Depression chat w/guest blogger Terri Cole!
Hi loves!
As you can imagine, my book deadline is chasing me and I am running fast! Sorry I’ve been the missing cowgirl. UGH!
Time to dish about depression. This will be a 2 part blog. On Friday I will post the 2nd half which will be about diet and depression. My best pal Terri Cole is one of the original members of my cancer posse and an awesome Crazy Sexy Shrink! We’ve been friends and accomplices for decades and her boot camp strategies for living a balanced, fulfilled life have been a blessing to me. Terri’s advise pulls me out of the black holes and sends me back towards the sunshine. Here’s what she has to say (a sneak peek from the new book) about how to get stable footing on the slippery slope called depression….
“There are many reasons cancer survivors may be vulnerable to depression. When I was diagnosed I was sad and angry that my innocence, the “it will never happen to me” phase of my life was abruptly cut short. I struggled with integrating my diagnosis with my self-image of being strong, able to handle anything, and HEALTHY. This took time and work with a fantastic therapist. I looked at therapy as a gift I could give myself. One hour a week with a person who did not need ME to be anyone or anything for HER…an hour to acknowledge my fear without the fear that SHE would fall apart.(of course I AM a therapist so I did not have the resistance to seeking help that many others may have.)
So let’s talk about tools for managing depression. First and foremost you must connect with the power of your mind and your thoughts. What do you say to yourself? Are you kind? Are you punitive? If you are not sure, take time this week to listen to the language you use to talk about yourself and write it down. What you say about yourself is what you “affirm” which influences your subconscious mind.
An affirmation is a statement you declare to be true. Look at your subconscious mind as an excellent executive assistant in your life, ready to help you achieve the goals you; the boss and your conscious mind have set. An affirmation may be positive or negative in nature. It is how we talk to ourselves.
I am smart
I am fat
I am healthy
I can’t do this
I will do this
The above statements are all affirmations…what are YOU declaring in your life? Once you decide on some positive affirmations, your executive assistant will seek out every opportunity to reinforce them. For example if I affirm,” I have a fat butt”. When I am walking down the street and someone looks at me I will think, “See they are looking at my big fat butt.” This thought will make me feel shame, embarrassment and self-loathing. Conversely, when I affirm, “I have a beautiful healthy strong body that I love” and someone looks at me, I think, “ How nice they are appreciating my beautiful bod” which leaves me feeling empowered.
For affirmations to be effective in your life you must get rid of the negative self talk and replace it with positive self talk. The things that are repeated most in your mind are the ones that stick. If you are trying to stay away from sugar because it is bad for cancer and bad for depression and you find yourself in a bakery and your affirmation has been, “I only eat desserts that are healthy for me”, then you look at the desserts and hear a little voice repeating, “I don’t want those because I only eat desserts that are healthy for me”. Your ever-alert subconscious has latched onto an opportunity to achieve your goal, and enforce your self-instructing affirmation. You can use affirmations in every situation in your life…you have the power to change your mind so do it!
Another pitfall to be aware of is the danger of over-exaggerating. We all do it, as it is a current popular speech trend in this country. But there is a danger in not talking straight. How many times have you uttered the phrase,” I just can’t take another second of …having the WORST day ever…nothing ever goes right in my life…” Realistically none of these statements are true at any given time. None of these statements or the pessimistic thinking at the base of them is the things you want to re enforce in your life. I had a personal experience with the challenge of not over-exaggerating when I got into family therapy with my husband and our 3 boys. They had lost their mom years before so I had married the whole kit and kaboodle of angry, acting out teens. The therapist noted in session one that we were a family that did not talk “straight”….huh?! I was confused until she pointed out how sarcastic and exaggerating all of us spoke. She explained that it was a way to veil the hostility we were feeling. The positive changes that happened within my family system from just learning to “talk straight” were amazing.
