Crazy Sexy Life

Photo Credit: Timtak

By Michelle Sorensen

Exercise has always been an important part of my life. Since being diagnosed with Type 1 (insulin-dependent) diabetes 11 years ago I have remained active. However, I have sometimes felt fearful or anxious and avoided activities I used to enjoy, due to the constant fear of hypoglycemia. This happens when my blood sugar drops below a safe level.

Over time I have learned to appreciate what diabetes teaches me: to listen to my body, to respect my limits, and to continue to work on a holistic approach to healthy living. Last summer I began to make time for running once or twice a week. Running enabled me to really clear my head. It was hard to think about too much other than my breath and the rhythm of my feet hitting the pavement. This was so beneficial for me.

I wanted to do more running. So this spring I decided to motivate myself by committing to a race. I knew that the crowds and the excitement would affect my sugars and that I would feel nervous about going low. I was not sure how much food or juice I would need to fuel a 10K run. But I decided I would learn from pushing myself beyond my comfort zone. I was excited by the challenge and I signed up for the 10K at the Ottawa Race Weekend. I started to run more regularly.

The spring flew by and before I knew it, May 30th had arrived. When I walked into the incredible crowd of people gathered for Race Weekend I felt inspired to be part of something so powerful – thousands of people of all shapes and sizes, each with different strengths and weaknesses, all gathered to focus on accomplishing their own individual goals. My husband carried all of my diabetes gear. I removed my insulin pump before the race and snacked to boost my sugar. I ate more than planned, but I was quite anxious about avoiding a low during the race. Before long I was in my corral and then running, exhilarated, across the start line.

In many ways, the early kilometers of the race were like my early years of adjusting to diabetes. I had to remind myself that I would find a rhythm, and that it would get easier. The first year after my diagnosis it was hard to imagine a time I wouldn’t feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and alone. These days, I manage my emotions differently. Life is long, and I accept that I will have good days and bad days.

When I first started running last summer I would slow down when I felt tired. Now I know that if I push ahead I will usually feel new energy and establish a better rhythm. I reminded myself of this as I ran my first few kilometers. The food I ate right before the race started to digest and I developed a stitch in my side. It slowed me down but I kept going. I told myself it would pass and that the run would get easier again.

Around the 4K point I felt quite tired but my stitch was starting to ease up. It was a bit hard to think that I still had over half the race ahead of me. Then I saw my twin sister on the side of the road cheering me on. I called out to her and we waved happily. Support is so important. In my first five years with diabetes, I had support around me but I didn’t know how to use it. I was too accustomed to gaining self-worth by doing for others. I made it difficult for people like my mom and sister to support me. When I started to date my husband four years after my diagnosis he pointed this out many times. I began to feel safe opening up and letting someone take care of me.

As I entered the second half of my 10K I thought about the second half of my decade with diabetes. Life is much better now, but I can’t deny it is still difficult at times. The month before the race, I was unable to train for about three weeks. I was sick and struggled to regain control of my diabetes. It took me a while to get the message, but I finally realized my body was telling me to slow down. I took two days off and focused on recovery. Soon, I felt much better and I was able to go for a few runs the week before the race.

As I ran past the 6K, 7K, and then 8K markers, I pushed myself a little harder. I had been pacing myself to avoid tiring out, but I thought I could speed up for my last few kilometers. I was almost there. I felt a surge of emotion. My goal was to run a 10K in under an hour and it was within reach. Thoughts of all I had accomplished in recent years drove me to the finish line. I live a healthier lifestyle… not just because I eat well and exercise but also because I love myself more. I give myself the opportunity to accomplish goals and to live life more fully.

Some children on the side of the road held out their hands and I gave me high fives as I ran by. The cheering grew louder as I entered my last kilometers. The best moments in life are those we work hardest for. If I had never been diagnosed with diabetes would I be running this race? Or would it have seemed like one of the many things I didn’t have time for?

As I crossed the finish line I felt elated. There was a time, less than a century ago, that being diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes meant you would not survive. Now we can thrive. My sugar was sky high at the end of the race, but it didn’t stop me. Only my own negative thoughts can hold me back from living the life that I love.

Michelle Sorensen lives in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. She is a mom to two little girls and makes time for running, yoga and playing with her kids whenever she can.

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