30 and Unemployed

By Sierra Brasher

I have spent the last 30 years viewing the world from a standing position and believing that my career was a definition of who I am. This false perception misled me to thinking that it’s okay to allow fear and anxiety to rule my world, as long as it is in the name of “success.” I recently read that pandas upend themselves into handstands to show their peers that they are bamboo-thrashing beasts, not to be messed with. I think the panda bears have the right idea. When your world seems upside down, just reverse your position and life starts looking right-side up.

The day I graduated from college, I lost the title of “journalism student” and immediately began seeking another title that would gain credibility and acceptance both amongst my peers and, more importantly, with myself. Seven years later, I have a multitude of titles that were gained as I explored various paths to redefine this lost identity. I have been a writer for a fashion magazine in Austin, an Olympic tour operator in Greece and Italy, a surfboard sales rep in Orange County and, most recently, a BizDev gal for a video production company. And while each of these careers has been a part of my random adventure, they have more often caused stress and anxiety than passion and enlightenment. Just recently, I had an epiphany while practicing an inversion posture in yoga: Work does not define me. And with that realization, I put in notice with my employer and started practicing more random acts of handstands.

I know what you’re thinking—who would quit a perfectly good (paying!) job in the given economy without having a backup plan? People warned me that I better have something lined up before I cut my only source of income. But those people obviously didn’t know me very well. You see, I’m an all or nothing kind of gal. I give everything I have to my career, whatever it might be at that given moment in my life. I can’t be filling my days with deadlines, conference calls and meetings if I’m going to do this right. This is about me, and I need to focus on the things that make me tick. So, yes, I quit my job in the entertainment industry to enter a new phase of my life called “What do I want to be when I grow up?”

Of course, being the neurotic control freak that I am, I knew that to remain sane and open-minded during my unemployment, I would need to follow some basic healthy rules to keep me mentally and physically balanced. What would I do with my days? How would I keep myself from dying of boredom? And most importantly, how could I ensure that I made the best use of this time?

I started my blog, 30 and Unemployed, as a way to chronicle the highs and lows of being jobless in Orange County. I have used my blog as motivation for myself (and others) to keep my head up (or upside down, in some cases) and my eyes open to the world around me. Living in Laguna Beach, I am fortunate to be surrounded by beauty and year-round perfect weather, which allows me to partake in so many amazing, free activities—like surfing, running on the beach and rock climbing. On any given day, the ocean calls my name and lures me to play in its waves, and there is no excuse why I shouldn’t give in to this temptation.

I vowed to do something each day that makes me happy. I’ve spent my whole life trying to squeeze in time for yoga or surfing, and now that I have all the free time in the world, I don’t want to lose sight of the little things that make me smile. These little stress-relieving activities are part of what I have named my Happy List. Though yoga has been a consistent part of my life for the past nine years, I often catch myself showing up to class and going through the movements, my mind everywhere except in the present. “Be present in yoga” is one of many to-dos on my Happy List.

Since quitting my job almost six weeks ago, I’ve started to view the world differently. I started working part-time as a family assistant to relieve some financial burden. Now that I know my job title does not define who I am, I go to work folding laundry and helping a thirteen-year-old with math homework with a smile on my face. This is only temporary, and it allows me the freedom to do what I want with my time. I’m happy, and that’s all that counts!

I’ve done at least one thing from my Happy List every day—some days, I do four or five! Before I quit my job, if you ever heard me say, “I cooked,” that meant that I had either A) made an almond butter and jelly sandwich or B) made some sort of weird low-carb veggie wrap with soy meat and goat cheese. But now that learning to cook is on my Happy List, I can say with all honesty that yesterday, I made Beet and Kale Penne Pasta—and that came after a day of surfing!

I have been writing as much as possible and incorporating yoga into my daily schedule. Random acts of handstands have become an all-too-familiar part of my new life. Taking a cue from the pandas, here I am, 30 and unemployed. I’m finally altering my viewpoint and taking charge of my life, showing the world that, I too, am not to be messed with!

