Let’s face it: Sometimes romantic relationships can be totally nightmarish instead of wonderful. While there are a lot of reasons romance can be tough, most of the time the chaos begins within.

As a student and teacher of the metaphysical text A Course in Miracles, I’ve come to understand how our ego (fear mind) wreaks havoc in the romantic arena. The Course guides us to see how we project our fear and neuroses onto our current partners–and it shines light on how we seek completion and self-worth in the arms of another.

Let’s demystify the ways the ego gets to work in romance–here are some of the big illusions that can really take us down.

Diggin’ Up the Past

Many people carry disastrous relationship experiences from the past into the present moment. Holding on to anger from your last relationship inevitably transfers negative vibes to the next one. This anger sabotages the possibility of creating a healthy new relationship, keeping you rooted in your history instead of the now.

Future Tripping

Do you envision walking down the [...]]]>

Let’s face it: Sometimes romantic relationships can be totally nightmarish instead of wonderful. While there are a lot of reasons romance can be tough, most of the time the chaos begins within.

As a student and teacher of the metaphysical text A Course in Miracles, I’ve come to understand how our ego (fear mind) wreaks havoc in the romantic arena. The Course guides us to see how we project our fear and neuroses onto our current partners–and it shines light on how we seek completion and self-worth in the arms of another.

Let’s demystify the ways the ego gets to work in romance–here are some of the big illusions that can really take us down.

Diggin’ Up the Past

Many people carry disastrous relationship experiences from the past into the present moment. Holding on to anger from your last relationship inevitably transfers negative vibes to the next one. This anger sabotages the possibility of creating a healthy new relationship, keeping you rooted in your history instead of the now.

Future Tripping

Do you envision walking down the aisle after just one date? If so, trust that you’re not alone. The ego loves to future trip when it comes to romance. When the ego runs your romantic life, it’s easy to get caught up in the belief that you’re unsafe without a romantic partner. This mentality hooks you into future tripping, because without that future plan you feel incomplete. The result? It puts tons of pressure on your partner … and makes you seem like a major head case for planning that far ahead.

McSpecial with a Side of Fries

I’m gonna be blunt here: When your source of happiness is another human being, you’re totally screwed. The ego convinces you that all the love you need is in one “special” person. This is what the Course calls a “special love relationship.” This kind of relationship isn’t like your other relationships–you come to believe you need this one special person to feel whole. The special love relationship is exclusive, and it makes that one person better than you and everyone else.

But the ego doesn’t stop there. It convinces you that you can’t live without this “special” partner, which is the root cause of codependency. This fear-based thinking leads you to do whatever it takes to make that special person happy so that they don’t leave. You become inauthentic and subservient so that you don’t lose your special relationship. You put the needs of others in front of your own and deny your true feelings. And it’s all done in the name of special love.

Sound familiar? I bet it does. Romantic relationships are the ego’s playground, and nine times out of ten our ego will turn the chance of romantic bliss into a freakin’ horrorshow by feeding us illusions.

The first step towards clearing the ego’s chaotic perception of romance is to become brutally honest about how you dig up the past, future trip and make partners special. Looking at your ego head-on is a powerful way to weaken its grip.

A Course in Miracles teaches us that relationships are opportunities for awesome spiritual growth. Rather than get all heady about what went wrong in the past, let’s focus on what you can change today. Outlined below are key principles that will help guide you to release fear in romance and cultivate more love in your life. 

No One is Sent to Anyone by Accident

A Course in Miracles teaches us that there are “no chance encounters.” All encounters offer us the opportunity to transform fear to love and create a miracle. Accept that relationships are assignments to learn and grow. This new attitude will allow you to begin to appreciate the partner who brings up all your funky issues–because you’ll know the learning that is available to you.

Special ain’t so special

Ask yourself whom you have made special. It’s likely that the same lucky person is also the person you attack most in your mind. Special love makes us neurotic, controlling, and insecure. We think we love our special partner, but really we fear them and hate them for not calling back or doing what we want them to do. We feel so beholden to this special partner because the ego makes us believe that we’re missing something and that we can only feel complete in the arms of someone else. Set yourself free from your special illusions by simply recognizing whom you have made special. When you recognize this ego chaos, you diminish its power. You can see the ego in action and choose to begin the process of letting it go.

The Invisible Matchmaker

A beautiful practice that A Course in Miracles suggests is that we turn our relationships over to the care of our inner guide. When we consciously allow our ego to run our romantic life, we stay stuck in nasty patterns. Invite the spirit of love to guide your perceptions. Simply say: “Spirit, Inner Guide, God [whatever you wish], I invite you to take these fears from me. Help me release my romantic fears from the past and my need to control the future. Clear space for fearless love.”

MediDATE

Another major tool for releasing romantic fears is to begin a meditation practice. Begin your MediDATING practice with an awesome forgiveness meditation:

Sit comfortably in a quiet space.

Breathe deeply in your nose and out your mouth.

In your mind’s eye invite your partner into your meditation.

(It can be someone you’re currently in a relationship with or someone from your past. It can even be someone you’ve dreamed of being with.)

Hold a vision in your mind of this person standing before you.

As you breathe in envision a ball of golden light growing in your heart.

On the exhale extend this light to your partner.

On the inhale breathe in the light.

On the exhale extend the light.

Continue inhaling and exhaling until all you see is light.

Whatever your relationship status–whether you’re married, single or dating–taking these steps can be truly transformative. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, so take this opportunity to release romantic fears and clear space for more love.

Want more powerful romance tips and meditations? Join me on Feb. 8 on LiveStream Video or in New York at ABC’s Deepak Homebase for my MediDATING launch lecture. Get all the details here: www.gabbyb.tv/mediDATE.

