In Praise Of Women: Adoring, Fang-Baring, Fiery Witnesses

Michelle at Wicked Whimsy inspired me to go deeper with a comment that I made in an interview:

I often hear “women are our own worst enemies” in terms of our culture. I’m tired of that argument. I think everyone is their own worst enemy, and I don’t think it’s about something women have specifically against each other.

The uh, broadness, of my experience with the women throughout my life leaves me humble, optimistic, proud and grateful. I’ve been screwed over by females in business and love, and I’ve planted a few land mines myself. But those enemy-making times were the results of bumbling, struggling humanness, not ovaries or hormones. We could argue the bio-instincts to procreate, protect and feed that spurs some nasty behavior from chicks, or about Queen Bees and Wanna-Bees - all very real social dynamics, but I’m here to give witness to the force of pure Goddess positivity that is the hallmark of my life. Word.

MY LIVED EXPERIENCE? WOMEN SIMPLY ADORE WOMEN:

• A woman makes a cup of her heart. She carries your concerns and fears with you, for you. When your eyes fill up with teary news, so do hers. It happens with women you’ve known for years, with women you just met at the grocery store, in the ladies room, in a prayer circle. She carries your story with her. She mixes honey with it and re-tells it to you and helps you notice how great you’re doing, in spite of everything, because of everything.

• Women shake their cosmic pom-poms. Go, sister, go! How many times has a girlfriend told you, that you got it going on, before you head out the door or the dressing room? That even though your new haircut makes you look like a mushroom, your ass looks grrreat. They’ll be looking at your ass all night, not your hair. Really, you’re hot. Just keep your hat on and don’t sit down. Go get ‘em.

• Women feed each other – literally and figuratively. Think of all the meetings or retreats you’ve been to. Who brings the cocoa and sparkling water? Who remembers that you’re lactose intolerant? Who asks you if you have everything you need?

• Women bare their fangs for you. Like when Tammy threatened to butt her cigarette out between buddy’s eyebrows if he didn’t leave us alone. He walked, we rocked.

• Women hold on. It’s like Audrey Hepburn said, “Never throw anyone out.” It’s like my soul sister Donna says, “We’re all bozos on the same bus so just go with it.” Meep meep.

• A woman will sacrifice without calling it a sacrifice. Leila was three months pregnant. I was moving cross-country (again.) Road trip anyone? We U-Hauled our way from Seattle to Santa Fe with Leila coughing her cookies at every truck stop. I made it to my desert home and she flew back to the coast. And named her little girl Phoebe Danielle.

• Women bypass history. A good sister listens to you bitch about the same jerk for years, she helps you pack when you’re smart enough to leave, and she stands by you when you repeat the same lesson with the next emotionally lame lover. She loves you enough to let you do it your way – again, and again, like it was the first time. No drama is too big for big women.

• Women push. Push babies out, push babies into the world. Baby ideas. Baby thought-forms. Baby parts of you. “But Danielle, it’s just a thought-form that you can’t take more,’” Navjit told me. “Don’t constrict. Expand.” Boundaries, pushed.

• A woman howls to help you remember what matters the most. She loves you enough to intervene. She will drag you out of your comfort zone and into the moonlight to say “What the hell are you doing? You may have temporarily forgotten who you are, but I haven’t and I’m here to remind you.” Like when Karen told me over green tea, “D, maybe it’s all about the divine feminine for you, maybe that’s the question to live. It’s time to move on from playing small.” Arooooo!

• Women touch you. Michelle and I went to visit a friend in the hospital recovering from surgery. Miche brought lavender lotion and massaged Friend’s feet while she lay achy and groggy. I’ll never forget that stunning moment of loving service.

• Women know how to navigate the layers because they love the layers. Folds of skin, the sediments of time, the stories that build into the present. Like how Candis not only remembers what I love but knows why I love it. She is reverent, keen, actively interested in the why of me and that is what it means to be witnessed by a woman.

