Detour out of Fear

I once heard a live cover of the R. Kelly song, “What a Relief.” The unique iteration resonated with me deeply. The chorus goes:

“What a relief to know that we are one
What a relief that the war is over
What a relief to know that there’s an angel in the sky
What a relief to know that love is still alive”

I was overwhelmed by this performance. As I listened to the lyrics I felt a rush of love and chills pass through my body. I believed in the lyrics.

Then instantly, the singer took me out. He spoke over the music: “I love this song, but unfortunately R. Kelly’s lyrics are far from our reality.” I looked around the room and witnessed the audience dramatically separate from this fleeting encounter with love. It was too good to be true. A room full of hopeful people went back to their fearful “reality” when the singer reminded us of fear. This separation from love is the reason for our unhappiness.

The “reality” the singer spoke of was a reflection of his ego (fearful mind). Somewhere inside of him (and all of us) there is a voice that believes in loving lyrics. Though his fearful ego cannot survive in the light of the song.

We’ve all separated from love by choosing fear. We have fleeting moments of love, inspiration, and truth through a lyric, image, or in the presence of an infant. We sense love but don’t believe in it. We’ve saved our faith for fear, although deep inside us lives a quiet whisper reminding us that love is real.

Dissociation
In coaching sessions and lectures I’m asked, “How did I get stuck in negative patterns? Why am I so afraid of everything?” I respond, “Darlin’, you’re not alone.” Then I break it down: We were taught early to deny this inner voice of love (aka ~ing). It began with one fearful thought where we denied love and separated from our ~ing: “I’m not smart enough” or “Daddy left because he doesn’t like me.” The Course (A Course in Miracles) calls this dissociation a “decision to forget.” We were taught to fear the world through circumstances such as home life, school, television, and friends. Then by separating from love we gave birth to the ego, the inner voice of fear, creating a dark corner in our mind. This dark corner created two ways of thinking – the ego’s and the ~ing’s – that cannot coexist. Since our initial separation, the ego’s dark corner of our mind expanded through repetition. Once you have a taste of fear it’s hard to release. Replaying this thought led us to re-enact this fear in nearly every instant. It only took one “tiny mad idea” to separate our mind from truth and create the ego’s illusion.

The moment we chose the idea that fear was real we separated from our ~ing. The Course calls this the “detour into fear” and “decent from magnitude into littleness.” For instance, innocent children live with ease. Most have not undergone the separation, living like no one is watching. Fearless children believe in angels and oneness and have faith in love. Then the magnitude of their loving mind detours into fear and through the ego’s denial of love a delusional “reality” is created.

We were all innocent children who once believed in love and chose fear of almost everything, including our careers, relationships, family, and friends, and even that love could be real. Reconnecting with love for even a moment scares us, like the audience of hopeful listeners who so quickly reverted to fear when R. Kelly’s lyrics suggested real love. Instead of maintaining a feeling of love they checked out, thinking the song was a joke. But love never left us.

The Illusion
The moment we detoured into fear we created the ego – the wrong-minded attempt to perceive ourselves as we wish to be, rather than as we are. The Course calls the ego “a fearful thought.” The ego begins with a tiny mad idea that ignites the spark that becomes the fearful fire burning through our loving mind. The fear of this mad idea denies our truth and snowballs into an illusion that becomes our “reality.”

We all think we have “issues” in certain areas of our lives that are specific to us, although the only “issue” any of us have is fear.

Recognizing our ego’s fearful illusion is the first step away from your false reality and back to the way of love. Ask yourself what your illusion is.

Remembering
The truthful voice of our ~ing can only comprehend love, but love becomes an after thought and the voice of our ~ing has been muffled by fear. Our ~ing is merely a whisper in the midst of the ego’s inner riot. Most of the world functions from the illusion of the ego rather than the truth of their ~ing, although they remember a better way.

Before I restored my mind to love I denied my truth completely. I turned my back on my ~ing, but it guided me back. Before I hit bottom I experienced moments where I heard my ~ing fight my ego to restore my mind to truth. One week before I hit bottom and surrendered I heard a voice say, “This behavior isn’t you. It’s time to come home.” My ~ing was preparing me for my journey inward.