Photo credit: Darwin Bell

Eat Fat or Don’t Eat Fat, That is the Question

The major determinant of your long term health is the nutritional quality of the calories you eat. It is the quality of the fat you eat, the quality of the protein and the quality of the carbohydrate that influences your health.

Ask yourself, is the food I am about to eat a whole, natural plant source of calories? Is it packaged with fiber, antioxidants and phytochemicals? Does it contain not just discovered nutrients, but plenty of undiscovered nutrients too? Or were most of those fragile, but beneficial nutrients lost in the way the food was processed or prepared? These are the questions, to ask yourself, not whether it is a low fat or high fat food.

You may have heard that nuts, seeds and avocados are fatty and fattening and are foods to be shunned. However, recent evidence from many different studies showing a wide variety of health benefits from eating these foods has finally buried this myth. It is important to emphasize [...]]]>

Eat Fat or Don’t Eat Fat, That is the Question

The major determinant of your long term health is the nutritional quality of the calories you eat. It is the quality of the fat you eat, the quality of the protein and the quality of the carbohydrate that influences your health.

Ask yourself, is the food I am about to eat a whole, natural plant source of calories? Is it packaged with fiber, antioxidants and phytochemicals? Does it contain not just discovered nutrients, but plenty of undiscovered nutrients too? Or were most of those fragile, but beneficial nutrients lost in the way the food was processed or prepared? These are the questions, to ask yourself, not whether it is a low fat or high fat food.

You may have heard that nuts, seeds and avocados are fatty and fattening and are foods to be shunned. However, recent evidence from many different studies showing a wide variety of health benefits from eating these foods has finally buried this myth. It is important to emphasize that the health problems associated with high fat diets are from consuming animal fats, processed oils and trans fats, not from the consumption of avocados, and raw nuts and seeds. There has never been a study that showed any negative health outcomes from consuming these natural, high fat, whole plant foods. In fact, the studies that have been done only show positive health benefits, and conclude that these foods should be an important part of a well-rounded, healthy diet.

Macronutrients are the three sources of calories—fat, carbohydrate and protein. Americans eat too much of all three and we need to reduce all of them. I intentionally do not give a preferred percentage of each macronutrient in the diet and I do not recommend fat be significantly limited. Trying to micromanage the precise amount of each caloric source misses the most critical issue in human nutrition. The real critical issue in human nutrition is meeting your macronutrient needs without excess, for all three macronutrients, and getting sufficient micronutrients in the process (vitamins, minerals and phytochemicals—the parts of food that do not contain calories). There is a broad acceptable range in the macronutrient ratio as long as one is not overeating calories.

However, adhering to a diet that is less than 10 percent of calories from fat is not an appropriate recommendation for ideal health and often results in less than ideal health outcomes. One could be on a healthful diet that is 15 percent of calories from fat or a healthful diet that is 30 percent of calories from fat too. As long as the diet is rich in micronutrients and does not exceed our need for calories, the lower fat diet has no advantage in the prevention and treatment of disease. There is no evidence to suggest that a diet of equal calories that is much lower in fat is an advantage for prevention or treatment of heart disease or any other disease. Studies that compare dietary fat percentages suggest that it is not the fat level, but other more critical qualities that make the diet more or less beneficial.

To achieve an ideal level of phytonutrients and other micronutrients it necessitates eating a large amount of green vegetables each day. Any diet that does not recommend sufficient consumption of vegetables is lacking. When you eat lots of vegetables, especially green vegetables, you meet your body’s need for fiber and micronutrients with very little calories. Then to comprise the balance of the diet and fill our caloric needs we can choose an assortment of other foods, preferably ones that are of the highest nutrient quality. Unlike some other doctors and authors advocating a plant-based diet, I recommend more vegetables, fruits, beans, nuts and seeds and use less bread, potato, and rice. With the addition of nuts and seeds, which average about 175 calories an ounce, one or two ounces a day brings the diet up to the 15 – 30 percent of calories from fat range. My recommend diet is definitely not under 10 percent of calories from fat and because of the addition of seeds and nuts it is also considerably higher in protein too.

It might seem logical to restrict higher fat foods like nuts seeds and avocado because high fat foods are higher in calories and fat is 9 calories per gram compared to 4 calories a gram for carbohydrates and protein. Of course one should take care not to eat too many calories and adjust the level of these foods to maintain a slim body and not to overeat on them or any other food. However, there are lots of good reasons to include at least some of these higher fat foods in one’s diet.

Evidence is accumulating that a diet as low as 10 percent of calories from fat Is too low, even for the overweight, diabetic or heart disease patient and that the judicious use of these higher fat foods is beneficial for not just heart disease, but for weight loss and diabetes too. The scientific literature corroborates my clinical experience over the last 15 years caring for thousands of patients with obesity, diabetes and heart disease, and provides evidence to show that for every calorie removed from the diet from rice, potato, bread or animal products and substituted with raw seeds and nuts you get many health benefits, such as:

• Lower blood sugar
• Lower cholesterol
• Lower triglycerides
• Better LDL/HDL ratio
• Better antioxidant status
• Better absorption of phytochemicals from vegetables
• Better diabetic control
• Lower weight
• More effective reversal of heart disease
• Prevention of cardiac arrhythmias in heart patients
• More weight loss, not weight gain
• Better nutritional diversity and satisfaction with less calories
• Increased protection against cancer
• Better muscle and bone mass with aging

With the growing awareness of the health properties of nuts and seeds, we must also realize that they must be eaten in moderation. Should we all sit in front of our TV’s, eat the entire bag of nuts in an hour, and complain when we gain weight? Of course not. Healthy eaters avoid excessive calories and do not eat for recreation. Eat only an ounce a day if you are significantly overweight, but if thin, physically active, pregnant or nursing eat 2 – 4 ounces according to your caloric needs.

Originally published September 30, 2009.

