By Guest Blogger on December 22, 2011
Over the last 17 years, I’ve seen dramatic business turnarounds in as little as a week — the only change being an increase in a person’s happiness. The results I’ve witnessed have been dramatic. My clients on Wall Street made better trades, CEOs made more profitable decisions, and sales people made more sales, all with a shift in their mindset, which led to greater well-being.
As a result, in the late 90s I decided to focus my career on the pursuit of happiness and fully investigate its effects on the success process. Over a 10-year period, I found that happiness was a skill that anyone could learn and that happiness was a hidden determinant in success. Bottom line: When entrepreneurs learn the skills to be happy, they have unexplainable increases in their results.
Four happiness skills anyone can learn
1. Give up being right.
Most people are addicted to being right, and they don’t even know it. This leads to endless argument and strife. To be happy, you must let go of this ineffective habit of thought.
Try this: Notice that “the drunk monkey” (my nickname for the chatter in your mind) has an opinion on everything, including things it knows nothing about. Opinions are vanities and are always from your perspective. Your perspective may be right for you but certainly not for everyone and everything. And yet, when you pay attention to the drunk monkey, you see that it actually believes it is right about almost everything.
The desire to be right often puts you into a resistant state, which does not lead to happiness.
To give up being right, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Look at the world from their perspective, and acknowledge that there are multiple ways to view the situation. In short, have compassion for others.
2. Accept the situation as it is, and then take action.
A client of mine found himself in an unpleasant situation. His company was merging with another company, and he was informed that he would be losing his coveted office with the sun shining into the windows that he was accustomed to. This may sound trivial. For him, this was the end of a 10-year era, and he was very attached to what the office represented in his life. He had been angry for a week when we finally spoke. The merger had not yet happened. Yet his anger was creating dysfunction in his ability to produce sales results today.
I helped him realize that he was moving no matter how angry he got. Ultimately, he accepted this and promised to stop complaining because it was not making him feel good. We shifted his focus to defining what he wanted to create out of the merger. He described his best-case scenario. As he did, new options were illuminated, his mood changed, and his energy went up. Getting happy allowed him to get out of his resentment, see new possibilities and get creative.
In the following weeks, his sales results returned, and he discovered a compromise that would work for his new working environment
3. Quit pretending you are a psychic who can tell the future.
Just the idea of a change to his office environment caused him to hallucinate about a future he didn’t like. The problem is, he’s not psychic, so he doesn’t know what the future will hold. Yet he was suffering, right now, as if the negative future had already occurred. This is a trick the drunk monkey plays on people to strip them of their happiness.
The drunk monkey in your head is not your friend. As a biological survival mechanism, one of its functions is to predict potentially negative situations and then mobilize the body to avoid them. But most of your life is not dangerous.
Today, just remind yourself that you are not psychic and that you cannot predict the future. Work to see the situation with clarity by removing your fear and your opinions. Next, identify what you want to have happen.
4. Stop protecting yourself from people who aren’t attacking you.
A Wall Street executive was managing billions of dollars in assets, and yet he felt like nobody listened to him and that he wasn’t important. This perspective had him feeling repressed and defeated. His positive results didn’t seem to match his unhappy mindset. He felt like other people in the firm didn’t think what he had to say was important, and therefore he was an outsider and not involved in making critical decisions. He realized that taking on more responsibility was important, but he felt powerless to do so.
I asked him how he knew this was true. He told me about incidents that had occurred the year before. I asked him to consider that he had changed, they had changed, times had changed, and the world had changed since the incidents from last year. I asked him if he would be willing to run an experiment to put the drunk monkey into place so he could return to happy, fulfilled and satisfied with work. Here’s what I told him to do.
Instead of trying to keep his ideas safe, instead of wondering how he could move his objectives forward, for the next week, he should find out what other people were committed to. See what the other people in the company were working on, and discover ways to contribute to each of the people in the company. Make it a game. See if you can contribute something to someone every day for the next seven days — an idea, a contact, a resource or even just an encouraging word.
Through this process, he shifted from protecting himself from all the people who weren’t attacking him to being supportive and giving. Within the year, he became one of the most celebrated people in his company. The next year, he was recruited away by a superstar in his industry and made a partner in the firm. The trick was simple: He needed to be the change he wanted to see in the world, just like Gandhi said.
When you are happy, you are creative, approachable, flexible and easy to be with. Add those characteristics to your skill set, and you will see an immediate positive benefit.
Most people believe that happiness is something that occurs when the conditions of life are favorable. But the truth is, happiness is the skill navigating challenging situations without getting reactive. If you wait for happiness to find you, you’ll be waiting a long time. Happiness is an inside job.
Matthew Ferry is a revealer, illuminator and awakener whose point of view creates instant transformation in people’s lives. Since 1993 he has personally coached more then 8,000 people to breakthrough performance barriers and achieve unparalleled happiness and success.
