Make money; change the world. Basic translation: Make a living doing what you love,  what you were meant to do … you deserve it!

Following your dreams doesn’t mean you’ll end up in the poorhouse. Yet so many of us are terrified to make the leap and for good reasons.

Money is a difficult topic, and it brings up lots of unresolved issues. Old resentments, anxiety, fear – the almighty dollar rustles up the gunk. I had money issues for the majority of my life. As a result, it was nearly impossible for me to ask for and accept help or own my value.

It hasn’t been easy to get to a place where my business feeds/nourishes me and supports my dream – and my team! Early on, I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. I learned by trial and error and trial again. And boy did I make some juicy (smelly) mistakes. What can I say? I’m an artist at heart, a free bird with a whole lotta love + wisdom [...]]]>

Make money; change the world. Basic translation: Make a living doing what you love,  what you were meant to do … you deserve it!

Following your dreams doesn’t mean you’ll end up in the poorhouse. Yet so many of us are terrified to make the leap and for good reasons.

Money is a difficult topic, and it brings up lots of unresolved issues. Old resentments, anxiety, fear – the almighty dollar rustles up the gunk. I had money issues for the majority of my life. As a result, it was nearly impossible for me to ask for and accept help or own my value.

It hasn’t been easy to get to a place where my business feeds/nourishes me and supports my dream – and my team! Early on, I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. I learned by trial and error and trial again. And boy did I make some juicy (smelly) mistakes. What can I say? I’m an artist at heart, a free bird with a whole lotta love + wisdom to share. But I sure wasn’t a biz maven.

In the past few years my business and life have totally transformed. One major reason:  Marie Forleo + B-School.

Marie taught me how to grow a business that’s positive, bright and soul-level successful. You know, the kind of job that isn’t a job – one you can’t wait to wake-up for!

Now let’s get practical and strategic. Here’s one of my secret entrepreneurial weapons: Map out a year of products and work flow on your calendar (Ex. We have the rest of 2012 and most of 2013 planned and cruisin’). As Marie says, if you don’t schedule something, it doesn’t exist. And if your products and services don’t exist, you don’t have a business (or a means to buy/make green juice!). A calendar ensures we don’t bite off more than we can chew – especially when I’m also writing a traditional book for a publisher. This roadmap allows us to deliver smart + truly useful content that our customers love + appreciate. And that content changes lives, helps people feel better and ultimately helps change the world. See why your vision is so important?

Your plan may change. Your desires may sharpen. Stay flexible but don’t flounder. Sure, life is complicated. And yes, we get pulled in many directions. But when you have a strong foundation, you won’t get blown over by passing physical or financial storms.

Are you a coach, designer, artist, word chef, cook, shoemaker, brew master, graphic designer or founder of a unicorn sanctuary?

Do you want to work from a laptop in sweatpants (like me!) while spreading your art and your message? Your vision is the new reality. All you need is a lil’ confidence and some tools.

B-School will teach you how to provide incredible value, optimize your biz + your time, create authentic marketing, run a successful launch, up your communication + organization game, build your list, and polish your newsletter, opt-in and website + sooo much more. Seriously, Marie breaks everything down into easy actionable steps and lays out the path for you to follow your bliss while creating a dazzling income stream.

Watch Marie’s complimentary training videos. They are packed with useful content that will rock your world NOW.

Still on the fence? Join me + Marie this Thursday! I’ll be interviewing Lady Forleo and taking your questions. LIVE. FREE. EASY-BREEZY. Register here.

FYI: This year is probably the LAST time Marie will be teaching B-School live. So it doesn’t matter if you feel not “ready” yet, are traveling or having a baby! Enroll now, because we honestly don’t know how or when Marie will roll it out again. Also, as a B-Schooler, you’ll be part of a worldwide network of women who are committed to growing themselves and their businesses for all the right reasons. Plus, all students get LIFETIME ACCESS to the program.

Hope to see you around the digital campus. :)

Peace & pens,
KC

BONUS: If you join me in B-School, I’ll be offering an exclusive group coaching call only for Crazy Sexy grads who sign up here and complete the entire program. I’ll share my biggest biz failures + successes so you can learn from my mistakes, and then I’ll tackle what you’re struggling with in a Q&A.

Sunday, May 20, 2012: Be on the lookout for your “other half.” A new moon in Gemini gives us the green light to partner up with kindred spirits and like-minded souls.  This new moon also happens to be a solar eclipse, which can illuminate opportunities that are hidden in the proverbial shadows. Your perfect pairing may be with someone whose name is already filed in your contact database or among the ranks of your Facebook friends. Surprise! You’ve got something in common—and more than you initially thought.

Eclipses can also temporarily block out one situation, forcing us to look in a new direction. If one prospective duo seems less-than-dynamic this weekend, use the opportunity to branch out. Gemini is the zodiac’s social butterfly, and this is a great weekend to network with new crowds of people and check out a brand new scene. Here are a few ideas for harnessing the power of this Gemini solar eclipse:

Mirror Your Mate Communicative Gemini loves inspiring dialogues, witty banter, and the feeling of kinship. In fact, [...]]]>

Sunday, May 20, 2012: Be on the lookout for your “other half.” A new moon in Gemini gives us the green light to partner up with kindred spirits and like-minded souls.  This new moon also happens to be a solar eclipse, which can illuminate opportunities that are hidden in the proverbial shadows. Your perfect pairing may be with someone whose name is already filed in your contact database or among the ranks of your Facebook friends. Surprise! You’ve got something in common—and more than you initially thought.