“Sometimes, late at night, I’m visited by dread and shame. I lie in bed and think of somebody else’s life. I imagine the love that they’re getting and the relief that comes from being really known. The private pleasures they share. The friends they have and the pressures they don’t. Their sense of importance. The satisfactions of their work. I imagine how fulfilled they are, and how rich their life is. In these moments, I feel empty and wanting.”

– The character Amy, in HBO’s “Enlightened”

Recently it’s come to my attention, with various people and in totally coincidental ways, that a lot of people are really struggling right now with the belief that Other People’s Lives are somehow better or more gratifying than their own. Both in my personal as well as my professional life, I’m getting the consistent feedback that some people are seeing the lives of others from a distance – whether on Facebook, Twitter or in the real world – and then filling in the blanks in [...]]]>

“Sometimes, late at night, I’m visited by dread and shame. I lie in bed and think of somebody else’s life. I imagine the love that they’re getting and the relief that comes from being really known. The private pleasures they share. The friends they have and the pressures they don’t. Their sense of importance. The satisfactions of their work. I imagine how fulfilled they are, and how rich their life is. In these moments, I feel empty and wanting.”

– The character Amy, in HBO’s “Enlightened”

Recently it’s come to my attention, with various people and in totally coincidental ways, that a lot of people are really struggling right now with the belief that Other People’s Lives are somehow better or more gratifying than their own. Both in my personal as well as my professional life, I’m getting the consistent feedback that some people are seeing the lives of others from a distance – whether on Facebook, Twitter or in the real world – and then filling in the blanks in such a way that they assume that those lives are glamorous, satisfying and problem-free.

The tendency to think this way is far from new, but in the age of social networking, it seems to have really amped itself up. I have friends, for example – wonderful friends with good lives – who are veering away from Facebook more and more because other people’s status updates are filling them with jealousy, as well as with the belief that their own lives are boring by comparison. As a therapist, it seems to me that this kind of thinking is not only mistaken, but that it has the potential to be psychologically damaging.

At the risk of sounding like I’m stating the obvious here: People do not, generally speaking, post pictures of themselves online when they’re crying or in an argument. They don’t post status updates about their grief, their humiliations or their low self-esteem. No, people (especially on Facebook) show us want they want us to see. Sometimes that’s intentional and deliberately crafted, but it also sometimes happens simply because people aren’t naturally inclined to post about the hard parts of their lives. That doesn’t mean that the hard parts don’t exist though! Moreover, while it may be hard to imagine, what we often underestimate when we think this way is that other people sometimes make these assumptions about us.

A couple of months ago, a client of mine came into session wanting to talk about an internal reaction that she had to a woman she’d seen walking up the street near my office. Evidently this woman was beautiful and well-dressed, and this prompted my very lovely client to make all sorts of assumptions about her. This woman had money; she was happy; she “had it all together” and “didn’t have any problems.” The funny thing about this, for me, is that this client is a very attractive and talented young woman, and she possesses many enviable attributes. I also happen to know that while there are things that have happened and are happening in her life that bring her pain, she talks about them with almost no one other than me, so I can all but guarantee that other people sometimes have the same reaction to her that she had to this woman. What’s perhaps even wilder is that this isn’t the only example of this kind of exchange that I’ve had in my clinical work recently. I’ve had several patients over the course of the past couple of months who have expressed this sentiment – that they have problems, but that other people don’t – when I have felt very sure that other people perceive them similarly.

Perhaps it’s the benefit of being a therapist, or the fact that I’ve had the privilege of knowing a number of people with seemingly charmed lives who have trusted me enough to show me the mold in their mental basements, but I just don’t buy into this notion that anybody’s life is perfect. We all have our baggage. We all suffer. Sadly, it’s the very nature of life. We only serve to make ourselves feel bad if we go around thinking that we have problems and that other people don’t.

If you ever find yourself thinking this way in the future, try to keep this one thought in mind: You never know what you don’t know about somebody else’s life. If it helps, think about some of the secrets that you keep closest to the vest (the things you’ve probably assumed that most other people don’t experience), and think about how many people you’ve told those secrets to. How many people DON’T know about some of the hardest aspects of your life? When you feel really down, do you Facebook about it? I’m guessing you don’t. So please, for Pete’s sake, don’t ever assume that other people don’t have problems.

For more information about this author, please visit, visit www.lesliecarr.com.

Photo credit: Carmela Alvarado

It’s 1982, and tomorrow I am donating my bone marrow for my 9- year-old brother, who has leukemia. I am his only hope. I’m scared for him and truthfully just plain scared because tonight will be this first night I have ever stayed in a hospital.

I have never felt so vulnerable. Hospitals do that. Make you feel vulnerable, and in this state we often give away our power.

A nurse’s aid waltzed into my hospital room and tossed down my chart and flipped it open. She then excused herself and left my chart unattended.

Did I peek at my open chart? Hell, yeah. And what did I see, but instructions to shave my posterior. This made sense as I knew that they had to extract my bone marrow from my ileac crest, i.e. tale bone.

The aid returned and carefully unwrapped her razor and got out some medicinal form of shaving cream and began to shave … my anterior! Yes, she shaved my bush clean off, this before it was fashionable to remove [...]]]>

It’s 1982, and tomorrow I am donating my bone marrow for my 9- year-old brother, who has leukemia. I am his only hope. I’m scared for him and truthfully just plain scared because tonight will be this first night I have ever stayed in a hospital.

I have never felt so vulnerable. Hospitals do that. Make you feel vulnerable, and in this state we often give away our power.

A nurse’s aid waltzed into my hospital room and tossed down my chart and flipped it open. She then excused herself and left my chart unattended.

Did I peek at my open chart? Hell, yeah. And what did I see, but instructions to shave my posterior. This made sense as I knew that they had to extract my bone marrow from my ileac crest, i.e. tale bone.

