By Leslie Carr Psy.D. on August 5, 2011
Plenty of resources exist for those of us who identify as alcoholic (Alcoholics Anonymous [AA] is free and world-wide, for example, and there are countless books available on the subject of addiction), but this post isn’t about that. This post is for those of us who probably don’t qualify for a diagnosis of alcohol abuse or dependence, but could stand to explore our relationship with what I like to call “Social K-Y.” Let’s face it: in this day and age, that’s most of us.
How many of you out there have made tons of Crazy Sexy changes (you’re juicing and meditating, and you’ve cut out meat and even gluten, for example), but you still drink alcohol, and sometimes you even drink … a lot of alcohol. Is this you? If so, listen up.
The definition of “binge drinking” (this is shocking for many people) is four drinks or more in a two-hour period for women, or five drinks or more in a two-hour period for men. The math on this isn’t random. The reasoning behind it is that it takes your body about an hour to process one alcoholic drink (12 ounces of beer, six ounces of wine, or one ounce of hard liquor) and drinking more than that at a faster pace creates toxicity. Do it once and you’re probably fine, but do it with regularity and you’re increasing the likelihood that you’ll suffer a variety of physical symptoms and repercussions, as well as a reduction in your general vitality and overall health.
Unfortunately, there are many of us who are not alcoholic who drink like this all the time. Even more unfortunate? Doing it is not only bad for your health, it increases the chances that you will become an alcoholic over the course of your lifetime.
What?! Yes, you heard me.
There are three primary pathways to addiction, two of which are commonly known (genetic heredity and environmental influence). The third is the least talked about and most underestimated, and it’s repeated exposure to toxic doses of an addictive substance. As we continually expose ourselves to high doses of alcohol, we increase our tolerance and habituate our bodies to ever increasing amounts. The more we drink, the more we crave, and that’s when that sneaky bitch we call dependency slips in the back door.
If you think what I’m describing could apply to you, then it’s important that you change this pattern, and doing so begins with reevaluating your relationship with alcohol. Here’s how to do that:
In addiction treatment, one of the things addicts learn to do is understand their personal triggers — the people, places, and things — that make an addict want to use, so they can avoid them or figure out how to handle them. Non-alcoholics have triggers, too — the most common ones being social occasions and stress — but if we sit with ourselves and are really honest, we may notice that we have other triggers as well.
For example, do you sometimes drink when you’re alone? What about when you’re angry or sad? If you only really drink during social occasions, but you find that you tend to drink too much at these times, mindless drinking may be the culprit. Regardless, the only way to really evaluate this is to give yourself a break from drinking entirely and see how it goes.
If you want to give yourself a huge gift (I’m talking potentially life-altering here), take a month off from drinking altogether, no cheating. Now, notice when you want to drink. When a craving arises, sit with it instead of acting on it. What are you feeling? What thoughts or emotions are coming up for you that you would prefer to avoid?
If taking a month off seems too hard, think about that. What are your fears? If you truly cannot handle the thought of it, try to take a week off at first and see how it goes. If that seems undoable, you may have to consider that your relationship with alcohol is more intense that you previously believed. This is very important information for you.
For those of you who go with the month-long challenge, this may curb your social life a bit, but keep in mind that it’s only temporary. You might find that you have to be a little bit more creative about how you spend your time, and if so, great — you’ll probably find yourself reengaging in old hobbies or picking up new ones. This is a great opportunity to find new and diverse ways to spend your time.
You may also find that you have to be more contemplative about how you handle stress, and meditation can be very useful.
Once the month is over and you start drinking again, try to do so mindfully, especially at first. Your tolerance will be lower than it was before, and this is a good time to recognize how much alcohol it actually takes for you to get buzzed, and to go from buzzed to drunk. If you continue to drink mindfully, you’ll notice that you don’t “need” nearly as much alcohol as you did before to relax or to have a good time.
It’s common when people try this exercise to notice that their tolerance level (and drinking level) creeps back up over time. This tends to happen mostly when people slip back into “mindless” drinking behavior. If you find this happening, try to take a little break again. It might not need to be a full month the second time around, but experiment with it a little bit and see how it goes. When it comes to “highly triggering events” (a wedding, for example, if you tend to drink too much at social occasions) it may be helpful to do a seated meditation before going out.
I hope this helps. If you have any questions, please put them in the comment section below. I’ll be here to respond throughout the day.
Photo credit: quinn.anya
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By Terri Cole on March 17, 2010
As a life coach and licensed psychotherapist I am very familiar with alcohol issues. How do you know if your relationship to alcohol is unhealthy? In my opinion there is no “one size fits all” answer. I used to say if you think about booze more than you do broccoli, then you might have a problem. Now I say if your alcohol use has any negative impact on the quality of your life, your health or your relationships, that it’s a problem regardless of your level of consumption. I know people who drink daily but don’t have a problem and I also know people who binge drink once a month and do. Keep in mind that alcohol use and abuse is a hot button issue for many, and the opinions expressed here are solely from my own personal experience and observation.