Eclipses can also temporarily block out one situation, forcing us to look in a new direction. If one prospective duo seems less-than-dynamic this weekend, use the opportunity to branch out. Gemini is the zodiac’s social butterfly, and this is a great weekend to network with new crowds of people and check out a brand new scene. Here are a few ideas for harnessing the power of this Gemini solar eclipse:

Mirror Your Mate
Communicative Gemini loves inspiring dialogues, witty banter, and the feeling of kinship. In fact, this is the sign that rules siblings, peers, and the people who share our common interests. (Hello twins!)  To create rapport with your nearest and dearest, try the “mirroring and matching” technique developed by NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). Since humans unconsciously connect with people who look, sound and act like us, build bridges by mirroring people’s body language or matching their tone of voice. Pay attention to subtle cues near this eclipse. Say, for example, your sweetie rests his chin on his right hand while you’re chatting over Sunday brunch. Like a mirror, you’d rest your chin on your left hand. Swoon! Maybe you meet a super inspiring someone at a party whose voice is honeyed and melodious. Sweeten up your own tone and see how the conversation flows. BFF alert! Of course, you can’t be too overt with this or you’ll feel like an awkward marionette. Experiment subtly. It can help you break the ice with new peeps and deepen existing bonds.

Make It By Hand
The hands are the body part that Gemini is associated with, and an eclipse in this crafty sign can make you feel like an Etsy maven gone wild. Summon forth your inner sartorialist and whip something up from scratch. The sky is the limit here. Plate the perfect spiralized zucchini pasta dish and serve for a small dinner party. Upcycle a pair of jeans into a denim skirt. Repurpose a flea market find as a home furnishing or garden decor. Write someone a letter using pen and paper (Gemini is the zodiac’s wordsmith) and pop it in that old-fashioned thing called a mailbox. Pen a song and strum a serenade on your guitar. There’s something so satisfying about being able to say, “I made that.” No self-deprecating judgments allowed!

Transport Yourself Anew
Short journeys fall under Gemini’s domain and this solar eclipse wants us to rethink the ways we get around. It’s no secret that those gas guzzling local trips have a toxic influence on our environment. Rethink your modes of transportation this weekend. Invest in an eco-chic bicycle or maybe even an electric bike to get around your ‘hood on errands. Look into carpooling, ride shares, and public transportation options. It will take a little organizing on the front end, but there are definite benefits. Beyond doing something positive for the planet, biking is a great way to get exercise. As for the bus? If someone else is driving, you can kick back and read the paper or catch up on your emails as you  ride to your destination.

Support Local
Who are the people in your neighborhood? Social butterfly Gemini is the queen of the local scene and this eclipse prompts us to get out and mingle with the peeps in our ‘hood—especially the proprietors of unique and homespun shops. Rather than head for the big box stores, what could you purchase from the family-owned business down the block? Putting money back into the hands of your own community is the way to keep your area thriving and sustainable. Join a food co-op. Take a class at the locally owned fitness studio; participate in a neighborhood event. Getting to know the people who live close by will make you feel more at home when you walk down the street—and this is something that Gemini loves.

Get free daily, weekly and monthly horoscopes from The AstroTwins at astrostyle.com.

Photo credit: jana.

Modern medicine operates much like a farmer who fixes his fences only after the horses or cows have broken out. Hence, most serious health conditions incubate for years before they are diagnosed. This is certainly true of type 2 diabetes.

A couple of weeks ago, I read a timely article in Life Extension magazine entitled “Glucose: The Silent Killer.” In addition to summarizing all of the really bad things that excess blood sugar can do to your body, the article documented an important fact: By the time you are diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, you’ve actually had blood sugar problems for years. (Note: Do not confuse type 1 diabetes with type 2 diabetes. They are really very different. Type 1 is an autoimmune disease, which begins in childhood and requires insulin. Type 2 diabetes, also called diabesity, is related to your diet and lifestyle.)

I certainly knew this to be true, and I have written about it in my books. But there is a new piece to the puzzle: We’ve set the range [...]]]>

Modern medicine operates much like a farmer who fixes his fences only after the horses or cows have broken out. Hence, most serious health conditions incubate for years before they are diagnosed. This is certainly true of type 2 diabetes.

A couple of weeks ago, I read a timely article in Life Extension magazine entitled “Glucose: The Silent Killer.” In addition to summarizing all of the really bad things that excess blood sugar can do to your body, the article documented an important fact: By the time you are diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, you’ve actually had blood sugar problems for years. (Note: Do not confuse type 1 diabetes with type 2 diabetes. They are really very different. Type 1 is an autoimmune disease, which begins in childhood and requires insulin. Type 2 diabetes, also called diabesity, is related to your diet and lifestyle.)

I certainly knew this to be true, and I have written about it in my books. But there is a new piece to the puzzle: We’ve set the range for normal blood sugar too high. Recent studies indicate that fasting glucose levels should be in the range of 70–85 mg/dL. Unfortunately, most standard labs give the upper limit of normal for a fasting blood sugar at 99 mg/dL. That’s too high!

In addition, blood sugar levels after a meal should not spike more than 40 mg/dL higher than your fasting level. This means that your blood sugar level should be in the range of 110–125mg/dL one or two hours after a meal.

After reading this compelling new data on blood sugar, I decided to test my own blood sugar on a regular basis to see how I was doing—to take my health into my own hands. Taking control of your health starts with knowing where you stand. You don’t need to wait! I sure didn’t. (I have a family history of cardiovascular disease, so doing what I can to keep my blood sugar normal is a good way to support my heart, and so forth.) The first thing I did was consult with my Facebook community. I have a lot of “experts” there — individuals with diabetes who regularly check their own blood sugar. After getting some opinions, I bought a One Touch Ultra Glucometer on Amazon.com, along with lancets and blood sugar strips. Ingenious, simple, and oh-so empowering!