The power of realistic vocabulary to help fight depression is great. What will REALLY happen if you don’t meet that deadline, make it to that meeting etc? As cancer survivors we are truly dealing with life and death and missing any meeting or deadline will surely not end your life. I have a THEN WHAT exercise I do with my clients. It is an invitation to play out the catastrophic fantasy. When you play it out it loses power over you. To be aware of negative over-exaggerating is to be more authentic in your language and in your life. This alleviates mental stress and gives you more brain space for the good stuff.
Essential Oils…do a brain chemistry good
There are many amazing essential oils out there that do an array of things. I use them with my clients as a mood lifter. My favorite is Lavender Essential oil. It is amazing for lessening anxiety, depression and insomnia. You can use it anytime you need a lift in mood. You take 5 deep breaths of the oil while visualizing breathing in positive peaceful energy and exhaling negativity, stress and depression. Buy a meditation cd. (I like Dr.Brian Weiss Meditation Relaxation Regression) and get committed to 20 minutes a day to listen to that cd and breathe in your oil. Over time you will train your body to associate complete relaxation and good feelings with your essential oil so when you are out and about in the stressful world, one whiff and your body will respond by relaxing and releasing stress.
Move your Booty
Exercise has is another extremely effective tool in the fight against depression. Do not set yourself up to fail. You don’t have to participate in an IRONMAN. You just have to move. Commit to 20 minutes a day of walking briskly. Get a pal to go with you (it is harder to blow it off with your friend waiting for you on the corner of 82nd and Broadway) it will lift your mood and increase the serotonin levels in your brain.
Do Your Morning Pages
Write write write and then…write some more. Julia Cameron talks about the healing effect of writing “morning pages” in her book,” The Artists Way”. She suggets that you wake up and write 3 unedited pages before your green tea, before your super ego has a chance to change what you would write…before the “shoulds” wake up. It is a morning mind dump that will clear your head of clutter and negativity. Honor yourself with some sacred AM time and you will feel lighter and better for it.
You are not a bear…so don’t hibernate
Social interaction with supportive friends and family is a must…even when you don’t feel like it. Being with people who love you feeds the soul. Ask for what you need from the close relationships in your life. Maybe it is just a back massage or an empathic ear to listen and NOT fix (shout out to all the mothersJ). Be clear and honest about what you can and cannot do. Don’t be committed to the false self for everyone else’s sake. This is exhausting and alienating to you. Tell the truth…it really will help.
Most important …Never give up hope
Know that your effort to feel better will pay off. Take these tools, use them and come up with your own winning formula. Know that you are the only person on this planet with your DNA. There will only ever be one you. You matter, you’re worth the effort to work for a happy and fulfilled life. Just decide you won’t take no for an answer NO MATTER WHAT!”
Thanks Terri! Isn’t she top shelf? Can’t wait to see what you all think and share? So much love and man do I miss you!
xo
Kris
72 Comments
Annalin,
I just wanted to share with you what my sister did–before she had her radiation for intestinal cancer she had her insides lined with lead to protect her ovaries. She went on to have a baby girl (who is now almost 16). Her first onc scoffed at her wanting to protect her fertility so she fired him on the spot! Just wanted to give you some hope in that department.
My sister had active cancer at the time of conception (as did I–my colon cancer wasn’t discovered until my baby was 20 months old).
goony-I have a wonderful oil called “Joyful Spirit” consisting of Orange, Maychang, Ylang Ylang, Bergamot, Vetiver. It’s made by Wyndmere. I carry it in my bag and take a whiff whenever I need an attitude adjustment. It truly works.
Also, I read somewhere that if you put a smile on your face the mood will follow. This works too for the blues….can’t say for full-blown depression.
I also read somewhere that cancer can cause depression. Kris, do you know this to be true? It makes sense to me personally since I think I was a bit depressed before I was dx’ed. It took me a long time post dx with lots of detoxing of toxic emotions, body toxins, and spiritual toxins (legalistic church situation) to be free of the blues.
