The Hardwiring of Human Empathy: How We Can Save One Child at a Time

TOMS Shoes Founder, Blake Mycoskie

An 8-year-old girl is drowning in a pond. Her head is bobbing up and down the surface of the water, and she is clearly struggling to stay afloat. You happen to walk by this pond. There is no one else around. Would you save this girl? Of course you would. Most people will drop what they are doing to save this child without a moment’s hesitation.

26,000 girls are drowning in 26,000 ponds all around the world. You are on the other side of the world, with your own daily problems and everyday tasks to worry about. Would you save these girls? If you are like most people, probably not. New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof presents this theoretical scenario in a recent column “Would You Let This Girl Drown?” Why is it that people are less inclined to help others when it involves a large number of people?

For example, he cites a study where soliciting $30,000 to help a 7-year-old girl from Africa raised money with far more success than soliciting for the same amount that benefited 8 people instead of just one.

He also acknowledges the diffusion of responsibility that occurs when there are billions of bystanders present in face of human suffering. When there are more people around us sharing equal responsibility, we individually feel less inclined to take initiative or to reach out to help — whether it is a stranger falling down in the street, or a child dying of malaria on the other side of the world.

What does this mean for the rest of us who want to do good in this world? My conclusion is this: if it is true that human empathy works best in one-to-one connections between the individual with resources and the individual in need, then we need to work harder than ever before to bring those one-to-one connections all over the world.

Our natural human empathy is not wired to focus on a number, a region, or a cause. When we are given high death tolls or the complex geo-politics of the particular issue, we grow numb with a sense of helplessness. On the other hand, when we focus on specific people with names, faces, and families, and we are given a specific action step to ease their suffering, then our desire to help flows more naturally.

You can see the success of these one-to-one connection principle in other organizations and businesses that have built their strategies around this rule of human empathy. Kiva Microfund (www.kiva.org), a non-profit organization that started in 2005, connects individuals in developed countries to specific business owners and families on the other side of the world. Individuals with money to spare can choose from a number of business owners and families to donate a microloan to help start their businesses, and these online profiles are complete with personal life stories and photographs. Donating $25 to a man or woman with children who wants to start a business feels extremely rewarding in this case because you know with absolutely certainty that your money will contribute directly to the well-being of a specific person or group of people.

I also suspect this is the reason why TOMS shoes has been doing so well, famous for its promise that for every TOMS shoes you buy, a pair of shoes will be donated to a child in Africa. Giving a certain percentage of the shoe price to a large charity organization is not as personable as the mental image of a poor child overjoyed at the prospect of receiving a new pair of shoes. We get that instant mental gratification when we choose to buy TOMS shoes.

Thanks to the power of the internet, our ability to create one-to-one human connections between the giver and the receiver is greater than ever. As citizens of a new technological century where anyone literally can be connected to anyone else within mere seconds, it up to us to concoct new and creative possibilities to decrease human suffering as much as possible. UNICEF’s goal is to reduce the daily number of children dying from preventable causes from 26,000 to zero. We cannot stop until every child in this world is safe and healthy.

I hope that Nicolas Kristof’s column sparks constructive dialogue within non-profit organizations and charities around the world — and also within every global citizen with a desire to help. Though we cannot change the strange hard-wiring of our human empathy, we can work with it by its own terms to bring as much peace and relief to as many people as possible — one child, one person, one family at a time.

Our Family’s Journey with Autism

By Tracy Fox

When my youngest son Ethan turned 18 months old, I told my husband Charlie, we’re going to have a problem. I had just called the pediatrician to make Ethan’s 18 month checkup appointment, and in my gut, I knew that something was wrong. I didn’t know exactly what, but having a 3 year old son Ben helped me see what Ethan should and shouldn’t be doing. And at that moment, I saw, really saw how far down the rabbit hole we had gone.

At that time, Ethan was not sleeping more than 2 hours a day, and never in a row. He walked early, around 8 months, and now would run around the house in circles, jumping on and off furniture for hours until he collapsed from exhaustion. He refused to go to sleep, so at night it would take at least 1 hour of holding him still, with him fighting and biting me, for him to pass out. While he had been a good eater for the first year, by 18 months Ethan had stopped eating everything but bread, french fries and milk. He couldn’t tolerate the feel or sound of water, and would bite me at least 50-60 times per day in frustration. He did not speak at all, and the only time I heard his voice was when he would scream in the middle of the night. He eschewed the childhood toys I bought him and instead lined up all of my bath and cleaning products. He loved to draw with crayons, except he drew all over my furniture and walls, making my home look like some strange modern art exhibit.