Photo credit: Camdiluv
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By Guest Blogger on August 30, 2010
“I’d rather be naked.” These were the words on the t-shirt I saw in Walgreens. It was a size that could only be worn by a young child. I smiled, thinking how self-love comes so naturally for young children. We are born loving ourselves soul, mind, and body, but as the years go on, we tend to forget that unconditional love and acceptance.
For many, many years I did not love myself, especially my body. It was difficult for me to even look in the mirror. I did not re-learn how to love myself from church, my family, or traditional school. In fact, I learned the true meaning of self-love through conquering a raging addiction. I was not addicted to drugs, or alcohol, or men; I was addicted to dieting. I spent six years of my life in the throes of a nasty addiction to trend diets and compulsive exercise.
How did this addiction begin? In October of my freshman year in college, after a series of negative dating experiences, questionable “friend” choices, and a coke-addicted roommate with a habit of punching holes in the wall, I fell into a depression unlike any other I had previously experienced. This lasted about two excruciating months, where I did not leave my dorm except to eat and go to class. I lost touch with my center, gained a bit of weight, and was completely unmotivated.
Then, I took up jogging. This helped alleviate my depression. It didn’t happen overnight, but running each morning gave me a reason to wake up, allowed me to set attainable goals, and connected me to a community of others who shared my passion.
However, the passion soon took on obsession-like qualities. My fixation with exercise began to include restriction and fascination with food. The diet addiction was in full swing: I began to stand on the scale once a day, sometimes more. If the number went up, my day was ruined.
Whatever the trendiest diet craze, I became their most valuable customer. I jumped from Atkins, eating all protein and meat, to an unhealthy vegan diet, eating no protein and meat. I tried South Beach and the Zone. I never ate dessert. I completely lost touch with my inner wisdom, guidance, and sense of balance.
I was buying into everyone else’s money-making “Health Plan” and completely separating from my soul, which was the intuitive part of me that knew what I needed to be healthy, at peace, and truly in love with my body and self. Furthermore, I spent a lot of time and effort “feeding” this diet/body/weight obsession. I had no energy or time left for cultivating my creativity, my spirituality, my zest for life, and my love for myself.
Just when it felt like there was no hope, I began to read and learn about Intuitive Eating, Exercising, and Living. This was a revolutionary concept for me. With the help of authors like Dr. Dorie McCubbrey and Geneen Roth, I tapped into my own inner guide and began to follow these “anti-diet” guidelines:
-My body knows exactly what it wants to eat, how much, and when.
-I can trust my body’s wisdom, hunger, and full point.
-My body knows what type of activity it wants to do and for how long.
-Following someone else’s plan only leads me further from the wisdom of my authentic self.
The most important aspect of this newfound strategy was to LOVE MYSELF FIRST and love my body NOW; not after I lost ten pounds or fit into a smaller size. I practiced daily affirmations: “I am loving and accepting myself fully right now.” I made gratitude lists of everything about my body that I appreciated. “My legs carry me through amazing jogs through the park.” I threw away my scale, refusing to sacrifice my power to a random number. I spent time naked in front of a full length mirror and noticing the beautiful curves of my body. At first, I had to “fake it till I make it,” as the saying goes, but soon I was truly loving myself and practicing self-care to show my body and soul how much I appreciated them.
I can now say that I am done with diet addiction. My body has taught me what foods help me feel energetically alive. I eat dessert, and I usually eat just enough to feel satisfied. I recognize my full point, and I try not to eat too far past it.
Furthermore, as my mind/body/soul connection grew through intuitive living, other areas of my life were positively impacted. I finally allowed myself to accept the love of my best friend, the man of my dreams. My confidence grew and I was able to move on from an exhausting job and into owning my own business, one that feeds my soul and gives back to the world.
Sometimes I have the urge to go back to that time in my life and hug that 22 year old, tell her that she is fine the way she is and that no amount of diet/weight obsession will create self-acceptance and love. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would have been like without that war I waged against myself… but I trust there was a deeper, Divine purpose.
Also, I do embrace that young woman from the past in my own way, each time I work with a client or witness a friend as she searches for self-acceptance, for her inner wisdom, and begins to love her body and self more completely. Together, we are part of a revolution of women who are choosing to love ourselves fully mind, soul, and BODY! I’m going to check if they have the “I’d rather be naked” shirts in larger sizes…
Cora Poage lives in New York City with her incredible husband Ben (her “other” soulmate) and her two crazy kitties. She is the owner of Super Woman Health, a company offering wellness coaching for learning to eat, exercise, and live intuitively.