Your ~ing has been preparing you too. It guided you to this blog. Sometimes you need is a gentle nudge toward love that catapults an inner shift. Or in cases like mine the reminders are more in your face. Pay attention to the loving whisper in your mind that calls you home. It’s time to shine light on the illusion and honor your inner guide. The more you listen to your ~ing, the louder the voice will become

Photo Credit: Richard Drdul

Know~ing Your Worth

A topic at the forefront of my mind has been the unfortunate fact that women still earn 20% less than men.[1] I am totally pissed off thinking of my hardworking female contemporaries under-earning. My immediate reaction is to blame men, society, and government for putting us women in this situation. But the self-help junkie in me knows better. Rather than blame others for my discomfort, I chose to turn inward. I asked myself, “Why do these statistics make me so angry?” And after calming down, I realized why; my inner voice (aka “~ing”) responded, “You’re angry because you too are under-earning.” Wow! My ~ing was right on the money. It’s not that others are undervaluing me, it’s that I am undervaluing myself. My anger was the result of not knowing my own worth.

This revelation caught me off guard. For nearly a decade I’d perceived myself as a kick-ass businesswoman. I’ve been an entrepreneur since the age of 21. I’ve started several businesses, closed tons of deals, managed my books, paid my taxes—you name it. With this kind of track record, what gives? Why am I still undervaluing my worth?

I turned to the expert, my dear friend Amanda Steinberg, founder of DailyWorth.com (a personal finance email for women), to help me understand this female issue. According to Amanda, “Women still make 20% less than men because we don’t understand our real market value. We often approach jobs and contracts with fear and insecurity, hoping ‘they’ll want us,’ and not thinking about the established market value of what we bring to the table.” She continued, “It’s more common for a female job candidate to ask what the job pays, rather than walking in the door clear about her own bottom line.”

Recognizing this is the first step to realizing earning parity; the next move is to take action toward significant change. My personal energetic change around money could benefit all women and myself. By shifting my own thoughts and energy around earning, I could become a powerful example for women throughout the world. So, I committed to taking the necessary steps towards earning more and loving it.

Step 1: Be willing to feel uncomfortable.

The first step toward know~ing my worth was the willingness to feel uncomfortable. Most change can cause growing pains. To move through them, you must be willing to feel whatever comes up. In my case, even the topics of negotiating or raising my rates or spending less made me feel nauseous. I found that as I entered into these conversations, I’d defend my old patterns in efforts to stay safe. But playing small was no longer an option. I braved through the discomfort and committed to change by welcoming everything that came along with it—the good, the bad, and the ugly. I shifted my inner dialogue from, “That doesn’t feel good. Run!” to “Bring it on!”

Step 2: Practice!

With the willingness to feel discomfort, I transitioned to the second step towards know~ing my worth: practic~ing. The only way to transform my old patterns was to create new ones. I went into practice mode. Regardless of how uncomfortable I felt, I practiced negotiating every chance I got (even if I didn’t want what I was negotiating for). I negotiated in areas ranging from retail purchases to sponsorship deals. Each time I practiced this new behavior, I felt more worthy. Ironically, I enjoyed my practice period. This step helped me transform my fear around negotiating as I settled into a new perception of my worth.

Though things had improved, I still noticed something funky come up during my practice period. Each time I’d ask for what I wanted, I felt as though I needed to apologize for what I’d asked for by over-talking and justifying my requests. Though it was totally cool that I’d acquired the chutzpah to ask, I was still unable to close. Each time, I’d over-talk my negotiations and sabotage the deal.

Step 3: Visualize clos~ing the deal.

This brings me to the final step to know~ing my worth: clos~ing the deal. This step is all about revving up your belief system. When you believe you’re worthy, others believe you’re worthy. Therefore, I tapped into my visualization mediation practice. I’d sit in a 10-minute meditation and imagine myself signing the contract on a massive sponsorship deal. Then, I’d see myself cashing the check. Most importantly, I’d hold the vision long enough to feel worthy. The key to believing is feeling. By holding powerful visions through meditation, I was able to guide myself into a true feeling of worthiness.