Most of all, Ethan had no eye contact and did not respond to his name. I would spend hours trying to get his attention, yelling, whispering in one ear, then the other, banging doors and pots and pans, to no avail. I could not hug or kiss him, as he hated to be touched. As a baby he smiled and laughed, but now I never saw any emotion out of him except frustration and anger. He would not look at anyone for more than a few seconds, as though it hurt him to focus on anything. He did not recognize that I was his mom, or that he had a father and brother who loved him. My son was in his own world, and I was not a part of it, no matter how I tried to enter.

I had become very depressed, trying to get through each day. My life has always been busy, working full time as an attorney, raising 2 young boys, teaching aerobics and yoga and enjoying family and friends. But now I couldn’t sleep, eat or do anything for myself, because taking care of Ethan overwhelmed us. It was impossible to leave him with anyone, as he had often tried to run away and needed to be watched constantly. My husband and I took turns trying to keep a happy environment for our older son Ben while trying to take care of Ethan. My worst moments would be on the drive home from work, alone with my thoughts. I would cry the entire time, both from exhaustion and also not knowing what I would face when I got home.

I went to a variety of doctors and therapists, but no one could tell me what was wrong with my son. I was told he might be PDD-NOS but I did not know what that was or how to help Ethan. I kept asking if he was autistic, but none of the professionals would give me a straight answer. My mom instincts told me autism was a possibility, but even more importantly, I knew that I couldn’t help my son if I didn’t know what was wrong. Eventually, I went to the McCarton Center and after a full evaluation, was told the words that I knew in my head but still broke my heart: Your son is autistic.

Once I had the diagnosis, I researched for hours online and bought every book I could find on autism. I learned that intensive early therapy was crucial, and after countless phone calls and arguments with Early Intervention officials, Ethan received ABA therapy, speech therapy and occupational therapy. We had 6 therapists a day in our home, from morning to night, each one working to help Ethan. Each therapist had a special skill and all were trying to break through the haze to get through to Ethan.

Still, no one could address the internal issues plaguing Ethan. Traditional doctors did not recognize that his refusal to sleep, constant diarrhea and zoned-out look might be related to diet issues. No matter how many times I said it was unhealthy to have such a self-restricted diet, my pediatricians claimed that it was typical and normal to have a child only eating two foods. While I knew many children limited their diets to a few foods, my gut told me that Ethan’s diet was unhealthy and was hurting him.

Little did I know that the Agut had everything to do with it. With luck and God’s grace, Charlie came across on the internet a website called Defeat Autism Now. These DAN doctors thought outside the box, looked at the symptoms each child had and discovered a profound connection between autism and diet. They found that by eliminating certain foods and including significant vitamins, many autistic children saw dramatic improvement in their social, cognitive and functional skills, and some even recovered completely.

Armed with this research, now I was on a mission to find the best doctor to help my Ethan. It wasn’t that I didn’t love or accept my child as he was; it was because I loved him and would love him no matter what. I knew Ethan was locked inside himself, and that it was my job as his mother to do everything I could to give him the best life and health possible. Ethan deserved nothing less.

I found Dr. Kenneth Bock, a DAN doctor, during my internet research and called his office. His kind and patient staff asked me many questions but informed me that Dr. Bock had a seven month waiting list. I knew I couldn’t wait that long. Through tears and outright begging, I managed to get an appointment. Meeting Dr. Bock was one of the best days of my life. He spent hours with me and Ethan, asking hundreds of questions about my pregnancy, family history, and Ethan. Dr. Bock never promised me a miracle, but said he thought he could help my son and that was what I needed to hear. I told Dr. Bock that all I wanted was for my son to be happy and for him to say I love you Mommy. I left his office and for the first time in a long time, felt hopeful.

From that day on, we looked forward and never back. Ethan was put on the gluten-free, casein-free diet, and three days after beginning it, he slept through the night for the first time. I woke up the next morning, shocked that I had slept so long, and ran to Ethan’s crib. I was terrified that something was wrong with him. What I saw was my beautiful boy sleeping peacefully, a sight I had never, never seen, and my heart was ready to burst.