The aid returned and carefully unwrapped her razor and got out some medicinal form of shaving cream and began to shave … my anterior! Yes, she shaved my bush clean off, this before it was fashionable to remove all of one’s coverage leaving women to look like 3rd graders.

She then, of course, had me flip over and shaved my backside for good measure.

Here’s the thing: I clearly knew the difference between anterior and posterior. Anterior=front; posterior=back. But I felt so vulnerable that I didn’t have the courage to speak up, even to an aid, who clearly isn’t as intimidating to question as a doctor!

For weeks after, I would try to discreetly rub my itchy pelvis into anything I could find for relief. I actually had fun entertaining my co-workers with my various ways to scratch my itch. It added levity to such a grave situation, and for that aspect, I was grateful.

Unfortunately, my brother passed away five weeks into the transplant process. As you can imagine, immense grief ensued.

Fast-forward two years. I have just received a diagnosis of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. My left collarbone is full with a softball -sized tumor, and my chest has a tumor a third of its size attached to my heart and lungs.

As I lie under the cobalt machine, radiation technicians are attempting to align me just right for my treatment. As I’m being positioned, I am informed that I will be receiving an extra dose of radiation on my right side.

Huh? Right side? Even in my heightened state of anxiety, I knew this was an error … one with potentially serious consequences for me!

Alas, a breakthrough. I speak up, albeit a bit too politely, and maybe even a tad apologetically, but I do it.

“Excuse, me. Don’t you want the added dose of radiation to go to the side where the softball-sized tumor is located?”

All of a sudden there is a huddle of professionals, including the radiologist, in the safety zone. That closed room off to the side to keep workers administering radiation safe. It’s not at all comforting when everyone runs for cover from what you’re being doused with, but I digress.

The time-out is over, the huddle breaks, and the officials on the field have issued a penalty. The play will be re-done, this time with the extra radiation going to the left clavicle!

Although I was scared out of my wits, I did find the courage to speak up, which is a good thing considering the stakes were much higher this time than just having an itchy vee-vee.

Now, nearly 30 years after my initial diagnosis and 20 years since my own bone marrow transplant, it’s still a work in progress to stand up for myself. On occasion, I want to kick myself for a question I didn’t ask or a test/treatment that I didn’t demand when leaving the doctor’s office. However, I have come a great distance, and I’m now much more cognizant of that fact that I am in charge of my own health and body. That translates into a much happier and healthier me!

Jennifer Warden makes veggies fashionable, one bite at a time. She is a plant-consuming, peace-promoting, animal-loving, compassion-spreading, environment-protecting, mother, daughter, friend, cook, photographer, psychotherapist and lover of words.

Photo credit: Howard Lake

In Pali, the language of the original Buddhist texts, the term for the potent and alive energy of awareness is “tejos.” The word has several meanings. It can mean heat, flame, fire, or light, and it conveys a sense of splendor and radiance and glory. Tejos refers to a very bright energy, a strength, and a power that is luminous.

By practicing meditation, we bring forth some of this splendor, this luminosity, and this power into the activities of an ordinary day. We practice meditation to be aware in whatever we are doing. And the deeper our awareness, the greater the luminosity.

Our perceptual world is transformed when we relate fully. It is as though we are experiencing each object – each sound, each sensation, each breath — for the very first time. Even painful or unpleasant feelings become included in our sense of the fullness of life, rather than being fearfully held at bay in a futile effort to keep them away from us.

Living without immediacy in our awareness, we seek [...]]]>

In Pali, the language of the original Buddhist texts, the term for the potent and alive energy of awareness is “tejos.” The word has several meanings. It can mean heat, flame, fire, or light, and it conveys a sense of splendor and radiance and glory. Tejos refers to a very bright energy, a strength, and a power that is luminous.

By practicing meditation, we bring forth some of this splendor, this luminosity, and this power into the activities of an ordinary day. We practice meditation to be aware in whatever we are doing. And the deeper our awareness, the greater the luminosity.

Our perceptual world is transformed when we relate fully. It is as though we are experiencing each object – each sound, each sensation, each breath — for the very first time. Even painful or unpleasant feelings become included in our sense of the fullness of life, rather than being fearfully held at bay in a futile effort to keep them away from us.

Living without immediacy in our awareness, we seek fulfillment outside of ourselves, grasping at passing experiences. It becomes easy to fall into addiction to increasing levels of stimulating sensations. These supply us with our sense of wholeness, but it is a wholeness held together with only passing phenomena. Imagine doing something very simple, perhaps something you’ve done many times before, so it doesn’t bring up a great intensity. Something like eating an apple.

If you eat the apple while paying very little attention to the sight of it, the feel of it, the smells and tastes of it, then eating the apple is not likely to be a very fulfilling experience. Feeling a mild discontent with the experience, you may be likely to blame the apple. But is it the apple’s fault? It is rare for any of us to recognize that the quality of our attention might have played a role in our feeling of dissatisfaction.

You may begin to think, “If only I could have a banana, then I would be happy. But if you find a banana and then eat it, again in a distracted or inattentive way, you will again end up feeling unsatisfied. But instead of realizing that you simply were not paying attention to the experience of eating the banana, you start to think, “My life is just too prosaic; it is so ordinary. How could anybody be happy with just apples and bananas? What I need is something exotic. I need to go out and get something unusual like a mango. Then I will be happy.”

Perhaps with some trial and tribulation, you actually do get a mango. The first few bites may be wonderful. You have not had a mango for a long time, and this is a new sensation. Soon, however, you are finishing off the exotic mango in just the same way you ate the prosaic apple and the banana, and once again you are left with a feeling of dissatisfaction. In this way we can see that mindfulness is the key to fulfillment, and in fact to life itself.

We practice meditation to make skills like mindfulness real, to take them from an abstract appreciation to a positive part of every day, to generate the force of tejos. Actually doing a meditation practice, rather than just thinking about it, is of course the hard part.

