By Guest Blogger on August 31, 2009

Food Guilt & Self-Love

It’s Meatless Monday again! We’re so excited to introduce guest blogger, Debra Mazer, a raw vegan foods chef from Atlanta, GA. Debra is here to share her journey with a raw vegan diet and give some great tips for pulling yourself out of the emotional rut that we all can fall into on our wellness journey. Hope you’re joining the CSL crew for a meat-free day!

When I first went “raw,” in 2001, I was super-strict. I believed the extremist raw foodist hype that anything cooked was “poison,” and felt guilty anytime I “cheated” and snuck down to the fridge for a couple slices of sprouted Ezekiel bread at 2:00 in the morning after a full day of being what I called “good” (read: “raw”). The next day, after a “cheat,” I would “purge” by juice fasting or drinking master cleanse lemonade or kombucha for the first part of the day, thinking of all the “damage I had just done to my colon.” When examined a little more closely, my cycle of “cheating” and “cleansing” was akin to a “spiritual”/raw foodist eating disorder.

Of course, I wouldn’t be a raw food chef if I wasn’t totally hooked on the feeling that raw foods gives me: vibrance, bliss, lightness of spirit, laughter for no reason, connection to nature, no more allergy meds, energy to get through my day & cross everything off my to-do list without getting lethargic, etc, etc…

My concern is that of a woman in a society full of diet and weight loss fads, and especially as someone who struggled with mild anorexia in high school. To me, strict and overly controlling health “regimens” wave a big red flag.

We have to be very careful not to hate ourselves, judge ourselves, or try to “fix” ourselves when we make an effort to cleanse and embrace a healthy lifestyle. In my world, part of curing disease/discovering perfect health, has to do with acknowledging that we are, and always were, absolutely beautiful just the way we are!

It has taken me years, but I have finally come to a place where I no longer feel guilty for anything I eat. Over time I’ve realized, green juice= feeling good; French fries= feeling maybe not so good/a little tired, sluggish, etc. I have found it helpful to keep a food/mood journal for periods of time, logging what I eat and how I feel before and afterward. For example, feeling lonely, pint of vegan ice cream, feeling tired. Or, feeling hungry, big salad with avocado, seaweed, and sprouts, feeling grounded and energized (thanks to my old therapist Joanne DeMark).

Over time we become more and more in touch with our intuition and learn what really makes our bodies thrive. There are no gurus and no dogmas. We are all individuals. Sometimes that little bit of cooked lentils is what gives me the perfect grounding and focus and gets rid of those weird meat dreams.

It’s all about self-love and honoring ourselves as our own wise healer and teacher. We learn through experience and we fine-tune. It’s all about getting quiet and listening to our inner voice. Whether food, work, or play.

So how do we remember our innate original beauty? The beauty that was always there that we forgot, because someone hurt us, or we were let down, or we got too busy to remember to nurture ourselves?

I have been exploring self-love practices that, if I did them all, would have me awake 3:00 in the morning in order to start my day by 9:00. There is going for the early morning walk or jog, what Tony Robbins calls the “Hour of Power.” You think of what you’re grateful for, you express gratitude for the things you want to manifest, as if they have already appeared, you condition your mind to think only positive thoughts for that one hour (or 15 minutes, or however long you have).

Then there is journaling, via The Artists’ Way (Julia Cameron). Each morning you wake up and free-write three pages in your journal nonstop, “dumping your brain” while getting in touch with your intuitive voice and wisdom. She says to just turn the page and don’t look back.

Tonight I’ve been doing what Starhawk calls the “Mirror Meditation.” I’ve been having a one-to-one with me, crying, laughing, kissing, singing. Remembering who I am. Remembering to acknowledge all the pain and struggle and growth and beauty and love and adventure and heart-opening and heartbreak in my life. Loving it all and loving myself through it all. Honoring my strength and my wisdom, that I carry, having triumphed through all my life circumstances to be here now at this point.

As I write this, a friend enters with a loaf of organic whole grain bread. Hmm, candida. Should I be worried? I just had my superfood smoothie and kale salad. I’ve got a couple heirloom tomatoes from my friend’s farm. Mmm, I think I’ll take a bite. Better to love the one slice of bread than experience jealousy of everyone else eating it. Better to acknowledge all the AMAZING food I have consumed today. Better to focus on my well-being and performance and feed THAT, instead of a food obsession.

Remember, if you can, everyday: acknowledge 10 things you are grateful for, 10 things you love about yourself, and 10 things that would make your day “The Best Day Ever” (thanks David Wolfe).

Oh!! And my newest practice: doing one thing a day that scares me. Preferably the thing that scares me the most.

And not beating myself up if I don’t do any of it.

If you liked this post, click LIKE below!

     
 

28 Comments