By Guest Blogger on January 13, 2010

Soul Mates

The new year is upon us and full of possibilities. That was hard for me to imagine not too long ago, when I was single and wanting a boyfriend….feeling desperately single in my 20’s and 30’s and early 40’s. I had a great life in many ways, I just wanted someone to love and to love me. I barely let myself imagine ever being married to a wonderful man.

Fear not! This post has a happy ending, one filled with hope and possibility! I’m now 47 years old, and I got married for the first time last year, at age 46. See that? It is possible!

Here’s my story: I first heard about Tom, the man who would become my husband, from my cousin Kathrin, when I saw her in 2004 at my brother’s wedding. She had the feeling that Tom and I would be right for each other, and two years later, at her wedding, she introduced us. (The funny part was, Kathrin and Tom had dated for ten years, and his mother, brother, and sister were all at her wedding!) There was definitely a spark between us, but he went back to Maine, where he was living at the time, and I went back to Massachusetts.

After a month of exchanging e-mails, I invited Tom to Kripalu (a large yoga and holistic health center, where I work) for a yoga weekend. He’d never even taken a yoga class, but he was up for it, and I arranged for him to attend an introductory yoga program. I took a program on shamanism the same weekend, and we met up between program sessions for meals and attended an evening swing dance event together. We had a great time, but things were still a bit up in the air when he left. We kept e-mailing, though, and when I found out he was hosting a Christmas party, I sent him a message along the lines of, “What’s a girl got to do to get invited to your Christmas party?” Just writing that note was an indication that I was ready for this relationship in a way I had never been before. Typically I would wait for the guy to make the move, but this time I honored the commitment I had made to finding a partner. I stretched myself outside my comfort zone, and that made all the difference. Of course Tom sent me an invitation to the Christmas party right away, and when we met up that night, the sparks really started to fly. Eight months later, we were talking about getting engaged, and the next year, we were married.

I believe one of the biggest factors that allowed our relationship to develop with such ease and grace was the fact that I was in the place to receive it. When I met Tom, I had had a regular yoga practice for three years and had tried various alternate therapies, including chiropracty and a number of healing sessions with a shaman, and together these experiences had opened my heart, my mind, and my energy channels. I was in such a strong place mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and energetically that I attracted love into my life.

Looking to find that special someone in 2010? Here are some tips that worked for me:

-Do what you can to be the best you can in body, mind and spirit. That could mean a regular yoga practice, a regular work-out routine at the gym, eating foods that are healthy and nourishing; get enough sleep at night, be mindful of what you feed your mind (avoid news programs, movies and books that focusing on fear, death, violence); and find time to be quiet each day, develop a consistent meditation practice, connect with others who share your view of life and why we’re here on this planet and develop that understanding through gatherings, reading and discuss.

-Engage in any number of alternate healing modalities: chiropracty, acupuncture, shamanic healing, bodywork, Reiki, etc to help clear blocked energy and open up your heart center to receive big love

-Get clear on the qualities of the person you want to share your heart and life with; write down the values that are important to you and that you want to share with that person; imagine the life you’d share with that person, right down to sharing a cup of tea or a meal with them. What would the conversation be like? What would you do on the weekends?

-Try out different rituals and exercises around loving and attracting love: volunteer at an animal shelter, soup kitchen or an after-school program; create a romance altar in your bedroom; write the history of your relationships with men, then burn it, sending prayers out to all the men in your life, past, present and future

-Focus on the kind of life you want to be living and do what you need to do make that happen: this could mean a job change, a new home, getting clear on whether or not the people you spend time with feed your soul or drain your energy, then there’s the healthy mind, body and spirit matter.

-Be gentle with yourself, have compassion for yourself, love yourself. Some of us need a therapist to help us understand how to make a shift in how we talk to ourselves; other healing modalities can help with this, too. It may be cliché but it’s oh so true that when we’re able to love ourselves our heart opens up to others and the love is so big and incredibly sweet.

Attracting a soul mate is about taking responsibility for yourself first, clarifying who you are and who you want to be with. It’s about being ready to bring the best of yourself into the world and into a relationship.

Good luck and big love in 2010!

Martha Williams, MSW, is a 47-year-old newlywed who drew on the practices of the law of attraction as well as a range of wellness and healing techniques, to create the opportunity for her soul mate to find her. A yoga teacher, she has worked for the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health for five years and is leading the Soulmate Attraction workshop in January 2010.

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