Does Your Comfort Food Really Meet Your Needs?

Foods are strongly linked to our emotions and moods. Therefore, our day’s events can drive our eating habits. Due to our hectic lifestyles and chronic stress, many of us are turning to food to soothe, comfort and provide relief from intense feelings or low moods. We are bombarded daily by stressors, whether in our environment, workplace, family, relationships, financial or all of them. As these generally bring forth unpleasant feelings or low energy, we may reach for our comfort foods to cope. Under emotional distress, we seek out quick fixes and may not have the motivation to make ideal choices regarding our comfort foods.

Many people report sugar cravings after a stressful event, because blood sugar is low and brain chemicals are reduced. Choosing sugary foods is the first and most convenient method of quickly raising good mood chemicals and energy. However, these comfort foods provide temporary relief with negative physiological effects. The foods we crave to ease our stress generally are the ones that are worse for us in terms of weight gain and digestive and immune system issues. Most common “pick-me-up foods” are frosted donuts, cookies, soda pop, ice cream, gummy candies and chocolate bars. What is your comfort food? Is it from a vending machine? Does your comfort food contain the essential nutrients your body and mind need to function optimally? If your comfort food is heavily processed, sugar-loaded and void of nutrients, it will in the end deplete your vital systems of what they require, putting your physical and mental health at risk.

The good news is that there are many healthy emotionally-soothing or mood-enhancing foods. There are foods armed with nutrients that can provide elevated moods and satisfaction. Carbohydrates can provide the necessary relief we are seeking. Complex carbohydrates include whole-grain breads, whole-wheat pasta, brown or wild rice, bananas, barley, potatoes and sweet potatoes. Vegetables are also part of the carbohydrate family that are filled with all the vital nutrients our body requires for optimal functioning. The key is to have these foods available when we are feeling vulnerable.

Most people crave carbohydrates pre-evening and throughout the night. Bingeing on high-carb foods, such as potato chips, cookies, cereal, French fries, rice cakes and snack crackers, causes one to feel regret and remorse. To prevent carb-overloading after supper, have a half a piece of whole-grain bread dipped in olive oil 20 minutes before supper. This will raise good mood levels enough to take the edge off and prevent you from over-eating at supper. During supper, it is important to eat carbohydrates, such as brown rice, sweet potatoes, or mashed turnips and squash. Be conscious of your portion sizes. In the evening, if cravings persist, try eating air-popped popcorn drizzled with olive oil and a hot cup of rooibos tea.

Food cravings can also be managed through stress-relieving strategies, such as having a warm bath, reading a book in a quiet room or taking a casual walk. Jot down some self-care activities that bring you pleasure, comfort and calmness. It is important that your stress-reducing methods be simple so they are easy to follow through. Rather than food, find comfort in a loved one, friend or pet, as they can provide long-lasting physical and emotional benefits.

Using foods to de-stress or defuse emotions and feelings may not be the ideal coping mechanism. However, many choose to do so. As rational thinking may not always be present after a stressful situation, it is important to have healthy foods accessible and available to meet your physical and emotional needs. Eating to live is more satisfying than eating to “get by.” Reassess your comfort food and determine if it is really meeting your needs.

Treena Wynes, author of “Eating Ourselves Crazy” is a Registered Social Worker, former bulimic and owner of a weight-loss counseling service. She focuses on the emotional and mental aspect of food addiction and obesity issues.

Photo credit: **tWo pInK pOSsuMs**

Five Tips for Establishing & Maintaining Healthy Boundaries

One of the most common questions I am asked as a mental health professional and someone living with and healing from a “chronic and progressive” neurological disease, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy/Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (RSD/CRPS), is how to establish, maintain and enforce (when needed) healthy interpersonal boundaries. This topic is especially important when one is living with chronic, acute and/or terminal illness because unhealthy interpersonal relationships and stressful life events can flare up and even aid in the progression of many dis-eases. When trying to heal, spirits need to be flying high and stress needs to be kept low. Even as a healthy individual, stressful interpersonal relationships can put a major strain on your mind-body-spirit. Learning how to set and maintain healthy boundaries is a must for maintaining proper health and well-being throughout all areas of your life.