During the month of February, Sharon Salzberg is hosting a mediation program based on her latest book, “Real Happiness: The Power of Meditation: A 28-Day Program.” Participants are invited to reflect on their experiences—pleasant, difficult, and in between—on Sharon’s website and on their own blogs or websites. Comments are welcome from anyone and everyone is invited to make a commitment to 28 days of meditation practice.

For more information on how to optimize your life, visit sharonsalzberg.com.

Photo credit: Taaj Digital Studio

A study published in The New England Journal of Medicine provides the evidence. It found that drug companies selectively publish studies on antidepressants. They have published nearly all the studies that show benefit, but almost none of the studies that show these drugs are ineffective.1

That warps our view of antidepressants, leading us to think that they do work. And it has fueled the tremendous growth in the use of psychiatric medications, which are now the second leading class of drugs sold, after cholesterol-lowering drugs.

The problem is even worse than it sounds, because the positive studies hardly showed benefit in the first place. For example, 40 [...]]]>
Here’s some depressing recent medical news: Antidepressants don’t work. What’s even more depressing is that the pharmaceutical industry and Food and Drug Administration (FDA) have deliberately deceived us into believing that they do work. As a physician, this is frightening to me. Depression is among the most common problems seen in primary-care medicine and soon will be the second leading cause of disability in this country.

A study published in The New England Journal of Medicine provides the evidence. It found that drug companies selectively publish studies on antidepressants. They have published nearly all the studies that show benefit, but almost none of the studies that show these drugs are ineffective.¹

That warps our view of antidepressants, leading us to think that they do work. And it has fueled the tremendous growth in the use of psychiatric medications, which are now the second leading class of drugs sold, after cholesterol-lowering drugs.

The problem is even worse than it sounds, because the positive studies hardly showed benefit in the first place. For example, 40 percent of people taking a placebo (sugar pill) got better, while only 60 percent taking the actual drug had improvement in their symptoms. Looking at it another way, 80 percent of people get better with just a placebo.

That leaves us with a big problem: millions of depressed people with no effective treatments being offered by most conventional practitioners. However, there are treatments available. Functional medicine provides a unique and effective way to treat depression and other psychological problems. Today I will review seven steps you can take to work through your depression without drugs. But before we get to that, let’s take a closer look at depression.

What’s in a Name?

“Depression” is simply a label we give to people who have a depressed mood most of the time, have lost interest or pleasure in most activities, are fatigued, can’t sleep, have no interest in sex, feel hopeless and helpless, can’t think clearly or can’t make decisions.

But that label tells us nothing about the cause of those symptoms. In fact, there are dozens of causes of depression, each one needing a different approach to treatment. Depression is not one-size-fits-all, but it is very common.

Women have a 10-25 percent risk and men a 5-12 percent risk of developing severe major depression in their lifetime.² One in ten Americans takes an antidepressant. The use of these drugs has tripled in the last decade, according to a report by the federal government. In 2006, spending on antidepressants soared by 130 percent.

But just because antidepressants are popular doesn’t mean they’re helpful. Unfortunately, as we now see from this report in The New England Journal of Medicine, they don’t work and have significant side effects. Most patients taking antidepressants either don’t respond or have only partial response. In fact, success is considered just a 50 percent improvement in half of depressive symptoms. And this minimal result is achieved in less than half the patients taking antidepressants.

That’s a pretty dismal record. It’s only made worse by the fact that 86 percent of people taking antidepressants have one or more side effects, including sexual dysfunction, fatigue, insomnia, loss of mental abilities, nausea and weight gain.

No wonder half the people who try antidepressants quit after four months.

Despite what we have been brainwashed to believe, depression is not a Prozac deficiency!

How We Have Been Deceived by the Antidepressant Hoax

Despite what we have been brainwashed to believe, depression is not a Prozac deficiency!

Drug companies are not forced to publish all the results of their studies. They only publish those they want to. The team of researchers that reported their findings in The New England Journal of Medicine took a critical look at all the studies done on antidepressants, both published and unpublished. They dug up some serious dirt …

The unpublished studies were not easy to find. The researchers had to search the FDA databases, call researchers and hunt down hidden data under the Freedom of Information Act. What they found was stunning.

After looking at 74 studies involving 12 drugs and over 12,000 people, they discovered that 37 of 38 trials with positive results were published, while only 14 of 36 negative studies were published. Those that showed negative results were, in the words of the researchers, “published in a way that conveyed a positive outcome.”

That means the results were twisted to imply the drugs worked when they didn’t.

This isn’t just a problem with antidepressants. It’s a problem with scientific research. Some drug companies even pay or threaten scientists to not publish negative results on their drugs. So much for “evidence-based” medicine! I recently had dinner with a step-uncle who runs a company that designs research for drug companies. He designs the study, hires the researcher from an esteemed institution, directs the study and writes up the study, and the scientist just signs his or her name after reviewing it.

Most of the time, we only have the evidence that the drug companies want us to have. Both doctors and patients are deceived into putting billions of dollars into drug companies’ pockets, while leaving millions with the same health problems but less money.

The scientific trust is broken. What can we do? Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. But I do think functional medicine, on which my approach of UltraWellness is based, provides a more intelligent way of understanding the research. Rather than using drugs to suppress symptoms, functional medicine helps us find the true causes of problems, including depression.

I see this in so many of the patients I have treated over the years. Just as the same things that make us sick also make us fat, the same things that make us sick also make us depressed. Fix the causes of sickness and the depression takes care of itself.

Here are a few things you can do to start treating your depression today.

