Cancer Faux Pas
I love to meditate before I write. I often ask for guidance and inspiration so that I can uplift myself and other cancer cowgirls. Today, my intuition tells me the following: Screw that! Let’s get naughty! he he he. Folks just say the darnest things sometimes, don’t they? They mean well, they are good people, but sometimes judgement knocks and there ain’t no one home. I think my next book should be a Cancer Miss Manners. Would that be a hoot or what? We could all write down the outrageous verbal bullets we’ve dodged over the cancer years and finally release the issues from our tissues. Here are a few new ones I’ve received on the road. Hope ya giggle!
In a recent local news interview the whole tone was somber and boo hoo. The anchor person had such a sad puppy look on her face while speaking to me in an annoyingly wanna-be soothing tone. Some of these media things take place at ungodly hours, which ties one hand behind your back due to the grog factor. But still I made an olympic and coffee free (bad idea) attempt to muster up some more love fire in order to make over the face of cancer that she was painting. Anyone who reads my book, sees the film or bops around on my blog knows that I am a spit fire and a handful. I am not a victim or a sad sack. Yes, I live with cancer but big whoop! I’m over it, but I forget sometimes that others will never be. Even the title of my projects don’t encourage a head scratch and a hmmmm for some. So get this, the segment begins and this is how I was introduced. “We’re here with Kris Carr who bravely documented her life….and possibly her DEATH”. What?!?!? Way to catch a gal off guard to TV. My response: “Well, that was dramatic, good morning!” FAUX PAS.
Then there are the people who continue to tell me about all the friends and family members in their lives that just died painful, terrible unimaginable deaths from stage IV cancer (my fabulous stage) but then end their sentence with, “but how are you?”
“Fine, thanks.”
“Well, so and so wasn’t, wow that was tough, not a pretty picture, devastingly gut wrenching…But how are you?”
“Once again, I’M FINE!” Listen, I know this journey can be down right awful and sad but I’m a cancer patient (AKA survivor) too and sometimes I wish folks would think before they remind me of my impending dirt nap.
These may not seem funny to you but they are to me. I’ve been on this road for years now and the faux pas rarely penetrate any more. I even have a stalker that calls book signings acting like a family member only to try and scare the crap out of me with nutty treatments that if I don’t take in a specfic way, I will expire!… quite possibly at the signing, face planting on a pile of books.
Just another day at the Office! Hey, what’s a favorite faux pas of yours? Would love to know I’m ot alone in the madness! :)
PS. I’m off to San Fransico today! Please check out crazysexytour.com and stop by if you can.
Big love!
Kris
60 Comments
Hi Samantha and hello Kris…
My name is Carol and I am a 33 year old happy wife and proud mother of 2 boys. I was diagnosed with Choroidal Melanoma (eye cancer) on July 16 and had my eye removed on August 17… this year. My favorite faux pas was actually from an unsuspecting Krispy Kreme delivery man dropping off donuts at the corner Shell station just trying to be friendly. I had been running errands for a coulple of hours and was tired of wearing my damn eyepatch so I took it off planning on keeping my non-eye closed as I strolled in to grab a bag of ice. As I approached the counter I rubbed my non-eye and the poor donut boy asked “Have you got something in your eye?” Poor guy. You see I love to shock people and I really love to be funny about giving up my eye, it helps me. I looked at the man, smiled and said “Actually, I don’t have an eye anymore!” He couldn’t finish a sentence nor could he escape fast enough. I laughed and told him it was OK, that I was getting a new one in October and that I was fine but he quickly and apologetically disappeared into his donut truck and drove off into the night. Sigh.
My mother scolded me, told me that I could have simply said yes and been done with it but where is the fun in that??
Keep dancing the “Boo Cancer” dance ladies and gentlemen… we are all strong!!
Much Love!
KRIS!
You are helping me to change my life. I am a recent Uterine/Ovarian cancer (blabbidy blabbidy) SURVIVING and THRIVING and I am so relieved that there is someone like you to give someone like me hope!!!! cancer has just been a little bump, a blip on the screen, and sometimes a crater to the skull but I am enjoying your outlook as FINALLY there is someone who is sarcastic and in your face as me!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU yOU ARE A BLESSING!!!
Take Care of You and all that BIZ,
Monarch
Hey Kris,
I have quickly learned about some faux pas that have really gotten annoying.
For example, when I finished Chemo. and was prepping for radiation, I got a lot of, “well, radiation isn’t THAT bad” from people. Sure it’s not as invasive but it’s still some pretty serious stuff!! How do they know anyway?!
The other thing that gets to me is when I finished treatments everyone thinks you’re “all better” and life goes on. Yes, life goes on, but as a canSer survivor (a.k.a. “@$$-kicker”) we still have a lot to deal with mentally. It will always be a part of us. I think we are much better people for these experiences. We are made that much stronger!!