For more wisdom, visit whitehottruth.com.

Photo credit: Jerine Lay

20 Personal Prosperity Practices (Emotions + All)

More than most subjects and matters of life, we tend to leave money wisdom to the experts. Fitness - we get that we need to do what works for us as individuals. Sex – you know that you’re the mistress or mister of your own domain. But money - few of us, would proclaim that we’re money experts. But just like your body and your heart, if you’ve created a relationship to money that works for you in some way - then that makes you your own money expert. You don’t need to know a thing about stock trading or how to read a profit n’ loss statement to be Chief Operating Officer of The Bank of You.

We don’t talk about money like we talk about diet tips or how to get the best bikini wax. We should. The more we talk about money amongst ourselves as friends, the more power we have. We demystify expertise, we expose fallacies and schemes, we neutralize emotional charge, we redefine success, and we help each other prosper.

Talk to your friends about money this week.

20 personal finance perspectives that took me most of my adult life to clarify and got me to a place of grooving prosperity

My money philosophy summed up: Be very attentive. Don’t cling. Practice generosity. Go for pleasure – now (which leans toward instant gratification, not delaying).

1. Talk about money. I have a kind of fiendish curiosity about how people create their financial freedom … or misery. “How much did you pay for that?” “What do you mean by ‘a lot’ of money?” “How much is enough?” “Where do you shop?” “Whatchya gonna do with all that money?” “What did you spend all that on anyway?” From food stamps to gold bullion under the mattress, I’m fascinated by how currency runs through our lives. So I just ask.

2. When you get it, don’t spend it right away. Wait to cash your check. Hold on to the savings as long as you can. It sends a message to your psyche that you always have enough, that there is no need to be desperate, and that you have something to look forward to. Restraint makes for good foreplay, which makes for good … release.

3. Make money a CENTRAL priority. This has nothing to do with greed and consumption, and everything to do with life force and power. In their right place, priorities do not consume, they enhance. This isn’t about fixating on money or hinging your self-worth on your hedge fund. IT’S ABOUT FOCUSING ON CREATING FREEDOM.

4. Online banking gives me control and ease. I do everything online. Everything.

5. I pay my bills as soon as they arrive and I say thank you to every bill, even the whopping dental expenses I just had, “I’m so glad I have the means to take care of this.”

6. I rarely think of money as lost or wasted – a less-than-stellar meal, a broken gadget that didn’t last long, bad business debt … it’s all feeding someone somewhere; the money will come back again, and complaining keeps you stuck.

7. I never, ever say I can’t afford it. Rather, “Buying a yacht is just not what I want to do with my money, darling.” Focus on priorities, not limitations. And I never say to my kid that we can’t afford things. I tell him we’re rich in love and life, and we can afford to be generous. When he wants to buy crappy, overpriced plastic toys, I say, “That’s not the best use of our good money, we’ll find something that’s better for you and the planet.” He gets it. (That said, he has enough Legos to build a large condo.)

8. Ask for exceptions. Can you waive the fee? How about that rain-check deal? Call your credit card company today and ask them for a better interest rate so that they can keep your business. You’d be surprised how easy it is.

9. Pay someone to do it. This flies in the face of some theories: “Why work an extra week at your job to afford to hire someone to paint your living room? Work less and paint the living room yourself.” Um, no thanks. My theory is this: Earn your money doing something you’re passionate about, and pay people to do what you’re not passionate about but needs to be done for you to fulfill your mission. D-I-Y is like, not part of my driving strategy.

10. Save receipts. I take shit back and I complain about poor service (very politely, of course … most of the time). Hollah with your dollahs.

11. I give my money accounts sappy, positive-affirmation titles. My bank statement reads like so: BOOMING LIFE + BUSINESS; BUSINESS TAX PAID (I see it as done!); HOME PAID FOR; ADVENTURE + CARE (from trips to acupuncture).

