Talking To Kids About Cancer

Six weeks ago, totally out of the blue, I was diagnosed with incurable metastatic bone disease. My spine and pelvis were apparently riddled with tumors that were the cause of my recent backache. At 38 and as the active mother of two very young children, I had put it down to a pulled muscle from making up the top bunk bed. I’m an elementary school teacher, too, so I have loads of opportunities to pull weird muscles chasing (or dancing with) kids. And loads of reasons for “forgetting” about them, expecting them to go away of their own accord.

Within minutes, my husband and I were wondering: “How the hell do we tell the children this?” Our two are ages 7 and 4, utterly incredible (of course) and really close to us. We have always made a point out of being honest with our kids, even about the difficult stuff, but somehow this one seemed insurmountable. So we did a lot of soul-searching and rehearsal. Literally. Practiced being the kids hearing bits of information and putting two and two together to make 42. Making sense out of the fragments we had was almost impossible for us, let alone for my little boy, whose tiny hands still stroke my cheek to wake me in the morning. It took a while, but we came up with a plan.

The fact that we only had a partial diagnosis initially was helpful, because it enabled us to stagger the news we shared. This allowed the children to process the information in little bits and think of questions. Realistically, they followed our lead and were calm, factual and positive, because we were.

At first, we just explained what would affect them: that we had to cancel our family vacation this summer because the doctors wanted to try and work out why my back wasn’t getting better. As we always flew to the States for the summer, this would be their first in England, and we’d try to do lots of fun things closer to home. They were devastated about cancelling the trip to Grandma and Grandpa’s but quickly understood that we’d go next summer and that perhaps they could come to us soon.

A few days later, while we were all curled up reading books, we stopped to explain that the doctors had discovered that there was a disease in my backbones that had started somewhere else in my body, but we didn’t know where yet. We were clear that no one had given it to me and no one could catch it from me. As kids are so drilled about “Coughs and sneezes spread diseases,” we thought this last bit was particularly important.

Then I got out a chocolate bar called an Aero (I’m sure there must be some equivalent in the States; it’s chocolate-filled with bubbles but smooth on the outside). I explained that a bone is a bit like the chocolate bar. The outside looks smooth and hard, but when you look inside, it’s made up of little bubbles.

“If the bubbles were bigger, how would it taste?”

“Not so chocolatey.”

“Would it be stronger or more crumbly if the bubbles were bigger?”

“It would break more, or bits would cave in.”

So then, of course, we explained that my bone was like the bar, but in places there were bigger bubbles growing because of the disease. That was making the bones delicate and painful. Then they got to eat the bar, but I wasn’t allowed any.

“But Mummy loves chocolate!” my daughter protested. We went on to explain that there were certain foods that would make my back worse, and some that would make it better. Simply speaking, white foods were out, and rainbow foods were in — especially green foods. We listed all the white foods we could think of: sugar, milk, ice cream, flour, rice, pasta, mashed potatoes, white sauce. Then we went into the kitchen and introduced other things I could have instead: agave, almond milk, wild rice or spelt, yams. No decent alternative to béchamel sauce yet. They loved tasting everything and made their preference clear (agave=yum, wheatgrass= yeurgh!).

As my juicing and vegan diet reached into our days, they became engaged with exploring all sorts of flavors. The spiralizer is a great favorite, and they love the carrot-zucchini spaghetti — who wouldn’t? We grow a lot of our own produce, so juice inventions have become a daily game. Beet, black currant and red grape; watercress and kiwi; carrot, pineapple and ginger; spinach and apple were all quickly popular (actually, only I liked the watercress and kiwi one, but I like it enough for everyone else put together!). We tried to juice like colors together to keep the end product bright and appealing; that really helped. The children felt empowered to help be a part of my healing through diet and are learning a lot about what goes into their own bodies as a result.

Our chickens love the pulp, so the kids are delighted to give the vitamins to them, too.

We still hadn’t used the word “cancer” yet because we didn’t know whether they had any prior knowledge of the word, and we certainly didn’t want to confuse the issue when we were still trying to build their understanding of what we were facing. But now it was time.

I had a few biopsies taken, and the nurse put stars over the incisions so that the kids would be proud of me. They were, and they kindly kissed each spot better just as I would have done for them! When the results came through, we got both children into the big bed with us and explained that Mummy’s disease had a starting place now, and a name. The name was “cancer;” had they heard of that before? Our daughter, who’s 7, had heard about it but didn’t know anything about it. Our son looked blank.