Sierra Brasher, originally from Austin, is the founder of the 30 and Unemployed website. She recently quit her job in order to pursue her writing and is chronicling the highs and lows of unemployment in Orange County, California. You can join Sierra on her journey by visiting her website.

Spiritual Intimacy

By Cora Poage

“I just don’t know if Ben is spiritual enough for me.” I found myself saying this to a fellow Spiritual Psychology student last weekend regarding my partner of 8 years.

“Or maybe he doesn’t go as deep in conversations or something. I just don’t feel like I am completely heard or seen by him. I don’t think we have much spiritual intimacy. It’s almost like we speak different languages about this stuff.”

“Hmmm…” my wise counselor responded. “Do you think you have EVER felt this kind of spiritual intimacy with Ben?”

I closed my eyes, blinked back tears, and remembered the first summer we met: It was the Exploration Summer Program, Boston, 2002. I saw him from across the room at the Staff Orientation. Our first conversation felt like magic; the flow to our communication, so organic, even Divine. “Who is this angel in a (hot) male’s body?” I wondered.

His blue eyes danced with spirit, his laugh, deep with connection to Source, and his very Being personified faith. It felt simple then to surrender to his love, our love. We were so innocent. Spiritual intimacy was natural. The term “soul mates” even comes to mind. We were best friends in a breath, partners in a heart beat…in love with each other for life.

“Yes, yes,” I said. “Absolutely, I have felt this kind of intimacy with Ben.”

“Would you like to tell me more about what has happened since that first summer?” she asks.

Our Story flashes through my head, my heart. What has lead us to where we are now?

My own Irrational Beliefs around marriage and men come to the surface in a torrent of emotion. I hear them: “All marriages end in divorce. It is only a matter of time before someone is unfaithful. Husbands try to tie their wives down. I have to have four kids and cook like Martha Stewart to be loved. He says he supports my dreams, but I don’t believe it.”

Deep Breath. Are any of these really true for Us? No. Not at all; although I don’t think Ben would mind a pot roast dinner once in awhile. Hell, neither would I!

Deep Breath. Self Forgiveness: I forgive myself for buying into the misunderstanding that all marriages end in divorce. I forgive myself for assuming that because my parents got divorced a couple times, I will, too. I forgive myself for judging Ben as a chauvinistic tyrant. (Couldn’t be farther from the truth!)

I look up in my counselor’s face and I see love, support, light. “This is helpful. I feel more open to my marriage. But what about this whole spiritual intimacy thing?”

I close my eyes again, and I hear him. Who? ECKHART TOLLE… I didn’t even know I had this quote memorized!

“Outflow determines inflow. You can’t receive what you don’t GIVE. What you think the world is withholding from you, you already have.”

The tears flowed, with gusto this time. I pictured Ben’s beautiful face and I realized the Truth. My irrational belief that Ben wasn’t “spiritual enough” came from my own FEAR of intimacy. WHOA!

My fear is that if I open up from my deepest Authentic Self, from my place of Divine Love inside he will leave, get scared, or abandon me. Suddenly, I feel a strange mix of both empowerment and deep annoyance. “You mean this is up to me? I have to take action?”

And a new voice from within: “Yes, honey. This is up to you. You built the walls. Now you get to knock them down.”

Deep Breath.

Deep Breath.

Deep Breath.

“If you let yourself be truly seen, then you can be truly loved.” -Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (SARK)

I dedicate my Blog Post to you, Ben. My lover, my teacher, my partner in life, and my very best friend. I vow to break down the walls, brick by brick, as I open up to you more and more, as I “let myself be truly seen.” Forgive me for these irrational beliefs that I have held around you and marriage up until now. I am releasing them; they do not serve me. I am open to a spiritual intimacy with you and I am enthusiastically and lovingly holding a safe space for you to open up to me as well.