I am by nature an upbeat and positive person so I believe my “depression” was a combo of cancer and toxins because post surgery when I was “cleaned out” in mind, body, spirit my spirits soared once more.
It took some work though……can you say coffee enemas? ha!
It feel so good to be back in here! I haven’t posted since the beginning and after not having much on line access for a month I am soooo far behind on all the posts!
I feel like I have missed so much going-ons!
Kris, we have all that snow for dogsledding now cowgirl!
peace, emily
ps.
I just wanted to clarify my comment–
I mean that cancer can physically cause depression–not the emotional cesspool having it can create.
Can anyone weigh in on this? I don’t remember where I read it.
peace, emily
Hi Terri, thanks for your response and advice…i saw my psych doc today. I have been on 300mg of effexor for the longest time and i nicely asked her if we can decrease it to 150mg..she said absolutely not! She, instead decreased it to 225mg..I told her i am anxious to try to wean off and she is totally against the idea! I guess its time for a new doc???? This is my life and my body, i think i should have a say in what i put into it!!! So, what now? Thanks Terri and Kris!!!
Michelle
I have been on depression meds for 12 years. I am going to stay until I am in remission. At that point, I’ll continue with this new lifestyle and see if the meds can go. I wouldn’t fire your shrink, but maybe get a second opinion. If you like her/him, don’t jump ship!
Hi Anne,
Just want to piggyback on what the other bloggers are saying. Adolescence is definitely tough with all the hormones, and having to fit in with the crowd. I think each generation of Adolescents have it harder. Look at their role models: Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan etc. Sad I know.
A classmate of mine did a paper on 3 generations of Adolescence. She talked to her mother, grandmother, and explored her own adolescence. When her mother talked about her adolescence she spoke of all the fun, happy times. My classmate finally brought up some negative aspects of adolescence and her mom was like “oh yeah, i did go through that. it was horrible!”
So my point is that adults probably do forget what it was like, so they really do have a hard time understanding the
intricacies of that period.
Another thing, I researched adolescents with Type 1 diabetes and everything I read was how important it was for adolescents to hide their disease and be like everyone else. Adolescents with diabetes have a hard time managing their care because of this.
Also, most adolescents don’t have to think too much about their own mortality as much as kids with diabetes do, so this also affects their development.
It’s true that maybe she is starting to think about your illness more. She’s getting old enough to understand the complexities. Kids in middle years cannot process things in the same way adolescents do.
Hi Michelle J. I just wanted to say I agree with Becky. I’ve been on meds for a long time and I want to go off them so badly. But at the same time, I understand the importance of them in my life. I would rather be alive and on medication then to drop in to a depression where I can’t function and end up taking my own life. I’m hopefully that eventually I’ll be able to beat this and go off my meds (like Becky said). But even if you do, go off very very slowly. And Becky’s right – get a second opinion. Your Psych is probably just looking out for you. Dropping from 300-150 is really a large drop.
Take care of yourself girl :)
Thanks Emily! My radiologist really worked hard to make sure they mapped out everything perfect so that the majority of the radiation directly hit my tumor. Obviously a little is going to jump to other organs. A little went to my intestines…although I had no side effects, and a little hit my left ovary…again..no side effects and once I regained weight after surgery I started getting my period normally again. So it’s a toss up. They think my right got little radiation if any. I’m just worried about if I need chemo in the future how that will hit them. So thats when I’m going to step in even stronger and get some advice on saving those little guys.
P.S. I’m on Effexor too..I like it a lot better than Lexapro.
Hi guys…Jamie and Becky thanks and i do agree that i have to take it slow but i really do feel good now!! Yes, i know maybe its because of the meds but in my heart i feel its the new CSC lifestyle. I feel so much more alive and happy since i started juicing and eating about 85% raw! The way i see it, whats the worst that can happen? If i get weaned off and feel lousy or depressed or scared i will go right back on meds. Maybe a different med. I just need the help of my shrink to wean off. Her words were “you are in remission because of the medication” and i am not so sure i agree???? Thanks guys!
