The Weight of Words
Jesus kicked my ass again—and I loved every second of it.
I’m a Jew, but I grew up in a non-Jew town, and I kinda had Jesus-jealousy for much of my life. Christianity had such an allure: the quiet calm inside a church, the white Communion dresses, and of course, all the bells and whistles of Christmas. Now, as an adult, I’m past the white dress thing. But the rest of it still holds a certain mystique. Yeah, some of it is trite, like the prettiness of Christmas lights, but I really do appreciate some real aspects of the religion. One of them is Lent. I have no idea what the real purpose or meaning of Lent is. But my friends are always scrambling around, giving up sweets, or alcohol, or Facebook, etc., and it seemed kinda cool. So for the past few years, I’ve taken on practicing Lent, too. I welcome opportunities to be a better person. Because I’m vegan, I’ve already taken all animal products out of my diet permanently. I feel good knowing that I’m not contributing to the suffering or death of any animals; no need for me to give up something food-related. But there was a little somethin’ somethin’ I needed to address: shit-talking. This year, for Lent, I tried to give up talking about people. And let me tell you something, it kicked my ass.
Let me start off by saying that I am a woman of integrity, and overall, I really don’t shit-talk people that much. So I thought. All of sudden, I felt like I couldn’t open my mouth. My friend had a crush on a guy and wanted to know what I thought… I thought he was a cagey mother-fucker and a total weirdo. One of The Real Housewives of New York was parading around in fur, yet calling herself an animal lover. And a guy I had gone out with had turned out to be a total douchebag. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! What had I gotten myself into? I’m a woman—the need to express myself and be fully understood is biological! Now I had gone and gagged myself. How was I going to get through these forty days?
I’m not gonna lie, I did not do a perfect job: My friend pressed and pressed, so I finally told her what I really thought of the guy. Chelsea Handler took the Real Housewife to task, and I posted it on my Facebook page. And when someone asked about the guy I went out with, I said he turned out to be a douchebag. Am I proud of all that? No. But there were also multiple victories where I did keep my mouth shut in cases that I normally wouldn’t have. Whether it’s bad-mouthing someone on TV, talking about a random guy we’ll never see again, or shit-talking someone we know, words have weight. And even if the person never knows what we’ve said, the energy is out there. If a tree falls and no one is there to hear it, it’s still a fallen tree. If the person never knows they’re being bad-mouthed, it’s still mean and hurtful. Not only am I being ugly to them, I’m also being ugly to myself. Shit-talking is like poisoning my own well water. It muddies my waters and darkens my energy field. All for what? Letting someone know what I think? Who am I? Why are MY thoughts so important that they must be known? And what if I’m wrong? Maybe my friend’s guy isn’t a cagey mo-fo; maybe he’s just nervous with women. Maybe the Real Housewife genuinely doesn’t know that animals killed for fur are electrocuted anally and/or vaginally. And maybe the guy I went out with isn’t a douchebag; maybe he’s just struggling with some issues and doing it the best way he knows how. (Chances are, my friend’s guy IS cagey, the Housewife IS selfish, and my guy IS a d-bag. But for argument’s sake, I coulda been wrong.) Unfortunately, I can’t take back any of the mean things I said about these people. (Sorry, but I just gotta say: Wearing fur is total fucking bullshit. Check out http://www.skintradethemovie.com/ if you don’t believe me.)
No, I did not do a perfect job during Lent. I couldn’t even do a perfect job now, writing this! But I learned a really valuable lesson that has stayed with me, despite the passing of Easter. I do not want to talk about people. It feels better not to. It has been said that we have two ears yet only one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak. I like this. I have no doubt I will continue to struggle with keeping my mouth shut. But these recent forty days have been a real eye-opener and a true blessing. Praise be to Jesus.
My challenge to all of you who skipped Lent or want to try something else: Do it for the month of May. Give up gossip, or complaining, or best of all, eating dead animals! Visit goveg.com for a free starter kit!
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23 Comments
Why wait for the Christian lent or for me – as a jewish person – yom kippur, but what should be practiced on a daily basis “be impeccable with your word” from The Four Agreements. There is a way to convey to someone your feelings or opinion without expressing ourselves in that colorful way. I too would have found douchebag as a perfect description and as for the housewife – I mean, really – look at who your talking about. They have enough issues to even act the way they do… Sure lent is a good idea. I laugh when a non vege goes crazy during lent because they have no idea what to eat on Fridays without meat. That frightens me. Good post!
Hey Rory,
I loved your article, it really is true that we don’t realize how much we do or don’t do something till we try the opposite!
Lent is a great practise, and since you mentioned you didn’t know what the orgin of it was; in a nutshell, Christians take the season before Easter to spend time giving up something, to remind them of the ultimate sacrifice Jesus paid by dying on the cross.
( Giving up chocolate or facebook isn’t quite as gnarly, but some people act like it is the ultimate sacrifice!)
I also love you book.
I’m Christian but not very religious. I always deprive myself of some indulgence during Lent and it is usually food related. It’s a reminder of how excess I have in my life that I should appreciate more.
I don’t wear fur because I think it’s tacky but I really didn’t know that animals killed for fur are electrocuted anally and/or vaginally. It just made me cringe a bit.
Guuurl, you *so* rang my bell with this post. I’m thinking of an s-talking fast for the month of May. My question is, What do you do when you are talking with someone who can not stop trash-talking? Do you cover her mouth, hold up a finger, and say, “Listen, twice as much, baby!” Other ideas?
Rory, you are awesome…hilarious and to the point…love this!!!