Photo Credit: insearchofbalance
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By Guest Blogger on May 6, 2010
By Philip McCluskey
As I sit in front of my computer and ponder the last four years of my life, I can hardly believe it was “me” living it. There have been many days that I would find my eyes welling up with happy tears and laughing at this newfound joy and happiness I discovered.
I’ve been overweight my entire life, tried over 30 diets and was always the biggest kid in school. At 400 pounds, I felt I was a victim to an obese father, a broken family and the list goes on. The thought of giving motivational lectures and authoring books on weight loss was so far removed from my reality. The only highlight of my life was my yearly vacation (escape) from work and even that ended up being stressful. But I was soon to find out that the Universe has a funny way of mixing things up a bit.
Four years ago, I switched to a 100% raw vegan lifestyle. Besides the dramatic weight loss, one of the things I discovered birthing in me was a desire to actually LIVE, to really live—like I never had before. I decided to take ideas that had only been in my mind or on paper and create a reality that would line up with them or would enable them to happen in sync. I really let loose here too: I included the girlfriend I always dreamed of, the freedom of traveling around the world and exploring, new friends, new business partners, family, love, life. My goal was to live with as much freedom and love that my heart could handle.
But, where to start?
Faith
Trusting in the Universe has been a wonderful learning process. Learning that I manifest the world around me was originally a new concept for me, and I have gained so much from it:
-There is no such thing as coincidence.
-I am a co-creator, not a victim.
-Responsibility is all mine.
-The Universe only has good things for me.
-Be still and know that everything is perfect.
From the moment I began to release the reigns a bit, I found that I was actually able to truly enjoy life for the first time. So, what happened? I began attracting new friends from all over the world. Raw food communities were popping up, and it seemed like support was everywhere. Companies began to contact me and opportunities for adventure began to present themselves. I got to share my story on CBS. People began to ask me to speak all over the world. “What luck,” some might say. Ha, no such thing! It all started with visualization and positive thinking.
Positive Thinking
I came to find that living life everyday with the attitude of having “The Most Amazing Day Ever” presented more than I could ever hope or dream for. I decided not to put my future in a box anymore but rather to be completely open to whatever was to come. Expecting the best in every situation and being in a space of gratitude, no matter what was gifted to me, was a new way of thinking that turned into a new way of manifesting. If we create the world around us with our thoughts and our intentions, why not create it the very best way possible, way beyond the status quo?
Here are a few tools I found that helped me along the way:
1. Affirmations. Most people have a terrible day because subconsciously they don’t feel they deserve anything good in life, usually due to a lack of self-love. You can reverse that by affirming you love yourself in the mirror daily. I dare you. Do it until you actually believe yourself or until you crack up laughing.
I would tape notes on my mirrors and walls around the house reminding me to do my affirmations, including “I Love Myself,” “I Accept Myself,” and “I Appreciate Myself.”
2. Creating Your Day. Create your day by writing down exactly how you want your day to go. It’s quite simple and should take less than five or 10 minutes. Don’t be skimpy on the details either. If you are having a problem with a coworker, write down how you would like them to act towards you and see that person as cordial and pleasant. Whatever the situation, see it in your mind and write it down. Get wild here; don’t limit yourself!
3. Visualization. Spend 30 minutes once a week (or more frequently) and picture your future the way you want it to be. You get to direct your own movie and be the star!
Your goal may be to lose 40 pounds and go to work in a new tailored pinstripe suit. If that is the case, picture yourself as that person: trim, strong, muscular, confident and looking amazing in your new suit. Picture what it feels like when you walk around and interact with people. Feel the emotion of the moment. The emotion and intention are what sets the process of creation in motion.
I have been picturing myself as a trim muscular guy for pretty much my entire life. After losing over 215 pounds from a maximum weight of 400 pounds, I would say I manifested that dream or visualization. It may have taken a little longer than expected, but I’m still learning.
Accepting ourselves, accepting change, being in the moment, and creating with our words, thoughts and intentions is how we shift and transform our bodies, our lives and even our future. We have been taught to look outside ourselves for the answers. We run from guru to guru, from the hottest yoga teacher in India to the latest retreat in Mauritius, always looking, always seeking. Is anything wrong with any of this? Of course not. Just remember the hidden treasure is in an earthen vessel, which is you. You have everything you need inside you already. Yup, everything!
You are empowered to affirm, create and visualize your life to be whatever your heart desires. You always have been.
Philip McCluskey is a motivational speaker, author, and is incredibly passionate about raw foods! Being overweight his entire life, he surpassed morbid obesity and skyrocketed to a max weight of 400 lbs. After switching to a 100% raw vegan diet overnight, he has lost over 215 lbs, completed a 100-day juice fast and a 60-day liquid fast, and is on the fast track to rediscovering his new superhero existence. His recipe book Raw Food, Fast Food can be found at www.lovingraw.com.
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