In closing: When Ben and I were engaged, I shared a story with him about a woman who had been divorced once. When her boyfriend requested her hand in marriage, she said she really had to think about it. She was delving into an amazing career and was really focused on self-care, her son, and her own dreams. She asked for two weeks to go up to her family’s cabin and deliberate.

After only one week, there was a knock on the cabin door. There was her boyfriend with a box in his hand. “I know I was supposed to let you be alone for two weeks, but I wanted to bring this to you.” She opened up the box, and inside there was a rock and a feather. “I’m the rock, and you are the feather,” he said, “Go pursue your dreams, your independent goals. I am here for you. I can be your home base.” She decided to marry him.

I shared this story with Ben. I said, “Can’t you relate? Don’t you think I’m the feather, and you’re the rock?”

He smiled at me, took my hand, and said, “You are my rock AND my feather.”

I am choosing Love. I am choosing Faith. I am choosing to believe in that highest good of all.

And Ben, you are my rock AND my feather.

Cora Poage lives in New York City with her incredible husband Ben (her “other” soulmate) and her two crazy kitties. She is the owner of Super Woman Health, a company offering wellness coaching for learning to eat, exercise, and live intuitively.

Power of Positive Thinking and a Healthy Diet

By Meg Wolff

It’s been two months since I had reconstructive surgery on my leg, and I believe it was successful. I’m flying to New York City today to be evaluated for a new prosthetic leg, and I’ll soon be walking on two legs again. Woo-hoo! While healing, I experienced the power of positive energy. My mother-in-law, Alice, came to stay with me the week after the surgery. It sure helps to have a positive and upbeat person around, especially when you’re convalescing. (Heck, it’s great having positive people around ALL THE TIME!). I consider myself to be a very lucky person. She even cooked and ate vegan food!

I spent four days in the hospital before coming home. Each day, a group of doctors from the pain team came into my room to check on me. With this sort of surgery, the first four days are generally painful. One doctor, whom I saw two of the four days, told me how good I looked and how well I was doing compared to most people who have this surgery. I think he was sincere because I felt I was doing well, too, all things considered. I thanked him because it was nice to hear those words. His positivity contributed to my well-being and peace of mind. I believe there is a LOT of power in this because I felt better!

Speaking of positivity, my friend Colleen brought me a delicious lunch. Just what I needed: an assortment of colorful vegetables and a black bean dish. The vegetables were small—sweet brussel sprouts, carrots, kale, and cauliflower—along with her favorite green drink!

Late yesterday afternoon, a new friend came by to purchase a copy of my book as a gift for her friend. She loaned me a copy of the DVD of Louise L. Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life,” the expanded version, with featured appearances by Wayne W. Dyer, Cheryl Richardson, Candace B. Pert, Ph.D., Mona Lisa Schulz, M.D., Ph.D., and Christine Northrup, M.D. (many of whose books I’ve read and recommend!). Dr. Northrup wrote a blurb for my book “Becoming Whole, The Story of My Complete Recovery From Breast Cancer.”

I know there has been a lot of controversy about being positive when you are healing from an illness. How do I weigh in on this? Personally, I feel that it is important to have hope and surround oneself with positive people. Still, I don’t think that I could have created good health through positive thinking alone; it also mattered that I chose to change how I ate. If I hadn’t changed my way of eating, an important piece of the cancer “puzzle,” I’m positive that I would not be here today, alive and cancer-free. I believe in cause and effect as seen in “The China Study.”

That said, I’m certain that being able to let go of the fear of an advanced cancer diagnosis by focusing on what I could do and taking positive action had some sort of positive effect on my immune system and wellness. When you’re told that you are going to die, it is (of course) an extremely stressful experience. It has been proven that stress affects the immune system and its ability to fight cancer cells. But by changing what I ate and living my life fully in spite of a cancer diagnosis, I let go of the outcome (and the fear) and made some positive changes in my life.

I believe healing is a multi-pronged approach. Is being negative or not looking on the bright side of life going to kill you? Probably not. But if it keeps you locked into your patterns of behavior that make no contribution to your health (like a high fat, low-fiber, junk food way of eating), than maybe so.