12. I’m setting my kid up for the future. Investing for him gives me very deep peace. Everyone deserves a leg up.

13. I hold out. I waited seven weeks for my Aeron chair because I wanted grey instead of black. I sat on the floor in my living room for three months because I wanted a couch that was three inches lower than the in-store model. I went four months without any creative-type support because I hadn’t found a winner yet.

14. I’m upfront about shopping for a deal with sales people. I’ll tell Dealer A that I’m going to Dealer B to compare. This ain’t a date, this is a numbers game.

15. I avoid big box stores and dollar stores. I buy organic and shop more often for food. I’m more meal focused than “cupboard” focused. More nourishment, less spending.

16. I pay for my music. It’s clean. It supports art.

17. I buy my friends’ stuff. If we’re good pals and you write a book or knit a sweater, sign me up for two. Love is really basic sometimes.

18. I get stuff repaired, even when it might be just as much to buy new (especially with electronics). My goal is to keep stuff out of landfills.

19. “Never a borrower or a lender be.” I always thought Shakespeare was incredibly prudish because of this. I lend; but, I prefer to just give. “It’s a gift.” Done.

20. I pay for convenience and speed. I consider my time so precious that I think, “If I do valet parking for the event tonight, I get an extra 15 minutes to be with my kid or write.” That’s worth 15 bucks, and so is staying out of the rain when I’m in suede boots. And besides, DVDs mailed to the door and express services make me feel all luxy and taken care of. And when you can create instant gratification, you’ve got the energy to create more to be grateful for.

Photo credit: donbuciak

The Secret to Self Promotion: Radiance and The Facts, Jack

Dear Danielle,

“Can I ask a question? I love working for myself and don’t want it any other way, but it seems that when you work for yourself you have to be a salesperson. I’m not a huge fan of salespeople and hate feeling like I’m pushing something on someone. If you have any opinions on that I’d love to hear them!” – Dani Griffin (via Facebook)

Dear Dani and the leagues of people who hate self promotion:

I never really understood people who are loathe to sell themselves or the stuff they make. But then again, my whole twenties (OK, and thirties) was solar-powered by the rays of my seduction. From boys to gigs to new age notions, I had a deal for you! “I got what you want and you don’t even know you want it. And I make house calls.”

Now? Meh. I’ve got what I’ve got, which is a lot. If that warms your cockles, let’s talk. If not, my engine is running, and I trust that your tribe is waiting for you elsewhere. Meep meep.

Do I sell my self? Damn straight I do. Every day, all day. I’m doing it right now. I’ll do it on Twitter, CBC TV, Facebook, this week’s speaking gig for the Travel and Media Association of Canada, and when the waiter asks me what I do for a living. But I’m no longer trying to convince you to believe and buy. Rather, (and this has been one of my most gnarly, redeeming spiritual journeys) I radiate and state the facts. That’s it. And it’s a helluva lot more efficient than sales.

So, why do you hate self-promotion?

1. Because … it makes you feel like you’re pushing something on someone? Passion is a force – and an essential one at that. If you’re not passionate about your service or your product, you shouldn’t be selling it in the first place. If you’re not passionate you have to fake it, and that’ll just make you feel like a sleazeball.

But let’s assume you are fully and truly turned on, and you’re offering the world something that you wholeheartedly believe in. Repeat: you’re anchored with integrity to purpose and meaning. That being the case, and the premise for everything I’m about to say after this, let’s proceed:

Don’t burn energy trying to assume how people will perceive you. What some people will read as enthusiastic stamina, others will interpret as pushy intruder. It’s your job to show up as you, passion and all, and let the right customers make up their mind about you.

2. Because … you’re shy? You have three choices here: a) Get over it. Nothing like motivation to put food on the table or achieve your life dreams to cure shyness. It happens all the time. b) Let someone else do the selling for you – a writer, a rep, an agent, a virtual assistant-type. c) Pray that your good intentions and the high quality or originality of your offering will attract customers and prosperity. This tact, on it’s own, never ever works.