Michelle
Everybody, thank you so much for your comments regarding my 11-year-old daughter. I actually am not ill–I’m here because I’m eager to live the lifestyle, which I believe is the healthiest way for anyone–with or without cancer–to live.
Today has been a good day for my girl. Right now her two best girlfriends are over and they’ve been working on art projects and playing Conga all afternoon.
Hoping for a good weekend–for all!
Oh, friends…I have much to share on the depression post, (’tis my numero uno ish) but I haven’t had a chance to read all of your comments yet. I’ll weigh in after I do. Thanks to Terri for the terrific tactics, though. Great stuff.
Coach Carr, I confess I haven’t been writing, but I’ve been stuck in a car for three days. We drove to LA from Little Rock…oy. Great to be here in the sunshine, though. Amazing how the sun melts away the blues. I am a big Seasonal Affective Disorder Chica. Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy. :)
By the way, there will be no auditioning for me while in LA-LA Land. Like you, I’ve had enough of the ups and downs of the shmacting thing. I haven’t got time for the pain. I’m just hanging out playing road wife while my husband does a national tour and I am, of course, writing a book. I’m going to get my ass in gear on it, I swear. Thanks for continuing to inspire. I love you, girl.
PLEASE answer me one brief but urgent question. I’m getting my first colonic tomorrow. Am I supposed to tip the therapist? Is twenty percent okay? I’m going in the morning so I hope Kris or someone will clue me in so I don’t embarrASS myself.
Loving you all, Sandra
You are in remission due to your lifestyle change too. Your instinct is right on about that. I too feel so much better with the new juicing! That is real for sure. So, on her comment about your being in remissions because of the medicine is probably out of lack of experience on her part.
Terri,
I was wondering if you could help me understand why I start to panic and have HIGH anxiety every time I think about juicing. I have juiced on and off for four years and always feel better when I stay consistant. I know it’s very important to juice to stay healthy but when I think about going to the fridge and making my green drink for the day I start to get this intense overwhelmed feeling. When I first got cancer I started juicing hoping desperately it would help save my life. It has helped me which is why I’m so confused as to why I feel this way. I’m wondering if I feel like I have to eat uber healthy or I’ll die and I’m psyching myself out. I know this whole thing sounds silly but I just want to feel drawn to juicing and eating raw without the panicy feelings.
Thanks
Rinne
Hi Rinne, I’m not sure what to say since I have no personal experience with your situation, but I bet checking in on this blog often will really help you out. In addition to how positive and inspirational everyone is here, everyone here talks about raw diets and juicing a lot. Maybe all the positive energy will calm you.
Hi Annalin,
When you are ready to look at having children an amazing lady and protocol to look into is Jan Roberts and Better Babies.
Jan is in international speaker and author on wellness but particularly pre conception, fertility and babies. She is a pharmacist with a degree in clinical nutrition. Her co author is a top Naturopathic Doctor Francesca Naish and over in the US much of their work is presented by Angela Haywood.
Her website is http://betterbabies.well4life.com.au/
To give you an idea they have an 85% success rate for conceiving naturally and their protocols are used by some of the top IVF clinics as it isn’t just about conceiving but having a healthy full term pregnancy and baby. Her protocols look at nutrition, environment (removing toxins, EMR etc), exercise and attitude (empowering through knowledge). FYI – the miscarriage rate in their clinical trial was 3.5% versus the standard in the US of 25%… I can go on but you are better off looking into her website or buying her book.
The only other thing I would mention is that from a genetic perspective we are seeing with certain health conditions such as breast cancer genetic predispositions. The good news is that there is an ability to reduce the potential of certain adverse health conditions being expressed, even if in the genes of both parents, through preconception healthcare.
If you want some more info let me know and Jan will be touring next year presenting to doctors and patients across the US.
Regards,
James
Depression is hard to avoid while waiting for a dx. I hate being in limbo, I should find out by February 14th or so if I have ovarian cancer or not.