With this new belief system intact, I was ready to close the deal. Now that I walked the walk, I had to learn to stop talking the talk. At closing time, I cashed in for some male advice from my boyfriend, who happens to be a killer negotiator. He said, “When you’re finished asking for what you want, shut up.” Man, is that right! In order to truly own your worth and close a deal, you must learn to be silent. There is no need for extra talk, backpedaling, or further explanation when you know your worth.

I continue to practice these tools daily and have experienced miraculous results. I’ll negotiate with anyone, visualize, and ask for more any chance I get; all for the sake of truly know~ing my worth.

You too can know your worth with guidance from Gabrielle’s book Add More ~ing To Your Life – A Hip Guide to Happiness.

[1] Gender inequality: Women still earn 20% less than men. (2010, March 8). Left Foot Forward. Retrieved March 31, 2010 from http://www.leftfootforward.org/2010/03/gender-inequality-women-still-earn-20-less-than-men/

Make Resolutions Stick: 3 Steps in 30 days

It’s post-New Year’s Eve, and the party’s over. The holiday binge expires, the hangover wares off, and we’re left without excuses for gluttonous behavior. Consequently, we turn to the resolution bandwagon. New Years is traditionally considered to be the perfect time to create change. Unfortunately, real change rarely lasts.

Making changes stick requires more than eight-minute abs, Nicorette gum or the South Beach Diet. True change doesn’t allow for shortcuts. It calls for willingness, commitment and ~ing! Your ~ing is your inner guide, your inspiration, your intuition. It’s the loving voice in the back of your mind that keeps you connected to an infinite source of positivity.

You might be thinking, “If everyone has ~ing, then where’s mine been hiding?” It’s actually not hiding at all. Your ~ing lives inside you and never expires. You’ve just been unable to receive it. What’s blocked you from ~ing’s presence is fear, negative thought, resentment and self-destructive behavior. In order to clear these blocks, follow my fun, three-step process designed to help you clear up the darker areas of life and create permanent change.

I’ll guide you through a process I’ve dubbed The ~ing Equation: Rethinking + Moving + Receiving x 30 days = Changing. The ~ing Equation is a 30-day repetition of physical activity, deliberate positive affirmations, and creative visualization. This will bulldoze negative thought patterns and create positive change so you can move forward and live an awesome life. The beauty of the ~ing Equation is that you can apply it to any life challenge.

Below are the step-by-step ingstructions to the ~ing Equation:

Step One: Rethinking

The process of rethinking is all about retelling your story. The unhealed areas of your life are the ego’s playground for nasty thoughts (the ego is the voice of fear). In order to change these patterns, you will actively replace your negative thoughts with loving ideas. These loving ideas are called “affirmations.” The process of rethinking allows you to turn every negative thought into a positive one by choosing to change your mind. For instance, if your fearful thoughts repeat, “I’m off balance and anxious,” reverse it and recite the affirmation, “I am calm and balanced.” Each conscious decision to change your mind takes you one step closer to reconditioning your brain and changing your life.

Step Two: Rethinking + Moving

In step two of the ~ing Equation, you add Moving. By layering your affirmations with physical activities you will shift the way your body responds to your mind. The ego’s negative stories from the past live deeper than your thoughts; they inhabit your mind and body. This step matches up specific physical activities with the different areas of life to allow you to create these changes. For example, if you need to let go of an old fearful belief, you can use dancing to move it through you. Or if your life is off-balance, I suggest jumping on a trampoline. However, there are many activities that apply to different issues and the ~ing Equation is not limited to my suggestions. If you have a certain interest in a specific activity that you dig, then by all means ~ing with it. The key is to find activities that guide you to release and empower you to change. Bring your new affirmation into your physical activity. This is when the energy of your mind and body flow together. You’ll receive a wonderful endorphin charged kinda feeling very much like the one you might have experienced after a great run.

