DEEPAK AND ME by Terri Cole

(OK REALLY… DEEPAK, DAVID SIMON, DAVID G, ME, MY HUSBAND AND 270 OF MY CLOSEST MEDITATING PALS ?)

Happy Chill Sunday!

As some of you may recall a few weeks back I wrote a blog called HOW MEDITATING MAXIMIZES YOUR MANIFESTING MOJO. I was inspired to write that blog in part by reading a Deepak Chopra book from 1994 called THE 7 SPIRITUAL LAWS OF SUCCESS. As synchronicity and the universe would have it, out of nowhere my husband Vic and I received a big fat gift certificate to the Chopra Center from a friend who could not use it. This inspired us to sign up for a Meditating Renewal Weekend in NYC with Deepak, David Simon and David Ji. So the adventure began….

We got to the Park Central Hotel on Friday at 9am to sign up for our Primordial Sound Meditation Mantra and to spend the day learning about this style of meditation. We loved our main facilitator David Ji (AKA Greenspan). His story of transformation was incredible and his funny hippy vibe and delivery really made the information accessible (think of a Jewish George Carlin). He is supremely skilled as a meditation teacher/guru and thanks to him…I FINALLY got it. He explained when to meditate and why. He likened it to brushing your teeth. When you were a child brushing your teeth was a chore. As you grew up and realized your teeth will fall out without it-you just did it. None of us think, “Gee I won’t brush my teeth today-too hard”. We never think about it-we just do it. He challenged everyone there to get committed for 21 days and then decide if it is for you.

Psychologically this is smart. Really, how hard is 21 days? Creating a ritual or making it a habit takes all of the angst out of it. The question is not, “Should I meditate?” The question is, “Exactly when today will I meditate?” David Ji gave us two acronyms to take the guesswork out of the WHEN. The first is RPM, which means Rise, Pee, Meditate. (I actually Rise Pee Brush my fangs then Meditate) The second is RAW which is Right After Work. This is exactly how I do it. It helps that Vic is on board and created a sacred meditating space in his barn/studio. We support each other by being accountable and sharing our successes and struggles.

The first thing David Ji taught us about this type of meditation is that since we have 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts a day, stopping thoughts is not possible or the point. Having thoughts and an active mind while meditating is not, “doing it wrong”. It is normal. The goal is to get comfortable with gently drifting from your mantra to thoughts, and when you realize you have drifted away from your mantra…just drifting back, with no judgment. He gave us the visual of mist rising off a lake. Make it that easy and effortless. Someone asked David Ji, “What is SUPPOSED to happen when you meditate” and much to my relief he said, “NOTHING. “ He went on to explain that meditating is about the other 23 hours in the day. Being in silence and stillness for an hour a day will affect your ability to be a little more reflective and a little less reactive in your life. He encouraged us to take a thimble or shot glass full of silence and stillness back to our waking lives everyday and to be mindful of the subtle changes in our words, deeds and actions.

In Sanskrit mantra means mind vehicle. So the mantra that is given to you is based on Ayuvedic teachings and they say it is the sound that the universe was making at the moment of your birth. They took our birth info and calculated our mantras before we got there. We were then given a specific time and room to go to receive our mantra. The room was dark with candles and incense. The giver of the mantra was sitting there and then came over to me and whispered it in my ear three times. The whole scene sort of had a Twin Peaks/Tim Burton vibe. Covert and mysterious…and we were instructed that the mantra was not to be shared with anyone. Repeating something that has no meaning to you, over and over is a way to gently keep your mind away from thoughts and in the zone. Deepak calls the zone the GAP, where all the potentiality of the universe lies. Friday night we meditated for 30 minutes in a group of our closest 270 meditating pals and for the first time in my life, 30 minutes felt like five. I was amazed.

Deepak, rockin’ some red crystal rimmed glasses and red shoes, gave an amazing talk about what must die in your life to make room for what you are creating. He also lectured on manifesting and the basis of all human suffering stemming from the illusion of separateness.

