Are You Addicted to Social Media?

Do you refresh Facebook fifteen times an hour to track the likes on your status? It’s likely the answer is yes. In some way or another, many of us have become slightly (or not so slightly) obsessed with the social media feedback loop. While it may seem like a sign of the times, it’s actually just another way we reinforce a desperate need to feel good enough. Social media has offered us a new way to anesthetize a deep-rooted feeling of lack: The more likes we get, the better we feel.

But what happens when the “like” button isn’t pushed or the retweets just don’t happen? Then what? A social media meltdown, maybe? Do you experience an unconscious sense of self-lack, uncertainty about your last post or, worst of all, do you spend the next hour refreshing your page for some semblance of positive reinforcement?

If this resonates with you, trust that you’re not alone. Remember that last scene of “The Social Network”? Even Mark Zuckerberg refreshes his page for feedback.

I too have struggled with the social media feedback loop. Early in my career as an author, speaker and dot-com entrepreneur, it became super clear to me that social media was the most powerful way to carry my message to the masses. I worked up an unhealthy obsession with it: My boyfriend would ban me from posting during dinner, and my mom could only get in touch by tweeting at me. At the time, I didn’t perceive it as an issue. Thousands of folks were liking my fan page and retweeting my posts — it was heaven for my ego.

Then, one afternoon, I noticed myself wasting an hour watching my Twitter feed and Facebook fan page for positive feedback. As a self-help book author and Spirit Junkie, I found this behavior quite alarming. I turned away from the screen and said out loud, “Uh-oh, I’m addicted to social media feedback.”

Rather than beat myself up or deny the reality of my obsession I chose to work toward creating a more balanced relationship with my online status. I’m a big fan of 30-day plans, so I put myself on a social media detox. No, I didn’t shut down my Twitter page or deny my fans. I did quite the opposite. I continued to post as frequently as before, but I made a 30-day commitment to ignore the retweets and seriously lay off the likes. I dedicated a half hour a day to respond to my fans and monitored my Twitter correspondence.

Remember, the issue was not social media. In fact, I love social media and am endlessly grateful for the service it provides. This was an issue of self-esteem and a deep-rooted need to feed my ego through other people’s positive reinforcement. The hours I spent seeking feedback from my fans were hours wasted on a false belief that some number of comments or retweets would make me feel any better than I already did. But when I backed off from this positive feedback loop, I cleared space for self-love and self-soothing. For a month, I meditated and affirmed my sense of self-worth instead of frantically checking my notifications. I deepened my connection to my own inner spirit by putting the kibosh on my social media feedback obsession.

This 30-day practice did me good. A month of daily repetition broke me of the obsessive pattern and enhanced my sense of self-worth. When I no longer cared about responses, I could spend more time focusing on sharing what I honestly felt rather than what I thought might get the most retweets. Ironically, this practice increased my social graph. Without even trying, I grew my fan page by 1,500 members in 30 days and got more impressions on Twitter than I’d ever had before.

Once I placed my social media strategy on sharing great content rather than wowing my audience, I shifted the energy behind my correspondence with my fans. When I was looking for feedback, the energy behind my tweets and posts was needy and manipulative. But when I started tweeting for Twitter’s sake, the energy was clear and released. Energy is in everything — even in your Twitter feed.

If you too are a social media feedback junkie, consider my 30-day practice. Get honest about your behavior, commit to lay off the “refresh” button, and clear space to share honest content rather than some canned comment that you think might get a ton of activity. Enhance your self-worth from the inside out and shine light on the Twittersphere.

For more information on how to optimize your life, visit: gabbyb.tv

Photo credit: Lee Hopkins

Libra New Moon: The Power of Balance

September 27, 2011—Pause, reflect, recalibrate. We’ve reached the halfway mark with the new moon in Libra, the zodiac’s midpoint sign. It’s time to look over one shoulder and also to look ahead—to measure progress using the Libran gift of judgment and to craft a thoughtful plan going forward.

Libra is symbolized by the Scales, but it’s more than just balancing two opposing forces. It’s taking the time to weigh options, to step back from “doing” mode, and observe the whole vista before making a move. Libras get a bad rap as procrastinators (and if you’ve ever waited for one to show up, it’s not entirely undeserved). Yet, the refusal to rush lets Libras savor the moment—a skill we’ve largely forgotten in this rushed world.