Step Three: Receiving

The final step of the ~ing Equation is Receiving. This step is focused on meditating, to clear space in your mind and hear the voice of your inner guide. When your mind is clear you can receive truthful thoughts, inspiring ideas and honor your intuition. If you’re a meditation virgin, simply turn on some of your favorite mellow music in the background (preferably without lyrics). We’re going to go on a journey through your subconscious brain. This step allows you to let go of your left brain’s practicality and welcome your right brain’s intuition and creativity. The intuitive right brain says stuff like, “You don’t like your job, so it’s time to start following your passion.” Or, “You’re ready to let go of that old pattern of X, Y or Z.” Meditation is a great way to allow your right brain to speak up and be heard. Thanks to the physical and mental work of steps one and two, thoughts that were in the way have been silenced allowing you to hear your inner guide. The meditation in step three is crucial because it is an opportunity for you to slow down enough to receive guidance from within.

Repeating

The key element in the Equation is Repeating. It’s this thirty-day repetition that will allow you to truly make your desired change stick. Indeed, neurobiological studies show that thirty days of repeating new behavior reprograms your brain by reversing neural pathways. It’s this reversal that changes your patterns and behaviors, and therefore your life.

If you’re inspired to create permanent change, test-drive the ~ing Equation for the next thirty-days. To further your ~ing transformation you can pick up a copy of my new book, ADD MORE ~ing TO YOUR LIFE – A Hip Guide to Happiness.

I Hold A Space For Love

I love my life. Today I see my world through shimmering golden lenses. Lenses, that filter my vision with love, inform my thoughts, fuel my emotions and support my vibrations. Today I choose love over fear in all situations. I feel abundant, happy and free.

I was not always this enthusiastic about life. Four years ago I was trapped in a dark space trying to scream my way out. I identified closely with a story from A Course in Miracles; It describes us as standing in a beautiful, light-flooded room, with our hands over our eyes. We are screaming in fear because we are afraid of the darkness, yet all we need to do is simply put down our arms and receive the light.

In 2005 I began to remove my hands and welcome light back into my life. I decided there was a better way to view the world, and I set out to find it. Through the guidance of our angel messenger Marianne Williamson, I became a student of A Course in Miracles. I put down the lifestyle of a fast-paced, New York entrepreneur and developed a new addiction – I became a metaphysics junky! The Universe guided me to many healing assignments and I have shown up for them all. I can testify to the work of my predecessors. Marianne Williamson, Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay and Shakti Gawain — you have helped me “Return to Love” and have taught me to “Live in the Light.”

Today I am a motivational speaker, life coach and author. I am a glass half full kind of girl. I am a unicyclist, a mentor, a daughter and a friend. I am a lovetarian. I reject fear like Rory Freedman rejects chopped meat. I am an entrepreneur, a sister, a lover of life, a voice for my generation. I am a raconteur. I heal through stories of love and light.

My mission in this lifetime is to guide my generation back to love. I am here to help remove those hands that block the light. As a channel for the Universe, I download and translate important information. As a mouthpiece I share a hip and powerful conversation.

“Only Love is Real” (A Course in Miracles) – Is my mantra.

Without love it is all an illusion, a bad dream we forget to wake up from. I’m proud to say that I will be your alarm clock GENERATION X AND Y. I am Gabby hear me roar. There is another Jewish girl in town quoting Jesus and preaching metaphysics.

I have chosen to be of service to the world, one young woman at a time. Today, I empower all female readers to do the same. I have designed a home for a motivational conversation to evolve, where guidance and love are found unconditionally. This home is called Herfuture.com.

This website holds space for messages of inspiration, empowerment, and mentoring relationships. HerFuture.com is an influential online conversation dedicated to connection and communication between like minds. It is a platform to be heard, healed, nurtured and guided. Welcome home ladies.

Allow this site to be your guide and help you be of service to the world. Being a miracle worker is a recession proof job! We will heal humanity through our optimism, hope and feminine energy. We make this change one perceptual shift at a time. In his book Manifest Your Destiny, Dr. Wayne Dyer tells a story about thousands of small fish that were washed up to shore on a beach in Florida. When the ocean calmed he began to throw individual fish back to sea. A man walked by him and said, “Can’t you see how hopeless your task is?” In response, Dyer picked up a fish, tossed it back into the ocean and said, “It made a difference to that one.”

Need I say more? Begin to shift your perceptions today. Stop thinking, how can I get? And begin a new conversation of how can I give? Carry your message one gentle step at a time.

Be a mentor, Find a mentor. HerFuture.com