We explained that there are hundreds of types of cancer, and everyone’s story is different. If they saw or heard anything about cancer, they could ask us, but they shouldn’t think it was anything to do with my story just because it shared the same name. We felt this was particularly important because children could easily say, “My Grandma died of cancer” or “Cancer makes your hair fall out,” and we wanted information to come from us, not the playground. This conversation was something we had anguished over, but they heard it and then said “OK. Can we read some books now?”

Throughout these weeks, they have had very few questions. But they also have had very little anxiety. I think striking the balance between pace and pitch is so important. Small chunks of information spread several days apart helped them process and feel part of the learning curve along with us. We are empowered in the face of this diagnosis and are riding the tsunami rather than swept away by it. They are along for the ride, too.

Last week, I had radiotherapy. Beforehand, we talked about cough syrup. Who likes cough syrup? No one, right? It makes you feel horrid and sticky, and your mouth is all weird. Yuck! But then after a while, your cough’s gone, and you can go back to sleep and get well. So my medicine was going to be a bit like that. It would make me feel worse for a while and then better. Except that my “worse” would last a few days, even a week or so. But then my “better” would last longer, too. I wouldn’t have to take so many pills for the pain, and I’d be able to do more yoga and dancing with them again. Everyone’s a winner!

Now it’s September, and I’m not going back to teaching yet. The children are delighted that I’ll be walking them to school in the mornings, and I’ve let my friends at the school gates know that these times are CFC (cancer-free-conversation) times. Even when they’re just trying to show they care, it’s not the time. Walking to school is when my kids deserve my attention.

My cancer is omniscient but not a source of fear or anxiety for any of us. We will embrace this challenge like any other: as a loving, honest family unit. Talking often and openly.

Emily Evison is taking a year off from life as usual to create an anti-cancer lifestyle after her unexpected diagnosis. She lives in rural England with her husband, two children, six chickens and cat. They garden, craft, make music, play games and love life.

Tumors in Children: How One Family Thrives

I write this as I sit in an MRI room while my 8-year-old son Sami is scanned for the umpteenth time. Here we go – this is a big one. It is a follow-up scan from one just over a week ago. Enhancement. A possible brain tumor. All the other tumors are stable and I am told not to worry yet. This is not possible. But this is not where our story begins. It actually began in a doctor’s office three and a half years ago.

“Neurofibromatosis.” “Neurofibromatosis.” “Neurofibromatosis.” I make the doctor repeat this word numerous times when he informs me my son Sami will need to see a specialist to confirm the diagnosis of Neurofibromatosis (NF). In my mom panic, I blurt out, “It’s not serious, right?” The doctor replies, “It can be not serious.” Yet, just like all of you who spend time reading doctor’s faces – I know this is not good. On to the world wide web – ahhhh, confirmed – not good. Maybe, just maybe, Sami doesn’t have it? But the specialist later confirms NF at his diagnostic appointment. Our conversation basically plays out like this:

Me: What does this mean for my Sami?
Doctor: He will get tumors.
Me: Maybe he won’t.
Doctor: He will.
Me: Maybe he won’t.
Doctor: Yes, he will.
Me: Okay how many?
Doctor: Ten to thousands.

So there it is: no cure, no real treatment, no denying it, no possibility he will escape tumors. We leave the office a different family. What happens next? I imagine our story is similar to many people or families who receive a life-changing diagnosis. We fall down, get up, fall down, get up and live life. We change course.

Neurofibromatosis, in a nutshell, means your tumor suppressor does not properly function and every nerve cell in your body has the potential to become a tumor. It also presents a whole lot of other health issues. In our case, Neurofibromatosis also becomes our family’s catalyst for change. One personal change, for us, is nutrition. I jumped in all the way after reading everything I can on tumor prevention and we go raw. I will not lie: There is actual crying at the dinner table. I see three sad little faces (and a dad) all of who are trying to embrace a new raw lifestyle. So we scale back a bit and now eat primarily a plant-based diet and are conscious about our food choices.

My youngest son loves green juice, and drinks it and asks for it on a daily basis. After this MRI, though, we will take the big plunge and go to a completely plant-based diet and see if it has any impact on his tumor growth. We make the decision to eat real food, primarily plants. We start with small changes.

We also go to a summer family retreat. We spend time in the hills with monks, nuns and discover practicing meditation and compassion with other families is transformative to the soul. It helps us to be a bit more mindful in our lives. Moreover, our children shine so bright with all this compassionate attention focused on them. We become part of the NF community, which is also a change in our lives. We meet other families, doctors, researchers, organizers in the field and connect on boards. Knowledge and these types of connections are essential.