This week’s Libra new moon is our cosmic call to take a more considerate approach. If you’re negotiating a deal, look at all sides, instead of just grasping for what you want (or caving to their strong-arming tactics). Strive for greater mutuality with the people in your life (think: interdependence, not codependence). Spread a little of that old Libran “peace, love and harmony” around. Add more beauty to your life. The Libra new moon reminds us to slow down, check in and think before we act.

Here are some practical rituals for the Libra new moon:

Rotate your “crops.”

The zodiac year begins in the spring, with the first sign, Aries. This year, the April 3^rd Aries new moon planted seeds that have now turned out tangible results. For the next couple weeks, it’s harvest time.

Take stock of what you’ve been working on, and of where you’ve put your energy since the spring. Do you like what’s growing in your metaphorical veggie patch? If you were hoping for apples and you got squash, retrace your steps. Yep, it was you who planted those squash seeds, wasn’t it? Identify where that happened, deal with it, and correct course. If you’ve kept a calendar, literally peruse the weeks and see where you’ve been spending your time and energy. That can be incredibly telling.

If you wanted more money in the bank, and it’s not there or you hoped to move but you’re still staring at the same cracked walls, look where you spent your time. Did you get consumed by menial tasks or sidetracked by personal drama? Untangle yourself from anything that doesn’t bear the fruit you’re craving. Then be super-intentional about what you take on from here.

Just say “maybe.”

Feeling pressured to make a decision? Refuse to cave. At the Libra new moon, it’s okay to wait and see. If you’re applying the heat to someone else, simmer down. “No” just means “no for now.” Sometimes, when a “no” is heard and honored, it can turn into a “yes” down the line. Let go of all agendas today.

Find your go-to look.

Confession: Style stresses us out. As busy as we are, we kind of wish we didn’t have to pay attention to fashion. Why should looks matter, right? Why can’t we all be beautiful on the inside? As much as we believe that, we’re also equally cranky that dressing up feels like another part-time job. That extra hour of matching, accessorizing, makeup application and blow-drying can be a real bitch on a girl’s overloaded schedule.

Libra is ruled by Venus, the planet of art, beauty and sensuality. The Libra new moon reminds us that of taking time to adorn can be pleasurable, even a ritual escape from all the intense, achievement-focused energy of the day. It may seem frivolous when you’re schlepping kids to piano lessons, cramming for finals or hammering away at a massive deadline. But the Libra new moon insists: You’re worth the extra time! And that’s the real Libra gift: prioritizing something that feels good but isn’t attached to an agenda (like making money or completing a task).

Are time challenges making you style-strained? Our friend and life coach, Lois Barth, (www.lusciousliving withlois.com) suggests creating a “uniform” (a simple, go-to combo) to cut down stress when you face your closet. Like: structured top, skinny jeans, boots …GO! Or: scoop-neck shirt, leggings, flats, colorful bag, DONE.

At the Libra new moon, give yourself a little style overhaul. Enlist a fashion-savvy friend to help. What can you toss out? Ophira’s trading her post-pregnancy “Not Your Daughter’s Jeans” (hello, closet shame—but they stretch so nicely!) for some Gap straight-leggers. Over which she’ll throw an assortment of semi-structured, colorful, long-ish shirts, and maybe a cool necklace.

If need be, pull your whole wardrobe out, lay it on the bed and assess. Libra knows best: when you look good, you feel good. You carry yourself with more confidence and your energy attracts opportunity. You communicate your personality to the world through your style. And (yikes) science shows that people make their first impressions of you visually, within the first 60 seconds of meeting. Maybe it’s worth the extra time after all.

Awaken your inner diplomat.

Libra rules the zodiac’s seventh house of committed partnerships. It’s all about balancing between “me” and “we” and finding terms that work for everyone. The Libra new moon gifts us with diplomacy, so we can truly step in the other person’s shoes to understand his/her needs.

This week, we need to hash things out, be great listeners and to create a win-win wherever we can. There are your needs, the other person’s needs and also the greater needs of the relationship, which is like a third entity. Lay those all out on the table and assess.

Sometimes, trying to please everyone can mean pleasing no one, though. This year’s Libra new moon will also form a “square” (energetic tug o’ war) with change-maker Uranus in Aries and transformational Pluto in Capricorn.