I quickly discovered that my blood sugar never went above 120 mg/dL. Probably because I have pretty much quelled my excess sugar cravings over the years by focusing on lots of activities that bring sweetness into my life in other ways besides eating sugar. This includes dancing tango in close embrace, listening to good music, de-cluttering my house, doing work I love, and taking long baths while reading good novels or looking out the window at the river. I have created a personal paradise for myself. This process has taken a lifetime and began in earnest during perimenopause—the time of life when most women first develop blood sugar and blood pressure problems.

I encourage you to do the same. Be kind and gentle with yourself if you’re not there yet. (I realize that I am reporting from the front lines here!) Bringing sweetness of other kinds into your life will bolster your health, allow you to enjoy your life even more, and help you curb those carb cravings! Don’t get me wrong. I crave a gooey chocolate brownie, just like you might. So, from time to time, I indulge without going overboard and savor every bite. But I want to continue to flourish in the personal paradise I’ve created. And that means doing what I can to keep my blood sugar levels normal.

If you’re checking your blood sugar levels regularly, if you’ve figured out a way to curb your sugar cravings, or if you just like what you’ve read, please leave a comment here or on my Facebook page.

This information is not intended to treat, diagnose, cure, or prevent any disease. All material in this article is provided for educational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you have regarding a medical condition, and before undertaking any diet, exercise, or other health program.

Photo credit: Steve Rothman

Perfectionism can be a frustrating little pest. Wanting everything in our lives to be perfect is the quickest way to cultivate feelings of “I’m not good enough” down every corner we turn. Perfectionism can block us from being productive, intuitive, creative, and authentic. It can keep us from celebrating our progress. Perfectionism can also keep us from beginning something new or completing a project, for fear of not being the best. And it can keep us from enjoying the journey — feeling like our efforts are never enough.

All my life, I’ve felt the frustration of being an imperfect perfectionist. One day, I realized that life would feel a lot easier if I just accepted my perfectionism and learned to love it! Some say perfectionism is the enemy of progress, but if we can learn to harness the power of our perfectionism and make it our friend, it can begin to work for us, rather than against us!

Here are some ways we can make friends with that feeling, [...]]]>

Perfectionism can be a frustrating little pest. Wanting everything in our lives to be perfect is the quickest way to cultivate feelings of “I’m not good enough” down every corner we turn. Perfectionism can block us from being productive, intuitive, creative, and authentic. It can keep us from celebrating our progress. Perfectionism can also keep us from beginning something new or completing a project, for fear of not being the best. And it can keep us from enjoying the journey — feeling like our efforts are never enough.

All my life, I’ve felt the frustration of being an imperfect perfectionist. One day, I realized that life would feel a lot easier if I just accepted my perfectionism and learned to love it! Some say perfectionism is the enemy of progress, but if we can learn to harness the power of our perfectionism and make it our friend, it can begin to work for us, rather than against us!

Here are some ways we can make friends with that feeling, give ourselves a break, and love where we are today:

1. Honor the ways your perfectionism works for you.
There are lots of ways your perfectionist tendencies are already working for you. Let’s honor them! Maybe you have a great eye for detail that makes you a spectacular writer or editor. Maybe you’re a brilliant problem-solver, able to pick out discrepancies and find fast solutions with your highly critical eye. Maybe you’re terrific at travel planning, a meticulous chef, or a researcher who leaves no stone unturned. Maybe you love to take on challenges, knowing you’ll follow through. There are lots of ways your perfectionism serves you — make a gratitude list!

2. Laugh at the perfectionist; thank it, and keep moving.
You know the areas that your perfectionism trips you up most. Is it your diet, exercise plan or body? Your work? Your art? Your public image? When you feel the perfectionist tendency arising, notice it. Acknowledge it. Laugh, lovingly — saying “thank you — I realize I have the fierce drive to be successful in this area, which is awesome, but all I can do is put one foot in front of the other, knowing that doing my best — today — is enough!”

3. Celebrate your everyday successes.
At the end of the day, instead of thinking of all the things you still need to get done with that “What’s next?” mentality, take a few minutes to celebrate what you accomplished. Even the smallest positive steps forward are worthy of your celebration and acknowledgment. The more you celebrate the small steps, the more you’ll start feeling like a rock star every day of the journey — not just when your big goals are achieved.

4. Give yourself permission to change course.
If you’ve set up a strict, high-standard goal for yourself, make sure to check in along the way and see if you’re actually enjoying it. Is this course of action really working for you? Does it make you feel good or do you feel pressured and stressed out? Sometimes the only thing stressing us out is our own perfectionism. You’ll get better results if you allow some wiggle room for your intuition to flow in. Let your intuition work hand in hand with your high-achieving mentality, make commitments that feel exciting, and allow yourself the time to reflect and change course along the way.

5. Have compassion for yourself if you take a step backward, or if you’re struggling.
One of the pesky traits of perfectionism is beating ourselves up when we make a mistake or veer off course. If your best friend was going through a slump, a period of struggle, or seemingly took a step backwards from her ideals — how would you treat her? Probably with lots of compassion, encouraging words and love. Treat yourself the same way. Acknowledge that having perfectionist tendencies can make you hard on yourself, have compassion for that, and encourage yourself the way you would encourage a friend.

6. Learn to relax and embrace uncertainty.
Most people with perfectionist tendencies have trouble relaxing. There’s always something more you could be doing, another goal to be attained, something that can be fixed. Taking time to just relax and not work toward a goal can be exactly what you need to enjoy your life as it is now. Realize that no matter how hard you work or how much you analyze and control your life, things can always turn out totally different from what you anticipated. Giving yourself some time to really relax and enjoy life will only make you more productive when you do revisit your goals. So just do your best today, honor yourself for that, and then truly chill out! The serenity prayer helps: “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

7. Get support!
Having a friend, mentor, coach, therapist or other sounding board can help you laugh and have fun with your inner perfectionist. When you’re feeling “not good enough” — tell someone! Out yourself. Just saying it out loud to someone else can relieve some of the pressure, help you let go, and make you realize you’re not alone in this wild, crazy, beautiful journey of life.