The third facilitator was David Simon who is Deepak’s partner at the Chopra Center, an MD and a prolific author in his own right (The 10 Commitments-Translating Good Intentions Into Great Choices and many others). He gave 2 very effective talks. The first about integrative health and the mind/body connection and the second about love and how to get your needs met.

We did yoga and meditated every day. We met wonderful people and were so moved by our experience that we signed up for a six-day retreat at the end of October in California called Seduction of Spirit with the Chopra posse. But the real take away for me was this amazing new ability to meditate and the awesome guidance and support that came from David Ji. He just emailed a shout out to the group making him self available if we get stuck?

So I am journaling about my experience daily and have already seen a shift in my life. Meditating has given me a slight time delay before I react in a situation. I think about it and then DECIDE how I WANT to react. I am observing more and evaluating less. Since 30 minutes of meditating is more restorative than 30 minutes of sleep, I choose to get up earlier to make it happen. I really loved this experience and would encourage anyone who can, to do it. Go to www.chopra.com and check it out. They schedule weekends all of the country and beyond. I hope that some of my a-ha moments will inspire your meditation practice. I would love to hear your struggles and successes.

NAMASTE

Your Crazy Sexy (VERY ZEN) LIFE COACH
Terri

The Art of S L O W I N G D O W N!

Hello Cherry Blossoms!

Crazy Sexy Guest blogger Terri Cole coming at ya! Have a fantastic holiday loves. Take it away T….

“At the start of a holiday weekend it’s a perfect “time” to reflect on our relationship to time and what affect it has on our lives (as Kris would say, talk about a potential acid bath!!) The fast pace of the American lifestyle today is a well-known fact, as is the profound effect nonstop hurrying has on your health. Think about the way you go through your daily activities. Do you allot plenty of time to get them all done? Do you do them with ease and enjoy what you are doing? When you are driving somewhere do you see the trees or the architecture around you? Do you appreciate the sun or the clouds? OR do you rush through the task feeling totally stressed and like there is NEVER enough time? Are you somewhere in between?

One important question to decode the time crunch mystery is; What is your personal relationship to time? Are you always late? Always early? Which are really different sides of the same coin, as they both cause STRESS. Do you see time as your enemy? As something that happens TO you? That you have no control over? Or do you concur with Mick Jagger and feel that tiii-ah- iiiime is on your side? (Let’s be honest time is catchin’ up with ole Mick-put some real pants on would ya?) So how is our relationship to time determined? A plethora of psychological and environmental factors combine to create your specific time dynamic. The good news is that none of that matters if you really want to change it. Awareness is the first step. Desire for a different experience is the next.

Part of what we are exploring here is MINDFULNESS. That is clear moment-to-moment awareness of what is actually happening. When we are thinking about what’s next, we are robbed of the moment we are currently in. Living in the future, immediate or long term can be a trap for inaction. Eckart Tole, THE POWER OF NOW author would have a field day here. There are so many clichéd sayings about time waiting for no man/woman that I could write nothing else and fill this entire blog with them…but I will share my time transformation tale instead.

In January 2007 I saw the documentary film, THE SECRET for the first time. While watching the film I had a shocking epiphany about my relationship to time. I was always proud about NEVER being late to anything. I had very little tolerance for tardiness from anyone in my life. I left restaurants, fought with people, and self-righteously judged latecomers. My friends fell into two categories, the ones I could count on and the flaky ones (AKA time challenged). I rushed everywhere…all the time…even when there was no good reason. The act of constantly hurrying is physically stressful. For me, rushing made me short tempered with people. NYC tourists walking slow in Time Square could send me into a tizzy of anger and negativity. The sweeping generalizations would start and the rest of my day could be colored. I never thought about this dynamic until that night. The amount of self-induced stress I was creating was embarrassing once I realized what was happening. For all those years I thought time was happening to me. Only to realize it was all, quite literally, in my mind.