Freedom-seeking Uranus shows where individual desires can clash with those of the group. One of you may have been polarized as the “giver” and the other as a “taker,” and feelings are a little raw. Some anger may come up if you’ve felt unappreciated or like you’ve carried too much of the burden. Your Libra new moon balancing act will also require you to get radically in touch with your personal desires and to speak up for them if someone’s been bulldozing you.

Pluto offers up a solution: Transform at the root level. As life gets bigger and relationships evolve, you need new structures that allow your partnership to thrive. Stuck at an impasse with a coworker, partner or family member? Perhaps you need a better system—a bigger “cup” to hold all the energy you’ve created as a team. Scrapping over resources, affection, time, whatever feels “scarce” is futile. Examine the issue on a more fundamental level and create change there.

Beautify.

Venus, the ultimate love goddess and aesthete, reigns the skies this week. Beautify something, even if it’s a tiny touch. Bring flowers. Get the better bottle of wine. Buy that ring from a street vendor. Paint. Arrange an eye-pleasing tablescape on your desk. Pretty matters now!

Get free daily, weekly and monthly horoscopes from The AstroTwins at www.astrostyle.com.

Photo credit: mike.ga

3 Causes of Illness (and 10 Tips to Overcome Them)

Some people who eat a very clean diet think that a “perfect” diet = perfect health.

It would be easy to believe that if you just maintain an extra clean diet most of the time, all bodily ills can be avoided. Unfortunately this is just not the case. While what you do and don’t eat plays a huge role in how good you feel, it is not the only factor in staying symptom- and disease-free. Aside from a poor diet, here are three things that can be a recipe for illness:

1. Stress
2. Emotional pain
3. Not supporting the body to remove waste and toxicity

All three are often overlooked, but today we are going to discuss the first two. Mental and emotional stresses are hugely influential in how healthy and happy you feel, and yet so often management of these very vital aspects of health can fall to the wayside. We can forget that truly wonderful health is experienced when all of these components of our well-being, along with diet, are given attention.

In small amounts, stress can be useful. It can give you the buzz, motivation and focus to get things done. But more often than not, stress just gets ugly. When the stress that gives you the kick in the bum to keep moving changes to tension throughout your body, irritability, or reduced physical, mental, or emotional health, then you know it has gone too far. Stress is extremely acidic in the body. Our bodies need to maintain an alkaline state to remain or become healthy.

Emotional stress will have the same impact, as will working far too long and exhausting yourself, and not having a balance of rest, movement, play and work.

So other than maintaining a very clean, alkaline diet that will help to minimize acidity in your body, what can you do? Here are a few suggestions.

1. Create a balance of work and playtime every day by setting boundaries of what time you will work and (just as important) not work. Allow time to exercise, meditate, juice, cook, connect with loved ones, get fresh air, have sex, buy fresh produce and whatever else is important to you.

2. Make the time you do work as efficient and productive as possible. Don’t procrastinate or multi-task. Focus on one task at a time and do it with your whole focus. You will get a better result.

3. Pick the most challenging, important or profitable task to do first in your workday. Once this is achieved, the other tasks can be more easily managed and with less stress. You will find it much easier to switch off the stress beast with your biggest tasks behind you.

4. Breathe deeply. Even if it’s just taking 10 deep breaths where you breathe in through the nose for four counts and then out through your mouth for four counts, it will help to calm your mind, bring you back into your body and center youself. You can take it further by noticing where you are holding tension in your body as you do your deep breathing and actively releasing it.

5. Meditate regularly. Even if it’s just by paying attention to your breath with the breathing exercise above, meditation can completely transform mental and emotional stress. Guided meditations are particularly helpful if you find it hard to turn off mind chatter. Having a voice guide you into a state of meditation can be easier than trying to get yourself there.

6. Get enough sleep. How can you expect yourself to feel calm, centered, balanced and happy when you are running on only a few hours of sleep? You know what I’m talking about. ‘Nuff said.

7. Release to your journal. If you are feeling emotional, releasing your thoughts and feelings to a page can shift emotional energy out of you. It can also help to clarify your thoughts and feelings by having to become consciously aware of them to express them on paper. Your journal is a safe place to release; it won’t judge, talk back or criticize you.