So how do you know if you have an issue with alcohol? Below are a few questions that may illuminate your situation. Ask yourself honestly:
-Do you think you have a problem?
-Do you drink even after having been drunk and hungover?
-Do you drink even after you have firmly stated that you will not?
-Have you tried to stop drinking but found you could not do it?
-Have you heard from more than one person in your life that your drinking concerns them?
-Do you act in self-destructive ways when you are drunk (i.e.: fighting with a partner, driving while under the influence, becoming violent)?
-Do you see drinking as a “reward” for working hard?
-Is drinking the way you celebrate AND mourn?
-Do you “black out” or lose memory when intoxicated?
If you have answered the above questions honestly and have come to the conclusion that drinking negatively impacts your life in some way, the next step is to understand the desires that drive your alcohol consumption. This understanding is crucial before deciding on a course of action that is right for you.
Deepak Chopra wrote a great book, Freedom From Addiction, which is really insightful and provides a spiritual take on the Twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Dr. Chopra believes that we are addicted to anything because, “We are not living from our source; we have lost our connection to our soul.” I believe this to be true. Living in the past or the future is living in non-reality, so his suggestion to get committed to a daily meditation practice (be here now) is a sound one.
Many “Type A” overachievers find relaxing or unplugging from the daily demands almost impossible without alcohol. The problem with using alcohol as a coping technique is that it does not allow you to develop an actual skill set to handle life and problems. If you have been using alcohol since your teens or twenties to numb pain, your problem-solving skill set may have emotionally arrested at that age. I find that many clients who stop drinking even as an experiment or to “detox” their mind experience a massive amount of anxiety and difficulty sleeping, so they usually want to abandon the “experiment.” Self-medicating through drinking is often inspired by an anxiety disorder and, once the alcohol is removed, only then can we appropriately address the anxiety to make needed changes. Complications in life due to alcohol abuse also slow or completely stop the progress of psychological and spiritual growth. We end up endlessly dealing with the self-created crisis situations and never get to the original injury. This cycle can go on forever.
AA has been around for so long because it works. I wrote my Master’s thesis on the therapeutic properties of the 12-Step Program. There are AA meetings in every city in this country. I find AA works for clients who have truly hit their bottom and have lost much of what is important to them. Complete abstinence is the only choice. I find AA too stringent and less effective for people with alcohol issues who remain relatively high functioning in their lives. I have successfully helped these clients employ a “harm reduction” technique. This basically entails analyzing their behavior and consumption when really damaging episodes occur in their life and using this information as a guide. I once had a client who could not drink hard alcohol without dire consequences but did not have the same experience while consuming wine or beer. I have also had clients try “harm reduction” to no avail. The goal was then to help them decide whether or not alcohol was meant to be a part of their life—or not—and then plan accordingly.
At the end of the day, whether you want to or not, you know the truth. My only job is to help people get what they want out of life. I reserve judgment completely. You are the only one responsible for your happiness and health, so ultimately it is your decision. If you need help, get into therapy, go to AA, get knowledgeable about the medical model of addiction and create the life you desire.
Since it’s your life I will conclude by asking, as I always do:
-If not you…who?
-If not now…when?
Wishing you peace on your journey with the deep down knowledge that I know you have everything you need within you right now to create the life experience you seek. I think you are worth the effort.
Love Love Love,
Your Crazy Sexy Life Coach-Terri
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By Frank Lipman, MD on February 23, 2010
Although we may not like to admit it, many of the sleep problems we experience are the result of bad habits and behaviors. We stay up late or sleep in late. We eat foods that disagree with us or enjoy a drink late at night, oblivious to their disruptive impact on our sleep rhythms. Over time, we teach our body not to sleep and for relief we often turn to sleeping pills, which mask rather than solve the problem, and can lead to addiction. Ultimately for real success, with insomnia as with any chronic problem, one must look for the underlying imbalances and root causes and address those.
Here are the common sleep “mistakes” I see in my practice and their solutions.
MISTAKE #1 Using sleeping pills to fall and stay asleep.
Sleeping pills mask sleep problems and do not resolve the underlying cause of insomnia. Many sleep studies have concluded that sleeping pills, whether prescription or over the counter, over the long term, do more harm than good. They can be highly addictive and studies have found them to be potentially dangerous. (see studies below)
For short term use, there may be indications for sleeping pills, but over time, sleeping pills can actually make insomnia worse, not better. If you have been taking them for a long time, ask our doctor to help you design a regimen to wean yourself off them.
