How to Take a Real Break
A week and a half ago, I sat on the phone with my coach, and the simple act of uttering the words, “I need a break,” made my voice crack and my eyes start to well up. Thirty-two thousand miles by car, at least another 30,000 more by plane, 10 months living on the road with no permanent home, three ended business partnerships, a book deal, moving in with my new man, and a life that is unrecognizable compared to the one I was living a year ago: I was wiped out.
What crazy alien planet was I living on for it not to occur to me after the year I’ve had to take a break? As I told my coach my truth, I heard it for the first time. I realized I hadn’t taken a break in 10 months. Damn.
Take a moment right now and ask yourself, when was your last real break? If you’re anything like me, you may not even be able to remember.
My coach has given me an assignment. Every week I’m to sit by myself with no distractions (no book, music, phone, etc.) and do nothing for an hour. For some that would be sweet relief. For me it’s torture.
I have been obsessed with productivity since the time I could even pronounce the word. I had a Day Timer starting at the age of 14 and have relished the process of blocking out my time for various activities since.
For me, and a larger number of other people in our culture I would imagine, productivity is next to godliness. As much time as I’ve spent practicing yoga, meditating and reading spiritual texts, it’s extremely difficult for me to simply be. Though I’m vigilantly working to let go of this, I have a tendency to equate my worth as a human being with how much I’m doing. Can you relate?
Yet I know my compulsion to produce, limits my access to the grace and connection that can only bubble through when I’m still. Our ability to tap into our inner guidance, the divine, our higher power, God (with a little or big “g”) or whatever term you’d like to throw in, is at times amputated by our need to constantly be doing.
So here’s what happened last week during my break: I gave myself permission to do nothing. Each morning I would wake up whenever I was done sleeping, meditate for 10 minutes, and then check in with myself to see what I actually felt like doing or not doing. Did I feel like taking a shower or going back to bed? Did I feel like reading or watching a movie? Did I feel like cleaning out my sock drawer or taking a walk? There was no such thing as a wrong answer. I simply did what I felt like doing.
My break started on Thursday. I took aimless walks, watched a lot of movies, slept a lot, talked on the phone and hung out with my man. By Monday I felt positively invigorated. I spent the entire day Monday diving into a project I had been putting off since May. Was I productive? You bet I was. But I was productive in a new way. I wasn’t focused on checking off my to-do list. Instead, I was fully in the flow of my creative juice and my work was feeding my energy.
I produced great work on Monday. I was not only extremely proud of the results, it also felt really good to work on the project. I savored every moment of creative bliss as I clicked away on my keyboard translating thought into word. High on the vibes of blissful completion, I also managed to implement David Allen’s organizational system from “Getting Things Done” and cleaned out my entire inbox — digital, physical and mental. It felt amazing. (Oh, I also happened to make more money in my business the week I took a break than I’ve made any other single week this year.)
Clearly I don’t have the “being” thing figured out. I love how I feel after a great day of producing. I love producing good work. I love doing. I love being productive. But here’s what I’ve learned: I cannot produce good work without occasionally doing nothing. This is not rocket science, but I suspect you need to be reminded as much as I do.
There is beauty in taking a break. It lets us get in touch with ourselves, with grace and with the divine. It allows us to quiet all the activity so we can better make out the whispers of our soul. And then, taking a break allows us to shine in a way we couldn’t have while exhausted, when we’re ready to come on back out and shine.
So here’s your assignment:
1. Sit down at your calendar and pick at least four days in the next two months that you can give yourself permission to do nothing. This may require you to leave home if you have young children and other responsibilities. If this isn’t a possibility for you, just do the best you can. Ask for childcare help and prepare the meals for that week ahead of time so they can just be put in the oven.
2. Protect that time like it was your newborn child. Get fierce for yourself and don’t schedule anything during those four or more days.
3. When your sacred break time comes around, sleep until you wake up and then meditate first thing in the morning. Just a few minutes watching your breath is great if you don’t already have a regular meditation practice.
4. At the end of your meditation, breathe into your heart and your pelvis and ask yourself what you feel like doing. Wait for the answer to come from your heart and pelvis. Most likely you’ll get an automatic answer from your head. Thank your head for sharing, and wait to see what the rest of you feels like.
5. Do the thing your heart and pelvis told you. When you’re done with that, check in and ask yourself what you feel like doing again.
6. Repeat every day for four or more days.
7. Relish in the calm and restoration of a real break.
8. Notice how you feel when you revisit your work. Know that you have access to this level of calm energy all the time.
9. Schedule your real breaks as often as necessary.
For more information to optimize your life, visit http://katemoller.com/
Photo credit: Gauri Ma
22 Comments
Kate,
this is a very touching and real share. Not to mention inspiring. I really appreciate the exercise! Looking forward to doing nothing!
Oh Kate, this is gorgeous, and exactly what I needed to hear. I love the to-do list for doing nothing — such a great way of weaning productivity junkies off our fix!
Just like the Spanish Proverb; “How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then rest afterward.” I subscribe to this practice often!
A great reminder at the beginning of the year, especially, as I am busy planning my productivity! thanks, Kris!
Great advice. Every since I moved to Italy (were time off and relaxation are sacred ritual), I’ve found that I produce much better finished products. My mind, body and spirit have more time to rest, regenerate and get reinvigorated.
