Body | Crazy Sexy Life

By Guest Blogger on January 24, 2012

Sex, Self-Esteem and the Goddess Cure

i heart sex sign

We’ve all had those moments where our minds go on a scary adventure to fear. It’s the “fear mind” that resembles a monkey with rabies and tends to be rather abusive and pessimistic. It says things like: “You can’t do that”; “Who do you think you are?”; “Ewww, gross, you have cellulite on your ass when you move like that in bed!” It’s really like a mind bully, except that bully is a part of our psyche. Not YOU necessarily, but part of the way our minds work as humans. Sooo … we best get to learn how to work with the rabies monkey “fear mind.”

One place that is often ignored when we talk about “fear mind” is sex. We talk about our fear to find love, our fear to take risks and start our own business or get a new job; but when it comes to sex, we might as well be Puritans living in the 1800s churning butter. All funky feelings arise and suddenly Harvard scientists, leading psychologists and researchers become like fifth-grade students — uncomfortable, anxious and avoidant. I say, let’s address it. Let’s walk through the fears, not around them.

Have you ever felt embarrassed before having sex or during sex? Sex is one of our most taboo vulnerable spots. In our Western society and in many societies cross culturally, we have seen an overemphasis on vulgar sexuality, and sexualizing products and even children to sell products. However, the sacred in sex is null and void. What is the sacred in sex? The sacred is accepting all of our sexual selves as beautiful and as something to be explored. Throughout our history, sex has become dirty and has been tainted with this virgin archetype of we must only enjoy pleasure if married. Yet these mixed messages really mess with us, and we don’t have a safe space to truly connect with our sexual selves — with how we feel with our own being as sexual and how we feel with a lover in bed. These anxieties are normal and, once processed, become a key to unlock the door to true intimacy with yourself and with your lover.

Shame arises from this guilt that we are doing something wrong, with our insecurities and our self-esteem with our body, with the lack of knowledge around sexuality and the permission culturally, from our parents, from our books, to say it’s OK, it’s beautiful and it’s sacred to explore your entire sexual self, to let go and be free. This shame causes sadness, lack of intimacy and a block, as we are sexual beings and it’s part of our health to have healthy and fun sex lives.

So how can we alchemize this shame into fiery intimacy? Here are three keys that I have found successful with my clients.

The Goddess Cures:

1. Take time to explore you (god/goddess time).
2. Read about sacred sexuality, tantra; inform yourself on the sacred nature of sex and begin to become conscious around your own sexual self — the insecurities, the fantasies, etc. (Google is genius; use it.)
3. Create a ritual before you have sex either with yourself (masturbation) or with your partner/lover. Light some candles and incense, play relaxing music, and remember to breathe and take it slow.

Christine Gutierrez is a mind-body psychotherapist and holistic health expert. She is the founder of Sacred Space NYC, a holistic healing+bodywork collective, and Cosmic Life, an online hub that features content from Christine and other experts, as well as resources, products, and services.

Photo credit: Jerry Wong

Author: Guest Blogger

Tags: body, Fear, relationships, sacred, sex, Spirituality

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By Kris Carr on November 18, 2010

Love List: Shake a tail feather!

Notice anything different? We hope you love our new look (especially our unicorn mascot)! We’ve done some major re-organization so that its easier for you to access all the juicy knowledge and fun here at Crazy Sexy Life. Cruise around, click on all the pretty new buttons and tabs and let us know what you think in the comments section!

Thigh Master Priestess,

If you saw my Vlog last week then you know that I’m designing and implementing a beaucoup fabulous exercise game plan. Since my visit to The Block Center where I fell in LOVE with my new integrative wellness team, I’ve been busy putting a slew of their genius recommendations in place.

Number one on my list: Sweating. However, in my excitement over all things bionic (building a better, stronger, faster and healthier moi), I sorta created some topsy turvy confusion over aerobic endurance training vs. recovery training. I was just so dang excited! According to Dr. Block, endurance training means to train your body to endure. Our goal: 30 to 60 minutes of aerobics 5 to 6 times per week! The short 3-minute intensive aerobics bursts that I mentioned is what he calls “recovery aerobics”.

Here’s a portion of the note he sent me, I hope this clarifies it: “Essentially I want you to train your body to do these intensive short bursts of fitness and then recover. It is the recovery, the return to your pre-session pulse and ease, which has such an impact on everyone’s longevity. The quicker you recover, the better you will be able to handle any physical, chemical or emotional stress. Get it?”

YES! I get it and love it.

So here’s my goal. Gulp, putting it out there makes it scary and un-blow-it-off-able:

-Endurance training aerobics (30-60 minutes): 5-6 times per week

-Recovery aerobics (short, fun 3 minute blasts): 2-3 times per day

-Strength training: 3 times per week

-Stretching daily – of course I gotta throw my yoga in there, a girl’s gotta om!

Join me and join our fit club. Wouldn’t it be awesome to jump-start it now? Why wait for New Years resolutions? Today is the best day EVER! Do you have to hit it hard all at once? Heck-to-the-no! Lean into it. Focus, commit and follow through as you up your game. Turn those noodles into Madonna arms (ok, maybe that’s a little much), tighten that tushie, slim those thighs, and build the strength of a stallion inside and out. Exercise boosts your immune system, your metabolism, reduces stress, floods your God pod with happy mood lube, helps your snooze and shines your eyeballs. Here’s what I love…

I love bike riding. Especially when my tush is unicorn powered. My bestie Rory Freedman gave me this hot seat cover created by madebyjulianne.com. Don’t ya love it? Thanks, Rory!

I love yoga! I really, really love yoga. Om shanti baby!

I love jumping rope and pretending I’m Sylvester Stallone.

I love free weights (ok, I lie about that too).

I love dancing, especially to Prince.

I love band work. And bands are super easy to pack.

I love hula, even though I suck. But the more I practice the less I suck.

I love jumping on my rebounder. FYI: Led Zeppelin makes me jump a little too high.

I love jumping jacks, great for hotel rooms. Jumping jacks make me feel very military chic. I chant, “Make juice not war”. I guess I meant anti-military chic.