Seven Steps to Treat Depression without Drugs

1. Try an anti-inflammatory elimination diet that gets rid of common food allergens. As I mentioned above, food allergies and the resultant inflammation have been connected with depression and other mood disorders.
2. Check for hypothyroidism. This unrecognized epidemic is a leading cause of depression. Make sure to have thorough thyroid exam if you are depressed.
3. Take vitamin D. Deficiency in this essential vitamin can lead to depression. Supplement with at least 2,000 to 5,000 IU of vitamin D3 a day.
4. Take omega-3 fats. Your brain is made of up this fat, and deficiency can lead to a host of problems. Supplement with 1,000 to 2,000 mg of purified fish oil a day. Consider a vegan source of omega-3 (such as this one).
5. Take adequate B12 (1,000 micrograms, or mcg, a day), B6 (25 mg) and folic acid (800 mcg). These vitamins are critical for metabolizing homocysteine, which can play a part in depression.
6. Get checked for mercury. Heavy metal toxicity has been correlated with depression and other mood and neurological problems.
7. Exercise vigorously five times a week for 30 minutes. This increases levels of brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), a natural antidepressant in your brain.

Overcoming depression is an important step toward lifelong vibrant health. These are just of few of the easiest and most effective things you can do to treat depression. For more information on how to optimize your health, see http://drhyman.com/.

Now I’d like to hear from you … Have you been diagnosed with depression? How have antidepressants worked for you? Do you plan to try any of the approaches mentioned here? Please let me know your thoughts by leaving a comment below.

References

1. Turner EH et al. 2007. Selective publication of antidepressant trials and its influence on apparent efficacy. N Engl J Med. 358: 252-260.

2.Eaton WW, Kalaydjian A, Scharfstein DO, Mezuk B, Ding Y. 2007. Prevalence and incidence of depressive disorder: the Baltimore ECA follow-up, 1981-2004. Acta Psychiatr Scand. 116(3):182-188.

Photo credit: walknboston

Disclaimer:  The opinions presented in this article are those of Dr. Hyman based on his years of training and experience as a medical doctor. This information is not intended to treat, diagnose, cure or prevent any disease. All material in this article is provided for educational purposes only. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you have regarding a medical condition, and before undertaking any diet, exercise or other health program.

Obviously recycling or buying vintage is the most green way to shop. But if you jones for new clothes faster than Samantha Jones goes through condoms, eco-fabrics got you covered.

Bamboo You’ve heard us wax rhapsodic about bamboo clothes before. No, they don’t come with a cute Panda bear – but they do have antimicrobial properties. Bamboo fabric is a natural textile made from the pulp of the bamboo grass. It feels like silk jersey – and is comfy beyond belief. Bamboo fabric has something in it called “Bamboo Kun” which means it’s naturally an antibiotic – even after 50 washes! Believe it or not, regular cotton is treated with pesticides and they do seep into your skin.  Another cool fact about bamboo is it’s got mild UV blocking protection, so you don’t have to go too nutty with the SPF when you rock the ‘boo. So, I’m kinda in love with my Panda Snack tee shirts which are comfier than my 25-year-old nightie from Disneyworld.

Seaweed Seaweed is something I wrap my salads in [...]]]>

Obviously recycling or buying vintage is the most green way to shop. But if you jones for new clothes faster than Samantha Jones goes through condoms, eco-fabrics got you covered.

Bamboo
You’ve heard us wax rhapsodic about bamboo clothes before. No, they don’t come with a cute Panda bear – but they do have antimicrobial properties. Bamboo fabric is a natural textile made from the pulp of the bamboo grass. It feels like silk jersey – and is comfy beyond belief. Bamboo fabric has something in it called “Bamboo Kun” which means it’s naturally an antibiotic – even after 50 washes! Believe it or not, regular cotton is treated with pesticides and they do seep into your skin.  Another cool fact about bamboo is it’s got mild UV blocking protection, so you don’t have to go too nutty with the SPF when you rock the ‘boo. So, I’m kinda in love with my Panda Snack tee shirts which are comfier than my 25-year-old nightie from Disneyworld.

Seaweed
Seaweed is something I wrap my salads in everyday. I’m obsessed with hunking sheets of Nori. And any other kind of seaweed. So much so that on a recent trip to Mexico, I pulled a big hunk of floating seaweed out of the Ocean and (much to my Fiance’s chagrin) stuffed it down my throat. Needless to say, my gag reflexes aren’t what they used to be. Blech. The newest eco lovechild is a fabric called SeaCell, a mixture of seaweed and wood pulp. The word on the street is that when you wear Seacell, your hotbod actually absorbs some of the delicious goodness found in seaweed; like calcium, magnesium, and vitamin E. Don’t believe our Girlie-typin’ fingers? Check out the 101 straight from the Professors themselves: www.smartfiber.de. All I know is when I eat Seaweed, I genuinely feel amazing.

Corn
What is more yum in the tum tum as BBQ’ed corn in the summer? Nothing. How about a corn dress nosh? Corn fabric, being sold as “Sorona” is touted as the new nylon. It’s a fabric that uses much less energy to create than traditional fabrics and is a renewable resource. I haven’t been able to find much made from Sorona just yet, but I know you guys like to be the first to know — so look out for it at your favorite Eco-Boutique.

Coconut
Nothing on this earth is more delicious than a fresh coconut water. It brings up the heady childhood smell of chocolate milk for me, for some odd reason. I always get bummed out throwing away the shells, wondering what I could have made out of it or how I could have reused it. Now I know someone is doing something tremendous with coconut leftovers; making wearable (though not yet gorgeous) clothes.

Soy
You will rarely hear us at GirlieGirl Army go bananas for byproducts, but in this case we are overjoyed! Soy fabric is created from leftovers in soybean and tofu production, and has all the great benefits of moisture wicking (which means it’ll help you out with your sweaty pits).