SOLUTION Learn relaxation techniques.
Aside from physical problems, stress may be the number one cause of sleep disorders. Temporary stress can lead to chronic insomnia and circadian rhythm sleep disorders. Many people tell me they can’t switch off their racing minds and therefore can’t sleep.
Do some breathing exercises, restorative yoga or meditation. These will calm the mind and reduce the fears and worries that trigger the stress.
MISTAKE #2 Using alcohol to fall asleep.
Because of alcohol’s sedating effect, many people with insomnia drink alcohol to promote sleep. Alcohol does have an initial sleep-inducing effect, but as it gets broken down by the body, it usually impairs sleep during the second half of the night leading to a reduction in overall sleep time. Habitual alcohol consumption just before bedtime can reduce its sleep-inducing effect, while its disruptive effects continue or even increase.
SOLUTION Take nutrients that calm the body and mind, getting you ready for sleep.
Don’t drink alcohol to help you sleep. Look for a calming formula that has some of the following: amino acids, L theanine, taurine, 5 HTP and GABA, and herbs like lemon balm, passion flower, chamomile and valerian root. Taking the minerals, calcium and magnesium at night is also helpful. For some people, especially folks over 50, melatonin can be helpful too. This is because the body produces less melatonin with advancing age and may explain why elderly people often have difficulty sleeping and respond well to melatonin.
MISTAKE #3 Watching television to fall asleep.
Because we have no trouble at all falling asleep in the living room in front of the TV many of us watch TV in bed to fall asleep. But when we fall asleep in a bed watching TV, we invariably wake up later on. This sets up a cycle or conditioning that reinforces poor sleep at night. I have had many patients over the years develop insomnia due to this type of conditioning.
SOLUTION Get the TV out of the bedroom.
Don’t watch TV in bed, the bed should be associated with sleep (and sex).
MISTAKE #4 Staying in bed hoping to fall asleep.
If you can’t fall asleep within 30-45 minutes, chances are you won’t for at least another hour, and perhaps even longer. You may have missed the open “sleep gate” or missed catching the sleep wave. A “sleep gate” is the open window of time your body will allow you to fall asleep. Researchers have found that our brain goes through several sleep cycles each night where all sleep phases are repeated. These cycles last from 90 minutes to 2 hours, and at the beginning of each cycle, the body’s “sleep gate” opens. You won’t be able to fall asleep when your sleep gate is closed.
SOLUTION Catch the sleep wave.
If you find you can’t fall asleep within 45 minutes, get up and get out of the bedroom. Read a book, do a restorative yoga pose or do some other calming activity for another 1 -1½ hours before trying to sleep again. Staying in bed only causes stress over not sleeping.
It is like surfing, you need to catch that sleep wave. Haven’t you noticed that you can be exhausted and yet you avoid going to sleep and then a few hours later when you are ready for bed, you are suddenly wide awake? You missed the wave.
MISTAKE #5 Making sleep a performance issue.
Often just thinking about sleep affects your ability to fall asleep. What happens frequently is that the way you cope with the insomnia becomes as much of a problem as the insomnia itself. It often becomes a vicious cycle of worrying about not being able to sleep, which leads to worsening sleep problems. Like so many things in life, it is about letting go, going with the flow. Sleep needs to become a natural rhythm like breathing, something that comes automatically and you don’t think about.
SOLUTION Let go and go with the flow.
Use the time to practice breathing exercises or meditation and to become aware of how what you eat, what medications you take, what behaviors or certain activities can affect your sleep cycle.
Increase your awareness by paying attention to your body and becoming conscious of how you react to different foods and situations. Use this time productively, instead of getting upset that you can’t fall asleep.
One final point.
For chronic insomniacs, especially if you are heavy snorer, it is a good idea to rule out Sleep Apnea as the cause. This is a serious condition that affects at least 12 million Americans, many of whom have not been diagnosed. Usually they are heavy snorers. What happens is that the tissues at the back of the throat relax and in so doing block the airways. The brain senses oxygen deprivation, and sends wakeup signals. There is a release of adrenaline and cortisol, the stress hormone. Not only does this interfere with sleep, it can increase blood pressure, raising your risk of heart problems and stroke. It can also interfere with insulin sensitivity, and increases your risk of diabetes.
For more of Dr. Lipman’s tips, follow him on Twitter!
REFERENCES
1. “What’s wrong with prescribing hypnotics?”. Drug Ther Bull 42 (12): 89–93. December 2004. doi:10.1136/dtb.2004.421289. PMID 15587763. http://www.nelm.nhs.uk/en/NeLM-Area/Evidence/Drug-Class-Focused-Reviews/498264/.
