Do We Know How to Listen?
The cast at Passover Seder included my dad, mom, brother-in-law, sister and nephew, my son, and my slowly-becoming-best-friend/soon-to-be-ex-husband. As the kids chased one another around the house, my mom began piling up the dishes and my sister provided her usual comedic commentary. Six months ago I’d have found some reason to be fuming mad (I would’ve found something). But in the graceful vulnerability I’ve finally begun welcoming, I found all of it to be observable, hilarious and perfect.
Just as my mom took a break from cleaning to note how wild it was that my ex and I are more committed than most married couples (yet still getting divorced), we leaned in toward one another. I needed to be held up. An excerpt from Ram Dass’ book, Be Here Now, came rushing into my heart: “When you know how to listen, everybody is the guru.”
It was like a dream. Upon remembering this quote, I finally followed my own advice of many years and consciously made the switch: brain off, heart on. In a context that was previously the source of unrealistic unmet expectations, every voice I heard and every sensation I felt became a guide. I had the momentary experience of being completely devoid of my physicality yet more connected than ever before to each person and to every one of my receiving senses. I stayed still, wordless tears fell and something shifted.
That connection was followed by a temporary muting—as though I were underwater—in which I could hear my own breathing, yet all other sounds were silenced. In this quiet, I made contact with some deep reserve of pure presence within myself. Immediately every color in the room became more vivid and I found love in my body the likes of which I’ve felt only in the company of realized beings. “When you know how to listen, everybody [everything] is the guru.”
We will do wonders, literally, if we practice listening. Since I started this practice, listening is making me more patient, more alkaline internally, more hydrated emotionally and more healed in my heart. This kind of complete attention will slow down time for us and erode all of our expectations organically. Instead of veiling our love or our potential wellness with our habitual behavior, we are granted space to receive more nourishment, whatever the static, regardless of the outcome.
The listening that creates the pause in the flow of time has to do with our hearts, not with our minds. The actual practice is to breathe into the back of your heart.
As you read right now, put each inhalation there, behind your heart, within you. With each exhalation, simply soften your gaze, your eyes. There is a quiet fortitude within you awaiting your attention. Keep breathing like this especially when things are the most daunting or frustrating. This listening brings healing.
15 Comments
“brain off, heart on” — so good i may borrow it :)
Elena, you share your heart to heal ours. You remind me of my most difficult times when I confronted my deepest fears by ending a very unhappy, unhealthy marriage with two young children to take care of.
Each time I took a deep breath, and opened my heart (very slowly) I discovered me again.
From the bottom and behind my heart, I thank you for being one of my teachers.
Love you!
Silver
I love this post! I plan to practice the breathing and to remind myself “brain off- heart on”. Thank you Elena- beautiful! xoxoxo
Beautiful Elena!!
Hope to feel this peace in a family meetting myself
Wow, this is great. I want to cut & paste and look at it every morning. So powerful, “When you know how to listen, everybody [everything] is the guru.” You took it one step further (everything)! I want to read MORE of your writing. Thank you for this gem!
oh my goodness, thank you! Just what i needed today, am printing this out and putting it next to the bed so can read it morn and eve and remind myslef of this beautiful practice. love to you xxx
My favorite line:
Posted by Elena Brower on April 23, 2010 at 4:00 am
I am listening and I hear you, mama! XOXO Rita
alas, it wasn’t me at 4am. i actually send these entries in a couple weeks prior via email, and the timeclock notes when the webmaster from CSL makes my post live
on the morning of that day.
such a collegiate time though!
lovelovelove
Thank you for continuing to share your journey e. Always helps to inspire me along my own. xo
this s beautiful post. thank you for posting this and sharing. “brain off, heart on.” a lovely reminder.
Perfect…Thank You.
The stillness that allows us to be receptive, to take in ourselves — and another — through listening, disappears in a flash when our emotions kick in. Your post is a gorgeous reminder that the breath of life can override our reactions, enabling presence and giving permission for us each to be.
Grace and humility, patience and an open heart – such important tools on a journey that includes ending a marriage. It is wonderful to hear that you and your ex-husband are committed to respecting one another. I’m sure that will prove to be the most important thing you do to ensure your son’s well-being. Although it often is a reflex to become angry and try to hurt others when you feel hurt, learning to pause is life-changing. I’m so thankful that my ex and I have remained friends – and have opened our hearts to one another’s new relationships, with grace and humility. I feel blessed that I can see the positive in our failed relationship, by watching him find happiness. The only way I could have accomplished that is by finding that stillness in my heart. Thank you for sharing your story. Much Love
this one blew me away and I needed to read at the time that I did..it was a huge guide for me…Elena,U r beautiful and gorgeous…thank-you and it is an honor to be a friend…I look forward to reading and learning more from u.
breathtakingly honest from the heart, lots of love, kristina
April 23, 2010