I end up becoming a fundraising mom – this is a really big change for me. Again, I jump right in head-first hoping, praying for a treatment before even one tumor shows up in our Sami. I enlist everyone; family, friends, neighbors, community. Even people at cocktail parties are recruited for big jobs. This leads to the creation of our group the Littlest Tumor Foundation and a new career for me with a lot of adventures and hard work. Sami and I even get to meet President Obama to speak about healthcare and NF.

Living MRI to MRI has lit a fire in our family and lent to our message which we share with the Littlest Tumor Foundation. Today there are few successful pediatric tumor treatments. This is unnecessary and we can do better. Simple. Just like our foundation, our goals are simple: We raise research dollars for innovative research, we promote and embrace wellness with our annual family retreat and we want the world to know about our cause.

As for our Sami, he becomes a brave soul. Tumors do indeed show up. He braves up for PET scans, MRIs, first opinions, second opinions, surgery, more MRIs and too many specialists to count. He does this all while continuing to be a truly joyful, happy child. (He does much better than his mom, in case you’re wondering).

So when the tumors do indeed show up it all becomes very real – or surreal – to this mother to be speaking to specialists and surgeons about the fast-growing mass in our child. Time to make the big grown-up decisions in life. It is not simple, as all the specialists and surgeons have differing opinions. So we arm ourselves with all possible information and make the decision to jump. We decide to operate and feel we have found truly the best surgeon on the planet to remove this tumor. Off we head to Chicago to operate, and for all of you who have been in these shoes, you know it feels so incredibly wrong. You put on a brave face and move forward. You slip in and out of the stages of grief: mad at everyone, sad, making deals with God. I finally settle on consciously focusing on envisioning him awaking from surgery. He does and asks if they got the tumor, then adding he’d like to see it so he can bring it to his science class, as he just knows his science teacher Miss Becky will want to see it.

So we survive this tumor and now watch others and continue on with our journey like so many others. Our Sami continues to keep us focused. He is essentially the heart and soul of our foundation. He is the spark that causes all these changes and many more. He is the reason we understand as we sit for hours at Children’s Hospitals: “Why not us?” One look around at the many children facing chronic and catastrophic health issues and its clear – why not us. But most importantly, he is the inspiration that makes us believe why not us be part of the NF solution.

Back to the MRI room, here I sit again, watching my sedated child in an MRI tube again, hoping he does not have a brain tumor. It all feels so crazy. So when I am asked if I have any ideas for other parents in this situation, I simply say: Fall down get up, fall down, get up, fall down, but get up. Small changes in nutrition and wellness could – and will be – huge in the long run. Lastly, join us: We are all in this together and we can channel this crazy life of tumors in our children into a solution.

Tracy Wirtanen runs the Littlest Tumor Foundation. Neurofibromatosis affects 1 in 3,000 and causes tumors to grow anywhere in the body including the brain and spine and can cause a series of other significant health issues. They range from serious skeletal abnormalities to learning issues to difficult to treat cancers. She invites everyone to come together around this extremely important issue to create change.

Get More Greens in Your Kids: 5 S’s for Success

As a mother of four, one of my biggest pleasures in life is feeding my kids nutritious meals. Unfortunately, it’s not always as easy as I hope it will be! I tend to romanticize while making my evening meals, thinking to myself, “My family will all love dinner tonight! They will wipe their mouths, clear their dishes and give me a hug to say thanks for your efforts, Mom!

And then I’m reeled back into reality when I hear, “No way I am eating that! It’s green!”

So for all you masterful mommies out there trying to feed your children nutritious meals, here are some helpful hints to get these nutrient-packed foods into your weewellness-warriors:

Smoothies. This is one of the easiest ways to get some greens into your kids’ diets. A handful of spinach is hardly detectable, and the flavor can easily be masked by fruit (use darker fruit like mixed berries to mask the color, too). A children’s cup with a lid is also an easy solution for those stubborn eyes! Try starting with a 3-to-1 ratio (3 fruits to 1 green) Be creative; who said you can’t put a little zucchini in a smoothie?

Start small. Younger children might be a little pickier, and you may need to do a little “sneaking” for these ones. Chopped kale can be thrown into just about any dinner meal without so much as a second glance from the youngsters. An entire bunch can be finely chopped and put into soups, fajitas, pot pies, pizzas or pasta dishes like lasagna and spaghetti. The key is to chop it small enough so that it cannot be easily picked out. If you’re not already, get familiar with kale. Even a little of this dark leafy green packs a powerful punch for our kiddos.

Set the stage. “Children have never been great at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” If you want your kids to eat their greens, then you need to do the same. We can’t fall into the old adage, “Do what I say, not what I do”. Want to make an impression? Walk around the house munching on a whole cucumber – if they don’t notice, their friends definitely will!

