The Desire Beneath the Desire

I get a lot of stuff. People tell me that sometimes. “You’re a ‘manifester.’” Or “You have a prosperity consciousness.” When they’ve said that, I’ve said “thanks,” all the while wondering why I could have such a stack of the proverbial “cash and prizes” and still feel that something was missing.

I traced it back. What did I want the most for the longest time? That would be to get thin. To stop dieting. To stop hating myself and living part-time when I’d lost some weight and felt presentable, figuring I’d better do all the fun stuff as quickly as possible before I cycled into binge-eating and fatness again.

Then I got what I wanted. It took a major plunge into recovery principles and a total psychic overhaul, but the result was being able to go vegan after years of wishing I could. (It’s inconvenient to binge-eat when you’re off anything containing eggs and dairy products.) By then, I no longer craved thinness. I got thin anyway and it lasted. But it wasn’t enough.

I wanted to be married. I’d been married, but my first husband died young and suddenly and unfairly. Our daughter was four. After that, I needed so much to put our family back together, to restore the missing piece. Not surprisingly, nobody was volunteering for the missing-piece role! After nine years, I realized one sunny afternoon that I was okay as I was: I had my daughter and my work and the spiritual adventuring that was central to my being. Two days later, I met my current husband in a coffee shop.

It was, and is, a good marriage. He loves me so much it’s embarrassing. But I still wanted more. I wanted to be on “The Oprah Winfrey Show.” That was certainly a legitimate goal at the time for an author of self-help books, which I am. I zeroed in on that aspiration with the single-mindedness that tends to result in earthly miracles, but can also mean missing out on life in the meantime. Finally, it happened. And a few years later, it happened again.

But I was still me and the yearnings persisted. I’d stopped focusing on the Oprah dream after the first appearance and started focusing on relocating to New York City. I wanted to be where they publish the books. I knew I belonged on the magical island of Manhattan, built on a crystal bed, providing a lovely mystical reason for all the wonder that goes on there. I had to be on that two-mile-wide sliver of real estate nestled between two rivers, that place where your phone could ring and your life could change.

I visualized and treasure-mapped and wore black and ate bagels. And I got here. It’s as grand and glorious today as it was when I drove the U-Haul across the George Washington Bridge a dozen years ago. I’m in my place. I fit here and life works here. But once unpacked and settled in, the yearnings returned, this time for more reach, more audience, more influence.

And then the ah-ha! struck, at the right time because it’s always the right time, even though it seemed terribly late for a writer of self-help books. And the ah-ha! was: “It doesn’t matter how many dreams are fulfilled and how many prayers are answered. Until I can know deep, deep down and inside out and through and through that I’m absolutely fine and whole and complete and sufficient, I’ll spend the rest of my fleeting, precious life chasing dreams and praying prayers.” That’s when I saw that beneath all those desires, all those things I wanted, each one perfectly fine in itself, there was something else — the deep, deep need to be enough. When I have that, I have it all. Although I still have dreams and goals and visions, and ask for them the blessing of God and guides and angels, I have today only one real prayer: Move through me. The rest takes care of itself.

This realization was a long time coming because I feared that, if I felt sufficient, the glittering gifts would elude me. If I had enough, I reasoned, they’d go elsewhere. That was as wrong as believing that the earth is flat or Atkins is healthy. The truth is: It’s only wholeness that can attract all that’s meant to be mine. Happy things. A bigger life. A greater destiny. When the perks collect, they’re delightful. And when one doesn’t show up the way I’ve envisioned, I don’t have to sink into despair, because I know that a truckload of others are on their way.

For more by this author, visit victoriamoran.com.

Photo credit: philippe leroyer

Pisces New Moon: Looking Within, Detoxing and Healing

February 21, 2012— The new moon in dreamy, enlightened Pisces sends us all on a fantastic voyage this Tuesday. It’s time to set sail in the waters of spirituality, imagination and an uncharted exploration of our own subconscious minds.  New moons are our launching points, the results of which culminate six months later, under the light of the corresponding full moon. Circle August 31, 2012 as the date of the Pisces full moon: It’s anyone’s guess where we’ll drop anchor then. If we feel “lost at sea” this week, the answer is not to splash around furiously, trying to regain control. Pisces is the sign that’s associated with surrender. Lean back and float: that’s how we’ll ride the waves and get our “sea legs.”

Pisces is the twelfth and final sign of the zodiac, and the theme of completions is a biggie. This is the time for binding up loose ends and saying goodbye where needed.  Cutting ties to unhealthy relationships, removing ourselves from situations that are not serving our highest good—while it’s never easy to bid these entanglements adieu, the Pisces new moon shines a light on our self-destructive habits and urges us to heal.

