Do You Have An “Upper Limit” Problem?
It was the first time I’ve ever walked out of a yoga workshop in my life. Let’s be clear — the teachers were fantastic.
But after my fourth downward dog, I started breaking into a cold sweat, got nauseated and my head began throbbing so hard it felt like it was about to explode. “Oh great,” I thought.
What I originally thought was a 24-hour stomach bug turned into an entire week of being completely out of commission. And I do mean completely. For seven straight days, I was a hot, sick mess.
After the first three days with no signs of improvement, I started to get concerned.
“Is it salmonella? Hmmm … There was a big egg-recall recently. Some kind of nasty-ass 10-foot-long parasite or tapeworm? Maybe, but highly unlikely. A life-threatening stomach disease? Boy, would that would seriously suck.”
“You’re pregnant!” was the first thought my girlfriends all had. Nope. No shot in hell.
Then my friend Kate made a very astute observation: “I think you’re having an upper-limit problem, Marie.”
Interesting …
Cut to day four. I was deathly pale and emaciated. My boyfriend was back from L.A., and it was clear to him that whatever I had was not going away on its own.
We went to the doctor to run tests. Later that same evening, I wanted to get out of the house, so we stopped by my girlfriend’s house for tea. One by one, everyone took bets on what was causing my mystery illness.
Then Rachel, Kate’s uber intuitive cousin, said: “Marie, I really think those test results will come back negative. It’s definitely an upper-limit problem. You’re going through some major growth right now, and I’ll bet this is just part of you busting through your upper limits and increasing your capacity for success.”
In case you’ve never heard of an “upper limit problem,” what Kate and Rachel are referring to comes from Gay Hendrick’s incredible book, “The Big Leap.”
Here’s the basic idea: Each of has an internal thermometer for how much success, wealth, happiness, love and intimacy we’ll let ourselves experience. That’s our upper limit setting. Kind of like our success comfort zone.
When we exceed our internal thermostat setting, and life gets super duper OMG good (we have an influx of money, get healthy, find a great relationship) — we unconsciously do things to sabotage ourselves, so we can drop back to the old, familiar place where we feel in control.
Upper limit problems can manifest like this: You’ve just had a huge win, and then you get in an accident, break a limb, fry your computer, over-drink, over-eat, over-spend, start a fight with your significant other, get really sick, etc. You know, fun self-sabotaging stuff like that.
The truth is, I was so ridonkulously excited about the success of Rich Happy & Hot B-School and the miracles aligning for my annual Rich Happy & Hot Live event (partnering with Donna Karan’s Urban Zen; securing all of my dream speakers, etc.) that I didn’t just bump into my upper limit, I demolished that sucker with a sledge hammer.
So, yeah. I guess I was bound to have a little readjustment time.
Cut to Sunday morning. I’m reading “Breaking Dawn” in bed when the phone rings. Test results time.
“Hi, Marie. It’s Dr. Mott. Really good news here. There’s nothing wrong with you. No bacteria, no parasites or anything we need to worry about. You got a regular old stomach virus. Keep doing what you’re doing, and you’ll be just fine.”
Suu-weet!
So here’s what I did: I gave myself total permission to chillax. Zero computer time. I told everyone in my world not to expect anything work-related from me for a few days. Released myself from guilt and totally indulged in healing, coziness and every guilty pleasure I could think of.
Funny enough, the moment I stopped beating myself up for being sick, my body kicked into speed-recovery mode.
How to dismantle your upper-limit problem
Unless you understand this whole upper limit thing, you may mistakenly believe that you’re flawed or simply not “good enough” to handle a big jump in your success or happiness.
It may feel like you’re always on the verge of a life-altering breakthrough, but you either can’t seem to ever get there or maintain it.
I can tell you firsthand that everyone on the planet has varying degrees of “upper limit problems.” Thankfully, they’re a snap to overcome if you’ve got the right tools and an open, willing heart.
Step 1. Get that dealing with “upper limit problems” is a necessary part of the journey.
Look. No one escapes this shit. So don’t feel weak, bad or alone if any of this sounds familiar. Thankfully, upper limit problems can be super-easy to dissolve when you bring compassion and self-awareness to the table.
Which, of course, means checking both your ego, and your victim-y “Why does this always happen to me?” B.S. at the door.
