How Yoga Helped Me Get Over My Ex
By Jennifer Garam
Two and a half years ago, I tried Bikram yoga and I hated it. As I was lying on my back in a pool of my own sweat in Savasana at the end of class, the teacher urged new students to come back the next day because it “gets better,” and my internal dialogue screamed, “NO FREAKIN’ WAY!” Then, as I burst out the front door and into the cool fall air gasping for breath, my inner voice continued, “See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!” As a loyal Vinyasa yoga practitioner, I had given Bikram a shot, felt like I had been beaten up by the class, and never intended on setting foot in a 110 degree Bikram studio again. That is, until a few weeks ago, when I decided to give it a second chance.
There were several reasons why I went crawling back. This winter in New York was exceedingly long, cold, and gray, and I was craving heat to boost me out of my achy lethargy and self-diagnosed Seasonal Affective Disorder, which was exacerbated by four straight days of pouring rain and gale force winds. Also, I hurt my hamstring during my foray into pole dancing class two years ago, and ever since then it seizes up when I do Triangle Pose in Vinyasa yoga, and I was hoping that the heat of Bikram might help stretch it out in a non-spasmodic way. But my strongest motivation to go back to Bikram was that I had recently checked my ex’s Twitter which (a) never makes me feel good about myself and (b) always results in a depressive downward spiral. Vinyasa classes were just not working to shake the thoughts of him out of my brain, and I remembered a friend saying years ago, “Bikram yoga is the only thing that turns off my thoughts.” I needed to take drastic yogic measures to elevate my self-esteem and quiet my mind STAT… before I checked his Twitter again!
This time around, the sparks flew right away, and I fell in love with Bikram yoga. At the beginning of class during a Pranayama breathing exercise the teacher said, “Breathe out all your thoughts and worries,” and I eagerly complied, exhaling enthusiastically. Like the last time, I was again dripping in sweat, wheezing for air, and fighting frequent waves of nausea, but looking at my reflection in the mirror during class and seeing my rosy (okay, bright red) cheeks and muscular sweaty body contorting into challenging poses, I felt strong, vital, and powerful, and my self-confidence soared. I had to focus so hard on breathing and not throwing up that my thoughts hardly uttered a peep from the moment I stepped into the sweltering room until the second I left the studio. And when those thoughts eventually did return, they were more languid, sedated, and blissful, instead of racing, anxious, and agonizing about my ex-boyfriend.
After my last attempt at Bikram, I had dragged myself home and passed out for the rest of the day, but after this class, detoxified and energized, I bounded through the streets, walking/dancing home blasting “Carry Out” by Timbaland and Justin Timberlake on my iPod, feeling like one badass hot (and sweaty) yogini. My friend and newly designated Bikram mentor Bridgette, who is known for having converted at least eight people to this style of yoga, texted me multiple times after class with advice and encouragement. She instructed me to drink coconut water to restore my electrolytes, and told me that a consistent Bikram yoga practice would make me calmer and increase my focus and mental clarity. Brain fog is my arch-nemesis, and I often feel like if I just had more mental clarity my life would dramatically improve. That alone was reason enough to return for another Bikram class. And, although not specifically touted as a benefit of Bikram on either the yoga studio’s website or by my friend Bridgette, if the sweaty, vigorous 90 minute classes manage to take my thoughts off my ex, then that’s a worthy bonus.
So this time, when the teacher said at the end of class, “You should come back tomorrow,” my internal dialogue piped in with, “Hell, yeah!” The third time’s a charm, and if it can get me over my ex-boyfriend, Bikram yoga and I just might be soul mates after all.
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10 Comments
i can totally relate to this… i have recently found renewed interest in yoga and fitness in general after a breakup three weeks ago. i was in a bad shape for a while, but now i feel a lot better! YES to empowerment.
Thank you… I think you just inspired me. I did Bikram a few years ago and honestly, I liked it but the sweat was so icky to me. I mean I exercise and I sweat, but it seemed like an outpouring of layers of ick that made me feel deflated. Now though at this point in my life, it sounds like a dream to just let it all out. The idea of coconut water is a good one too..
Thanks for sharing your journey. :) Recently I was saying to myself, “I wish I could just be who I was, but everything that used to work, doesn’t anymore…. what do I do?” This was a perfect reminder (especially with my experience of Bikram) that what worked before may not, but what didn’t work before may now…. as is the beauty of life; the constant evolution…
Absolutely awesome!! Any women who can devote their time to something and overcome a bad situation is strong. Writing and yoga are 2 forms of doing that. Keep sharing your experiences with the public maybe some of these women will get inspired by your words. Great article. :0)
I can’t seem to get through a Bikram class without turning beet red and feeling like I’m going to throw up–pretty much how I feel exerting myself outside on a day over 90 degrees. Any tips for overcoming heat intolerance?
Great article. I’ve been doing Bikram for over 5 years and can completely relate. I started for the physical benefits (looking hotter for my boyfriend), but ended up using it to get through breakups (him and then others), job problems, family problems, etc. I know no matter what’s going on in my life I will have those 90 min to focus completely on myself; my strength, power, flexibility, etc.
Anne, as far as the heat, everyone is different, but you may want to try eating balanced meals through the day, but not eating two to three hours before class (still drink water up till an hour before class) this always helps me feel less nauseous. Also if you’re worried about getting through an entire class take it easy on yourself, make your goal to make it through the class not to go super deep into each posture (more like a marathon then a sprint). Just being in the room (even if your lying down) helps.
I love hot yoga… there is really something magical about it. It gives me such a high. I love how cleansing it it.
I love hot yoga!! I do Moksha yoga though, not Bikram.
I find for the heat, although it is totally different for every person- I always drink my full water bottle of water immediately before stepping into class (helps me to avoid headaches) and that paired with the breathing helps to cool me down. I think though that you have to go a few times in order for your body to adjust to it :)
It’s honestly the most relaxing and strengthening and confidence boosting exercise I’ve ever done, and it DEFINITELY shuts off the mind!
I am so glad you gave Bikram another chance. I came to the yoga after I moved from New York to Atlanta. I swear to everyone that the ONLY time I’m warm in NYC is when I’m at the studio! Bikram has given me strength (physically & emotionally), patience, and a mood overhaul. I’ve been practicing consistently for almost a year now, even going a couple of hours after breaking up with my boyfriend of 6 years. (You can cry through class and no one can tell from all the sweat!) Best of luck to you in your practice!
I started doing Bikram yoga over 10 years ago, it was my first yoga experience and I was hooked. It changed my life, literally, I got the courage to end a 20 year disfunctional marriage. Now I am teaching vinyasa flow yoga, it is all good, have a new life, teach college and have my own business. Great article, good advice and I recommend yoga to all, Bikram, or traditional to help with any break-up.
This week I am starting a seven day Yoga Cleanse program, should be challenging!
Loved this!
May 13, 2010