Jenny Sansouci, a graduate of the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, writes about nutrition, health and personal development.

Photo credit: Liza

When I was 25 years old, I got sick. Not just a cold or flu, or even a string of colds and flu.

Here I was, in the “prime of my life,” but I felt exhausted every day, was putting on pounds like never before, had migraine headaches several times a week, feeling depressed, and couldn’t stop slurping up caffeine and grabbing chocolate throughout the day.

Getting sick was one of the best things that ever happened to me, because it was a huge wake-up call.

I can’t stand not feeling well. And to feel that bad for weeks and months was just more than I could take. I went to a doctor who asked me about my symptoms. When I explained how I was feeling, I was given two prescriptions: one pain medication for my headaches and one anti-depressant.

This is not the answer, I thought. I never filled those prescriptions.

So, What Are You Eating?

Instead, I reached out and looked for a more holistically minded doctor. I knew [...]]]>

When I was 25 years old, I got sick. Not just a cold or flu, or even a string of colds and flu.

Here I was, in the “prime of my life,” but I felt exhausted every day, was putting on pounds like never before, had migraine headaches several times a week, feeling depressed, and couldn’t stop slurping up caffeine and grabbing chocolate throughout the day.

Getting sick was one of the best things that ever happened to me, because it was a huge wake-up call.

I can’t stand not feeling well. And to feel that bad for weeks and months was just more than I could take. I went to a doctor who asked me about my symptoms. When I explained how I was feeling, I was given two prescriptions: one pain medication for my headaches and one anti-depressant.

This is not the answer, I thought. I never filled those prescriptions.

So, What Are You Eating?

Instead, I reached out and looked for a more holistically minded doctor. I knew my mom had some food allergies, and I wanted to find out if I had any sensitivities.

Sitting on the examination table in this new doctor’s office, I was surprised to see posters with vegetables, pamphlets talking about vitamins and supplements, and a diagram of the human body with energy meridians and acupuncture points all over it.

When my doctor finally arrived and sat down across from me, one of his first questions wasn’t “Why are you here today?” or “What are your symptoms?” Instead, he asked, “What is your daily diet like?”

That one question blew the case wide open! I started to detail my diet at the time:

Breakfast: cereal with milk and coffee or a pastry with a latte on the way to work

Lunch: pizza and soda, subway sandwich and soda, or hamburger with fries and … you guessed it, soda

Snacks: salted nuts, chocolate, another latte, crackers and cheese, maybe an orange

Dinner: pasta with meat and cheese, Chinese take-out, soup and garlic bread, turkey sandwich with potato chips … you get the picture.

Nary a fresh fruit, rarely green vegetables, and often soda and caffeine throughout the day. Oh and sugar – lots of sugar.

This doctor didn’t recommend any painkillers or anti-depressants.

Instead he talked with me about how my diet was causing my discomfort, as well as my weight gain and lack of energy. He gave me a sample list of menus for the week, and suggested some books to read. He also told me that my sugar intake was feeding yeast in my body called “candida albicans”.

And he told me I should go off sugar and caffeine to help my body recover, balance and start to heal. He said, “Alex, you need a detox.”

I had about five minutes of freaking out, and then something clicked – I had been feeling so bad over the last few months, even giving up sugar wouldn’t be so bad if it helped alleviate some of the pain and suffering.

The diet he recommended was wheat-free, sugar-free, caffeine-free and excluded all animal products except a few eggs a week and some salmon.

I began to read everything I could and learned that a vegan diet, totally free of animal products, was an additional way I could improve my health.

I jumped in with both feet. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I started eating tofu for the first time, learned to enjoy stevia in my herbal tea, and only ate a small piece of chocolate a couple of times that first week. The first few days were really tough.

But, about 7-10 days later, I remember waking up and feeling – awake! It was amazing. I actually got out of bed and felt rested – and it was the best feeling ever. It was so easy to continue on this new eating plan because I felt so much better. I had energy to start going to the gym five days a week.

It was freeing and enlivening to take out the foods that were hurting my body. And I began to learn how to cook foods that would actually help me feel better and heal! Vegetables and whole grains were a revelation.

I also had the energy and clarity to look at the rest of my life and realized that my diet wasn’t the only thing that needed detoxing. I was unhappy with my career path, so I found a new job and went back to school. I wasn’t connected or passionate in my intimate relationship, so my sweet boyfriend and I went our separate ways.

Once I started pruning the dispassionate things from my life, my energy and life opened up even more, and things really took off! My new career of healthy chef and holistic health counselor was fun, soul-filling, and interesting. I started dating new people and found deeper, more intimate relationships.

Detoxing and Weeding – My Two Favorite Pastimes

Looking back, it all makes sense.

See, I grew up in my parents’ garden. We had weekly chores that included raking, stacking wood, and cutting the lawn. Weeding and pruning were my favorite chores.

I love looking at a plant and finding what doesn’t need to be there, removing injured or dying flowers, branches and leaves, and cutting away the dead wood.

Taking away the useless, even harmful parts of a bush or tree help it grow stronger, create more blooms and leaves, and result in a more vibrant plant.

That’s what detox is like for people, too.

I love looking at someone’s diet and lifestyle, getting into the details about how they feel and what foods they choose. Finding and cutting away the harmful, useless aspects of a persons diet and life empower them to grow stronger, feel energized and create a new, powerful way of being.