Important note: Moving through upper limit problems is not a one-time event. If you’re committed to continually expanding your levels of wealth, love and happiness, strap in for the ride, baby.
Step 2. Increase your tolerance for how good you’re willing to have your life be, starting right now.
What’s this mean? For starters, it means treating exactly where you are and what you have with all the love, honor and respect you can muster. And this isn’t just a mental exercise, you need to act on it.
Tell your family that you love and appreciate them; be truly grateful for whatever money you have in your bank account; take care of your physical environment and the roof over your head; thank your clients for their business, and nourish your body and soul in every way you can possibly imagine.
Step 3. Go on high ULP (upper-limit problem) alert when loads of good stuff starts to come your way.
Pay special attention to your thoughts, behaviors and actions when things in your business and life start getting OMG good. Here’s a question to regularly ask yourself: “How much wealth, love and happiness am I r-e-a-l-l-y willing to have?”
If “a shit bunch!” is close to your answer, then make sure your behaviors and words line up with that answer.
Then, keep a watchful, observant eye and open heart. If you catch yourself about to start an argument, go into some manufactured mental drama or make a royally stupid and rash business decision, stop. Take a few deep breaths. Call your most grounded friend, and have a chat.
Remember, any time you’re in the midst of busting through your own upper limits, it’s bound to be a little scary and uncomfortable. You may want to pull back and contract.
Don’t. Hang with the discomfort. It’s a good sign.
It means you’ve just increased your capacity to experience wealth, happiness and love — both for yourself and for us all.
For more on how to shatter your upper limit problems, visit MarieForleo.com.
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23 Comments
Good timing that I read this now. In the beginning of the month I made a sudden decision to move to San Francisco from phoenix having lived here unhappy in my comfort zone my whole life. I decided to stop making excuses to stay & just move forward. Next day I became terribly sick. I could barely eat anything for a week & some days,terrible vertigo,stayed mostly in bed, I still have a bit of lingering stomach troubles so I’ve started to think well maybe this is something, maybe I should stay & make sure it goes away. Maybe I should wait longer to move. I feel like its my resistance kicking in trying to hinder the dream I seek. I do believe I’m having an upper limit problem too.
Yeah, this will go “undiagnosed” because there isn’t a “pill” to “unplug”!
Great post Kris. I sometimes feel myself block my own progress by paying too much attention to the little negative things that happen around me. I seem to get sidetracked and frustrated by the challenges I face with my business. I need to find a way to stop sweating the small stuff and focus more on the wonderful big picture that I am creating for myself! Thanks for the great advice.
Fantastic article, Marie. This was very free-ing to read. The thermometer is an excellent visual to keep in mind and to expand upon.
Yeeehaawww! I am SO in this place right now and constantly am feeling like I’m battling a cold. I just called my business partner and said “pause on everything, I’m taking a total mental vacation till Monday, we’ll regroup then.” I am having a sister date tonight and a massage tomorrow morning! Heaping love and acceptance, abundance and expansion into it too. Divine.
While I completely believe in all of this, biologically it is important to note that it takes the immune system up to 7-10 days to really get its game on….which sound like the time frame we could be talking about. I do believe we all likely partake in some sort of self sabotage, but I feel like your may have been compounded by a good stomach bug….something strong enough that it could have taken that long for your immune system to kicks its butt. I don’t mean to be a Debbie Downer, like I said, I am on board with the concept, but I just don’t think we can ignore a little biology here. Glad to hear you are allowing yourself some time to expand your upper limits!
I believe I sabotage myself constantly. Mine comes in the form of PROCRASTINATION ! Sub-consciously I know that if I continue on my soul’s path (in creating my business), then I am bound for success, I can feel it in my bones! I procrastinate constantly because I’m very afraid of doing well (making money, loving what I do, making a better living for my family, calling the shots, everything!). It’s hard, and I believe that this is very similar to your ‘upper-limit’ problem. Of course when I start rolling in success, I’ll think back to this post to give me self-assurance!
Great post Marie! Thank you for sharing your personal challenges. It makes you more real and ultimately more relatable.
I am so stuck on this… the amount of happiness I allow myself before I ruin it for myself could sit on the head of a pin.