For me, being positive helped me stay with what I believed would help me—a way of eating based on organic whole grains, vegetables and beans. It had helped others, so I believed it could help me. And it did. The only time I was negative was when faced with putting anything into my body that didn’t promote health. I also avoided negative people, depressing movies or books, and anything that would bring me down. I wanted to feel good and balanced.

After watching Louise Hay’s DVD today (which I loved), I agree with all of her suggestions. Really loving yourself and repeating positive affirmations will lead you closer to positive actions. For me, that meant cooking the food my body needed to heal. Louise and some of the other contributors talk about the scientifically-proven methods of changing our vibration. I think changing eating habits fits right in with all that they promote, because macrobiotics teach that food is vibrational. In fact, so are air, water, excercise, and spiritual practice.

Do I believe that changing your thoughts (or attitude) can change you life? Absolutely! The glass can be half empty or half full, and I prefer the latter. I believe that we have to focus on what is right, and good, within us. We can change focusing on our misfortunes (or things we once considered bad) to focusing on the aspects we like about ourselves with a shift in attitude. Likewise, changing your food intake can change your life. That’s “food for thought.”

What has helped you in your healing journey?

Meg Wolff is a two-time cancer survivor who teaches people about the vital link between health and a plant-based diet. Meg lives in Cape Elizabeth, Maine, and has a popular blog where she is building a community of people who believe in a healthy lifestyle. She is the author of Becoming Whole. You can learn more about Meg at www.megwolff.com and www.becoming-whole.com.

A Red State

Today, when I walked my dog through one of my favorite parks in SF, I came across a man standing still on the path, looking up at a tree in total awe, a soft smile playing across his face. As I respectfully approached him I realized I was witnessing a man witnessing something truly awesome. The moment felt holy, hushed, magical. When my dog barked, the shaman-like man turned to me and exclaimed:

“Can you believe how incredible this tree is? How it twists and turns? The bark? Just look at it. Beautiful, beautiful. I talk to this tree. I love this tree. I am in love with this tree. I moved to an apartment a few blocks away so I could be closer to this tree, to all the trees in this park.”

I smiled widely and nodded. He looked me in the eyes, smiled, and walked past me a few feet till his eyes caught the next glorious branch of another exquisite tree and he stopped and gasped and fell In Love, again.

As sentimental as this might sound, I felt blessed for having seen him. Reminded. Walking through this park daily I almost always admire its beauty, but this man reminded me to do more – to go ahead and open my spiritual thighs to this park, to allow myself to fall in passionate love with the trees, the birds, the pine cones and even the dog poop and random cruddy human litter.

Last summer when I was teaching a Redvolution workshop at Omega, I was asked to try and describe something that happens when you start turning red (“turning red” means creating a more radically intimate and daringly expressive relationship with that which you define as the divine – the divine inside of you and outside of you). My somewhat wacky response was:

“Some people, when they walk by a beautiful tree, they don’t even notice it. Some people walk by a beautiful tree and nod in appreciation. Some people walk by a beautiful tree and stop to hug it compassionately (what people would normally refer to as ‘tree huggers’ and ‘green’ peeps). A red one, who is feeling plugged-in that day, will walk by a tree and not just nod or hug, but, well, hump it… passionately. That’s right, Redvolutionaries are ‘tree humpers’” (I’ve already designed the t-shirts).

When you allow yourself to turn red (not to be confused with the past election) you can’t help but want to make crazy wild naughty love to All of Existence because at some point, no matter how brief, you’ve been smooched by mother nature. You’ve been spread open by the stars. You’ve been tickled, teased, and turned on by every atom in the Universe and all you can think about doing is returning the favor. Again and again and again.

Now, obviously we red ones are not dripping in this pumpin’ red-hearted state every minute, but this direct infusion of organic cosmic love juice is our raison d’etre, and we continuously look for ways we can allow it to fuel our days, our sweaty nights, our over all consciousness, and the planet.

