The Emotional Side of Cleansing

My husband and I recently did an 8-day juice fast. Not as big a deal for me, as a nutrition coach, but a pretty big step for my husband. His idea of “green” was sautéed spinach and eggs; healthy meant a hemp smoothie. Green juice? Never.

It turned out to be a pretty big deal for our marriage.

You know the physical effects of cleansing or juicing: glowing skin, (wow; like a moonbeam) weight loss, (a good five pounds for me, eight for him — darn those men) increased energy, and clear thinking. But not much is said about the emotional piece.

There’s a big part of the cleansing ritual that rocks our emotional world. The more intense the cleanse + the longer you go, the more profound your experience may be.

Juicers don’t come with a warning: Proceed at risk. Juicing may put you in touch with long forgotten emotional issues you’d rather leave dormant.

Each time I cleanse, I’m surprised at the insights, revelations, and forgiveness that surfaces. Old thoughts come in, sometimes days of negative stuff, comments, hurts, offense, fears.

Why am I thinking about that? That was years ago, pre-happy marriage. She was always passive-aggressive; why did I hang in so long with that friendship? I was wrong to say that. I could have done better. I’m glad to have moved on. I made mistakes; he made mistakes, some we made together.

Hurts, pains, fleeting moments of “a-ha’s”… healing again, moving through it all again. No big drama, but pin-pricks of pain that had added up.

Our 8-day cleanse was like that. Things floated in and out. We talked and processed. We made peace with others, and most importantly, we made peace with each other.

By day six we realized what had been going on — things had come up and out. They left. They were gone forever.

We felt clear and content. Satisfied with where we were. Actualized in our thoughts. We got real about ourselves and eachother. Somehow dealing with our separate pin-pricks had brought us closer.

“By day 6 we could say anything to anybody,” I scrawled in pencil on my calendar. We went to a party, sober and drinking green juice. We smiled, we laughed and we felt like we had a secret.

It was a wonderful secret. It said, I’m clear in my thinking, I’m 100-percent honestly present, and I’m tuned into you. Expect no pretense or posture. Here I am. A wonderful way to be.

We regretfully went off our cleanse after eight days. It was over.

We mourned the lightness of being, sadly knowing it was time to return to the real world. My husband woke on day 7 and said he didn’t want to stop. I feel amazing. He looked at me — I felt like I could never eat again. How weird is that?

I know. I knew. I’d been there before. We felt lighter, and his skin looked like a moonbeam. We’d connected and shared a crunchy couple of days, emotional turmoil + processing and emerged from the cycle on a higher level—in touch with our emotions and each other in a profound way. We were floating, hovering above Earth.

We’d both ignored things … previously thought silly things. But they were important enough to come back and demand to be dealt with .

We looked at each other and smiled, sadly.

“We’ll go easy,” I said. I’ll make a vegetable soup … and one day we’ll do it again.

Holli Thompson is a nutritional stylist who focuses on holistic health, cooking, and alternative medicine.

Be Your Own Advocate

It’s 1982, and tomorrow I am donating my bone marrow for my 9- year-old brother, who has leukemia. I am his only hope. I’m scared for him and truthfully just plain scared because tonight will be this first night I have ever stayed in a hospital.

I have never felt so vulnerable. Hospitals do that. Make you feel vulnerable, and in this state we often give away our power.

A nurse’s aid waltzed into my hospital room and tossed down my chart and flipped it open. She then excused herself and left my chart unattended.

Did I peek at my open chart? Hell, yeah. And what did I see, but instructions to shave my posterior. This made sense as I knew that they had to extract my bone marrow from my ileac crest, i.e. tale bone.

The aid returned and carefully unwrapped her razor and got out some medicinal form of shaving cream and began to shave … my anterior! Yes, she shaved my bush clean off, this before it was fashionable to remove all of one’s coverage leaving women to look like 3rd graders.

She then, of course, had me flip over and shaved my backside for good measure.

Here’s the thing: I clearly knew the difference between anterior and posterior. Anterior=front; posterior=back. But I felt so vulnerable that I didn’t have the courage to speak up, even to an aid, who clearly isn’t as intimidating to question as a doctor!

