomb it empty down the steep hill home. I’d read the papers as I went, learning about my town and the world beyond. This little Norman-Rockwell-in-bell-bottoms-scene didn’t last long, however. Within a few years of my passing the baton to the next punk, paperboys were gone – killed off by a greasy old creep from somewhere else driving my route – and many others – in his rusty Cordoba. The mercenaries had wiped us out. My first lesson that news is business.
There’s a lot of news about the news these days. The internet has caught the old guard off guard. Newspapers, in particular, have had a hard time adapting and are in a dire free-fall. Major city papers across the country, having bled money for years, are finally going belly up. Seattle, Denver, San Francisco. Small local papers are dropping like flies. This week monoliths like The New York Times and The Washington Post announced major layoffs as their stock prices keep falling. Politicians are talking about media bailouts. Are we witnessing the death of the newspaper?
Then again, so what? Polls show a majority of Americans don’t really care if their local paper folds. After all, long before the internet, they began leaving newspapers in favor of the sirens-and-fires coverage on the local TV news. Each era must ride changes in technology – the town crier once lost his job to the printing press. But that’s assuming news is news. It is not. Newspapers are very good at in-depth investigative journalism. Whether it’s blockbuster stuff like Watergate and whistleblowers or small time stuff like your town council jerk taking grease for a building permit, journalism matters in our lives. There’s no substitute for a snooping reporter to keep it all real and honest. Can our new modes of information carry the torch? After years of doom and gloom, we’re starting to see the News World Order take shape in a positive way, led by President Obama.
What’s the News World Order look like? On Thursday, the President held the first-ever internet town hall meeting. 100,000 people submitted questions – some of them video – and more than 3,000,000 people voted on their favorites. Obama answered the winning questions, streaming live on the White House website. His campaign for the presidency is legendary for bringing politics into the 21st century by harnessing the power of the internet. One of the founders of Facebook ran his online community campaign, which created a foot soldier army never before seen. It’s been fascinating and encouraging to watch him, now that he’s President, transform the White House website into an interactive hub that includes hipster stuff like blogs and videos. In his press conferences, too, he’s shaken things up by calling on reporters from websites – Huffington Post and Politico – which is hugely symbolic of the shift towards the power of new media. Now, I view all this democratic flash and sparkle with a healthy dose of Orwellian skepticism. But if delivered even partially as promised, it’s a brave new era of populist power.
By the way, I’m a big fan of Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert and I don’t view them, as many do, as the death of civilization. I think that in between the jokes, they often have very important things to say that the corporate media is too afraid to tackle. I’m not really worried that the youngins are keeping up with the world through these guys.
But while comedy news and sites like the Huffington Post have been heralded as the model of the future, people seem to forget that they mostly gather and mash other people’s news. It’s symbiotic. Somebody’s still got to pay the original reporters. Huff’s staff and budget are a tiny fraction of the New York Times. This is beginning to change. Huffington is doing a great job expanding into original reporting. Bloggers are beginning to gain the clout and access necessary to serve an important role in the post-newspaper world. And this means less power to the corporate giants, which is always a good thing. We just have to keep our eye on the ball. We have to demand real reporting and reward those who perform it. And here is where, to my wife Kris’ amusement, I insert a few quotes from my main man Thomas Jefferson: “The press is the best instrument for enlightening the mind of man, and improving him as a rational, moral and social being”, “No government ought to be without censors; and where the press is free no one ever will.”
The paperboy days are gone. How will our kids learn about the world? How do you get your news?
Read More