In case you may be thinking right about now that this all sounds somewhat sexy and nice, but also like an inebriating distraction from reality and the troubles of the world, and by the way won’t it scare the children? Let me say that this sort of seduction of and from the Sacred is incredibly, remarkably, deliciously healing for the planet (and for the children who get to grow up in a love-saturated world). I mean really, what could be more important, especially at this chaotic yet hopeful time, than to “make love” as much as possible with as many things, people, places as possible? I’m talking energetic love here folks, but conscious, passionate, physical touch is always powerful when done with respect, mutual agreement, and authenticity. So, we Red Ones have jacked up “spiritual activism” to “ecstatic activism”. Naturally.

And, when times feel heavy, we look for creative ways to lighten ourselves up, to turn ourselves On, to make the Universe clap and beg for an encore. Sound intriguing? Here are but a few simple red suggestions to rev up your internal ecstatic engines…

1. Find a trampoline. Jump on it. Each time you’re in the air make the craziest, silliest moves you can. Have a friend take photos. Post them on Facebook. Red tutus are optional. So are clothes.

2. Read a Tom Robbins novel (Skinny Legs and All or Jitterbug Perfume are two of my faves). Another total promoter of giddy swoons is Rob Breszny’s Pronoia is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World is Conspiring to Shower You With Blessings.

3. Gather a group of friends together at a private place, preferably a park or beach or open field, (not too near public eyes or ears) and all at the same time, scream your heads off!

4. Make red pom poms! Carry them around in your purse, briefcase, grocery cart, or in the backseat of your car. When you witness or feel anything that needs a little or a lotta divine cheer, bring em out and shake those blues busters with all your superpower and might while cheering something like: “wooo hooo – Hell Yeah! RRRRRed Delicious! Show Me Some Sexy Spirit! Go team Go! Love Wins Again, Babeeee!”

A few recommendations for where/when to shake your red poms:

ATM lines, stop lights, traffic jams, yoga classes, your cubicle, your bed, super serious spiritual retreats, when you are arguing with a loved one or your boss, when you see someone recycle or pet a dog or participate in some random act of kindness, when you look in the mirror, when you wake up every morning, when you remember who you are.

5. Buy a new sex toy (hey, Oprah recently recommended them) and use it!

6. Have a dinner party where conversation can only be about the positive – “Cutting back on my spending has made me: learn to cook like Martha Stewart after a few glasses of champagne and some really good sex; create some awesome free adventures on my weekends simply by paying homage to that dramatic feisty beauty queen known as mother nature; learn non-violent communication techniques to deepen my intimate relationships, paint a stunning new mural on my living room wall…with red lipstick!”

7. Whenever, wherever, and with whoever you sense fear, close your eyes, breathe deeply into your heart, exhale some authentic prayers, and then imagine a million tiny drunk giddy angels dirty dancing with your cells.

8. Turn off the news

9. Tune in to your divine spark

As Rob Breszny says in Pronoia is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World is Conspiring to Shower Your With Blessings:

“In the new world we’re gestating, we need to be suffused with lusty compassion and ecstatic duty, ingenious love and insurrectionary beauty. We’ve got to be teeming with radical curiosity and reverent pranks, voracious listening and ferocious thanks.

We will ignore the cult of gloom and doom and embrace the cause of zoom and boom. We will laugh at the stupidity of evil and hate, and summon the brilliance to praise and create. No matter how upside-down it all may temporarily appear, we will have no fear, because we know this secret: Life is crazily in love with us – wildly and innocently in love with us…”

And all it takes is the willingness to make a tree blush.

Divine Dreaming and Spiritual Superheroes

A few nights ago I had one of those A-HA dreams. The message is a wee bit typical, but the experience was quite inspiring. Here it is:

My landlord moved me to a new apartment building outside of San Francisco, on a remote forlorn beach. It was a strange building, to say the least, filled with dark passageways and heavy unlocked doors, odd shaped rooms with hooks coming out of the walls, and concrete…lots of concrete, to protect it from the elements (being on the open beach and all).