Three years later, we have continued with the gluten-free, casein-free diet, incorporating vitamin therapy and chelation, to restore Ethan’s gastrointestinal system. He thrives on his diet of healthy proteins, organic vegetables and fruit, and rice and potatoes. I am thrilled to say that he is one of the happiest, smartest, most well-behaved boys in his pre-school class and will be attending general education kindergarten in September. He has lost his autistic diagnosis, meaning that he longer exhibits any of the indicia of autism. Most of all, he is a loving, happy, fun little boy who enjoys life and his family and friends. People who meet Ethan have no idea that he is autistic, and often don’t believe how severe his condition had been. To this day, Ethan only eats foods on his diet, and will often ask if a new food will ‘hurt his belly’ or ‘make him sick.’ Thanks to the ever expanding availability of gluten-free, casein-free foods, I can make Ethan the equivalent of any foods his friends have at school and parties, and he truly does not recognize any difference.

When I look back on the struggle we have endured, I thank God for giving all of us, especially Ethan, the strength to be positive and overcome our obstacles. Everyday isn’t easy, but the joy on my son’s face is infectious, and pervades every aspect of my life. People ask me why I always seem happy, why there’s always a smile on my face. When I hear them, my smile gets bigger and I say I have 2 happy, healthy boys who are the loves of my life- how can I not smile? This fall, I am running the ING NYC Marathon on behalf of Autism Speaks. I know this will be an incredible challenge, but if Ethan can fight as hard as he has to overcome autism, I can run 26.2 miles in his honor. I am the luckiest woman in the world, and I know when I cross the finish line, my little boy will be there smiling, with his thumb up, saying I love you Mommy.

Born into the Garden of Eating

It’s Meatless Monday again! Today we have blog posse member, Jolia Sidona Allen, sharing her life-long journey as a vegetarian with us. PETA states in their Vegetarianism and the Environment Factsheet that “According to scientists at the Smithsonian Institution, seven football fields’ worth of land is bulldozed every minute to create more room for farmed animals and the crops that feed them.” By going meatless on Mondays you are helping to lessen jaw-dropping statistics like this!

Hello! I’m Jolia, life-long vegetarian, long-time vegan, and Associate Editor and Web Editor of Vegetarian Times magazine, a.k.a. “Vegetarian Times Foodie Fatale.”

When I tell people about my job—a dream job come true for someone who loves legumes as much as she loves language—I usually get the same question: “Are you a vegetarian?” I often respond with a simple “Yes,” but the next question is usually “How long have you been a vegetarian?” And so, time and time again, I find myself divulging the longer, more engaging explanation, a story that goes all the way back to the womb.

Here it goes: I was born and raised as a vegetarian. In other words, I have never eaten a single morsel of any sentient being. From my tiny, pinky toenail to the tip of my nose, from my wisdom teeth to my belly button, every cell in my body has been replicated a billion, billion times over from solely vegetarian sources. My parents become vegetarians before I was born and are healthy, happy vegans today. While I could have strayed from my vegetarian path at any point, I have never been so inclined. My life-long vegetarianism is a gift for which I have always been grateful, a gift that has, in recent years, grown to define not only my diet, but also my career path.

Are you surprised to meet a first-generation vegetarian? People usually are. I can’t see your faces, but when people learn this about me their eyes light up and become kaleidoscopes of curiosity. I’m not sure why it’s so shocking—in India, vegetarianism dates back thousands of years. But in America, even in the veg-friendly city of Los Angeles where I live, meeting a first-generation vegetarian is as about as rare as witnessing a lunar eclipse or the arrival of locusts.

“You’ve never even had a hamburger?” I often hear. Nope. I’ve never had a hamburger, or a hot dog, or a Philly cheese steak, and nor have I ever really wanted to. In my mind, animals are not food. It’s as plain and simple as not wanting to eat your stapler or your cat.

Once, when I was an English professor, I casually divulged my veganism as a side note during a class discussion about literature. To my surprise, my students’ hands went up like a wave at a homecoming game, and they bombarded me with questions. Their thirst for this topic far surpassed their interest in the correct way to use a semi-colon or for the details of Thoreau’s life at Walden Pond. One student even stayed after class to confess his addiction to Coco-Cola; he was hungry, starving even, for knowledge that would help him transform his relationship with food.