Getting Clear, Without Judgment

My career is filled with opportunities to help people – teaching, writing, sharing healing recipes, information and products. I get to explore new and old methods of detoxing all the time – and the results are glorious. My clients all come from different places and backgrounds, but they all have two things in common – a desire to feel healthy and a “knowing” that choosing different foods can help them feel whole.

Clearing away the “dead wood” of my diet was the first step toward growth and healing. Once the no-longer-passionate lifestyle fell away, I found that my energy and life totally opened up, and amazing things became possible.

I’ve since published three books and traveled the world premiering “Super-Size Me” with my son’s father, Morgan Spurlock. I live in New York City and have incredible friends and colleagues who continually inspire me.

While my diet and lifestyle aren’t always as “perfect” as they were in the beginning, I now recognize the signs faster that my body and energy are off balance. One chocolate dessert and one glass of wine usually make for a pretty groggy, impatient mommy in the morning.

Looking at your own diet and lifestyle, ask yourself: What is my body truly needing right now? Does this serve my life? What can I remove to help my body thrive and heal? Are there different choices I could be making that will energize me, help me succeed and live with delicious vitality?

For more information on how to optimize your life, visit deliciousvitality.com.

Photo credit: clogsilk

I was sitting in the doctor’s office – 20 minutes early for an appointment that would be a half-hour late, thumbing through a six-month old magazine, when I came across an article on the amazing things being done with service dogs.

As I read about how these fantastic animals are changing and saving lives, it occurred to me that these canine helpers have a lot to teach the medical establishment. At the time, I was not exactly a fan of said establishment. I was waiting to see a third dermatologist about a problem the first two dermatologists couldn’t agree that I had.

I had used a cosmetic scrub — very nice, it smelled like brown sugar. Then I used a sunblock. Then I developed a nasty rash. Then the glands on the side of my neck turned into big, red, itchy lumps. My throat burned, and I had trouble swallowing. Prescription: steroid cream.

After a notable lack of improvement, I went to dermatologist number two, who said the cream, for what I had, was [...]]]>

I was sitting in the doctor’s office – 20 minutes early for an appointment that would be a half-hour late, thumbing through a six-month old magazine, when I came across an article on the amazing things being done with service dogs.

As I read about how these fantastic animals are changing and saving lives, it occurred to me that these canine helpers have a lot to teach the medical establishment. At the time, I was not exactly a fan of said establishment. I was waiting to see a third dermatologist about a problem the first two dermatologists couldn’t agree that I had.

I had used a cosmetic scrub — very nice, it smelled like brown sugar. Then I used a sunblock. Then I developed a nasty rash. Then the glands on the side of my neck turned into big, red, itchy lumps. My throat burned, and I had trouble swallowing. Prescription: steroid cream.

After a notable lack of improvement, I went to dermatologist number two, who said the cream, for what I had, was like telling someone with a brain tumor to take two aspirin. Big confidence builder, to say the least. Prescription: continue with the cream, but also add ingestible steroids.

I asked number two if there was any connection between my problem and the sunblock I had used. The rapid-fire response was “No” and “impossible.” My still swollen glands, she said, were simply a consequence of the skin condition.

So, with visions of getting arms like Barry Bonds, I was off to the pharmacy for more steroids, noticing on the way out that the sunblock I had used was for sale in the dermatologist’s office.

Feeling worse by the day, I tried dermatologist number three, who said the sunblock in combination with the scrub could, indeed, cause my reaction. But again, the gland problem was likely a consequence of the skin problem.

By this time, the sides of my neck looked like my body had been invaded by an alien life form. So I went to an internist, who finally and correctly deduced that the gland problem was being caused by a nasty upper respiratory infection. As for the dermatitis, he said, “I can refer you to a dermatologist for that.”

I know doctors save lives. I know articles like this get your face posted in the break rooms of medical offices across the country. But I still can’t help thinking about service dogs.

There are dogs trained to alert the deaf when the phone rings, help unfreeze Parkinson’s victims with the stimulating touch of a paw, turn on lights and pick up dropped objects for the paralyzed.

Some amazing work is being done to train dogs to alert owners to impending health problems. Seizure dogs can recognize a change in body chemistry 15 to 45 minutes before the onset of an epileptic seizure. Dogs are being trained to recognize low blood sugar in diabetics, even awakening from a sound sleep to, in turn, wake the owner. I know of one family where one trained dog shuttles constantly between two diabetic children.

The difference between these dogs and doctors, besides medical school, internships, residencies, proud parents and opposable thumbs, is total and absolute concentration on the patient. For service dogs, it’s what they do, why they’re here, how they’re trained. Their role in life is not about treatments. It’s about outcomes.

I know that is a lot to ask of doctors in a world where medicine is a business and third-party payers make the rules. Still, thinking back on my needless ordeals, these wonderful animals have something to share.

For more by this author, Peggy Drexler, PhD, author of “Our Fathers, Ourselves: Daughters, Fathers, And The Changing American Family,” visit www.peggydrexler.com.

Photo credit: green kozi

Have you ever had a totally awesome day followed by a totally crappy one? This happens to me all the time. One Friday night, I went to bed with a giant smile on my face, loving life and feeling completely present and grateful. On Saturday night, I sat pouting on the floor of the shower long after my shower had ended, writing “I hate my life” with my finger on the condensation of the shower wall.

Bad days are obviously inevitable, but when we compare them to our good days, they tend to feel even worse. For an explosively emotional person like me, suffering through the long hours of a bad day feels like trying to escape a house of mirrors, never quite finding an exit and getting frustrated with the seemingly never-ending obstacles. I guess I should add that I haven’t been inside a house of mirrors since going into one and smacking face first into a mirror, giving myself a bloody nose.