The first thing I did with my newfound knowledge was to pledge: No rushing anywhere, anymore. When I did that, my world changed. I started affirming everyday that I had exactly the right amount of time I need. My husband Vic would remind me in a loving way when I forgot. Our dynamic changed completely around time. My typical, you are going to make me late rant ended. We used to be polarized. I would expect him to make me late and he would not disappoint. We have a great friendship and a great marriage and yet things would really turn acrimonious around this issue. Removing that dynamic from our lives has been a blessing. (Who says you can’t teach 2 old dogs new tricks ?).

Another major change that happened for me was my ability and desire to BE HERE NOW. No matter what is happening I want to be here to experience it, mind and body. My weekly time in NYC has become a joyous adventure. I stop for tea, made time for a Bikram Yoga class or just leisurely people watch from a café in the village. The main shift internally is near elimination of a boatload of daily stress. I consciously choose not to stress about time even if Amtrak is going to make me late. The world will not end. I will not spontaneously combust into flames.

How can you figure out your relationship to time? Start by honestly assessing how you behave in time related situations. Then ask the people in your life. Does your relationship to time cause you any stress at all? Are you present in your life most of the time? Some of the time? Not much of the time? When you are driving are you hypnotized or are you seeing the landscape or the cityscape? Once you have figured out your time style or dysfunction as it may be, journal about how it makes your feel. Recall instances where it has created a problem in a relationship or a work situation etc. Now think about how you want to be. Make a list of bold statements in the present tense…and then change your mind about time. I did. You can.

I would love to hear how you do and what epiphanies you experience.

Love love love,

Your CRAZY SEXY LIFE COACH
Terri

PS check out a cool website all about the benefits slowing down www.SlowDownNow.org where multi-tasking is considered a “moral weakness” (all in fun but you get the point).”

MEDITATING MAXIMIZES YOUR MANIFESTING MOJO!

Look who’s back! It’s our Crazy Sexy Life Coach Terri Cole leading us on our manifestation acceleration! Hey, since we’re on a fasting kick, this is the perfect time to call in the mental troops. Cleansing is tough, if it was easy more folks would do it. Here are some more tools to help you reach your goals – whatever they are. Take it away Queen Terri….

Happy Wednesday Co-creators!

As many of you know our Manifesting Maniacs group on the forum (www.my.crazysexylife.com) is reading Deepak Chopra’s THE SEVEN SPIRITUAL LAWS OF SUCCESS. This book is a little jewel filled with information and easy “How To” suggestions. Let’s first establish all of the amazing benefits of meditating. The website ABC-OF-Yoga.com discusses the importance of meditating for achieving mental clarity and health. As a therapist I have always espoused the virtues of being still and quieting the mind. Below is a list of the physiological benefits of meditation:

*Deep rest-as measured by decreased metabolic rate, lower heart rate, and reduced workload of the heart.
*Lowered levels of cortisol and lactate-two chemicals associated with stress.
*Reduction of free radicals-unstable oxygen molecules that can cause tissue damage.
*Decreased high blood pressure.
*Higher skin resistance. Low skin resistance is correlated with higher stress and anxiety.
*Drop in cholesterol levels.
*Improved flow of air to lungs resulting in easier breathing. This has been very helpful to asthma patients.
*Decreases the aging process (whooooo hooooo!)

Below is a list of the psychological benefits of meditation:
*Increased brain wave coherence.
*Greater creativity.
*Decreased anxiety.
*Decreased depression.
*Decreased irritability and moodiness.
*Improved learning ability and memory.
*Increased happiness.
*Increased self-actualization.
*Increased feelings of vitality and rejuvenation.
*Increased emotional stability.

There are many spiritual benefits as well. As your practice deepens so does your compassion and self-awareness. Meditating, like so many other aspects of this CRAZY SEXY LIFESTYLE, is a gift to your self. It is a way to self- nurture that does not cost a penny and yet yields abundance.

Deepak Chopra states on the first page of, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success
The source of all creation is pure consciousness…pure potentiality seeking expression from the unmanifest to the manifest. And when we realize that our true Self is one of pure potentiality, we align with the power that manifests everything in the universe.