Perfect timing for me. Thanks Marie! x
As always Marie, you know just what and when to say. Back in college I was an RA and my boss pulled me into her office and asked me, “Rachel, do you notice that you always find a way to self-sabatoge just when things are starting to go really great for you?” I was floored. Since then, I’ve always tried to be conscious of when I’m standing in my own way. With so many wonderful changes to my business and amazing opportunities, I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on my upper limit! Love you and I just can’t speak highly enough of Rich, Happy, Hot B-school! It was an amazing investment! Thanks Marie!
Love this story, Marie!!
This is fantastic. I can see when this happens to others and I’m at risk of it happening to myself right this very minute. I’m on ULP alert now–thank you for directing my attention exactly where it needed to go!
Marie, what a coincidence! I’ve been listening to this Gay Hendrick’s book for three days now, I’m totally having an upper limit problem. I have a phenomenal relationship and B-School has me on the road to greater financial success, but I can feel I’m in my own way and it’s driving me bananas. The fact that I found your post about it today on Kris’ blog ensures me that I’m on the right trail, I’m ready to get through this barrier. Thanks for bringing clarity to this topic! xo
I have definitely experienced this in my own life…fear and anxiety have gotten in the way of more than one incredible opportunity that I worked very hard to acheive. I have made concious efforts to recognize the warning signals and get out of my own way!
I have been getting sick regularly every two months for a couple of years, and this information is very helpful. I started talking to a therapist about other issues in my life a couple months ago, and we performed an exercise that involved asking myself for healing during a moment when I wasn’t feeling well. Miraculously, I started feeling relief from my symptoms.
In my early twenties I am being bombarded by the changes of transitioning from college to career and have also been in a perpetual transition dropping my insecurities and neurosis. It has been quite turbulent, to say the least.
I’ve gone to a doctor, but there is nothing seriously wrong with me. So far the best treatments I have discovered are loving, forgiving, and nurturing myself as well as relaxing and reflecting. Our bodies are so amazing.
So perfect and so on time. Thank you!!
Awesome!
Thanks for the reminder!
I read this book as I was building my biz a few years back and taking my life to the next level and saw the situations arise to pull me back down…over and over again!
Now I see it happen to my clients and I am able to support them through it.
It kept happening….I def see that I get to take good care of myself always…knowing that if I don’t one of these situations will show up….whether it is taking care of my self, my relationships, my communication and finances.
Such a great thing to have in mind…in fact I post quotes from this book around my house as reminders….”I expand in abundance, success and love everyday as I inspire others to do the very same”! (thx Gay ;-)
Many Blessings~~~
This happened to me two weeks after I quit my job. Came down with bronchitis. I had it for 6 weeks. SIX WEEKS! The week I quit my job, I also started RHHB School. Lets just say I did not get very far with creating my business over the summer. I slept away all of July. Then all of sudden I started feeling better. I was demanding that August fly by so I can kick things up a notch in September (its slow in D.C. in August). Well, a little over three months after quitting my job and not being able to breath during most of the summer, I signed my first client. I I am familiar with the signs and will not let them get in the way.
Six months after landing the job of a lifetime I was diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer. I’ve been scared to even imagine good things happening to me since then because there always seems to be a backlash. Marie’s story is one of empowerment, and I realize I have a say in how good I’ll let my life be. Thanks Marie.
Kris I’m so happy you are friends with Marie. The two of you are my mentors. As I’m beginning to move forward with my business and gaining clarity and direction I was wondering how to keep the balance. And funny thing this morning was my day to take care of me. Yes, working towards the RHH LIVE video submission and finalizing a few new things for my business, was so pumping and exciting, enriching…and now that its all complete…I feel the oxygen revitalizing some of my cells, it was like for some reason I was so focused during those weeks that I almost forgot to breathe and balance myself in all the abundance. Thank you Marie for sharing your experience. Yes I’m gonna go for a walk in Nature today and buy some plants to put in my herb garden. OneLove.
got nauseated and my head began throbbing so hard it felt like it was about to explode : what do you mean?
looks like you watch Piano Briefs lol
got nauseated and my head began throbbing so hard it felt like it was about to explode : what do you mean?
looks like you watch Piano Briefs lol
This was a timely reminder! Thanks :-) I just had stomach pains like you describe this weekend. Am having this week off to get myself back together – and will take this into account!
September 23, 2011