When I’m having a bad day, all I can [...]]]>

Have you ever had a totally awesome day followed by a totally crappy one? This happens to me all the time. One Friday night, I went to bed with a giant smile on my face, loving life and feeling completely present and grateful. On Saturday night, I sat pouting on the floor of the shower long after my shower had ended, writing “I hate my life” with my finger on the condensation of the shower wall.

Bad days are obviously inevitable, but when we compare them to our good days, they tend to feel even worse. For an explosively emotional person like me, suffering through the long hours of a bad day feels like trying to escape a house of mirrors, never quite finding an exit and getting frustrated with the seemingly never-ending obstacles. I guess I should add that I haven’t been inside a house of mirrors since going into one and smacking face first into a mirror, giving myself a bloody nose.

When I’m having a bad day, all I can think about is how much I want it to get better – how much I want to find a way out. When I complain and stress over wanting to feel better, I usually tend to feel even worse. It’s like a snowball effect.

So how do we push through all of the yucky feelings associated with a bad day? How can we make ourselves feel just a little bit better when all we want to do is sit in a corner pouting like a two-year old?

I’ve recently discovered some techniques that work pretty well for me.

Sit with yourself. Make a conscious effort to stop ranting and stomping around long enough to just sit still and let yourself breathe for a moment. Find a quiet space or go to one of your favorite rooms and just sit with your feelings. It may be uncomfortable and you may be fuming, but once you sit by yourself for a few moments and regain your composure, you’ll notice yourself starting to relax.

Address your feelings and the source of them. Get clear about how you feel and why you feel that way. If you can do something about a problem you’re having, give yourself time to calm down and then figure out how to fix it. If you can’t fix it, accept what is and just let it be.

Write a venting letter and then respond to it. I know it sounds weird, but it is extremely therapeutic. Write out a note saying whatever is on your mind. Read back over what you wrote and pretend that you are reading a letter from a close friend. Then respond to it the way you would respond to that friend. Hopefully, this exercise will help you find some clarity and bring you to a calmer, more rational mindset.

Do something that makes you feel good. Do something nice for yourself or something that will make you feel better. Go for a walk, listen to your favorite album, watch a movie, bake some cookies, call a good friend, etc. You never know how much a simple activity could turn your day around.

Focus on what truly matters. If you are stressed out or angry about something that you more than likely won’t even remember in the morning, don’t worry about it now. That spilled coffee, that person who cut you off in traffic, that rude comment from the lady at the grocery store – nothing like that should ruin your day. Ask yourself if what you’re so upset about really matters.

Envision a better tomorrow. Imagine that tomorrow could be better. Before you go to sleep at night, ask yourself what you can do to make the following day a good one. Picture yourself having a better day and believe that it can happen. Commit to doing everything in your power to make it happen. Anything that is not in your power, drop it.

Let go. Let go of whatever it is you’re clinging to, whether it be a worry over something you cannot control, an expectation or a grudge. Most of the time, when we’re in a bad mood, it’s because there is something we are holding on to that is putting a burden on us. Recognize that burden and release it. Let the day come to an end and realize that tomorrow is a new day to be happy.

Madison Sonnier is an aspiring writer and lover of music, animals, nature, creativity and the simple things in life. You can read her personal ramblings and life insights at Journey of a Soul Searcher.

Photo credit: Plesko

I’m getting married.

Me, getting married.

We met four years ago on Match.com. (His sister met her husband on Match too. Wild!) Both of us were simply looking for someone to have dinner with, maybe go for a hike. We’d both been on Match for a couple of weeks and were not digging it – it felt like person shopping and made us feel a little icky – so we were about to sign off when Bob sent me an email:

“Wow, you live on Bainbridge? Nobody single lives on Bainbridge. Want to have coffee?”

We meet. I liked him but not that way so on the sidewalk afterward, I said, “I’d love to be friends but we certainly don’t have a romance here.”

Oh, Jen, so adorable when you make your definite predictions.

Of course, it turns out I was utterly wrong because within a few weeks we were inseparable, at least as inseparable as single parents of children can be.

It also turns out we both terrified of marrying again. We couched our fear – [...]]]>

I’m getting married.

Me, getting married.

We met four years ago on Match.com. (His sister met her husband on Match too. Wild!) Both of us were simply looking for someone to have dinner with, maybe go for a hike. We’d both been on Match for a couple of weeks and were not digging it – it felt like person shopping and made us feel a little icky – so we were about to sign off when Bob sent me an email:

“Wow, you live on Bainbridge? Nobody single lives on Bainbridge. Want to have coffee?”

We meet. I liked him but not that way so on the sidewalk afterward, I said, “I’d love to be friends but we certainly don’t have a romance here.”

Oh, Jen, so adorable when you make your definite predictions.

Of course, it turns out I was utterly wrong because within a few weeks we were inseparable, at least as inseparable as single parents of children can be.

It also turns out we both terrified of marrying again. We couched our fear – not dishonestly – in
“We’ve done marriage, had the babies, now we’re going to be modern. We’re going to stick it to the man and never get married.”

Yet underneath our 60?s counter-culture brio lurked – speaking only for myself now – my most ancient fear: that I am unlovable. Impossible to live with. Too intense, too dark, too much.

Fast forward four years and a few weeks. We’re spending a week on Lake Atitlan in Guatemala, turning into bodies of bliss via meditation and yoga-bendiness. We’re climbing the stairs to our little bungalow when Bob says, “I have a treat for you. And a surprise.”

I bop up the stairs ahead of him. “Sweet!”

We sat on our porch with the warm wind from the lake tickling our cheeks and shared a bar of our favorite chocolate. Me thinking: what a thoughtful guy.

And then: a Rumi love poem recited through tears, a perfect ring slipped on my finger, and a declaration:

“I want you to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I want the world to know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

I cry. I exclaim. I am shocked. Did. Not. See. This. Coming.