Solicit support. Get your kids involved. Children’s minds are like sponges that are anxiously waiting to be filled. Teach them why we want to eat broccoli, spinach, celery and lettuce. Excite them by teaching them about the powerful pac-man qualities of veggies. Let them choose the vegetable in their lunch or dinner. Have them help with a garden or the grocery shopping. It’s often easier to do things ourselves, but our children will benefit from being involved (especially when they sense approval from Mom). And of course, don’t forget to invite Dad to jump on board. Healthy kids are a team effort,

Stock for success. Let’s be honest. If you want your kids to eat their greens, then you need to actually stock your kitchen with them! Find the ones that you know your kids will eat, and make sure to have them on hand as well as a few others for them to keep on trying. Their little tastebuds will eventually “hatch”, and someday they’ll thank you for it. You mommies are busy women, so take some time each week to clean and chop veggies that can be kept in the crisping drawer in the fridge. When snack time comes around, your kids can reach for the fridge instead of the pantry. (Keep some tissue on hand for that day when you shed a little tear for your success!)

Following these 5 simple hints you can jumpstart your family’s health today! Your meal times will have less resistance, you will feel like ya done good. And … you never know … green might become your children’s favorite color!

Charity Lighten is a wife, mother, business owner, Food for Life Instructor, and a lover of food! She has a passion for nutrition and the power of food – especially as it pertains to disease prevention. She has a love for life and finds great joy in inspiring others to recommit to great health!

Photo credit: Maigh

Embracing the Unknown

Recently in my life I have been faced with a considerable amount of uncertainty. As my partner and I decide whether we want to have children and, pending our conclusion, whether we should get married, I’m forced to confront the fact that I do not currently know what the future has in store for me.

When all of this came up a couple of months ago, it was a shock for me. Until that point we had both believed that we were on the same page about having kids, and we both felt that marriage was in our future, so readjusting to a new reality was difficult. Like most people, I think, I wanted to know where I was headed, and going from “knowing” to “not knowing” was a transition that my brain did not make smoothly.

As I let all of this roll around in my head, however, I came to what felt like a significant conclusion for myself. I wanted so much to know where my life was headed, but what does that even mean? Do we, can we, ever know what the future has in store for us?

In short, of course, the answer is a resounding “no.” I could agree to get married today and feel like I had come to some sort of conclusion for myself — that I “know” what path I’m on or where I’m headed, but that would be an illusion. I have no more of a clue what will happen when I finish typing this sentence than I do what my life will be like one year from now, or five years from now. I could finish this blog post and get hit by a bus.

I have no doubt that my meditation practice, while less consistent than I would like, has been tremendously helpful for me in being able to hold this idea steady in my mind, without crumbling. It’s natural for us as human beings to want to think that we know what lies ahead, and to believe that we have some modicum of control over it. Uncertainty, after all, is very anxiety-inducing.

We don’t know though; we don’t. Marriages happen all the time, and so does divorce. Women get pregnant, and pregnancies miscarry. The only thing that’s consistent in life is change, and there are no guarantees about anything.

If any of this sounds pessimistic, I hope it doesn’t, because I experience it as the exact opposite that. Once this thought came to me and began to resonate, I felt utter freedom. To not know, and to be OK with it, is the ultimate form of peace.

As for me and my partner, we’re muddling through. We talk about it, and then we don’t. We think about it, and then we talk again. We feel and we fight, and then we hug and make up. All I know today is that we love each other fiercely. Right now, that’s all I need to know.

For more information about self-exploration, visit LeslieCarr.com.

Photo credit: Ninja M.

Turn Those Kids Upside Down for Fun, Focus, Confidence and Calm

There was a time in the not-so-distant past when kids used to run out of the house after breakfast, then scoot home when the street lights came on in the evening. I know, because I lived that time. Activity-filled days for kids have been replaced by hours of watching videos and playing computer games. And when summer comes, that’s where the majority of the day is spent – staring at a screen. But there are ways to get your kids to be active and healthy this summer, even when the computer is calling out to them. I found one way with yoga.

Not just any old yoga. We’re talking fun stuff here. Did you know that some of the things kids naturally love to do, like handstands and headstands, can be part of a quick and invigorating yoga sequence? It turns out that these “inversions,” which is any pose in which your head is below your heart, have fantastic health benefits. They build upper-body muscle, increase focus, reduce stress and increase calm. They enhance confidence as you move outside the natural boundaries we have built in standing upright.

The reluctance most people have with yoga is the time and money commitment. Many of us don’t have the time to participate in 60- to 90-minute classes, and that’s not including commute time! And if you want your kids to participate with you, they’ll roll their eyes at the thought of a class of that length. It’s like being back at school. Even when you can find economical classes, paying for yourself and your kids adds up.