2. D. Maiuro PhD, Roland (13 Decemember 2009). Handbook of Integrative Clinical Psychology, Psychiatry, and Behavioral Medicine: Perspectives, Practices, and Research. Springer Publishing Company. pp. 128–130. ISBN 0-8261-1094-0. http://books.google.co.uk/books?id=4Tkdm1vRFbUC.
3. Lader, Malcolm Harold; P. Cardinali, Daniel; R. Pandi-Perumal, S. (22 March 2006). Sleep and sleep disorders: a neuropsychopharmacological approach. Georgetown, Tex.: Landes Bioscience/Eurekah.com. p. 127. ISBN 0-387-27681-5.
4. Authier, N.; Boucher, A.; Lamaison, D.; Llorca, PM.; Descotes, J.; Eschalier, A. (2009). “Second Meeting of the French CEIP (Centres d’Evaluation et d’Information sur la Pharmacodépendance). Part II: Benzodiazepine Withdrawal.”. Therapie 64 (6): 365–370. doi:10.2515/therapie/2009051. PMID 20025839.
5. Glass J, Lanctôt KL, Herrmann N, Sproule BA, Busto UE (November 2005). “Sedative hypnotics in older people with insomnia: meta-analysis of risks and benefits”. BMJ 331 (7526): 1169. doi:10.1136/bmj.38623.768588.47. PMID 16284208. PMC 1285093. http://www.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/331/7526/1169.
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By Terri Cole on December 17, 2009
Hello Happy Holiday Elves!!
The Holiday Season is upon us again. Spending time with family on special occasions can bring such joy and happiness but for many it can create overwhelming stress. Since you are the architect of all of your life experiences, decide how you want to feel this holiday season. Then go about systematically making decisions that are in line with that result. There are big and small changes you can make this year to relieve stress and have happy holidays!
Below is a list of actions for de-stressing the Holiday Mess:
1. Prep Before:
Create a gift list and budget and stick to it. Decide beforehand what gatherings you will attend and what you will bring. Choose easy uncomplicated dishes that store well. Whatever you complete prior to holiday week will reduce your stress and leave you available to have a good time. No Christmas Eve shopping EVER!
2. Adjust Your Attitude:
Go into the season with the mindset of gratitude. Decide that no one has the power to take away your joy and mean it. Try to meditate ten minutes a day, master on the spot breathing techniques and carry a small bottle of Lavender essential oil for instant de-stressing.
3. Keep Your Side Of The Street Clean:
You are only responsible for how YOU behave and react in all situations. If every year your mother-in-law criticizes your culinary skills, expect her to be different but if she is not, smile and do not utter a sound. Dial down your energy from any stressful situation or person. See yourself as Un-offendable. You know that someone being rude or nasty is their issue and you can either chose to do your old familiar dance with them or just…not. Don’t micro manage anything or anyone. Find family members whose company you enjoy and focus your time with them while affirming how calm, peaceful and grateful you feel. (Of course the key here is to FEEL it and hold that feeling in your chest.)
4. NO Is Not A 4 Letter Word:
You have the right to say no to anything that will take the joy out of the season for you or your family. If certain family gatherings create debilitating stress then give yourself permission to respectfully decline and create new traditions that bring you joy. If a situation is too toxic, it is your job to protect yourself from it. If you have children, let each one chose an event or party to attend that really matters to them, politely declining the rest. If exchanging gifts with grown siblings is too costly say so and perhaps pull names out of a hat so you are only buying for one person. If hosting is too much work and money, transition to a potluck meal with everyone contributing their own special flavor. Being over burdened financially or emotionally is not fun. Say no and feel good about taking care of yourself and your family.
5. Know When To Say When:
Drunks are stressful AND boring. This time of year produces many opportunities to overindulge in alcohol. The reasons not to drink too much are obvious. If you don’t think you drink too much and everyone else in your life thinks you do…it’s probably not a conspiracy, you probably drink too much…but that is a blog for another time.
6. Pay It Forward:
Remember what the holidays are really all about and donate your time to help others less fortunate in your community. This is a wonderful way to teach children the importance of service to others and to keep your head at the heart of what really matters. Forgive a grudge you have been holding and reach out, help an elderly neighbor or family member, go out of your way to communicate your gratitude to the important people in your life for their presence. No material gift ever received is as satisfying as truly making a difference in someone else’s journey (although those new Louboutins platform pumps come pretty darn close…hee hee…kidding!)
I hope that some of these ideas help you create the holiday experience you seek, filled with love, light joy and laughter.
Sending you twinkly lights and sugar plum hugs!
Love Love Love
Your Crazy Sexy Life Coach,
Terri
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