Our imaginations will be supersized under this lunar spell and divine inspiration may come pouring in on Tuesday. Don’t dismiss those flashes of brilliance, which are likely to be the seeds of genius. Michelangelo, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Steve Jobs and Alexander McQueen were all born under the Sun sign of Pisces. Imagine if they brushed aside their subconscious cues. The world would be a far greyer place.

Here are some rituals to help you flow with the magic of the Pisces new moon.

Hydrate and Detoxify. Mermaid Pisces is a water sign and anything aquatic falls under her spell. Given that our bodies are between 55 and 80 percent water, there’s no denying the influence H₂O has on our vitality. Drinking tons of fresh, pure water can boost our energy levels and recharge our systems. Instead of polluting the Earth with non-biodegradable plastic bottles, install a tap filter and carry a refillable bottle at all times. You can even customize your own water bottle through sites like Zazzle.com as a stylish incentive. Being the twelfth and last sign of the zodiac, Pisces rules our elimination systems. Juicing and even doing a cleanse, if appropriate, can help get things flowing. When you feel fatigued, chug water or tea before filling up with dehydrating caffeine. Water is actually the best pick-me-up on the planet.

Conserve Water, Too.  Speaking of water, it’s not news that our oceans and ground water are in peril, and that a shortage of fresh water is a real concern to us all. Little efforts add up to a big difference. Follow this link for one hundred savvy tips for saving water. Pick one to implement this week. If a friend has a birthday coming up, you might even donate to a water-related charity in his or her honor, like thewaterproject.org or americanrivers.org.

Shine A Light On The Monsters Under The Bed. We all have our demons, but they are much scarier when we leave them in the dark. Symbolized by two fish swimming in opposite directions, Pisces can either send us spiraling into denial or give us an illuminated perspective on our own healing journeys. This week embrace the latter. Book an appointment with an energy worker, shaman, psychologist, hypotherapist, acupuncturist or other practitioner who can help you shine a light on any monsters under the bed.  Support groups are also a great place to deep dive into our subconscious minds and take a “fearless, searching inventory,” as the 12-Steppers say.  Both Neptune (the ruler of Pisces) and Chiron, the comet known as “the wounded healer,” will be in close contact with the new moon. It takes courage to look within, but there will be mega-rewards in doing so near this new moon.

Fete Your Feet. The feet are the body part ruled by Pisces, our anchor and grounding connection to the earth. Home to thousands of nerve endings and close to seventy acupuncture points, there’s a whole lotta soul in our soles. Adopt some home reflexology treatments to treat your feet. Start by loosening up your ankles, rotating them ten times in each direction. Pinching the ends of your toes can stimulate circulation, pineal and pituitary glands. Rolling the arch of your foot over a tennis ball can also do wonders. If you’re experiencing foot pain, this is the week to deal. Book an appointment for acupressure massage or visit a podiatrist who might recommend a shoe insert to help preserve your peds.

Start A Dream Journal.  Pisces rules dreams, and recording our nighttime visions can give us major insight into our direction and hidden thoughts. Many Native American cultures believe that our night dreams are the most vivid forms of truth. Get a fancy journal and keep it on your nightstand. Jot down any dreams you have the moment you wake up—or even in the middle of the night, should you feel so ambitious. If you’re not the type who recalls your dreams, you might also try a journaling practice called “Morning Pages,” from Julia Cameron’s brilliant tome, “The Artist’s Way” (a great book to kick off under the spell of this new moon, if you want to break through a creative block). Here’s how the Morning Pages work: Each morning, just after you wake, free write three pages in your journal. Your dreams will weave their way into your writing, lighting the path to your deepest desires.

Get free daily, weekly and monthly horoscopes from The AstroTwins at astrostyle.com.

Photo credit: Rachel Beyer

The Key to Manifesting Your Dreams

I’m obsessed with personal growth and have spent my life devouring everything I could get my hands on regarding how to make dreams come true, all the way to becoming a Handel Life Coach and running the life coaching arm of The Handel Group for the last four years. Many teachers of the Law of Attraction would lead you to believe that whatever you can see in your mind’s eye and concentrate on, you can have. But I have found, it is not that simple.

The truth of the metaphysics behind the Law of Attraction is that what you can feel, you can attract; what you resonate consistently with, is who you are, and you attract accordingly. Also, when you become clear about what you want, you become more likely to see signs pointed towards it and can more quickly draw yourself and it together.

But, there is a lot more “fine print” they don’t tell you.

Personal integrity (aligning your heart, your mind and your actions) is actually the foundation of being able to manifest that which you desire. To have that thing/experience you desire, you have to believe you and it belong together. How do you learn to believe? Not easy, right? Think of all that’s in the way of you believing in having:

-A beautiful body that you honor consistently.

-Deep, true lasting love.

-An amazingly successful and easeful career.

-Abiding self-love.