8. Get out, connect with friends and loved ones, and laugh! Forcing yourself to get outside, particularly into nature, can completely shift you out of your own pain and back into the world. Seeing people walking around, animals, beautiful scenery and a world outside of your own can remind you that there is more than what’s in your head, and there is a lot to be grateful for. The same thing applies to seeing friends or loved ones. It reminds you that there is more out there than your own stress. There are other people to connect and laugh with.

I know I said we are talking strategies to cope with stress and emotional pain that aren’t food and movement related, but well, they are so important that I’m putting them here anyway!

9. Eat whole foods. If you are eating a diet full of processed foods, sugar, stimulants (coffee, cigarettes, chocolate and caffeinated tea), then you are going to be causing your body serious amounts of stress, imbalance and moodiness.

10. Move your body! Of course, moving your body is also an amazing stress reliever and extremely alkalizing. Exercise is stimulating in a natural and nourishing way, unlike processed foods and chocolate, which are acidic and falsely stimulating.

Casey Thomas, Raw Lifestyle Coach and Detox Counselor, publishes “Bloom Time,” a free monthly eZine for health and energy seekers and raw food lovers around the globe.

The Life Wheel: “Picture” Your Health

By Erinn Selkis

To become healthier and live a fuller and more joyful life, it’s helpful to get a clear picture of where you are currently. Just like store maps in malls, we need a “You are here!” point before forging ahead. I encourage you to do this simple exercise to give yourself a broad overview of your health as you perceive it. Once you have a general picture, you can slowly make improvements in one area at a time. Achieving a greater state of health is meant to be fun and invigorating, not overwhelming. So be gentle with yourself! Acknowledge yourself for simply having the mindset to read this and being willing to see where you are.

Life Wheel Exercise

1. On a sheet of paper, draw a circle approximately 4-5 inches wide.

2. Separate the circle into 8 different sections like a pie—a healthy, all-natural one! Draw a horizontal line and a vertical line through the center of the circle. Then draw an X through the center point.

3. Label the sections with the following categories:

-Diet and Hydration
-Physical Activity
-Weight Management/Body Image
-Self Love and Care
-Stress Management
-Unhealthy Habits
-Fun and Recreation
-Meditation/Prayer/Quiet Reflection (whichever one applies best for you)

4. Give each category a number on a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being “I don’t feel like this is a strength of mine” to 10 being “I am SO great at this!” For example, in the Unhealthy Habits category, 1 means you have a lot of unhealthy habits such as smoking, eating junk food, or not sleeping. Ten means you don’t feel you have any unhealthy habits.

5. Be honest with yourself! No one is judging you, and if you find that you are judging yourself, forgive yourself. The purpose of this exercise isn’t to beat yourself up, but rather to be truthful and take notice of what is.

6. For each category, draw a mark in the respective section representing the number you have chosen. For example, if you chose 5 for Stress Management, place a little mark directly in the middle of the section. If you chose 6 for Fun and Recreation, put a mark a little further out than the mark made for the 5 in the other category.

7. Now draw a line connecting the marks to create a representation of your current balance (or unbalance!). The ultimate goal is for you to feel that you’re balanced and at 9 or ten in all of the categories, resulting in a full, even circle of health. If this is not the case, don’t worry! The whole point is to see where you are in order to support improvements.

8. Pick a category you might like to improve, one that is calling to you in this moment. Think about or write down the reasons you gave yourself the number you did. If you gave yourself a 3 in Self Love and Care, maybe it’s because you talk negatively towards yourself often. Or maybe you chose a 2 for Physical Activity because you rarely get involved in anything active. Write down anything that comes to your mind.

9. Now pick one small thing, something that you know you can absolutely do in the coming week, to support yourself in improving your health in your chosen area. For example, if you find yourself rarely exercising, instead of making a goal to suddenly go running every day, make it a point to take the stairs at work or walk instead of driving. Make this action attainable and easy for you to do. I mean EASY!

10. Incorporate this easy goal into your life in the coming week and weeks thereafter. If you find yourself keeping your goal, acknowledge yourself! If not, that’s okay too. Maybe you want to take an even easier step the next week to ensure that you keep your commitment to yourself. The point isn’t to be hard on yourself and focus negatively on the thing you are doing wrong because there is no wrong! The point is to support yourself in achieving your goals and in becoming a healthier, more vibrant person.