Mary C.
Depression
The post by Kris that talks about the “beautiful bod”. got me to thinking about my body. Not in a good way. One I have had three breast biopsies within a short time. Each breast is taking a turn. It is the right breast turn next. They want me to :think:( about bilateral breast mastectomies to go with the total abdominal hysterectomy. It felt like I was at a restraurant and they asked me “Would you like pepper on that salad.”
I am starting to feel hollowed out.
To keep myself from depression….I need to think of myself in a different way. Where then is myself located. I would like to think my heart. But even here I am having heart failure. (physical)
My self is located in my Spirit. It is that part of me that has butterfly wings. My body won’t be the same. Canser scars are ugly, so I thought I would tattoo the one I will get on my belly. I was thinking of a intertwining weeping fig. Or a huge rubber tree plant. but how would butterflies looks. Since I love to do art and draw. I may just design one special non-depressing tattoo to celebrate this rite of passage.
Went for pre-op. Surgery date 2/5/08. I have just been waiting since 11/07 for a booking. I should have got an agent. To bad all the blood work still hurts.
The surgery and outcome is becoming more real now.
Go militant shopping tonight for the softest PJs I can find. Maybe with weird colors or saying. Or a variation for when I find out the results. so I can sulk alittle. I asked for wet slides so that I would know results before I leave the hospital. They will know while I am on the table so that I can more out if needed. getting freaky now.
Thank you for the awesome article! I really appreciate your perspective!
I am so depressed that I generally don’t get out of bed until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. When I force myself, I feel worse. I know I should exercise, but how do you motivate yourself to do that when you are depressed? I suffered from depression for many years before having breast cancer, but now it’s definitely worse, because there really is less hope. And each surgery and treatment seems like it’s going to fix the problem, and then it doesn’t. I am now dealing with my 2nd recurrence and will lose my breast this time. No reconstruction because I have to have radiation after. i don’t want to do it. I feel like I would rather die than just be alive, disfigured, and depressed all the time. I mean, really, what is the point in going on? I have a therapist, but an hour once a week seems to have little impact. I have no friends anymore, and just my mom, who I can’t tell all this too because it would hurt her too much. My boyfriend lives across the country and is an epileptic, has seizures, and loses memory – forgets I even have cancer until he sees the scars. I just don’ t know what to do anymore. Crying. In bed.
Thanks for your post..most of bloggers having experience of depression..:)
Annalin,
I just wanted to share with you what my sister did–before she had her radiation for intestinal cancer she had her insides lined with lead to protect her ovaries. She went on to have a baby girl (who is now almost 16). Her first onc scoffed at her wanting to protect her fertility so she fired him on the spot! Just wanted to give you some hope in that department.
My sister had active cancer at the time of conception (as did I–my colon cancer wasn’t discovered until my baby was 20 months old).
goony-I have a wonderful oil called “Joyful Spirit” consisting of Orange, Maychang, Ylang Ylang, Bergamot, Vetiver. It’s made by Wyndmere. I carry it in my bag and take a whiff whenever I need an attitude adjustment. It truly works.
Also, I read somewhere that if you put a smile on your face the mood will follow. This works too for the blues….can’t say for full-blown depression.
I also read somewhere that cancer can cause depression. Kris, do you know this to be true? It makes sense to me personally since I think I was a bit depressed before I was dx’ed. It took me a long time post dx with lots of detoxing of toxic emotions, body toxins, and spiritual toxins (legalistic church situation) to be free of the blues.
I am by nature an upbeat and positive person so I believe my “depression” was a combo of cancer and toxins because post surgery when I was “cleaned out” in mind, body, spirit my spirits soared once more.
It took some work though……can you say coffee enemas? ha!
It feel so good to be back in here! I haven’t posted since the beginning and after not having much on line access for a month I am soooo far behind on all the posts!
I feel like I have missed so much going-ons!
Kris, we have all that snow for dogsledding now cowgirl!
peace, emily
December 14, 2007