The meaning of this statement and the message of the book, is that the space in between our conscious life and our sleeping life (he refers to it as the gap), is where we manifest visualize and create with the most power. He calls this the Law of Pure Potentiality and directs us to access it daily through the practice of silence, meditation and non-judgment (that can be a tough one). Also spending time in nature will feed your creating juices.

The benefits of meditating did not come as news to me. I have been aware of them for years. What DID comes, as a newsflash was the direct connection between meditating and accessing your massive power to create your desired health, wealth and life. It was truly an A HA moment that had me waking up my sleeping husband at 2am to ask if he had purposely within held the keys to the kingdom from me (he claims ignorance?). I have had a beautiful meditation room in my home for years. I have done weekends and classes. I have purchased CDs and DVDs. I have created a beautiful alter, have silk sitting pillows and endless collection of Buddha statues and incense. None of these things inspired me to action, as this book has. At Kris’s suggestion I bought an egg timer and am using it. Deepak says twice a day for 30 minutes, morning and night. I am getting there. I am forgiving myself for my loud mind (just go back to counting) and how long it took me to truly start my practice. I invite you to join me by adding this amazing dimension to your life. If you are way past me then GO YOU. I am catching up so please turn around and lend a hand by sharing your own techniques and experiences here and in our MANIFESTING MANIACS group. I will do a follow up blog in 6 weeks to share your amazing tales of transformation and inspiration.

Love Love Love
Your Crazy Sexy LIFE COACH
Terri

Depression chat w/guest blogger Terri Cole!

Hi loves!

As you can imagine, my book deadline is chasing me and I am running fast! Sorry I’ve been the missing cowgirl. UGH!
Time to dish about depression. This will be a 2 part blog. On Friday I will post the 2nd half which will be about diet and depression. My best pal Terri Cole is one of the original members of my cancer posse and an awesome Crazy Sexy Shrink! We’ve been friends and accomplices for decades and her boot camp strategies for living a balanced, fulfilled life have been a blessing to me. Terri’s advise pulls me out of the black holes and sends me back towards the sunshine. Here’s what she has to say (a sneak peek from the new book) about how to get stable footing on the slippery slope called depression….

“There are many reasons cancer survivors may be vulnerable to depression. When I was diagnosed I was sad and angry that my innocence, the “it will never happen to me” phase of my life was abruptly cut short. I struggled with integrating my diagnosis with my self-image of being strong, able to handle anything, and HEALTHY. This took time and work with a fantastic therapist. I looked at therapy as a gift I could give myself. One hour a week with a person who did not need ME to be anyone or anything for HER…an hour to acknowledge my fear without the fear that SHE would fall apart.(of course I AM a therapist so I did not have the resistance to seeking help that many others may have.)

So let’s talk about tools for managing depression. First and foremost you must connect with the power of your mind and your thoughts. What do you say to yourself? Are you kind? Are you punitive? If you are not sure, take time this week to listen to the language you use to talk about yourself and write it down. What you say about yourself is what you “affirm” which influences your subconscious mind.

An affirmation is a statement you declare to be true. Look at your subconscious mind as an excellent executive assistant in your life, ready to help you achieve the goals you; the boss and your conscious mind have set. An affirmation may be positive or negative in nature. It is how we talk to ourselves.
I am smart
I am fat
I am healthy
I can’t do this
I will do this

The above statements are all affirmations…what are YOU declaring in your life? Once you decide on some positive affirmations, your executive assistant will seek out every opportunity to reinforce them. For example if I affirm,” I have a fat butt”. When I am walking down the street and someone looks at me I will think, “See they are looking at my big fat butt.” This thought will make me feel shame, embarrassment and self-loathing. Conversely, when I affirm, “I have a beautiful healthy strong body that I love” and someone looks at me, I think, “ How nice they are appreciating my beautiful bod” which leaves me feeling empowered.