So what to do? I created a 10-minute yoga sequence that can be done anytime, and almost anywhere. You really don’t even need a yoga mat. The poses are specifically sequenced to grab the majority of the benefits yoga has to offer, like increased flexibility and strength, as well as lessening stress and increasing calm. And just try to stop the kids from joining you in this fun little sequence. What kid can resist a handstand?

But that doesn’t mean you have to do a handstand, unless you want to. Let me share my beginner-level 10-minute yoga sequence so you can see how easy, how calming and how fun this is to do with your kids this summer.

10-Minute Beginner Yoga Sequence

We begin in Tadasana (Mountain Pose). Tell your kids you want to become as still and strong as a mountain. Challenge them to do it and remain still for a few breaths. Here’s how: Bring your big toes together, heels slightly apart. Lift through the crown of your head as you reach your hands toward the floor. Take a few deep breaths here, inhaling and exhaling evenly through the nose.

Next, come to your hands and knees, with your hands directly under your shoulders and your knees hip-width apart. We call this “Table Top.” For the kids, the most fun part of Table Top is to try to make your back as flat as a table. Hold for a moment.

On an exhale, sink your hips to your heels, reach your arms out in front of you, and come into Utthita Balasana (Extended Child’s Pose). Really reach your hands out and get a strong stretch through the back. Hold for five longs breaths. This feels really good.

On an inhale, reach the buttocks up and back, and straighten the legs, coming into Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward-Facing Dog Pose). Tell the kids this is their preparation for going upside down, which will come in a minute. Hold for five breaths.

On an exhale, bring the knees back to the floor, sink the hips to the heels, and reach out with the arms, coming back into Extended Child’s Pose. On an inhale, reach the buttocks up and back, and straighten the legs, coming back into Downward-Facing Dog Pose. As an option, instead of coming back into Downward-Facing Dog, kick up into Handstand. Here’s how:

Move near a wall. Start in Downward-Facing Dog Pose with your hands about 6 inches away from the wall. Walk your feet forward until your shoulders are right over your wrists. Bend one leg under your chest in a lunge position, and raise the other leg to hip level. Now kick up with the bent leg as you swing the other leg up. Reach both heels to the wall, coming into Adho Mukha Vrksasana (Handstand). Tell the kids to try to hold Handstand as long as they can, aiming for at least five deep breaths, if not more. (This is a powerful strength builder and calming tool. It helps kids focus and builds confidence!)

When you are ready to come down from Handstand, come down, step back from the wall and fold forward at the waist into an easy forward fold to rest and catch your breath. Repeat this sequence four times, moving from Extended Child’s Pose to Downward-Facing Dog, or moving from Downward-Facing Dog to Handstand. This will tucker them out.

We’re done with inversions, and now we’ll move into the backbend. In yoga, backbends are any pose that arches your spine back. Backbends are chest openers as well, which are invigorating and mood elevating – especially good for grumpy kids who have been hunched over a computer screen.

Let’s start. Lie flat on your stomach with your legs together and toes pointed behind you. Bend your elbows, placing your palms flat on the floor next to your ribs. Press down through your palms, raising your head and chest, and spiral up the spine like a snake, coiling into Bhujangasana (Cobra Pose). Remain here for five breaths, then lower yourself for a rest. Repeat two more times.

Next, turn over and lie flat on your back, face up. It’s time to do our twists, the bent knee

variation of Jathara Parivartanasana (Reclined Twist). Bring the arms out to each

side at shoulder level, in a T position, palms up. Draw the knees to the chest, keeping

your back flat on the ground. On an exhale, gently roll your knees to your right side, allowing

them to rest on the floor. Twists soothe the spine after the backbends, and “wring out” emotion, creating a calmer kid. Take five long, deep breaths. Repeat to the left.

We’re going to finish the sequence by coming into Savasana (Corpse Pose). This is where the kids are challenged to become as still as a lifeless body. Can they do it? Lie on your back, extend your legs, and allow your feet to roll open. Extend your arms near your body, with your palms up. Close your eyes and breathe naturally. Completely let go and unwind, releasing any muscular tension. Savasana allows us to absorb all the benefits of the sequence we just did.

You can remain in Savasana as long as you like. And don’t be surprised if the kids fall asleep.

Holly Mosier is the author of “Stress Less, Weigh Less” and the creator of “10-Minute Yoga with Holly Mosier,” which contains this and other 10-minute sequences that will keep your kids busy and focused.

Photo credit: a4gpa