Silver
What’s up with all these natural fabrics that make us not smell? You’d think the earth was trying to tell us something! Could be! Go simple, get benefits? Silver fabric (yep, made from real silver) helps with that not-so-fresh feeling (that post-jog, pre-dog walk aroma) cuz it’s chock full of antimicrobial properties which expels any fungus or odors that come near it.

Thanks for the tips, Chloe Jo!
GirlieGirl Army

Originally published on March 19, 2009

1. Eat less chicken and fewer eggs. When you reduce or eliminate chicken and egg consumption, you’re helping some of the most abused animals on the planet. Chickens raised for meat are crammed by the thousands into filthy warehouses and denied access to the outdoors, fresh air and sunlight for their entire lives. Specifically excluded from the Federal Humane Slaughter Act, chickens are carried through the slaughter process so rapidly that many are injured but not killed and are instead boiled alive when it comes time to remove their feathers. Gardein and Quorn, two brands widely available in supermarkets, make chicken alternatives that — wait for it — taste just like chicken! Minus the fear and suffering, of course.

Chickens raised for eggs don’t have it much better. They are packed so tightly in fetid cages that they can never engage in basic natural behaviors or even stretch their wings. Millions are starved for a few weeks each year to shock their bodies into another egg-laying cycle. Think about it: Is [...]]]>

1. Eat less chicken and fewer eggs. When you reduce or eliminate chicken and egg consumption, you’re helping some of the most abused animals on the planet. Chickens raised for meat are crammed by the thousands into filthy warehouses and denied access to the outdoors, fresh air and sunlight for their entire lives. Specifically excluded from the Federal Humane Slaughter Act, chickens are carried through the slaughter process so rapidly that many are injured but not killed and are instead boiled alive when it comes time to remove their feathers. Gardein and Quorn, two brands widely available in supermarkets, make chicken alternatives that — wait for it — taste just like chicken! Minus the fear and suffering, of course.

Chickens raised for eggs don’t have it much better. They are packed so tightly in fetid cages that they can never engage in basic natural behaviors or even stretch their wings. Millions are starved for a few weeks each year to shock their bodies into another egg-laying cycle. Think about it: Is your momentary enjoyment of an omelet really worth making an already depressed and miserable animal go hungry for weeks? If that doesn’t sit right with you, opt for the high-protein, cruelty-free tofu scramble instead.

2. Replace cow’s milk with a healthy, animal-friendly, non-dairy, calcium-fortified milk made from almonds, rice, oats, coconut, soy or hemp. It’s complete hooey that people need cow’s milk for calcium. Cow’s milk is for baby calves, and there are plenty of delicious, more healthful and calcium-rich plant-based alternatives we can consume. The only way for people to consume cow’s milk is to routinely tear newborn calves from their mothers as dairy cows are trapped in an endless cycle of pregnancy and lactation. Pushed beyond their biological limits, they are worn out and sent to slaughter after just a few years “in production.” Have you had an almond milk or soy milk mocha latte? They are fantastic and truly guilt free!

3. Avoid foie gras like the plague. Foie gras, or fatty duck liver, is only produced by the systematic and abusive practice of over feeding ducks via a metal tube that is forced down their throats. Foie gras is in a class with veal in terms of the cruelty inflicted on animals, and we should shun it every bit as much.

4. Resolve to eat vegetarian one day each week. If the above seems like too big of a challenge to start, eat vegetarian at one meal a week. Before long, you’ll realize how easy and delicious it is to eat vegetarian, and it will feel effortless to increase how often you eat vegetarian meals. Using this incremental approach, you may decide to eliminate animal products from your diet all together. Simply decreasing your consumption of factory-farmed meat will prevent countless animals from living a life of pure misery. More than 95 percent of all meat sold in restaurants and supermarkets comes from animals so cruelly confined they cannot lie down comfortably, extend their limbs, or engage in any of their natural behaviors.

5. Eat more plants! From salads and pasta dishes to vegetarian meats and cheeses, there’s a new world of flavorful alternatives to enjoy as part of a kinder, healthier eating plan. If you want cheese, try the Daiya non-dairy varieties; for sausage, reach for the Field Roast chipotle or apple sage links; instead of a hamburger, try a veggie burger with pickles, tomato, onion and other fresh toppings; when the kids want chicken nuggets, they won’t even realize that Quorn brand nuggets are missing the meat.

It’s 2012 — isn’t it time we stop eating foods produced by industries that treat animals like unfeeling commodities and start eating in a way that reflects the healthy, evolved, compassionate society we aspire to be? Let this be the year you opt out of eating cruelly. You’ll be amazed at how great it feels (and tastes) to eat compassionately.

For more by Gene Baur, visit farmsanctuary.typepad.com/making_hay/

Photo credit: Beth Terry

We’ve all had those moments where our minds go on a scary adventure to fear. It’s the “fear mind” that resembles a monkey with rabies and tends to be rather abusive and pessimistic. It says things like: “You can’t do that”; “Who do you think you are?”; “Ewww, gross, you have cellulite on your ass when you move like that in bed!” It’s really like a mind bully, except that bully is a part of our psyche. Not YOU necessarily, but part of the way our minds work as humans. Sooo … we best get to learn how to work with the rabies monkey “fear mind.”

One place that is often ignored when we talk about “fear mind” is sex. We talk about our fear to find love, our fear to take risks and start our own business or get a new job; but when it comes to sex, we might as well be Puritans living in the 1800s churning butter. All funky feelings arise and suddenly Harvard scientists, [...]]]>

We’ve all had those moments where our minds go on a scary adventure to fear. It’s the “fear mind” that resembles a monkey with rabies and tends to be rather abusive and pessimistic. It says things like: “You can’t do that”; “Who do you think you are?”; “Ewww, gross, you have cellulite on your ass when you move like that in bed!” It’s really like a mind bully, except that bully is a part of our psyche. Not YOU necessarily, but part of the way our minds work as humans. Sooo … we best get to learn how to work with the rabies monkey “fear mind.”