Why do I harp on this element of curiosity? Because no matter how successful I am vegifying my own world and spreading the word on vegetarianism, I am constantly reminded that vegetarianism is not yet the norm in America. Raising veg children in a non-veg world, like anything else worth doing, isn’t easy. It’s a brave journey like that of the salmons’ struggle to swim upstream against the current. Most school cafeterias still don’t serve veggie burgers, most overnight camps don’t provide vegan marshmallows around the campfire, and most parents still serve hot dogs at birthday parties.

But the world is changing. It is getting easier and easier to maintain a plant-based diet. In fact, it’s hipper than ever to go veg! As for first-generation vegetarians, there are more and more of us born everyday. Vegetarian resources are plentiful. I highly recommend Disease-Proof Your Child: Feeding Kids Right by Joel Fuhrman, M.D. And, right now on Vegetarian Times Editors’ Blog, VT’s Market Editor, Gabrielle Harradine, a.k.a. “The Preg Veg” is blogging about her healthy, green, and vegetarian pregnancy.

So no matter where you are on your personal food journey, whether you are an omnivore, a flexitarian, a pescatarian, a vegetarian, a vegan, a raw or even a nude foodist, whether you are a parent or not—I hope you will be inspired to give yourself and a child in your life a taste of vegetarianism, whether it’s for every meal or even just one meal. I am living proof that’s it’s okay to live an entire life without eating a single hamburger. In fact, it’s downright delicious. To repeat Mahatma Gandhi’s mantra, an adage you must have heard as many times as I have, but one that never loses its profound meaning: You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

If you could give a child a gift—the best gift in the universe—what would it be? A bicycle? An i-pod? A violin? There is only one gift that I can think of that is priceless: health. While there are no certainties in this world, I believe that our forks are the best weapon we have to protect our own health and the health of our planet.

Meatless Monday: Interview with Earthlings Director, Shaun Monson

This Meatless Monday, we are so excited to bring you an interview with Shaun Monson. Monson’s writer/filmmaker credits include the award-winning documentary Earthlings, which focuses on the suffering of animals used for food, fashion, pets, entertainment and medical research. He is currently working on Unity, volume two of the Earthlings trilogy. (For more information, visit www.earthlings.com, www.unitythemovie.com).

The first five readers to tweet Kris_Carr with the link to this blog, will receive a free copy of Earthlings!

1. What was the inspiration behind Earthlings?

I got the idea because I was filming public service announcements on spaying and neutering pets, so it started with domestic animals. When they were killed on the street or euthanized in the shelters, they were put into this room that’s essentially a big refrigerator. When I saw the animals piled up in there, it made me think of meat, and it got me thinking of cows and pigs and chickens. That was the beginning of Earthlings really, the first spark of inspiration.

2. Is it difficult to get people to watch it?

It’s challenging material. There’s a quote by the late actress and activist Gretchen Wyler, who worked with the Humane Society for years: “We must not refuse with our eyes what they must endure with their bodies.”

When people think they can’t watch it, I always say, “I understand,” and tell them how hard it’s been getting anybody to look at it. I talk about the Animal Enterprise Terrorism Act, which means the government can imprison people if they cost a corporation money through certain types of animal activism.

When I tell people this side, they become more curious, because they feel their freedom is being taken away. So instead of telling them what they should do, I empathize. I’ll give them a DVD, which may sit by their TV for a while. Maybe they’ll come around to it. I am of the opinion that we should never force these things. If you force activism on people when they’re not there yet in their hearts, they’ll slip back into doing things their old way.

3. In Earthlings you say “Make the Connection.” What is that connection? What do you wish people would understand?

I hope people can “make the connection” between all expressions of life – human, animal, tree, because we all share the same planet, and one life form is connected to another. One thing Earthlings shows is animals clearly experience fear and pain, as do humans. When we use them, we are causing them tremendous fear and pain, right up until their death. So we ask people to make that connection between animal products they use, how they are obtained, and so on.

4. What do you say to people who say that animal research is worth it if it finds life-saving cures for people?

It is a speciesist argument, and it’s dualistic – one species must suffer for another to flourish. We need to get beyond this perception. The majority of animal experimentation is done for personal or household products, like cosmetics and cleaners. It’s no sacrifice to buy cruelty-free soap. What’s challenging is questioning the belief system about the medical world. Animal experimentation is rarely done to find cures, it’s for drugs to alleviate symptoms. It’s a law that pharmaceuticals be tested on animals before any human trials, so it’s primarily done because it’s the law, not because it assures that drugs are safe. There are scientific limitations of animal experimentation in terms of human biology. Even the most basic observations illustrate this. My dogs drink out of the gutter. If I did that, I’d be sick to my stomach.