Many of the questions I get asked center around the other person, stating, “I’ve set my boundaries, but this person won’t change.” Establishing and maintaining boundaries in your life is not about forcing others to change, but it is about deciding what you will and will not tolerate followed by establishing how you will enforce those set boundaries if they are tested or simply ignored. Below are my five tips for establishing and maintaining healthy interpersonal boundaries.

1. Communicate your boundaries. Communicating your limits firmly, consistently, succinctly and without strong emotion (without blame and/or judgment) is imperative because one never accomplishes his/her goals by putting the target audience on the defensive. You don’t want to create more conflict. Try saying something like, “It is super important that I avoid stress in my life so that I can heal, which includes X, Y and Z.” Do not justify or rationalize your boundaries. This is not a two-way conversation but rather a polite, calm, firm and respectful statement of your needs – no discussion needed.

2. Communicate the consequences. Once you have communicated your boundaries, be sure to follow with the consequences for violating your boundaries. For those people in your life who are particularly manipulative, controlling, abusive or overbearing, stay firm, be very specific about what you will and will not tolerate, and be even more specific about the consequences that you will enforce if your boundaries are tested and crossed. For example, “If you continue to criticize me, I am going to end our conversation.”

3. Stay firm. Boundary setting is not a two-way conversation. There is no negotiating your boundaries and the consequences you put in place for when your boundaries are violated. Stay firm when it comes to what you will and will not tolerate in your life. You come first, and that is OK.

4. Practice makes perfect. Learning to set boundaries can take time and, like any other skill, you will improve with practice. For many, the idea of standing up for yourself and communicating your desires may feel totally foreign. Don’t worry, with time, it will become a staple in your health and wellness tool box.

5. Lose the Guilt: It is quite common for individuals, especially us people-pleasers, to feel guilty or selfish when establishing boundaries and saying “no,” but it is important to recognize that you have the right to take care of yourself without letting limiting belief systems get in the way of your mind-body-spirit health and wellness. Remember, saying “no” to someone often means you are saying “yes” to yourself. Start saying “yes” to yourself today.

You deserve unbounded happiness, you are worthy of luscious miracles, and you belong in healthy, loving and respectful interpersonal relationships. If you require some daily affirmations to help yourself through the beginning stages of setting and enforcing your boundaries, repeat the previous sentence over and over again several times a day while adding: “I have the right to take care of myself.” If you don’t, who will?

Maria Mooney, MSW, LSW, is a raw vegan, licensed social worker living with a progressive neurological disease, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy/Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (RSD/CRPS). On her blog, Maria reflects on lessons learned through her health challenges, shares her experiences with alternative and traditional treatments, enjoys life to its fullest and heals herself.

Photo credit: Oni

Shining a Light on Body Image

Body image is more than your goal weight or how your legs are defined; it’s fully enjoying the mystery and pleasure of the body and of your life as a whole. This includes being comfortable in your femininity, your sexuality and giving your authentic gifts — not what society thinks you “should be” doing.

Controlling the body and weight is often a subconscious surrogate for trying to control uncertainty. Fear and doubt arise about what life will throw your way, what’s “out there.” And let’s be real, there is a lot “out there.” Whether you’ve found more relief in your own research than your doctors, had a marriage dissolve or the job path you were told to take has disappeared, the structures you’ve relied upon no longer support you. But did they ever? Is it the cancer, divorce, or career reimagining that nearly kills you? Or is it the fear of “Will I be loved? Will I be taken care of? Can I make it?”

Controlling body image is a clever avoidance technique for existential questions. I did it for 12 years after my own teenage cancer experience. But life is not so shallow that you’ll get the answers you want in a different body or weight. A size-4 hourglass figure is still  subject to life’s Russian roulette. And a size 18-body is fully capable of being loved and feeling secure in that love. Regardless of where you view your body now, the only way to heal your body image is to go within with your own, self-generated healing light. Here are some empowering ways to glow:

1. Expand your definition of femininity. Femininity is not dumb, timid or slutty. It’s powerful. That power comes from receiving what life is offering and knowing you can create something beautiful rather than pushing and stressing about what you do or don’t have. In a group I was running, one woman discussed how she knew her arch-nemesis would be at a wedding. She felt amazing in her outfit and when she received a gracious compliment from this Mean Girl — what she was hoping for all night — she said, “Thanks, but really, it’s just a flattering dress.” Life will never give you more if you don’t appreciate what you already have. Start by receiving compliments (a graceful “thank you” suffices!), pleasure and support. Receiving is code for the confidence of being deserving.