3. Because it’s not a “strength” of yours? see #2.

4. Because you’re afraid that people will think less of you? That you’ll be less of an artist, social steward or true professional if you’re hawking your wares or blowing your own horn.

Then I have bad news for you: everything you do is promotion, so you may as well do it with aplomb. The good news? Everything you do is promotion. You are always radiating. From the personalized note that you tuck into your product shipment, to what you say at a party when someone asks you what you do, to how you pitch the art gallery or the corporation to get the big account – to the message you leave on a Facebook page.

HAPPY SELF PROMOTION = RADIATE your passion + STATE THE FACTS of what that passion generates – the results it brings for you and your customers.

I’ll go first: I’m really passionate about the practical applications of love and consciousness in life and entrepreneurship. I write and speak about it in every way possible. I ran a think tank without any formal education, I wrote a book that got the attention of Oprah’s producers, and now, in my current incarnation, I’m booked four to six weeks in advance with clients – many of them say they got enough love ‘n strategy in one hour to blow their circuits. I’m writing my next two books now and will launch them online this year.

That’s the passion, backed by the facts. Sometimes, at the start of your journey, all you may have in your inventory to “sell” is passion. And sometimes, that’s enough to open doors.

If you’re loving what you do and believing that it’s going to make a positive difference in people’s lives – whether it’s your wedding photography, your coaching methodology, or your zero point energy invention, then, you my friend, are ahead of the game. You’re light years down the path from the sorry sods who are grinning and bearing it in soul-sucking j-o-b-s.

So please, don’t devalue your currency. I’m so emphatic about this, I’m willing to get all Hallmark on you: a gift isn’t a gift until you give it away. Put a bow on it.

With much Love,
Danielle

Photo Credit: Anastasia Photography

Your Friend, Anxiety

Tummy trembles. Brain fuzz. That discombobulating feeling that you’re not quite sure what you should be doing, but you should be doing something to keep your act together. Anxiety.

Sometimes it slips away with a few deep breaths, other times you need to beat it off with a stick or some little white pills. Naturally, we want to try to get as far away from anxiety as possible – which usually just results in us being anxious about being anxious. You resist, and so it persists. But what if rather than pushing it away, we actually welcomed anxiety when it showed up?

What if, rather than dreading the discomfort it brings, we looked at anxiety as a delivery service of inner truth and other such soul goodies? Because every time anxiety shows up, it’s our psyche’s way of saying, “Knock knock, I’ve got something to show you about yourself that you really should see.”

Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard explained anxiety is a natural condition. (How liberating!) He believed that anxiety is “a cognitive emotion that reveals truths that we would prefer to hide but that we need for our greater health.” And that it’s a valuable tool for shaping our ideal lives.

Think of it this way: beneath the butterflies in your stomach, behind the clouds in your mind is your greater truth … and it’s trying to break on through.

TURNING ANXIETY INTO POWER

Step 1: Face reality.

“I’m anxious.” Simply notice your anxiety.

Firstly, you need to be aware of your actual indicators of anxiety … they can be different for everyone. A lot of times anxiety is trying to talk to us and we’re just not picking up on the physical or mental cues. For me, anxiety manifests in what I call, priority confusion. If I wander from room to room in the house, unsure if I should tidy, check my email, walk the dog or write a novel, then I know something is up. I’m typically very laid back and laser-like decisive, so if I can’t figure out what’s first on the to-do list, I know that anxiety has come callin’.

When you see the signs of it, all you need to do is simply state it. “I’m feeling anxious.” There. You said it. You probably feel better already. Getting real is always the best first step.

Step 2: Inquiry.

“So, why am I anxious?”