Organizations like PCRM do extraordinary work on alternatives to animal experimentation that are far more effective and more sophisticated. This is the kind of research people interested in life-saving cures should be promoting.

5. What advice do you have for people just starting out on a vegan lifestyle?

I encourage people to start with food. In Earthlings, the food segment is 30 minutes of a 90-minute movie, so you can do the math. The one thing we can all do for the animals, the planet, and each other is go vegetarian. It’s the best for all parties involved: all other earthlings.

6. What are your thoughts on the relationship between nutrition, a vegan diet and health and wellness?

A vegan diet is undeniably healthier. Some people believe they’re eating meat and dairy for health reasons. Now I don’t mean to be rude, but I want to be real: if people want to eat animals it’s their own business, but the only thing animal products do for health is deteriorate it. Ironically, we have a war on drugs, a war on terror, a war on poverty…maybe we should have a war on food? Food kills more people than tobacco, alcohol, guns, crimes, AIDS, not wearing your seatbelt, etc.

7. You have a daughter. What advice can you offer on raising vegan kids?

That’s a challenging one. Parents choose what kids eat, but the problem is school. I make her lunch every day, and she eats whatever I give her. But if there’s cupcakes for someone’s birthday, or it’s pizza day, then it’s tricky. She likes to do what other kids do, so I’m mindful of that. I’ll bring in vegan pizza that looks the same. On Thanksgiving when they have turkey in the classroom, which is mortifying for me, I drag myself out of bed early and make a Tofurkey, then slice it up so it looks similar.

8. What’s the thinking behind your new film?

Unity is about being aware of the subtleties, those expressions of life we tend to be apathetic about, meaning we don’t consider them important. For many, this includes people starving to death in faraway countries, the poor, animals, other races, other religions, other political preferences. All these expressions share a zeal for life. Every form wants to survive – human, animal, tree. We need to get past our attachments to symbols like race and religion and tradition and nationality, if our attachments are dividing us, which they are.

Unity comes from an understanding of the world that doesn’t rely on opposites – us and them, human and nonhuman, rich and poor, etc. I mentioned dualism earlier. This applies particularly to the human ego. It wants to separate and distinguish itself from others.

9. Earthlings has inspired so many people to change their lives. How will people change after Unity?

They will recognize any other expression of life as the same as themselves, if for no other reason than it is here in the same atmosphere as we are.

Edible Schoolyards

Photo by Lindsay Morris

One of the most inspiring elements of the food renaissance underway on New York’s East End is the viral spread of edible schoolyards. From Sag Harbor to Amagansett, and from Riverhead to Southold, teachers, concerned parents, farmers and precocious students are erecting greenhouses near playgrounds, bringing food into the classroom and putting gastro-literacy on equal footing as reading, writing and arithmetic.

The pioneering Ross School in East Hampton has been serving its students mind-blowing farm-to-table meals for years. Some people still think it serves the best lunch in the Hamptons. And the Hayground School in Bridgehampton had integrated cooking into its curriculum even before it built its urban-rustic part-cafeteria-part-classroom in honor of restaurateur and school founder Jeff Salaway.

Photo by Lindsay Morris

But now a growing number of public school districts on the East End are following the lead. A network organized by Bridgehampton School district teacher Judiann Carmack-Fayyaz meets monthly to share ideas. In attendance recently were several farmers, a local greenhouse manufacturer, several school administrators and the local coordinator of HealthCorps, Dr. Mehmet Oz’s health and nutrition activism group. It seems great minds think alike.

“Kids will learn about food from the perspective that it’s the central part of the planet,” said Tim Bryden, director of Project MOST, an after school program in Springs and Amagansett that supports the Seedlings effort. “And to be respectful of things that grow.”

Longterm chef Bryan Futerman, whose daughter was enrolled in Project MOST, sees a foundation and a way to create jobs in the community. “It’s a Victory Garden, really,” Futerman said, referring to millions of small plots that sustained America during World War II, but which make similar sense in a shaking global economic climate.

Brian Halweil is the editor of Edible East End, and publisher of Edible Brooklyn and Edible Manhattan. He writes about the things we eat from the old whaling village of Sag Harbor, New York, where he and his wife, yoga instructor Sarah Halweil, tend a home garden and orchard.