This is a great article! I’ll consider no trash-talking for May. My friend and I actually did a no-meat challenge for Lent and we decided to stick with it for the long haul. Read about our no-meat journey (and more!) at http://www.holistic-health-junkie.com!
I gave up alcohol for three months from Jan-Mar. It was rather liberating…something I plan on doing again in the future. Your article got me thinking about other things I give up/gave up just do to the fact it doesn’t fit in my life. It’s very freeing.
Thanks again for such an inspiring piece. I’m definitely going to give up complaining for the month of May. I have so many things to be grateful for, I shouldn’t complain at all. xo
i applaud you, i don’t think i’d be able to go 40 days talking minimal shit. maaaaaybe 40 minutes. :)
no but seriously, great post!
LOVE this Rory! Believe me, it’s way more than most Christians do for Lent.
Love the way you write, too.
I may have to write the companion piece about my from-the-sidelines jealosy of Jews. (Yeah, I’ve had that, especially after living in a town in NJ with a large Jewish community.) The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence (Erma Bombeck).
:)
I loved this article. What I’ve learned for myself is to value other people. If we laid in bed and thought about all the people that support our lives every day and how interconnected we are it would blow your mind. I did that. I thought of all the people it took to build my bed, sew my linens, build my house, my car, farm my food, construct my tv, produce the shows I watch, put together my computer…etc. I look at people and see the value in them. Even the guy that cut me off. He might have an emergency in his life. When we see value and oneness in each other. It will be reflected back to us. Others will value us just as much as we value them. If they are angry, they must have a reason. And anyone that judges me harshly… I bless them too and say as Gandhi did, “It is none of my business what you think of me.”
Loved this piece. If you want to go DEEEEEP into this stuff, check out Byron Katie. http://thework.org
I think it comes down to non-judgment — With your words as well as your thoughts, and for others and your self.
Lol! Rory, you have such a way with words! Nobody wants you to keep quiet because you are so bright and entertaining when you speak/write! But yes this is a very hard lesson to learn…especially as a female…and especially as a passionate animal rights activist, vegan female…in fact it is virtually impossible.
Interesting article. I grew up Christian but it is just believe in Jesus and you are done. There is an infinite amount to learn in Judaism so as an intellectual I dig it. (Hint: Don’t gossip AND lose the potty mouth.)
Love the article and it is very hard to stop shit talking. It is something I hate about myself that I try not to do but sometimes it just slips out..
Lent just for the uninitiated is a 4o day period of time preceding easter that we are suppose to take time to meditate, cleanse our bodies, fast and eat lightly not eat meat on Friday if possible and give up something. The act of giving up something was meant in the beginning to give up something in your self that is not only a sacrifice but an act that will better your faith and help you master you walk with God over years of time. This whole process was started so that after a social season of excess from thanksgiving or the harvest celebration thru Mardi Gras which was and in some circles is considered the social season. Debs are introduced, balls are held, and excess abounds. This act of Lent gives you time to get your mind and body centered on your religon and help your get your spiritual practice back in shape. So on entering church on easter after having gone to confession and spent 40 days examining your soul you are cleaned out mentally and physically and stronger in your faith and made more pure to accept the sacrifice made for you by Christ in recieving communion. Thus reliving the miracle of Easter and the resurrection of Christ and the ability for your soul to be cleansed thru prayer and made whole.
I hope I have not repeated to much and hope I made that easier. it is the same principal as our juice feasts and cleanses. It gets your mind strong, your focus clear and your heart open.
Thanks for the lovely blog. Callie
When asked, What is the greatest commandment~Jesus said, “Love the Lord with all your heart and all your soul and Love your neighbor as yourself.” God bless you on your journey!
Rory,
This is your best article – ever! When you write honestly, people listen,”Shit-talking is like poisoning my own well water. It muddies my waters and darkens my energy field.”I once her Maya Angelou say that she didn’t allow anyone to use certain words in her home. She said that they say in the house and stick to the walls and like you said, that she could feel them (the energy field). Eckhardt Tolle calls it the pain body.
I grew up Catholic, but many of my friends are Jewish. I’ve always wanted a Star Of David necklace, but thought my Jewish friends might think I’m weird or get mad! Funny I think it’s all about how we are really all one, though different, but equally beautiful expressions of the whole. You rock. xox
Perfect timing! Just came back from s-talking a co-worker, opening up CSL and here is Rory’s article…well, I can take a hint! Actually, this is something I have been working on for several months, really watching what a I say and trying to remain positive (this is difficult as I have a soul-killing job at the moment.) But I do notice a difference in my attitude. And I like myself more. When others are gossiping and being negative, I just observe and gently try to redirect the conversation to something more positive. Thanks, perfect timing!
love it, love Rory’s sassiness!
While I agree with the part about “All for what? Letting someone know what I think? Who am I? Why are MY thoughts so important that they must be known” I would counter-ask “Who are we aiming to please?” In a public setting, I agree there is a need for carefully curtailing what one expresses for public consumption but everyone needs privacy and a way to vent and rant. That is part of individualistic freedom and is covered by freedom of speech so long as it is not done in public hurting someone else’s sentiments. In private, my guiding principle is to talk/say whatever you want and express frank opinions. I am saddened I have lost this simple freedom for everything in my life seems to be public now. This is not the life I bargained for.
Thank you for this! For anyone else interested, there was a great article along the same lines in the December 2009 issue of Yoga Journal entitled “Pssst, pass it on.” I highly recommend it!
This hit home for me! Thanks, Rory!
April 30, 2010