For weeks after, I would try to discreetly rub my itchy pelvis into anything I could find for relief. I actually had fun entertaining my co-workers with my various ways to scratch my itch. It added levity to such a grave situation, and for that aspect, I was grateful.

Unfortunately, my brother passed away five weeks into the transplant process. As you can imagine, immense grief ensued.

Fast-forward two years. I have just received a diagnosis of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. My left collarbone is full with a softball -sized tumor, and my chest has a tumor a third of its size attached to my heart and lungs.

As I lie under the cobalt machine, radiation technicians are attempting to align me just right for my treatment. As I’m being positioned, I am informed that I will be receiving an extra dose of radiation on my right side.

Huh? Right side? Even in my heightened state of anxiety, I knew this was an error … one with potentially serious consequences for me!

Alas, a breakthrough. I speak up, albeit a bit too politely, and maybe even a tad apologetically, but I do it.

“Excuse, me. Don’t you want the added dose of radiation to go to the side where the softball-sized tumor is located?”

All of a sudden there is a huddle of professionals, including the radiologist, in the safety zone. That closed room off to the side to keep workers administering radiation safe. It’s not at all comforting when everyone runs for cover from what you’re being doused with, but I digress.

The time-out is over, the huddle breaks, and the officials on the field have issued a penalty. The play will be re-done, this time with the extra radiation going to the left clavicle!

Although I was scared out of my wits, I did find the courage to speak up, which is a good thing considering the stakes were much higher this time than just having an itchy vee-vee.

Now, nearly 30 years after my initial diagnosis and 20 years since my own bone marrow transplant, it’s still a work in progress to stand up for myself. On occasion, I want to kick myself for a question I didn’t ask or a test/treatment that I didn’t demand when leaving the doctor’s office. However, I have come a great distance, and I’m now much more cognizant of that fact that I am in charge of my own health and body. That translates into a much happier and healthier me!

Jennifer Warden makes veggies fashionable, one bite at a time. She is a plant-consuming, peace-promoting, animal-loving, compassion-spreading, environment-protecting, mother, daughter, friend, cook, photographer, psychotherapist and lover of words.

Photo credit: Howard Lake

Sex, Self-Esteem and the Goddess Cure

We’ve all had those moments where our minds go on a scary adventure to fear. It’s the “fear mind” that resembles a monkey with rabies and tends to be rather abusive and pessimistic. It says things like: “You can’t do that”; “Who do you think you are?”; “Ewww, gross, you have cellulite on your ass when you move like that in bed!” It’s really like a mind bully, except that bully is a part of our psyche. Not YOU necessarily, but part of the way our minds work as humans. Sooo … we best get to learn how to work with the rabies monkey “fear mind.”

One place that is often ignored when we talk about “fear mind” is sex. We talk about our fear to find love, our fear to take risks and start our own business or get a new job; but when it comes to sex, we might as well be Puritans living in the 1800s churning butter. All funky feelings arise and suddenly Harvard scientists, leading psychologists and researchers become like fifth-grade students — uncomfortable, anxious and avoidant. I say, let’s address it. Let’s walk through the fears, not around them.

Have you ever felt embarrassed before having sex or during sex? Sex is one of our most taboo vulnerable spots. In our Western society and in many societies cross culturally, we have seen an overemphasis on vulgar sexuality, and sexualizing products and even children to sell products. However, the sacred in sex is null and void. What is the sacred in sex? The sacred is accepting all of our sexual selves as beautiful and as something to be explored. Throughout our history, sex has become dirty and has been tainted with this virgin archetype of we must only enjoy pleasure if married. Yet these mixed messages really mess with us, and we don’t have a safe space to truly connect with our sexual selves — with how we feel with our own being as sexual and how we feel with a lover in bed. These anxieties are normal and, once processed, become a key to unlock the door to true intimacy with yourself and with your lover.

Shame arises from this guilt that we are doing something wrong, with our insecurities and our self-esteem with our body, with the lack of knowledge around sexuality and the permission culturally, from our parents, from our books, to say it’s OK, it’s beautiful and it’s sacred to explore your entire sexual self, to let go and be free. This shame causes sadness, lack of intimacy and a block, as we are sexual beings and it’s part of our health to have healthy and fun sex lives.