This is the moment in which I throw myself into his arms and cry yes, yes, yes! A thousand times yes.

If only. Instead, I froze. That ancient fear I mentioned, that “You can’t love me” ick? It gripped me like Gollum gripped the ring.

I sat there, barely breathing, as Bob waited for me to say yes.

I finally managed to stammer I was scared and I needed time to grow into my yes. I reassured him I was delighted and it was wonderful – amazing! – that he asked me, no really! – meanwhile, I felt … shuttered. Far away. Cold.

We finished our luscious retreat and set out for a week of gentle adventure through the magic, mystery and astonishing resiliency of Guatemala. Every once in awhile Bob would look at me quizzically and I would look at myself quizzically. Why was I so shut down?

As we traveled, I did my best to love and be kind to whatever part of me was so terrified. I breathed, I waited, I was as patient with myself as I could be.

It was a tad surreal – we were having an incredible trip and yet … there was this unspoken thing hovering between us.
And now we come to the last day of our trip. We’re in a splurge-y hotel room, getting dressed to take the flight home, and Bob asks, “What you are going to tell Lilly?”

I stutter something and he, gently but firmly, says,“I don’t want to tell the kids anything. Nothing has to change. We can just go along as before.”

And then he adds,“Pretend I didn’t ask.”

Sitting across the room from him, I felt two paths in front of me. One was the life I would live if I choose the story of being unlovable, of being intrinsically flawed. The other path was one of literal lightness – both in feeling and color – of knowing and sharing the ease of my essential goodness.

I could feel each path, each future, in my body. And then, it occurred to me that I had a choice.

I thought,“Could it truly be this easy? Could I just decide to be happy?”

I blurted out (and I mean blurted),“OK!”

Bob peered at me and slowly said,“OK?”

I checked in and yes, there was the biggest, the brightest, the ripest OK ever.

The whole room vibrated as we stared at each other.

“OK then!”

Tears, hugs, more tears, long kiss, tension-releasing belly laughs, then running for our plane with the dawning realization as we moved among people and settled into our seats: miracles happen.

Perhaps it is rare in life to see so clearly the choice between love and separation, between happiness and fear, but perhaps not. Perhaps these kinds of miracles are waiting for us every day, even every moment.

This is my truth: a miracle happened. I chose to turn away from the brittle, hackneyed story – a story that isn’t even mine but one I inherited along with my blue eyes and strong thighs – that I couldn’t say yes to the man I love because … how could he love me?

To say this decision – this leap into love – has changed everything – our relationship, our blended family, my work – is not an exaggeration.

I choose to be loved. I will choose it again and again and again.

I so hope you will, too.

For more by this author, visit jenniferlouden.com

Photo credit: micala

Grieving is a personal experience. Depending on who you are and the nature of your loss, your process of grieving will be different from another person’s. There is no “normal and expected” period of time for grieving. Some people take a year or more, particularly when their daily life has been radically changed by traumatic and unexpected loss.

On May 10, 2011, I lost my remarkable son Anthony to a tragic accident. He was 23 years old. I am writing this only two months after this horrifying experience.

Words cannot describe the immense pain felt by a parent who loses a child. As a bereaved parent, you realize that your life will never be the same … never. Your life has suddenly taken an unexpected course that appears and feels unknown, unsure and endless; that is called grief.

There are some wonderful support groups for parents. I attended my first one just three weeks after Anthony’s death. It’s called Compassionate Friends. The people here are experiencing the same type of [...]]]>

Grieving is a personal experience. Depending on who you are and the nature of your loss, your process of grieving will be different from another person’s. There is no “normal and expected” period of time for grieving. Some people take a year or more, particularly when their daily life has been radically changed by traumatic and unexpected loss.

On May 10, 2011, I lost my remarkable son Anthony to a tragic accident. He was 23 years old. I am writing this only two months after this horrifying experience.

Words cannot describe the immense pain felt by a parent who loses a child. As a bereaved parent, you realize that your life will never be the same … never. Your life has suddenly taken an unexpected course that appears and feels unknown, unsure and endless; that is called grief.

There are some wonderful support groups for parents. I attended my first one just three weeks after Anthony’s death. It’s called Compassionate Friends. The people here are experiencing the same type of pain that I am, although our journeys are different.

I realize that my tears are a way to be gentle and loving to myself and they should be honored as precious tender drops of love and remembrance of my son Anthony. Really feeling all this pain is the first step in the grieving process and my way through the first 12 months. Until the pain is felt deeply, with every moment and the loss is truly acknowledged, it is not possible to move on to celebrating the life of your loved one. So with that being expressed, I let the tears come.

The grieving process gives us time to reflect and find new strength that enables us to continue life’s journey and regain some peace of mind. I have recognized that grieving and its stresses seem tolerable, with loving self-care habits. It helps to have a close circle of loving family and friends. It also helps to have proper nourishment for your body — a nutritious, balanced diet with plenty of raw vegetables, plenty of nourishing water and non-alcoholic fluids, exercise or some type of movement for the body and plenty of rest. I’ve learned to not say I can’t do something because of this traumatic, awful life experience … this is not easy, but it is a necessity.

Most people are unprepared for grief because so often, tragedy strikes suddenly, without warning. If excellent loving self-care habits are part of your life, it will help you deal with the pain and shock of loss until the last stage of grief, which is acceptance, is reached. I am walking the path on this journey and not sure where it will take me, but one thing that is clear in my mind is that loving others and myself is the only path I can walk down, knowing I am not alone.

Some supportive suggestions and thoughts

Birthdays

Birthdays are a celebration of the day your child became a precious gift to the world. My son’s birthday, June 16, was five weeks after his death. My family and I did several things to honor him and help our healing.