One place that is often ignored when we talk about “fear mind” is sex. We talk about our fear to find love, our fear to take risks and start our own business or get a new job; but when it comes to sex, we might as well be Puritans living in the 1800s churning butter. All funky feelings arise and suddenly Harvard scientists, leading psychologists and researchers become like fifth-grade students — uncomfortable, anxious and avoidant. I say, let’s address it. Let’s walk through the fears, not around them.

Have you ever felt embarrassed before having sex or during sex? Sex is one of our most taboo vulnerable spots. In our Western society and in many societies cross culturally, we have seen an overemphasis on vulgar sexuality, and sexualizing products and even children to sell products. However, the sacred in sex is null and void. What is the sacred in sex? The sacred is accepting all of our sexual selves as beautiful and as something to be explored. Throughout our history, sex has become dirty and has been tainted with this virgin archetype of we must only enjoy pleasure if married. Yet these mixed messages really mess with us, and we don’t have a safe space to truly connect with our sexual selves — with how we feel with our own being as sexual and how we feel with a lover in bed. These anxieties are normal and, once processed, become a key to unlock the door to true intimacy with yourself and with your lover.

Shame arises from this guilt that we are doing something wrong, with our insecurities and our self-esteem with our body, with the lack of knowledge around sexuality and the permission culturally, from our parents, from our books, to say it’s OK, it’s beautiful and it’s sacred to explore your entire sexual self, to let go and be free. This shame causes sadness, lack of intimacy and a block, as we are sexual beings and it’s part of our health to have healthy and fun sex lives.

So how can we alchemize this shame into fiery intimacy? Here are three keys that I have found successful with my clients.

The Goddess Cures:

1. Take time to explore you (god/goddess time).
2. Read about sacred sexuality, tantra; inform yourself on the sacred nature of sex and begin to become conscious around your own sexual self — the insecurities, the fantasies, etc. (Google is genius; use it.)
3. Create a ritual before you have sex either with yourself (masturbation) or with your partner/lover. Light some candles and incense, play relaxing music, and remember to breathe and take it slow.

Christine Gutierrez is a mind-body psychotherapist and holistic health expert. She is the founder of Sacred Space NYC, a holistic healing+bodywork collective, and Cosmic Life, an online hub that features content from Christine and other experts, as well as resources, products, and services.

Photo credit: Jerry Wong

January 23, 2012—It’s the first new moon of 2012, and this time, it’s also the Chinese New Year. The fierce, fabulous Dragon roars in; the flames of its breath fanned by air-sign Aquarius. Dragon years are intense and karmic and can bring births, deaths and major transformations. The last one was in 2000, another year like 2012 that had significant myths and even legends around it (remember the Y2K data-crash scare that never happened?). End of the world? Doubtful, but with the Dragon’s transformative powers, it might be the end of the world as we know it, a time of important change.

Aquarius rules the zodiac’s eleventh house of groups, humanitarian causes and technology. At the Aquarius new moon, ponder your role in society, where you fit into a group or what difference you’d like to make this year. This is a great time to rally the troops around a cause using social media or by planning an event. Bring business cards if you head to a Chinese New Year party [...]]]>

January 23, 2012—It’s the first new moon of 2012, and this time, it’s also the Chinese New Year. The fierce, fabulous Dragon roars in; the flames of its breath fanned by air-sign Aquarius. Dragon years are intense and karmic and can bring births, deaths and major transformations. The last one was in 2000, another year like 2012 that had significant myths and even legends around it (remember the Y2K data-crash scare that never happened?). End of the world? Doubtful, but with the Dragon’s transformative powers, it might be the end of the world as we know it, a time of important change.

Aquarius rules the zodiac’s eleventh house of groups, humanitarian causes and technology. At the Aquarius new moon, ponder your role in society, where you fit into a group or what difference you’d like to make this year. This is a great time to rally the troops around a cause using social media or by planning an event. Bring business cards if you head to a Chinese New Year party as you’re sure to meet some great people.

Here are a few ways to rock out with the Aquarius new moon:

Make new friends, nurture the old.
Aquarius rules the zodiac’s eleventh house of group activity. At this new moon, we’re encouraged to find like-minded people who can take our ideas, beliefs and dreams to the next level. Where in your life could you collaborate … or just have more fun in the company of others? Push yourself past your comfort zone and attend that mixer, workshop or book signing. Sure, you might have that awkward “first day in a new school” feeling for a while, but some of these strangers could become your favorite people, as well as helpful contacts or inspiring members of a mastermind group.

Give back.
Social justice is freedom-fighter Aquarius’ sweet spot. Is there a charitable cause you’d like to donate to, even if it’s just a few dollars? Could you add some volunteer work to your week (or month)? Valentine’s Day is coming up, and for so many people, it’s a painful or annoying reminder of the conventional “love” that nobody can really live up to anymore. Instead of cowering from Cupid and candygrams, why not plan a feel-good benefit organized around the love of humanity? Make use of Aquarius’ inner-circle vibes and put the word out to friends. In no time, you could have a DJ, mixologist (or wine pourer) and event space—plus a bunch of like-minded people gathering for a bigger cause than roses and chocolates.

Do something surprising.
Aquarius is ruled by Uranus, the planet of sudden events, breakthroughs and radical change. Yeah, we’ve all heard sayings like “one step at a time” or “progress, not perfection.” But sometimes, cold turkey is the way to go. A little shock therapy can be good for us. At the Aquarius new moon, a swift channel change could be in order. Sick of something? Cut it off! Make a clean break and see what you discover in that space of charged-up molecules. That doesn’t mean you can’t return to this person or situation later—but you’ll do so in a revolutionized way.

Get free daily, weekly and monthly horoscopes from The AstroTwins at astrostyle.com.

Photo credit: Randee