So how can we alchemize this shame into fiery intimacy? Here are three keys that I have found successful with my clients.

The Goddess Cures:

1. Take time to explore you (god/goddess time).
2. Read about sacred sexuality, tantra; inform yourself on the sacred nature of sex and begin to become conscious around your own sexual self — the insecurities, the fantasies, etc. (Google is genius; use it.)
3. Create a ritual before you have sex either with yourself (masturbation) or with your partner/lover. Light some candles and incense, play relaxing music, and remember to breathe and take it slow.

Christine Gutierrez is a mind-body psychotherapist and holistic health expert. She is the founder of Sacred Space NYC, a holistic healing+bodywork collective, and Cosmic Life, an online hub that features content from Christine and other experts, as well as resources, products, and services.

Photo credit: Jerry Wong

4 Tips to Manage Your Hair Loss During Chemotherapy

There is no question that the skin-related side effects from cancer treatment can be some of the most traumatic – both physically and emotionally. One of the most common of these is hair loss, which is so intimately associated with cancer treatment that it has become an expected side effect. Perhaps because it is so common, the emotional impact is often overlooked by physicians. The emotional impact can be enormous though – patients rank hair loss as the second most severe side effect from chemotherapy and 8 percent of women say they would consider turning down life-saving chemotherapy due to fear of hair loss. Many women feel that losing their hair was a worse experience than losing their breast during breast cancer treatment. If you haven’t embraced going bald – you’re not alone. So many patients battling cancer start their doctor appointment saying, “I don’t want to complain, but …” I’m here to say that it’s OK to complain – in fact, it’s great. It’s your doctor’s job to listen to you! If you are deeply affected by your hair loss, you are completely normal and you are definitely not alone.

Why It Happens
Alopecia is the medical term for any type of hair loss. Chemotherapy-induced alopecia is the hair loss caused by many different types of chemotherapy drugs. Some of the chemotherapies that are most likely to do it are cyclophosphamide, etoposide, topotecan and paclitaxel. These drugs work for cancer because they target the cells in your body that are dividing very quickly – which is what cancer cells do. Unfortunately, your skin, hair and nails are also dividing quickly and become innocent bystanders in the attack on your cancer. The most common type of alopecia that is caused by chemotherapy is called anagen effluvium. All hairs cycle through phases of growth, resting and then shedding. Anagen is the growth phase and this is when the hair cells are most rapidly dividing to form the new hair. This rapid growth is what makes them vulnerable to the chemotherapy, which causes weakening of the hair so it can fall out with just mild pressure or sometimes break off when it reaches the surface of the scalp. The broken, traumatized hairs then go into their resting phase called telogen, and stay there until the chemotherapy is over. This type of alopecia can affect most of the hair on your head quickly – about one or two months after you start treatment. The important question though is – what can you do about it?

Flaunt It
Although not embraced by many, there is always the option to show off your new low-maintenance ‘do. Hey, hair only detracts from your beautiful face anyway! I was recently inspired by a photographer from Michigan who started the Oldham Project – an organization that provides free portrait sessions to people suffering from life-threatening illnesses. If you want be inspired by some gorgeous, confident, bald women, check out the website.

Disguise It
The most common current treatment for alopecia is covering it up. While some women embrace this and rock a bright purple wig or 70’s patterned turban, others opt for a wig that closely matches their pre-chemotherapy hair. When shopping for a wig, you should look for an experienced person to help you find a good match and comfortable fit. They may even be able to get your insurance company to cover all or part of the cost. You can order wigs and other head coverings through the American Cancer Society’s Tender Loving Care website. Make sure you learn how to take care of your wig so you can keep it looking great.

Prevent It?
The hope for many is to prevent the hair loss from starting in the first place, and research is being done! The most promising studies so far are using a device to keep the scalp cold during infusion of the chemotherapy. The idea is that cooling the skin makes the blood vessels shrink and slows down metabolism so less of the chemotherapy is able to reach the hair follicles. While some studies using scalp cooling were done more than 20 years ago, it hasn’t been widely used because doctors were afraid that keeping the scalp cool would protect not only the hair but also cancer cells that might be hiding out in the scalp. More recent studies though show that, while scalp cooling may not be safe in patients with hematologic cancers like leukemia, it is probably safe for breast cancer patients. Ask your oncologist if it is something he/she recommends and offers at your infusion center. Research is being done about other preventive measures for hair loss, so hopefully in the near future, patients will have more options.