What’s between you and your dream is all your past experiences and choices and how they impact you, not to mention your constant inner dialogue filled with worries, detractions, reminders of your (or another’s) inadequacies, and general brattiness.

So how can you quiet your mistrust of yourself and your noisy mind? There are many ways, but the best is to develop personal integrity, which means living according to your ideals. It means doing what you said you’d do. It means making and keeping promises (this is the exercise that builds the muscle). It means lining up your heart, mind and body.

Whatever your dream is, it is the law of attraction that will determine how quickly you achieve that dream (how much do you resonate with it?). If you want to use the law to your advantage, develop personal integrity. Here are a few steps to get started:

Step 1: Articulate your dream. Dare to feel it and share it even if you don’t believe it yet.

Example: I live in a warrior’s body: strong, proud and free to experience all of life’s pleasures.

Step 2: Write out your internal dialogue about why you can’t or don’t have your dream yet. Then, analyze this for bad logic, excuses, skewed theories, unresolved past experiences, etc.

Example: I’ve never accomplished this in the past, nobody supports me, experts have told me certain things are impossible, etc.

Step 3: Undo the bad logic and skewed theories you uncovered in step 2.

Example: Try to find the flaws in your distorted thinking and replace negative thoughts with more positive ones. Be mindful of negative thoughts as they arise and question their validity.

Step 4: Make a list of promises that take you to your dream and keep them! Action makes you feel different.

Example: I will drink eight glasses of water every day, start the day with green juice, write a letter to my body apologizing for my crimes against it, etc. Tell supportive people about your dream, write up a plan, start asking for help and accountability.

Coaching begins with covering these steps in all the important areas of your life. You can see how this causes an enormous shift in how you think and act. Yes, how you feel impacts how you think and act. But how you think and act utterly impacts how you feel. The easiest access to changing your thoughts and feelings is acting in accordance with your dream. Lucky you, you can dive in and start doing that today.

One more recommendation:

Come play with Elena Brower and me for a daylong experience on the subject of raising your vibration. Yup, we’ll be “om-ing” and “saluting the sun,” but there is so much more.

Raise Your Vibration Urban Retreat

This one-day urban retreat is designed to raise your vibration and to give you practical techniques to live a happier, calmer and more inspired life. Imagine what your daily life would look like infused with (short) practices for self-awareness, self-love and manifesting your dreams. Every moment is an opportunity to raise your vibration and each one counts. Instead of waiting for your dreams to come to be happy, start being happy first and watch your dreams come, as a result.

This special retreat is led by two expert teachers: Elena Brower, founder of Virayoga, and Laurie Gerber, President of Handel Group Life Coaching. They have extensively practiced and taught the methods you will learn and they are prepared to hand over the whole bag of tools at once! Retreat includes: yoga, meditation, breathing, gratitude, heart opening, listening, writing exercises, getting freedom from your mind, how to have hard conversations and Law of Attraction practices.

November 6, 2010  2:00 pm – 9:00 pm at the Benjamin Hotel, 125 East 50^th Street, NYC

Learn more…

Laurie Gerber is the president of the private coaching division of The Handel Group, a corporate consulting and private coaching company that specializes in teaching personal integrity as the key to happiness.

Photo Credit: Dawn Huczek

Second Sight: How To Remember and Interpret Dreams

Judith Orloff, MD

At different times in my life, I am a physician, a teacher, a friend and an author, but being a dreamer is what I value the most.

Whatever I am doing, I always hear my dreams echoing in a distant underground chamber beneath my thoughts and feelings, attuned to the rhythms of my body and the very substance of the earth. They are my compass and my truth; they guide me and link me to the Divine. They call out to me in an intimate whisper, always knowing how to find me. They speak my real name.

For me, dreaming is a direct line to a place where magic abounds and nothing is without meaning. It is a pristine state of awareness, unpolluted and clear. Direct guidance for healing lies in our dreams, the natural territory of intuition. Here, time and space are non-existent, and anything is possible. Like a blank, white canvas, our dream world is a spacious medium where intuition can freely express itself. We have only to listen.

You are in partnership with your dreams. Initiate an ongoing dialogue with them. It’s like consulting the wisest doctor you can imagine who knows you inside out. You can ask your dreams anything. No question is trivial if it is meaningful to you. Expect answers. Some will be direct. Others may require interpretation.

Your dreams can reveal many truths about your life. They can provide extraordinary intuitive insights and give you information that can help your health, love life and career. You’d be surprised at the straightforward advice that your dreams give, either spontaneously or on request.

Dreams can keep you well. Dreams provide answers, but first you must retrieve them. Here are my four strategies to help you remember your dreams:

· Keep a journal and pen by your bed.

· Write a question on a piece of paper before you go to sleep. Formalize your request. Place it on a table beside your bed or under your pillow.