2. Nourishing movement. The easiest outlet to find pleasure is to stop exercising out of obligation and start moving in inspiration. There’s a big difference. One client of mine convinced herself that she loved running. During our work together, she realized she didn’t love running — she loved running away from her fear of being fat. Understanding how her body image issues were a need for control, I showed her how they were ultimately controlling her. She ditched the rigid running schedule and decided to try Bikram yoga. For a month, she was uneasy about hanging out in this unknown. But four physical pounds less and a 1,000-pound psychic weight off her shoulders, she felt more powerful and in control than ever. She appreciates her body in a way she never has after nourishing her body and skill set in the unknown.

3. Community: Careful! Community is not going to a weight-loss group where you “share” food obsessions and tricks to eat less. Bonding over your food and body struggles is safe. It might be hard to find people who want to be alive, not partners in crime, or even awkward to find something other than food, exercise or the scale to discuss. I know from 18 years of dieting that you have to find new interests. Embrace finding new peers as an adventure. In a nurturing group, you’ll find some of the best parts of yourself.

As you step outside of yourself, you’ll embody who you authentically are inside. The body becomes a gift for re-learning control in a more confident way. You will learn to appreciate how it has helped you be comfortable in the uncomfortable. You will return to your own light — one that’s vibrant and beautiful.

Ali Shapiro is a 20-year cancer survivor, regular NBC Philadelphia contributor and works with individuals and groups to simplify their relationship to food by simplifying their diet and life. 

Photo credit: jma.work

Roasted Potato and Curry Soup

By Caroline Shannon-Karasik

Yield: 8 – 10 servings

-2-1/2 tablespoons olive oil
-2 pounds potatoes of choice, cubed
-1 medium yellow onion, chopped
-2 cloves garlic, minced
-2 celery stalks, chopped
-32 ounces gluten-free vegetable broth/stock
-3 tablespoons tapioca flour/starch
-1/2 fresh lime, squeezed
-1 teaspoon red chili paste
-1 tablespoon red curry paste
-1/2 cup light coconut milk
-sea salt and pepper, as desired

Preheat oven to 425 F. Chop all potatoes and place on a baking sheet. Drizzle potatoes with 1 tablespoon olive oil. Roast for 30 minutes.

In a medium pot, heat remaining 1-1/2 tablespoons olive oil, then add onions, garlic and celery, sautéing for about 5 minutes. Slowly add broth. Add tapioca starch and lime juice, stirring thoroughly. Add chili paste and red curry paste, stirring until combined. Bring to boil, then reduce to simmer (with lid on pot) for 5-6 minutes.

While soup is simmering, combine coconut milk and 1 cup roasted potatoes in a high speed blender or food processor. Puree and then add mixture to pot. Add remaining roasted potatoes and simmer for additional 10 minutes, adding salt and pepper to taste.

NOTES: I used a mix of fingerling and red potatoes, Thai Kitchen Roasted Red Chili Paste, Thai Kitchen Red Curry Paste and Taste of Thai Lite Coconut Milk.

Be Willing To Suck (At It)

My father once told me that God gave me the talent to be an artist.

Art was my passion.

My dream was to get a Bachelor of Fine Arts in fiber arts. My work during those college years was presented in a show and is in a book about handmade felt. Oh, how I could get lost in that creative place for hours, days, weeks and months!

But I gave up my desire to be an artist in 1978.

I clearly remember thinking that if I couldn’t be the best, why bother? I wasn’t willing to not be the best. My ego won the game. My soul lost.

Seth Godin asked these wonderful questions in one of his blog posts: “Is perfect important? Do you feel the need to fail privately, not in public? How long can you wait before it feels as though you’re succeeding? How open are you to receiving criticism?”

These are thought-provoking.

