Holiday Meal Survival Tips
Gatherings that revolve around food can be – to say the least – stressful for vegans. Navigating the tricky waters of family dynamics, traditions, and expectations is not easy, and it can cause waves in an otherwise calm sea.
Anyone who has transitioned from an animal-based diet to a plant-based diet knows that it is so much more profound than simply making new food choices. It’s about questioning assumptions, reexamining our values, aligning our behavior with our principles, and shifting the paradigms with which we grew up. All of this seems to happen very spontaneously once you’ve had a consciousness shift, and it can be a little unnerving – not only to ourselves but to those who are the closest to us.
As we go through this transition, we are at once incredibly excited to see the world through a different lens and devastated to recognize the dauntingly huge scale of meat-, dairy-, and egg consumption in our society. It is a painful awareness for those who know the suffering the animals endure.
But vegans have to remember that as much as we have experienced our own transformation, not everyone around us necessarily has. Even though we may feel completely changed, we cannot forget to look at how our changes affect those around us – especially our parents, no matter how old we are.
Most likely, they have been cooking the same thing for us year after year, night after night, holiday after holiday. They have gone through our picky phases, they have cut the crusts off our bread, they have slaved over our favorite “holiday roast,” and now we tell them that it has all changed.
On a very practical level, their less-than-enthusiastic reaction may be due to the fact that they absolutely have no idea what to feed you. (This is when you slip them a copy of a fantastic vegan cookbook!) Short of that, provide them with recipes, help them create a menu, offer to cook with them and for them. And all the while, let them have their reaction. Let them have their time to process it, just as you had to do. Give them time.
I think that one of the reasons parents take our transition to veganism so personally is because food is used from the day we’re born as a way for them to express their love for us. They’ve used it to nurture us and be close to us. When we reject the things they have fed us, it may feel like we’re rejecting them.
Holiday meals are an opportunity to demonstrate that we are not rejecting their traditions but rather embracing our values. Be clear that it has nothing to do with them. It is also a wonderful opportunity to show them that nothing need be sacrificed – not a beautiful centerpiece, not a filling meal with all the traditional fixings, and not the true meaning of the gathering.
Here are some helpful tips on how to make meals fun, delicious and compassionate this holiday season:
*Offer to host the holiday dinner. By hosting the meal, you can show off the endless array of options and treat your family to a vegan feast.
*Offer to make the main dish and bring it to the person hosting.
*Communicate with the person hosting the event, and introduce them to some easy ways to “veganize” the standards: Earth Balance instead of dairy-based butter, nondairy milk instead of cow’s milk, vegetable broth instead of animal-based broth.
*Be clear. Do not expect family and friends to know what “vegan” means, and do not expect them to bend over backwards to accommodate you – without any help from you.
*Be true to yourself. Though we need to weigh the consequences of our decisions, if you are uncomfortable attending an event where a turkey is displayed on the table, you do not have to go.
Time and time again, I have heard from people who panic around the holidays because they think their families won’t understand, that they will have nothing to eat. If that is our expectation, then that will be our experience. But time and time again, I see the opposite take place. When we stand up for what we believe in, with grace and humility, incredible things take place.
As much as we want our family members to be understanding and compassionate, we have to provide the same compassion and understanding. By giving compassion, understanding, respect, and patience, that’s what we create and receive.
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