Do this exercise weekly, biweekly or monthly, whatever feels right to you. Keep taking small, new steps toward a healthier you.  Allow yourself to truly prize and congratulate yourself for even the smallest of changes. Notice how your circle of health keeps getting larger and larger!

Erinn Selkis has been studying nutrition, psychology and alternative medicine for over 3 years and loves helping others live healthy and happy lives. She is also a self taught raw/vegan chef who has started a raw, vegan, gluten free, organic dessert/snack company called 2Good2beRaw. Erinn loves creating delicious treats that are actually good for you! You can check out her blog.

Five Tips: How to Start Designing Your Life

By Johanna Sawalha

What if you could have your life look the way you want it to…? No, exactly the way you want it to: not just the things you have, but right down to the way that you are. What if we all thought this way?

As a new and first time mom, I have had plenty to learn in the past few months as well as plenty for which to give thanks. This “designing your life” business is what I have had the privilege to teach over the past two decades. If I didn’t know what I have learned about designing my life, I would most likely… yell at my husband for not helping enough, quietly grumble to myself instead of chatting with him and my newborn, work in an office like my mother did and rob Peter to pay Paul on a regular basis. These are all my default ways of being and doing, to which I would readily revert had I not the tools to act differently.

If you had suggested this idea to me years ago, I probably would have bitten your head off! Humility did not come with my package, no matter how wacky of a design I had given my life. I would probably also not feel right about having a nanny if I were home, like it would be too lavish and luxurious or something. However, now that is how I have intentionally designed it. I designed things the way I wanted, which means I work (from home) on my passion of having people achieve their dreams; and I have a nanny when necessary! I want it all, and I want the same for everyone. Still, I have just used one example of work/life balance. There are many more ways to design your life!

We believe the more you address each and every area of your life, the happier you become. To be deeply happy is to have each area of your life make you proud. We have found there is often a lack of deliberate design in most people’s lives. Generally, people find a way to adapt to any situation or circumstance, and become stuck in their explanations and excuses for why their life is the way it is. Over time, we start to believe our own explanations, and it becomes more and more difficult to believe something else is possible since we are so accustomed to the status quo. Piece by piece, you can actually design your life and address your fears, thoughts, and deepest beliefs. It takes some thinking, creating, inventing and dreaming. Still, just to consider designing your life can move you to action and lead you toward the life of your ideals, once and for all.

Five Ways to Start Designing Your Life Today:

1. Dream of how you want it to be.
Dreaming is an active practice that should be separated from your strategies and action plans in life. Mostly people don’t make this separation, and they think that everything they dream about requires being put into practice. Not so. The practice of dreaming in and of itself sustains your vision for your life and should happen daily.

2. Track your excuses.
“Because, because, because…!” Can you hear your excuses talking to you? If you don’t, they probably pass you right by like they do most of us. Practice hearing and tracking your excuses, and better yet, refute them. They are telling you to blow off the things that in the end will make you happy and proud; instead, do the exact opposite!

3. Account for what you are doing.
Believe it or not, much of your ability to be accountable has everything to do with time management. The more you address how you spend your time, the more accountable you can become. Declare what you are going to do today. At the end of the day, account for whether it was accomplished or not. Stay away from judging “done” as “good” and “undone” as “bad.” You are simply accounting for it, which leaves you with the clarity to figure out what is missing in your planning and do better next time.

4. Purge your disappointments.
To “purge” something is to write out what is bothering, upsetting, or worrying you. Doing this will make it easier to distinguish between your personal bogeymen and the real issues to tackle and actions to take.

5. Communicate your grumblings.
Most people do not voice their gripes because they are afraid of how it might sound, and they end up not saying anything at all. Make a list of the things you are not saying. We never get artful at communicating because we don’t practice! Voicing your grumblings solves half the problem itself; thereby fixing the situation and leaving you happy and satisfied.

Johanna Sawalha has been in the personal development field for the past two decades and just recently stepped down from the Senior Vice President position at The Handel Group to care for her newborn son. She is still an executive coach and spokesperson for HG – coaches for MIT, Stanford U,  and Conde Nast.