Make It Grow Faster
If you can’t prevent the hair loss, then at least make it grow back faster! Believe it or not, regular old Rogaine or the generic minoxidil may speed up your hair growth after chemotherapy. You should apply 1 milliliter of 2 percent minoxidil solution (available over the counter) to the entire scalp throughout chemotherapy and up to four months after treatment. In one study, this regimen shortened the time to first hair growth by over a month! While people using minoxidil for age-related hair loss have to keep using it indefinitely to maintain the effects, this is not the case for chemotherapy-induced alopecia. Make sure to keep the minoxidil off your face and anywhere else you don’t want extra hair growing.

Watch Out For …
Some chemotherapy drugs can affect the scalp in ways other than just causing hair loss. If you have bumps, lumps, flaking, itching, drainage or pain associated with your hair loss, you should see a dermatologist who is experienced with chemotherapy side effects.

Beth McLellan, M.D., is a board certified dermatologist at the New York University Langone Medical Center. She focuses on the treatment of diseases of the skin, hair and nails in cancer patients.

Photo credit: Dee

Dance With Your Distractions; Rock Your Message

Do you know the ADD love song?

I love you; oh I love you. La la la. You’re so beautiful. … Is that a quarter?

Between your to-do list and that pile of papers over there, can you see that great idea you have? That’s the one that’s going to change everything. Or it won’t. At this rate, you’re never going to find out. How are you supposed to get anywhere when you spend your days moving from Facebook to your to-do list and back again? Bonus points if you create with a baby on your boob.

Your meanderings from point-A to anywhere but point-B are not your problem. They’re definitely a problem, but they’re not the problem. They’re also what makes you awesome. Banker types don’t spin in circles like this, but they’re also not as creatively juicy. You need the banker types; they need you.

Dance with your distractions

Give thanks for your enthusiasm and curiosity. They will take you places no to-do list ever will. What you notice you notice with. That means that if you’re looking at all the shiny objects, it’s because you’re full of shiny goodness. If you’re in the shiny object camp, appreciate the objects for what they are: interesting. But don’t sacrifice your long-term desire for short-term excitement.

Productivity is like a diet

The diet’s not the point. If you change the amount and type of food you eat without changing why you eat it, no diet is sustainable. Same thing with productivity. Lists and project management techniques and special software are nice, but they’re incidental. Your idea won’t happen until birthing it is more important than following your distractions.

Cast a spell to make it happen.

1. Be specific.

What is it you want to happen? If you don’t know or feel stuck, it’s because you’re misbelieving something in your noggin. You’ll recognize your intention because it will be clear, to the point and positive.

Like this: I intend to go through my email and delete everything I don’t need. 15 minutes. When I’m done, I’ll reply to the most pressing. 15 more minutes.

See how that’s totally different from cruising in and out of your inbox in between starting a new blog post and then checking Facebook? Same principle applies to any scope of project.

• I intend to write the very best shitty first draft I can. I’ll give it everything, knowing there’s plenty more where this came from.
• I intend to zone out on TMZ.com for 15 minutes. Setting a timer now.
• I intend to pay attention to this meal by feeling and tasting the food in my mouth.

If you don’t know what you want, that’s fine. Trying to get specific will show you where you’re fuzzy. Infuse your spirit with gratitude, and creativity will flow. You’ll figure it out.

2. Seal the deal

Blow out the candles; wave your wand: abracadabra; make an imaginary X in the air, saying, “It is done.”

3. Lift your spirits

Now, prime your pump with love. Imagine someone you love easily doing something lovable. Think: your kittens snuggled in together or your baby finding your nipple in the middle of the night. Let the feeling that comes up with that memory grow really large. That’s love. It’s the most powerful thing in the Universe. Send a shot of that power to wrap around your project. You don’t have to love what you’re trying to do, but you can wrap it in love, and it will work just as well.

Sarah Wagner Yost is a mind-body life coach. She runs the Shiny Object Project School. If you can’t get “your thing” done, she can help. Working with her is better than Valium.

Photo credit: Carolyn Sewell