I hope you visit us in Toronto! I bought your book for myself and then actually bought it to send to a friend who is now also going through treatments! I love it!
Robyn
Toronto, ON
I’m loving this thread.
My favorite faux pas took place at a car lot. The salesman asked me if I drove far, and I made the mistake of revealing that my cancer center was just a few blocks away.
He then asked me what kind of cancer I had. “Do you have, like, breast cancer? Or lung? Or colon? Or . . . “
I was afraid he was going to go through all of Grey’s Anatomy!
Hi Kris,
I hope you are doing well. I think a manners book is a great idea! People really don’t know what to think or say. I think a good thing to point out is that everyone is different concerning how they feel. So maybe the one tip I have is that people should ASK and not assume based on what they think a person should feel! And not be afraid to ask someone with cancer how they feel or how they are dealing with it. I just got diagnosed 7 weeks ago and it has been a whirl wind. I was very uplifted by your documentary as I saw it advertised the week I was diagnosed while admitted into the hospital for the cancer. So I would also like to thank you for being my inspiration from the start! I am suppose to have a surgery soon and I wish everyone would stop thinking that after my surgery I will suddenly be healed and cancer free! That’s funny to me. I just look at them like, wow, life is that simple for them isn’t it?! It will never be that simple for me again. But I am Super Okay with my life. I have done so many things since this all began that I never would have done otherwise! I am a 34 year old mother of 3 children and I just simply plan on LIVING! I barely missed your Chicago stop…I 48 hrs before my surgery here in my home town got a call that suggested I go up to Chicago for treatment and did just that! Hopefully the dates will work out sometime in the future!
Best Wishes Cancer Sista!
Stay Strong, you are doing a GREAT thing!
Jackie
stupid comments? too many to count! But I think the worst are the daily if not more frequent “how are you feeling?” (with just the right amount of concern thrown in). I swear, one of these days someone is going to slip up and say “aren’t you dead yet?”. How many times do I have to say I am fine, sometimes I feel like crap, sometimes I don’t. Just like life in general. Oh, and my other favorite is “you haven’t lost your hair yet?” Gee, I’m really sorry, maybe I should buy a razor?
that’s ok, I look at the intention rather than the delivery, and the love and concern that envelops me is truly what keeps me going. That and my cancer posse! I have given out so many badges I had to order more!
I was diagnosed in March of this year at the age of 34, and i have 3 daughters. my cancer is incurable but indolent, and in early stages.
Here’s my faux pas from my oncologist: “well you’ve got the good kind of cancer” WHAT?!! it’s incurable!!!
Oncology Socialworker: in reference to my apprehension on doing a 3rd bone marrow biopsy: “just think of it like childbirth, it’s gonna hurt but you’ll get thru it. just think of afterward and the relief of knowing the results, either it’s clear and you can move on or it’s not and you makes plans for treatment” WTF??!!! when was the last time SHE did a bmb?? and since when is thinking of the results and the what if’s a relief?? omg… people please!!!
Jamie
Kris–Loved your show!
I’m a 30 year old male who was diagnosed with Stage I Lymphoma, Nasal Type (rare). I am all clear right now.
Like you, I have a great–probably too good–sense of humor. I had one guy at work who didn’t know I was undergoing chemo see me at work bald all the sudden and ask, “HA–What is this–early onset chemotherapy!?” I laughed and was like, “Uh–YEAH!” He felt so bad.
Another story my dad loved was the first thing I asked the docs before I started treatment–”So can I drink [alcohol] on this??”
Keep it up–you’re amazing. And if you can ever catch up to all these–check out my blog at http://criso.wordpress.com
My best faux pas was going out to an awards dinner for my sister and I didn’t wear my wig – I was only about 3 weeks out of radiation and chemo and the hair was pretty short. The waitress came up behind me and said “what would you like to drink sir”? Then she saw my face and was completely mortified. My brother in law and I laughed very hard! Other good ones include “I thought you lose weight on chemo”.
Your words really brighten my day, Kris. I’m a 30-year-old woman who was diagnosed with eye cancer back in ’05. After a stranger saw me with my eye patch on (shortly after being treated for the tumor) he said, “Don’t worry! I’m sure you’ll be seeing in no time.” The truth is I have already lost some vision in one eye and may lose it all in that eye– Who knows? I also had somebody tell me they could relate to my physical pain and experience because they had their teeth worked on. HUH?! Your blogs remind me to find the humor in life, and I can only hope that when I talk about my own experience I am even half as funny, witty, and articulate as you are! Wishing you all the best– ~ Samantha
September 21, 2007