I felt unsettled as I often do in new places and wondered if I should stay there or not. So, I walked up some stairs to talk with my “upstairs neighbor” and asked her what she thought of our strange new digs. She informed me that this was the building where they used to keep vampires and all those weird hooks coming out of the walls were where they used to hang the vampire bodies.

How lovely. Nate Berkus would faint.

So, I’m pleased to say my dream self reacted the same way my “real” self would initially react upon hearing such words, with a: “Holy Shit!!! I am SO out of here!!!” But my friend “from above” grabbed my arm and said, “please don’t go, you can’t go”. I broke away from her and ran downstairs to grab my stuff and high tail it back to the SF I knew and loved – that Garden of Eden filled with green parks, cute cafes, beautiful alive people, organic food, friendly dogs, and even friendlier sex toy stores.

As I was frantically packing, a vampire came up behind me to have his bloody way with me and I instinctively turned and smashed his vampy ass to bits.

I suddenly, immediately, completely “remembered” that I was a vampire slayer! With that awareness more vamps lunged out of the passageways so I started kicking some major vampire booty.

By the way, I feel I must add that these were not the sexy, tormented-soul, human-friendly hottie vampires with a conscience from say, Twilight, or an Ann Rice novel or HBO’s True Blood or Buffy. This dream was not about being all “love and light” and Dalai Lamaish. Not that there’s anything wrong with being all peaceful and compassionately chill, it’s just not the message I needed to receive on this particular night and at this particular point in my life. In my experience, the Universe loves to teach personal lessons through dream time, and It also communicates in many different languages – my new personal fave: Whoop Ass. But I digress. Back to my dream.

When I was done sending these baddies to dust heaven, I thought to my dream self, “Who am I kidding, this is EXACTLY where I should be living, this is exactly where a vampire slayer should be perched. How perfect.”

So, the basic message of my vamp dream (it isn’t just that I’m crushing on Joss Whedon’s old T.V. show), is that even though times are downright freaky right now – what with the economy nose diving and swine flu swirling and the environment rightfully lashing out, not to mention our own personal fears we are up against every day in our careers, relationships, and bodies…..

We were made for this.

That’s right, in my red universe, we are all spiritual superheroes and this is exactly where we should be right now. Each and every one of us have unique, but latent superpowers that can only be realized, only be experienced and lived and shared if we are pushed to our edges…if we are sometimes forcibly moved out of our comfort zones and into the strange, the unfamiliar, the concrete bloody fear.

Take a look around your life. What “vampires” are lurking in your shadows – those relationships, jobs, foods, newscasts, unhealthy habits, TV shows, fears that are literally and metaphorically “sucking the life” out of you? Draining you of your soul’s purpose. Scaring you…to death. Make a list. Check it twice. Definitely find out who’s been naughty or nice, and then do something about it. Take healthy appropriate action (say “no” more often, create a “completion” ritual, redraw your personal boundaries, turn off the nightly news for one night a week, learn Aikido or to meditate or a new breathing technique). Reclaim your space, your body, your mind, your life. Fact is, we can’t shake this world awake if we run away, avoid, or ignore the vamps hiding out in our own corners.

We have been warriors in waiting for far too long. It’s time to roll up our sleeves, pull up our superheroine boots (by the way, I recently bought some crazy sexy bright red platform boots, which I wear around my house now whenever I need some extra power and whoop ass might. It’s my own type of “walking meditation.” Buddha, eat your heart out. I highly suggest you find some of your own power shoes to strut around in whenever you need an extra special divine spark in your step. Seriously. It can change your entire perspective), stretch our red hearts open even wider, and get down and dirty and thus divine with the best and worst of life… knowing eventually, ultimately, that there is no real difference between the best and the worst.

So superheroes and heroines, I can hear your inner timers ringing from way out here on my dreamy beach. Time’s Up. Come out, come out where ever you are and come in, come in to who you truly are. We need you. You have a planet to save, a universe to serve, and some super fine new footwear to wear.