1. Light a candle: A mother’s bond of love with her child can never be broken. Lighting a candle on my son’s birthday was very healing. I used a battery-operated candle to illuminate the entire day.

2. Attend a religious service on your child’s birthday: We did this, and it was also very healing.

3. Celebrate: My daughter Sarah and I recently set aside special time on Anthony’s birthday. We got on the Internet/webcam and made his favorite dessert together. My parents and sister’s family (both out of state) had a special dinner together with a birthday cake for Anthony.

Mother’s Day

Traditionally a day of celebration, Mother’s Day can be a day of pain and loss for mothers who have lost a child. Below are some tips for remembering those moms who have had an unsuccessful pregnancy or have lost a child of any age.

1. Acknowledge that she is a mother: Offer a hug and kiss, and wish her a happy Mother’s Day. Send a card to let her know you remember she’s a mother, even though her child is not physically with her. A mother’s bond of love with her child can never be broken.

2. Acknowledge her loss: Express/connect and share the message, “I know this is difficult day for you. I want you to know that I am thinking about you.”

3. Use her child’s name in conversation: When family and friends talk about my son, Anthony, it’s like music to my ears. I love talking, listening and sharing special moments with others.

4. Plant a living memorial: A perennial flower, tree or rose bush — like memories — will grow in beauty.

5. Light a candle: Let the mother know you will light a candle in memory of her child.

6. Share a memory or pictures of the child: Give the gift of a memory. One mother wrote that the “greatest gift you can give is a heartfelt letter about my child and a favorite memory of them.”

7. Don’t try to minimize the loss: Avoid using any clichés that attempt to explain the death of a child.

8. Encourage self-care: Self-care is an important aspect of the effort to heal the mind and spirit. Encourage a grieving mother to take care of herself. Give her a gift certificate to a day spa or any place where she can be pampered. Right after Anthony’s death, it took all my energy simply to shower and put on mascara.

While the above suggestions are intended for Mother’s Day, they can be helpful for grieving mothers any day of the year.

My love goes out to all women who experience this pain. We are connected, and we are loved.

Robin Legittino is a certified holistic nutritional consultant and NASM-certified personal trainer. She served in the United States Marine Corps and is the mother of two children and the grandmother of one.

I remember receiving a card at my baby shower celebrating the “eating for two” shared belief in our culture. It was all about nine months of indulgence with the message: “If you’re going to be gaining weight, you might as well have some chocolate cake and ice cream to show for it.”

There has been a wide range of studies showing that kids are more likely to be overweight or “sugar-holics” if their parents, particularly their mothers, are. Many of these studies have based their conclusions on the role mothers play in selecting foods for the household and in building awareness of good nutrition within the family.

Born with a sweet tooth? I was fascinated to discover a new study that discovered the food women eat while pregnant and breastfeeding helps to determine specific neural pathways in the developing brain, and later, lifetime eating habits for their precious children. For example, once the neural pathway is connected to “sweet = soothing,” it can take some committed practice to break that association.

As the child grows, [...]]]>

I remember receiving a card at my baby shower celebrating the “eating for two” shared belief in our culture. It was all about nine months of indulgence with the message: “If you’re going to be gaining weight, you might as well have some chocolate cake and ice cream to show for it.”

There has been a wide range of studies showing that kids are more likely to be overweight or “sugar-holics” if their parents, particularly their mothers, are. Many of these studies have based their conclusions on the role mothers play in selecting foods for the household and in building awareness of good nutrition within the family.

Born with a sweet tooth?
I was fascinated to discover a new study that discovered the food women eat while pregnant and breastfeeding helps to determine specific neural pathways in the developing brain, and later, lifetime eating habits for their precious children. For example, once the neural pathway is connected to “sweet = soothing,” it can take some committed practice to break that association.

As the child grows, we have a variety of opportunities to further influence their taste preferences. When we reward or bribe children with food, we set up a pattern in the brain that wires it to believe food makes everything better … a cure-all. If you reward children with sweets, snacks and desserts, they quickly learn to associate these foods with feeling better. Food can distract an unhappy child, in the moment, offering instant gratification. As adults, we have learned that our lives are not that simple and we cannot find instant gratification in food.

When you get right down to the driving force, overeating is a search for security – a need to recreate the secure feelings we experience as children when we were held and fed, when life felt easy. By eating foods similar to the foods we ate as children, we are looking to find the feeling in food but it’s a search that often ends in excess weight linked to a whole list of health-comprising ailments.

At the dinner table, keeping lines of communication open to let your children know you are there for them when they want to talk. Some families choose to use sharing dinner together as a time to open up about what you feel most grateful for that day. This can be a wonderful way to focus on the positive and bring in great feelings around sharing food together. Encouraging children to help with dinner preparation puts them in closer contact with making food taste delicious.

Modeling a healthy relationship with food is an excellent way to encourage healthy eating choices in your children. Children certainly take note of parents’ eating habits! Notice what you are saying about food choices, preparation and especially about your body. One of my clients was deeply concerned when she noticed her 4-year-old’s preoccupation with weighing herself, repeating what she’s heard her mommy say too many times – “I’m so fat” – as she stepped off the scale.

Mothers may influence children’s brains during all developmental stages, but as a hypnotherapist, I am very happy to let you know we can still positively influence the brain structure any time we choose. New research in neuroscience shows that, while some brains may have developed in a less than ideal manner, applying neuroplasticity and hypnotic principles to help redevelop our brains is powerful and effective. (Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to form new connections and change its structure in response to experience.) 

Johanna Lynn, a hypnotherapist, offers an inside out approach to truly love your body. Born with a natural curiosity about why people do what they do, Johanna now finds the entire field of mind/body medicine fascinating, with a clinical hypnosis practice focusing on healing with the intention to return to health and vitality.

Photo credit: Manuel