For affirmations to be effective in your life you must get rid of the negative self talk and replace it with positive self talk. The things that are repeated most in your mind are the ones that stick. If you are trying to stay away from sugar because it is bad for cancer and bad for depression and you find yourself in a bakery and your affirmation has been, “I only eat desserts that are healthy for me”, then you look at the desserts and hear a little voice repeating, “I don’t want those because I only eat desserts that are healthy for me”. Your ever-alert subconscious has latched onto an opportunity to achieve your goal, and enforce your self-instructing affirmation. You can use affirmations in every situation in your life…you have the power to change your mind so do it!

Another pitfall to be aware of is the danger of over-exaggerating. We all do it, as it is a current popular speech trend in this country. But there is a danger in not talking straight. How many times have you uttered the phrase,” I just can’t take another second of …having the WORST day ever…nothing ever goes right in my life…” Realistically none of these statements are true at any given time. None of these statements or the pessimistic thinking at the base of them is the things you want to re enforce in your life. I had a personal experience with the challenge of not over-exaggerating when I got into family therapy with my husband and our 3 boys. They had lost their mom years before so I had married the whole kit and kaboodle of angry, acting out teens. The therapist noted in session one that we were a family that did not talk “straight”….huh?! I was confused until she pointed out how sarcastic and exaggerating all of us spoke. She explained that it was a way to veil the hostility we were feeling. The positive changes that happened within my family system from just learning to “talk straight” were amazing.

The power of realistic vocabulary to help fight depression is great. What will REALLY happen if you don’t meet that deadline, make it to that meeting etc? As cancer survivors we are truly dealing with life and death and missing any meeting or deadline will surely not end your life. I have a THEN WHAT exercise I do with my clients. It is an invitation to play out the catastrophic fantasy. When you play it out it loses power over you. To be aware of negative over-exaggerating is to be more authentic in your language and in your life. This alleviates mental stress and gives you more brain space for the good stuff.

Essential Oils…do a brain chemistry good
There are many amazing essential oils out there that do an array of things. I use them with my clients as a mood lifter. My favorite is Lavender Essential oil. It is amazing for lessening anxiety, depression and insomnia. You can use it anytime you need a lift in mood. You take 5 deep breaths of the oil while visualizing breathing in positive peaceful energy and exhaling negativity, stress and depression. Buy a meditation cd. (I like Dr.Brian Weiss Meditation Relaxation Regression) and get committed to 20 minutes a day to listen to that cd and breathe in your oil. Over time you will train your body to associate complete relaxation and good feelings with your essential oil so when you are out and about in the stressful world, one whiff and your body will respond by relaxing and releasing stress.

Move your Booty
Exercise has is another extremely effective tool in the fight against depression. Do not set yourself up to fail. You don’t have to participate in an IRONMAN. You just have to move. Commit to 20 minutes a day of walking briskly. Get a pal to go with you (it is harder to blow it off with your friend waiting for you on the corner of 82nd and Broadway) it will lift your mood and increase the serotonin levels in your brain.

Do Your Morning Pages
Write write write and then…write some more. Julia Cameron talks about the healing effect of writing “morning pages” in her book,” The Artists Way”. She suggets that you wake up and write 3 unedited pages before your green tea, before your super ego has a chance to change what you would write…before the “shoulds” wake up. It is a morning mind dump that will clear your head of clutter and negativity. Honor yourself with some sacred AM time and you will feel lighter and better for it.

You are not a bear…so don’t hibernate
Social interaction with supportive friends and family is a must…even when you don’t feel like it. Being with people who love you feeds the soul. Ask for what you need from the close relationships in your life. Maybe it is just a back massage or an empathic ear to listen and NOT fix (shout out to all the mothersJ). Be clear and honest about what you can and cannot do. Don’t be committed to the false self for everyone else’s sake. This is exhausting and alienating to you. Tell the truth…it really will help.

Most important …Never give up hope
Know that your effort to feel better will pay off. Take these tools, use them and come up with your own winning formula. Know that you are the only person on this planet with your DNA. There will only ever be one you. You matter, you’re worth the effort to work for a happy and fulfilled life. Just decide you won’t take no for an answer NO MATTER WHAT!”

Thanks Terri! Isn’t she top shelf? Can’t wait to see what you all think and share? So much love and man do I miss you!
xo
Kris