Kate,
Thanks for sharing this. It’s critical, especially for women to push the pause button occasionally. We think that the world will fall apart if we step back, but it usually hums along just fine.
In addition to the need to recharge for your mental and emotional sanity, allowing for self care can also stave off chronic disease. My Lupus diagnosis came after years of putting myself last. I am happy to say that I have reversed that trend and like Kris have seen tremendous health improvements.
Thanks for this Kris – I’ve been saying I need a break for weeks now but haven’t had the “courage” to let go and take a *real* break. This is a kick in the butt for me to actually take that break my body is crying for. Thanks again for this reminder!
Hi Kate – while I have no trouble giving myself a break, my husband is the total opposite. Works 12 hours a day and thinks the words “doing nothing” are a sin! I read him your column (he was home sick, the only time he gives himself a ‘break’) and he actually listened, especially to the part about being even more productive after getting a REAL break! Awesome! Thank you!
I will give this a go been wanting to do something similar but might have to meditate then go out somewhere away from my son and hubby otherwise it won’t work.
I choke up just reading this. My body is screaming ‘Yes! Please!. I’ve been practicing asking my body what it wants to do, but I forget too many days in a row. Thanks for the encouraging reminder.
“I have been obsessed with productivity since the time I could even pronounce the word. I had a Day Timer starting at the age of 14 and have relished the process of blocking out my time for various activities since.”
You’re singin’ my song girlfriend! Thanks for the (much needed) reminder!
Just reading the assignment makes me nervous.
Thank you all so much for your comments. I’m so glad this resonates. MJ, the fact that you shared this with your husband ROCKS. May we all take a break and RELISH the experience.
I love this Kate thank you! After years of being a yoga teacher and working with women this is a regular practice for me and my clients. (I had to because being an uptight vata chick yoga/tantra was my Godsend!!)
I call it the ‘Do ONLY what you feel ‘moved’ to days (or hours!)’ Basic premise..do nothing except for breathe and bask in the moment until deep from my belly I feel ‘moved’ to do something….Sometimes I sleep the whole day, sometimes I flow from sleep to meditation to dance to pottering……
Key is belly guidance NOT thoughts, shoulds or compulsions!
Lisa
PS We are a ‘Crazy Sexy Family’ with regular juicing and the like..and recently I caught my 10 year old son reading ‘Crazy Sexy Diet’!! Nice hey!? …But don’t tell his friends ;)
Kate, i loved this ritual too. i have just re-isntituted Sunday as my day of rest for the next month. My week is crazy busy and i am taking Sundays to do what ever i please with Nothing on the schedule or to do list. Maybe it will last all year. xx00 namaste
Kate, this is fantastic to share! We all need reminding of this sometimes surely and I have to say this is perfect timing for me to be reading this. Right now I’m feeling fragile and could well do with a real break too so I’m going to schedule in some me time for just BEing. xxxxx
Oh man, I LOVE the idea of this… and the moment I start thinking about actually doing it, I can almost feel my brain exploding in protest. “But but but but… I’m just about to LAUNCH my business,” it gibbers. “I can’t take a break now!”
OK, brain… but isn’t that the best possible time to set up a system of planned breaks? Because otherwise, you just KNOW you’ll never end up taking them!
Thanks for a grat post, Kate!
Blessings – TANJA
aaah Kate, thanks for sharing your journey with us.
My four, although non-consecutive, days are now scheduled into my calendar. Baby steps, for the woman who felt non-purposeful last evening when going home at an obscenely early 530pm, and had to run an errand so as not to feel un-productive!
as you know I’m also implementing the GTD system, and find that my biggest motivations of doing so is the reduction of stress and also the creation of _open _space_ within which to dream, create, and be. So I find myself at my work-office on a Saturday, releasing digital clutter one message at a time (finding this blog post in the process…), labeling reference material & folders with my Brother P-touch, filing project materials, or tossing what otherwise doesn’t deserve a file label.
It’s fascinating how as I release myself from the cycle of the self-generated “emergencies” caused by having not implemented this in the past, that my nervous system is needing adjustment / unwinding to the new way of doing things, and the way I’m bumping up against some resistance to continue to breathe and expand further towards being able to see the 50,000-foot view. Learning to delegate and be more flexible with my time when addressing emergencies created by other people (like clients), and learning when to say “I can’t do that right now.”
And reflecting on how I haven’t run out of toilet paper lately. :)
I also love the feeling of being productive and feel as though I’m not a good human being by not being useful. However, I’m 3 months pregnant and have been so tired that when home (and anywhere there is a seat available) I’m laying down and have HATED this feeling. Thinking its Gods way of telling me to chill but its good to know others feel the same way. Cant wait for my energy to return and I’ll definitely be scheduling these breaks.
I thought your coach asked you to “Do nothing for an hour?” It appears that you are filling the “do nothing” time with an enjoyable activity. I am seriously asking , should one fill the time or literally do nothing for the hour?
I got inspired and… I ‘booked’ my 4 days now: starting this morning until Friday. :-)
thanks Kris, this could be tricky!
but then benefits of doing nothing out weigh the busiest of times!
thanks
sheryl
January 11, 2012