· In the morning, do not wake up too fast. Stay under the covers for at least a few minutes remembering your dream. Luxuriate in a peaceful feeling between sleep and waking, what scientists call the hypnagogic state. Those initial moments provide a doorway.

· Open your eyes. Write down your dream immediately; otherwise it will evaporate. You may recall a face, object, color, or scenario, feel an emotion. It doesn’t matter if it makes perfect sense or if you retrieve a single image or many. Record everything you remember.

When you’re finished, refocus on the question you asked the previous night. See how your dream applies. One, two, or more impressions about the who/what/where of your solution may have surfaced. Get in the habit of recording your dreams regularly. Be assured, I’ve never met anyone who can’t be taught how to remember. Keep at it. Remember to practice. Soon, it will become second nature to you!

In addition to the practical aspects of remembering dreams, there’s an intuitive level to understanding dreams. Reliable intuitive information stands out in very specific ways. Watch for these clues:

· Statements that simply convey information

· Neutral segments that evoke or convey no emotion

· A detached feeling, like you’re a witness watching a scene

· A voice or person counseling you, as if you’re taking dictation from an outside source

· Conversations with people you never met before who give instructions.

I’ve found that my most dead-on intuitions either come across as compassionate or have no emotion at all. Develop a careful eye as you practice separating the content of your dreams from your reactions to them. Soon, you’ll be able to tell the difference between unreliable guidance and truly reliable guidance.

Be aware that your dreams go by different rules than your waking life. Get ready for a mind shift. Physical laws no longer apply. Gravity changes. In dreams, you can fly!

Judith Orloff, M.D is author of the new updated bestseller SECOND SIGHT, an inspiring and controversial memoir about coming to terms with her intuitive gifts, upon which this article is based. Her other books are Emotional Freedom, Guide to Intuitive Healing, and Positive Energy. She is assistant clinical professor of Psychiatry at UCLA and an international workshop leader. For more information about new updated edition of Second Sight and Dr. Orloff’s books and workshops visit www.drjudithorloff.com

What’s Your Dream?

Hey Dreamy Dreamers!

I had a dream to complete a mini triathlon and on August 29th, 2009 I did just that. I resent the mini label as .5 mile swim, 18 mile bike, 3.2 mile run…IN A ROW AS FAST AS YOU CAN felt major to my tush! It was truly an amazing event and left me feeling ridiculously inspired. It got me thinking about the nature of dreams and goals and how they enrich our life experience and keep it interesting. Completing the race taught me many things. The following is a list of the top 5 things I learned from my experience.

1. You can do anything you put your mind to doing. I used to say,” I am not a runner.” Then our son, Alex turned us onto Chi Running by Danny Dryer and my experience was transformed. You are what you say you are. I learned I am a runner.

2. “All game- no gear” was apparently my mantra for this race as the pictures will attest. I learned that there is a good reason why people have gear like a wet suit cause it was freakin’ freezing and proper bike shoes etc. I learned that gear is good.

3. Swimming is swimming, right? Wrong. Swimming in a pool is not even a tiny bit like swimming in a lake with 50 other people around you. I learned that training in the body of water you plan to race in is imperative to not freaking out on race day.

4. Completer or competer?, I was asked. I said I am a completer but why do I care about my time (2.09 25 seconds #175 out of 300) and why did I just tell you my time and completion number?? I learned I am both a completer AND a competer.

5. Racing keeps staying fit interesting. I will continue to do mini triathlons because I loved the entire experience. I learned that pushing myself outside of my comfort zone expanded my mind as well as my muscles!

So I invite you to ask yourself what dreams you have given up on and why? Really challenge yourself to go back and think about what your dreams were and why they changed. In my practice, clients tell me often how they are too_______(insert limiting belief here: old, fat, tired, etc.) to attain their goals. There is no such thing as too late for most dreams. I was a talent agent representing super models until my 30’s when I realized that dream was fulfilled and no longer fulfilling me. I went back to school to create my next career and fulfill my dream of empowering people to have the best life experience possible. Since we all know the universe can only say yes, be mindful of what you create with language. You are exactly what you say. If you are the architect of your life (and you are) what are you building?? It’s never too late to do ANYTHING unless you think it is.

Go out and live your best life. Remember not one minute of this beautiful experience is guaranteed you. Every moment, every second is a gift. Find what is right in your life and have enormous gratitude for it. Find what is wrong and change it. You are the only person responsible for your happiness so expand your idea of what is possible.

If not you…who?

If not now…when?

I am cheering you on like a wild maniac!!!!

Love Love Love,

Terri

P.S. I also learned from my friend Keylla that as a Triathlon-er you are only aloud to talk about the race for the time it took you to actually complete the race. So I believe my two hours, nine minutes and 25 seconds are officially up!