I phrase it slightly differently. You have to be willing to suck. What does that mean exactly? It means you are:

-Willing to appear stupid.
-Willing to be disappointed.
-Willing to be embarrassed.
-Willing to show up and take action.
-Willing to accept whatever comes back to you -– be it praise or criticism.
-Willing to be vulnerable.
-Willing to do what you love no matter what anyone thinks.
-Willing to break the rules.
-Willing to be fearless.
-Willing to risk feeling shame.
-Willing to do what you want to do, not what others want you to do.
-Willing to look underneath shame and acknowledge the universal belief with which we all struggle, from time to time that tells us, “I am not good enough.”

Brene Brown, Ph.D,. is a research professor at the University of Houston’s Graduate College of Social Work. While studying shame, vulnerability, courage and authenticity, she has learned that shame is best defined as the fear of disconnection. “If other people find out _________ (fill in the blank with your fear), I will be rejected.” Brown postulates what is underneath shame is the same old fear or belief, “I’m not good enough.” There it is again, rearing its ugly head.

And I see it on a daily basis with my clients. There is always a fear that holds them back from doing something they are passionate about. It shows up in a variety of flavors: “I’m not smart enough, thin enough, experienced enough, beautiful enough, or rich enough.” The true belief underneath these false thoughts is fear is of being vulnerable. I believe this is what stops us from fulfilling our soul’s destiny.

Some people have a strong sense of self-worth. They feel worthy of connection and love. What Brown found was that these people have a sense of courage. They are willing to be imperfect. They know how to be compassionate with themselves and others. And what I loved most in reading Brown’s work is the evidence that these people, with a strong sense of their own worthiness, are authentic. They are willing to let go of who they “should” become and just be themselves with all their flaws.

I want to share this idea with you: Be willing to show your warts, your flaws and all your imperfections and love those parts of yourself. They make up who you are. You’ll discover that people love you much more for being exactly who you are because you were willing to be vulnerable enough with us to share that part of yourself with us. That builds a bond of trust.

What’s fascinating about vulnerability is when we move through it, without numbing ourselves with food, alcohol, the Internet, shopping, TV or other ways to distract ourselves from feeling, we actually become happier and more connected to those around us.

When we numb-out a stressful feeling, we numb-out the good feelings as well – happiness, joy, play and fun. The antidote is self-love. Practice random acts of kindness towards yourself.

I think I have an Annie Hall quality to me. It’s the spacey part of me that will shortcut my mind and blurt out something outrageous at the wrong time. Or I might ask the dumbest question you’ve heard in a long time. It’s a quirky side of me that I have found funny and endearing. It has taken a long time, but I have now fallen in love with “her.” I embrace her.

Just know that what makes you who you are is your whole self, not the façade and not the “Little Ms. Perfect.” Be willing. Be courageous. Be fearless. Be vulnerable.

How do you do that? Try looking back on times in your life when you have experienced adversity. Where were you courageous? Where were you willing to ask for help when you were vulnerable? Where did you take risks? This is how you know your own level of resilience. You can count on yourself by remembering how you got through it. This will help you find ways to be proud of yourself. Learn to take risks and expand your comfort zone. The more you do, the more you live up to your full potential.

Lots of very successful people have embraced this idea.

Steve Jobs said, “I’m the only person I know that’s lost a quarter of a billion dollars in one year … It’s very character-building.”

Over the years, I have developed a philosophy regarding success: The more times I strike out, the more chances I have of hitting a home run. I call it my “Hank Aaron” philosophy. I am willing to take a risk, to not do it perfectly, and to keep upping my game.

Hank said, “I have always felt that although someone may defeat me, and I strikeout in a ball game, the pitcher on the particular day was the best player. But I know when I see him again, I’m going to be ready for his curve ball. Failure is a part of success. There is no such thing as a bed of roses all your life. But failure will never stand in the way of success if you learn from it.”

Now, 34 years later, my soul is calling me back to art – back to photography – a new form of art that I want to practice. The game is not over yet.

Here’s the difference: I am now willing to suck at it because I love it.

Sherold Barr is a life purpose, business coach, and freedom fighter for women who want to find their calling, master their fears and complete the impossible. She’s writing a digital manifesto called “The Top 10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Was 30: a baby boomers manifesto to Gen X and millennials.”

Photo credit: Cavale Doom