This is the step that requires real work. It’s the kind of inquiry that calls for both concentration and compassion … a tricky combo. Having an “inquiry image” might be helpful. I often see dilemmas as layers of soft, earthy sediment within myself, and each question is a drilling down through the silt. “So why am I anxious?” I ask myself. “Because I don’t want to be late.” Not quite, that doesn’t feel true. “So why am I anxious?” I repeat. “Because I’ve got so much to do.” Nope, that’s not it either; it’s not making sense to my heart. “So why am I anxious?” I drill down. “Because I’m afraid that when I show up I’ll be rejected.” Bingo.

When you get to the true reason for your anxiousness, and there may be more than one explanation, then there’s usually a softening that occurs when you come across it.

So you called it like you see it. That’s powerful. And you’ve identified the reason – even more powerful. Now you’re ready to rise above it.

Stap 3: Take responsibility.

This is where your real power comes in. This is the fun bit, where you get to be a creative grown-up, the master of your own domain. Once you’ve discovered why you’re feeling anxious whether it’s fear of failure, or a memory of past hurt or humiliation, then you need to counter the fear and negativity with courage and optimism. It’s that simple – and that challenging.

Whatever you want to call it: positive thinking, re-framing, self-encouragement, ra-ra-rah, this is where you need to step up to the plate, look at your fear head on and confront it with your truth. The truth being that you manage to get through every day whether with grace or grit; that fear will not kill you; that your God, or your friends, or your grandma in heaven will have your back; that you have risen above before, and that you will rise above again; that it’s only life after all.

Anxiety doesn’t come bearing the solution. It’s just there to direct your attention to the problem. It’s like a headache that signals to you that you’re hungry. The headache reminds you that your body needs nourishment, and then it’s up to you to feed yourself. Self-care is a divine responsibility. To befriend anxiety is to choose your deepest strength. It’s turning brain fuzz into brilliance, and the jitters into vital fuel to help you shine brighter than ever.

You’re a Mess of Contradictions. How Very Beautiful.

“Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large. I contain multitudes.” – Walt Whitman

Soon after we met, my man and I were getting ready for a party. “I’m not good at parties,”  I warned him. “What?! You’re like the public-speaking power chicklet.” “Noooo. I’m the girl in the kitchen who talks to one person all night and leaves without saying goodbye.” Give me a stage and I will rock the house. Give me a house party and you’ll barely know I’m there.

Authenticity is not an either/or equation. Your soul is an all-inclusive package … frills, foibles, and contradictions. It’s your opposing parts that leverage your magnificence into full force.

My extroverted introversion used to cause me great grief. Am I a sincere fake? The Boo Radley freak who doesn’t talk to neighbours? Surely, if I were more genuine and loving I’d be more outgoing. Sigh. None of it’s true. All of it’s true. I’m an outgoing Lone Ranger, a white Canuck who feels like a Nubian Queen on the inside, a fiercely loyal opportunist.

HOW TO SPOT YOUR CONTRADICTIONS
: When has someone said, “That really surprises me about you,” “I can’t believe you did that”?
: Where do you feel the pull to compromise vs. rebel?
: Guilt can be a primo indicator for inner truth tugs. What are your guilty pleasures or indulgences?
: What do you save for special occasions {from your dancin’ shoes to your verbal affection}?
: What would going “wild” look like for you?
: What do you deny yourself?

LOVVVE YOUR ASSORTED WAYS
Now, aren’t you a curious critter? The Buddhist who knows every Metallica song by heart. The stay-at-home mom who wants to be a pole dancer. The Pro-Choice devout Catholic.

Don’t resign yourself to your idiosyncrasies. “Accepting” yourself is a passively lame option for full-tilt self love. Exalt your contradictions, celebrate them, go so far as to use them to your divine advantage.

Congratulations! You are large. You contain multitudes.

“Please fasten your seat belts because The Fire Starter Sessions is the revolution you’ve been waiting for. It will shake-up and wake-up every aspect of your life. Danielle LaPorte combines soulful wisdom with razor sharp business advice to create a blue print for moguls, spiritual rockstars, and lovers of life. Skinny dip head first into this hot and fabulous book. I dare you.” ~Kris Carr

Photo Credit (top): Kathryn